“Hello, ladies. Look at your man. Now back to me. Now back at your man. Now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me. But if he stopped using lady-scented body wash and started smoking cigars on a farm, he could smell like he’s me.

“Look down. Back up. Where are you? You’re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What’s in your hand? Back at me. I have it: it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again: the tickets are now diamonds! Anything is possible when your man smells like tobacco, sweat, and whiskey.

“I’m on a horse.”

(image via @si_vault)