Days after USC hired Tennessee running back coach Kennedy Pola as its new offensive coordinator, the Titans have filed suit. The lawsuit, filed in a state court in Nashville, accuses USC coach Lane Kiffin of tortious interference with Pola’s contract with the Titans. Earlier, Titans coach Jeff Fisher–a USC alumnus–expressed his frustration with Kiffin’s lack of professionalism in the matter.
While no one can predict how the legal process will play out, here’s exactly what will happen:
Titans’ Lawyer: “Your honor, I call our sole witness… Jeff Fisher’s Mustache!”
Courtroom spectators: “GASP!”
Sexy Judge: “I’ll allow it.”
Jeff Fisher’s Mustache: “Lavelle Hawkins knows that we’re expecting big things from him this season.”
Jury [in unison]: “Verdict for the Plaintiff! The Titans are awarded eleventeen brillion dollars!”
Sexy Court Reporter: “That mustache is getting me all worked up.”
Sexy Bailiff: “Let’s make out!”
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Jeff Fisher’s Mustache: “I hope we don’t go to New England for a January playoff game again. I hate wearing frozen snot.”
Jesus fucking Christ.
I just took the first half of the bar exam today. This shit is invading my life.
/objects arguing irrelevance
//is overruled
///looks for a job
“The Titans are awarded eleventeen brillion dollars!”
Pssh! Pocket change for a program like USC. If you want to really hurt USC, force them to trade for Leinart and Jarrett.
Kiffykins as the Trickster is not a move I anticipated. too bad for Fisher, but the lawsuit has zero teeth – the legal theory is based on statutes and contractual provisions designed to protect against losing your employee to a competitor. the contract was breached, sure, but pro vs college = no damages.
“Shenanigans… there’s no such thing as a sexy bailiff. They all have the dimensions of a refrigerator. Yes, the female ones, too.”
And what about Marsha Warfield? Oh…yeah. Never mind.
I though that was a juror blowing a vuvuvela at first. BBBBZZZzzzzzzz.
Were we bad again?
Slash, Richard Moll disagrees.
Shenanigans… there’s no such thing as a sexy bailiff. They all have the dimensions of a refrigerator. Yes, the female ones, too.
And Buddy Ryan gets 3 years for assualt and battery. Whoa where’d that come from?
The problem is that only in the law is “tortious” a word. In MS Word (where I’m sure everyone at the Tennessean writes their articles), the word “tortious” gets auto-corrected to “tortuous” which, of course, means something completely different.
Where’s Strong Bad?
Depends on just what you’re stroking as you twirl it.
is it gay if you twirl your stache? or stroke it?
Maybe this should be a mailbag question.
/opens email
You forgot to mention that the primary investigator for the Titans is none other than Magnum PI himself Tom Selleck
Laugh all you want, I bet YOU couldn’t grow that stache.
The worst of all possible MS Paints
Keep this courtroom sketch handy, it will come to good use during the “Patriots vs. Tom Brady’s Merkin” trial.
My upper lip suddenly feels terribly inadequate… and cold…
Looking strictly at our courtroom sketch, I thought Smokey from LOST was being cross-examined.
I am impressed that Fisher’s mustache did not resort to the Chewbacca defense.
Was Kennedy Pola that important to Chris Johnson’s success or is the opportunity to stick it to Lane Kiffin simply impossible to resist?
Doug Llewelyn’s hairpiece scoffs at that mustache.
Eli gets confused and embarrassed when he’s drinking milk and the wife suddenly asks him to give her a mustache ride.
Po-lice that Moo-stache!
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Fisher’s stache is pissed that he has to deal with this Lame Kiffin bullkake when he really should be co-mustache riding with John Oates’ stache for the Hall & Oates Moutain Dew MILF tour.
Chicago Mustaches – Ditka, Quenneville – are far more intimidating.
Theirs have championship rings.
Oh and fuck Lane Kiffin.
If Kiffin gets lured back there, those hilljacks will crucify him.
While lane kiffin makes it easy to pile on, shouldn’t the running backs coach (if he had any loyalty to Fisher) have said something too ?
I call b*llsh*t. The court wouldn’t allow such blatant hairsay.
Wow, I felt like I was sitting right in the courtroom.