You Can Smell The Smegma From Here!
06.30.10I went skydiving in April for a Penthouse magazine article. They filmed me landing. And this is PRECISELY how you would expect a complete puss like me to react while landing during a skydive. Pay close attention to the audio. I don’t like throwing around the word COURAGE too much. But I dare say you will never again see such a display of bravery in the face of gentle landing conditions.
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Pretty good for someone in the middle of something emotional.
The audio is made that much better by the sound of the chick filming the landing chewing her gum.
Hey Drew — How did it feel when the first rush of wind blew up your skirt?
To be fair, after spending several minutes with the ground as this abstract thing a thousand feet below you, that last 50 feet does come up at you with shocking speed.
^ I agree with you my man. No jumping from planes from me either. I don’t really like flying in these commuter planes where a nice gust of wind could cause it to fall from the sky, so jumping out of one is not really an option for me.
Drew…big gaping vag or not, you’d win a bet if it was up to me to skydive.
/fuck. that. noise.
Yeah, you would never catch me jumping from a fucking airplane that was on the ground, much less 80 miles in the air. So no making fun of you from me, I’d be three billion times worse.
Good point about rickety planes. Even when I was assigned to Group at Bragg, the C-130′s or modified civvy planes were not ” pristine “. When I was in Hawaii and NC, the local ” jumpers” took first timers, newbies and others out tandem.
Hey Drew, you want a REALLY ball-shrinking experience? Jump LALO. The pluses are that you don’t even pack an emergency chute and you get down really fast. The minus is, because you don’t pack a reserve (you wouldn’t have time to deploy it anyway), if your main fails, you = dirt dart.
I wouldve of sharded
Good to see Penthouse is reviving the pissing pictures.
I can’t mock you, Drew, when I damn well know that I would never jump from the airplane to begin with.
Does skydiving make your balls feel funny? I’ll bet it does.
Drew’s pretty laid back. I bet if you asked nicely, he’d let you feel them.
Penthouse has articles?
That was actually a halfway decent landing, Drew. When I went skydiving, the chick behind me fucked up the landing by not getting her legs up. As a result, her feet caught on the ground and she had an epic faceplant.
The scariest moment for me was the free fall. I think I swore more in that time span than I had cumulatively in my life up to that point.
You’re an inspiration, Drew.
Good parachute discipline, Drew.
“Did you jump?”
“Yeah, a little. At first…”
The scariest moment on my skydive was in midair. I jumped with my gf (each on our own tandems with professionals) and there was a video jumper with her. Forgetting about the video guy, I see their chute open in the distance and then see a body continue falling.
My immediate reaction was OMG THEIR HARNESS BROKE MY GIRLFRIEND IS SPEEDING TOWARDS THE EARTH AT TERMINAL VELOCITY WITH NO CHUTE!
Ya I’m an idiot.
@ Claude balls
The trade off for that is that instead of 3 minutes of “instruction” you get 3 hours, plus you don’t really get a the same free fall experience. Most people on their first jump just wanna get to the point and scream their lungs out.
Does skydiving make your balls feel funny? I’ll bet it does.
Yeah, I’m not gonna make fun of you.
I wouldn’t willingly jump out of a plane unless it was already plummeting towards the earth and I had nothing to lose. I’m kind of impressed you were able to form full sentences while falling.
Sure, Drew looks a little wimpy in the video, but you have to consider the fact that as they were going up in the plane he was yelling, “Holy shit, it’s the fucking sky….it’s really the sky!” See, it’s less about him being a pussy and more that he’s just really, really amazed by simple things.
/nice work Drew
My girlfriend just booked me a jump for my birthday. I’m glad to know I won’t be the biggest pussy in the history of skydiving no matter how badly I fuck it up.
I’d make fun of you, but I have a ridiculous fear of heights, so props, Drew.
@ claude balls…..
Static line was how I did my first few jumps also. Felt like Superman hanging off the strut. Scared as hell, but after going up in an airplane held together with duct tape and chicken wire, I was very happy to take my chances with the jump, rather than risk landing in that jalopy
I always had Drew pegged as a catcher.
My worst eh.
Smithers. Release the robotic Richard Simmons…
Without proof of some sort of training or prior jump experience, no reputable company is going to let somebody jump solo.
Do they no longer use static lines?
Granted, my skydiving experience was a long time ago, but after 3-4 hours of instructions (how to steer the chute and what to do, besides shitting yourself, if something goes wrong), we crammed 3 to a plane, flew up a half mile, and jumped solo with approximately 30′ of static line attached to each of our chutes. No one died, and we all felt pretty ballsy, even the women.
By they way, none of the women screamed like Drew. One of them panicked, however, and wouldn’t let go of the strut. The instructor had to lean out of the plane and pound on her hands to make her let go.
Have your balls reset since then?
What you got right there is a big ol’ hunk of space poopy. We call ‘em “Boeing Bombs”.
What’s it like to win the awards for both the biggest pussy and fattest ass ever featured in Penthouse Magazine, Drew? Does Lisa Ann ever threaten you in a jealous rage? Keep up the Rex Ryan speeches, they’re gold.
Haha…oh god. HOLY SHIT THAT’S REALLY FAST. Perhaps your mounter was pumping a little too hard?
Is there a reason why you chose to jump in tandem?
**********************************************************************************
Without proof of some sort of training or prior jump experience, no reputable company is going to let somebody jump solo.
Drew Magary doesn’t ever fuck anyone. Instead he gets fucked by old dudes, black guys playing a scratch off game, pandas, iguanas with infected erections, sheep, and skydivers.
Is that your wife laughing as she tapes your girly, girly screams?
/love her
That’s outfuckingstanding, Ape. Well done.
Is there a reason why you chose to jump in tandem?
Keith Stone smooth
“Holy shit, that’s the fucking ground!”
“Holy shit, that’s coming really fast!”
I think we can all safely conclude that those two statements are related to two completely different things that were happening to Drew as he landed.
Close up shop, boys and girls, Ape wins again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CcD0AJWXyIU
“Holy shit, that’s the fucking ground!”
John Denver might still be alive if he had your navigational skills.
I gotta thank you Drew, for making me feel cool. My own skydiving adventure ended in an undignified manner, but I was James fucking Bond compared to you.
The ‘Drew Magary Commercial Reel’ features pandas, sheep, and quickie marts? So you wrote ads based on where you ate and what you fucked? That’s good hustle.
So the sex change operation was a success? Fantastic to hear.
That’s the ground for you: Always sneaking up on you when you least expect it.
That had all the making for a great moment in poop history.
Just before this clip
“Just the tip, just the tip”
Just after
“Take it out now the ground came too fast…”
“So did I”
Upon seeing the successful landing, Drew’s wife disgustingly tore up his life insurance policy like it was a losing lottery ticket
Act like a pussy all you want. You went skydiving while on assignment for penthouse.
GRRRAAH! CHECK OUT HOW MANLY I AM FUCKING WITH THIS SPREADSHEET!
“when we land?”
“yeah”
“in broad daylight?”
“yeah”
“preferably the catcher, why?”
“good”
“Holy shit, that’s the fucking ground!”- Owen Hart
If he’s too fast for you… tell him you like it slow.
Looks like Penthouse’s lesbian spreads aren’t what they used to be.
Kudos. Yeah you were a bit of a Nancy, but the first time I jumped at Benning, I said a quick prayer after my chute opened.
To quote an old SGM with group, “Nobody gets hurt jumping – you get hurt LANDING”.
Nothing says manliness like jumping out of an aircraft while hogtied to another man’s torso. When will we see the two-man luge photos?
You sat in a guy’s lap while skydiving. Did he stick the tip in, or his whole hog? Hoo boy, you are a Nancy, Drew..
“Holy shit, that’s the fucking ground!”
All that prep school tuition certainly didn’t go to waste.
Penthouse is always on the prowl for new pussy.
Now Drew knows what it’s like to be a football held by Adrian Peterson
Most apt use of the cowardice tag ever.
/would be even more of a chafing vag if he ever went skydiving
So, who wants to give odds on if Drew wet himself?
Nice landing. I can’t tell if you’re trying to keep the dirt out of your vagina, or set up for an anal scene.