It’s hardly a revelation that predictive football discussion this time of year is based almost entirely on guesswork and bullshit. Or that watching an ESPN program at any point in time is detrimental to your acceptance in an ongoing human race. But in the case of this exchange during the Jets-Giants pregame show, I believe Mort has actually lowered our species’ standing in the world. Like, wild animals will show up at our homes and either kill us outright or simply evict us. Should we object, they will only have to make reference to this clip. Sure, animals lead lives largely devoid of purpose beyond eating, sleeping and screwing (already an advantage). Many of them eat their own shit and maybe even their young. But did they produce anything so asinine? I think not. And thus will humanity abandon all that it has built, conceding it to other, superior lifeforms. We will then lurch sullenly and shamefully until each of us finds a rock of his or her own. We will lie dolefully and silently on our rocks until we greeted by death and we will be glad to have it.
I want more like this!
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