Hi there. Oh, are you having a cheerleading tryout today? No, I didn’t know, I swear!… Oh, this old thing? This is what I usually wear on Saturday mornings…Yes, I was just heading out to pick up some milk! Can I pick something up for you?…No, I don’t think I’m on the list…It’s Kirsteffanie, with two F’s…What’s that? I AM on the list?…Oh, I must have signed up early and totally forgotten about it! Silly me!

Mmm…yeah…Mmmm…I’m making this look good! I can’t wait to fuck Vince Young. Out of his money! Heeyyyy!

Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese!

Oh God! Oh I totally messed that part up! Oh I’ll never be a cheerleader now! No! Now I’ll never find a boyfriend that respects me for my work ethic!

I am the greatest ass ever. I am a powerful ass. I am strict but fair. I go by the book, but I also play by my own rules. I am a militant ass, but I am also very logistical and pragmatic. No ass has a greater vocabulary than I do, which is probably why I haven’t taken a dump since the Bush administration.

I’m going to be the best cheerleader ever. This will be the perfect way to spend time between my efforts for Habitat For Humanity, where I help build houses for poor people that somehow think they’re too good for apartment living. This is more exciting than last year’s Race For The Cure! The women there are such a beacon of strength. Sometimes I wish that I had breast cancer so I could be as strong as they are! Yay!

Enough of this shit. When do we eat?

FIN.