Oh, that was horrid. The second they had that nonunion Mexican Darth Vader equivalent do the intro, you knew you were screwed. Then we had to suffer through 30 minutes of Jim Gray asking LeBron if he bites his nails and when he made his decision and if he likes his fresh hand towels warmed or chilled. Then we had to listen to LeBron talk about “process” and “process” and “processing” the “process” of the “process” and all the magical things he’s learned being fellated by half the free world.

I already said what I needed to say about this asshole, and Leitch summed up last night perfectly. But there’s one other point to be made about this whole debacle: Few people have boned a chance to talk to the world for an hour like this retard did. If you or I had an hour of primetime TV to call our own, would we waste the nation’s time as LeBron James did? FUCK AND NO, we would not. We’d grab the bull by the balls, dammit! I know I would. And that’s what today’s draft is asking: If you had an hour of TV to yourself, what would you announce? What would you do with it? You could do anything, and anything is a virtual lock to be an improvement over what we saw last night. I swear, the NFL needs to show up NOW. For all our sakes.

Anyway, what would I do with an hour of airtime? CELEBRITY MUD WRESTLING, people.

Oh, yeah. With ME as the corrupt and handsy ref. Pick one thing, then wait ten picks to pick another. ESPN is your oyster, gang.