Gonadotropin. The details of Brian Cushing’s positive drug test are in, and the lab says…EJACULATE! Sort of. Technically Cush was flagged for “slightly elevated levels of hCG,” which Peter King can tell you all about thanks to his sources at Wikipedia. Long story short, Cushing was either pregnant, jackin’ it just before his test, or using the substance to bring his testes back to life during or after a steroid cycle. We’re all gonna feel like dicks when Cushing sits down with Jeremy Schaap to discuss his miscarriage.
Baltimore street renamed in honor of God’s Linebacker. Part of North Street Avenue in Baltimore will now be known as Ray Lewis Way. The change is an apparent effort to transform the city’s reputation from violent and obstructive to Godly and charitable. The street’s name was chosen from a group of finalists that included alternatives such as Tightlipped Lane and The Ray Lewis Cutoff. [Shutdown Corner]
He was the greatest kicker in PATSAWX HISTARY. But now he’s a Colt, so nobody in Boston remembers his name. [CSNNE via Slanch Report]
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Is it sad that my job has taken me to all these streets that no one has ever deemed to be safe?
@ Ken Gryphon Jr.
My personal favorite was during the 2004 baseball playoffs:
“Much like a cookie, I predict the Yankee dynasty will crumble and the results… will be delicious .”
OK. I took your fungus. I’ve spent the last 7 hours watching a dark tv screen while listening to Pink Floyd “Animals” and Talking Heads “Fear Of Music” on continuous loop. I think I drank something like 27 beers and I’m as sober as I’ve been in years.
“Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn animals”?
The walls were breathing.
It was an “ionic” moment.
It’s Norff Avenue, not North Avenue. Just ask any of the hundreds milling around there on any given morning around 3 AM.
Ionic.
Who can forget the ionic moment of Atom Vinatieri splitting the uprights? The resulting fission going up and down the spines of the fans nearly blew up the old place a few months early. The game certainly wasn’t Bohring.
@dm72 Don’t all the chinese takeout places have bulletproof windows?
If MLK Blvd is the one street in every city that you don’t want to be on when night falls, then Ray Lewis Way is the one street you REALLY don’t want to be on.
Mayor Menino’s sober speeches are slightly less coherent than Bob Kraft’s drunken “I started drinking Tequila during the first quarter and stopped 10 minutes ago” speech from the ’01 Super Bowl.
He’s an unmitigated disaster every time he opens his mouth. It’s pretty funny stuff, actually.
I’m reading this post while in class and just learned a fun fact for everybody about Bawlmore. The class is a med school public policy course pertaining to sexually transmitted diseases and underrepresentation due to a lack of widespread testing. Apparently in a Bawlmore middle school (6th through 8th grade)- they tested the entire female population for chlamydia. The results were that 25% of the entire female student body at a middle school had chlamydia (who the hell knows what the results would be if they tested for everything). If that’s not a sign of a shithole, I don’t know what is.
There are still areas of Newark NJ that are burned out from those same riots.
I lived on MLK Blvd in Newark during my college years, so yeah I know exactly what you mean. That didn’t prevent me from drunkenly walking through the projects at 2 AM in search of the Chinese takeout place with a bulletproof window. 1st and last time I ever did that.
@Monkey Time There are still areas of Newark NJ that are burned out from those same riots. You’d think at some point during the last 40 odd years someone in city government would think “hhhhmmmm, might be a good idea to tear those buildings down” but you (and I) would be wrong about that
Is it possible to request a short FJM style evisceration again for Peter King? (At least I’m not bitching about Sexy Friday)
“Why AP’s revote decision is right, and why I won’t vote for Cushing”
“Life changes. Tom Brady said it in my column Monday, and I’m saying it today. In 2006, I voted for Shawne Merriman on my all-pro team as one of two outside linebackers, even though he had tested positive for a performance-enhancing drug and was suspended for four games that season. I made a mistake and I’m not going to duplicate it this year.”
And more blather…..
The most memorable fun fact about North Avenue is that it STILL has burned-out buildings from the 1968 MLK riots. The Ray Lewis stretch is around the corner of Broadway and North, miles away from the somewhat rebuilt south waverly/North & Howard area. I guess he’s got some charity he works with in that area, so it makes some sense.
@LurkerA My god, you poor thing. I’m so sorry. I read that on his twitter and got seriously creeped out by Peter King writing “ejaculate”, but I’d imagine that listening to it on the radio must have been like listening to the gates of Hell open, and the song that ends the world begun to be sung.
This morning while driving into work I was listening to Sirius NFL Radio’s morning show, which this morning was being co-hosted by Peter King. During the drive to work, they were talking about Cushing, and while they were talking about it, Peter noticed Adam Schefter’s tweet about the hCG test. Because of that, I had to hear Peter King talk about the hCG/ejaculate connection. Hearing him talk about it is much worse than reading it on twitter. I don’t think there’s enough brain bleach in the world to get that out of my head.
Owah may-ya mumbals bettah than yoah may-ya.
Varitek, Vinateri. Yeah, I can see how he confused the two. Way to go Tawmmy Menino.
Yeah, our mayor is a retard. We cherish the handicapped.
Really? Varitek splitting the uprights?
OWAH SPOAHTS FIGUAHS AREAH MOAH SIMILAHLY NAMED THAN YOUWAH SPOAHTS FIGUAHS! NO ONE DENIES THIS!
I live in Baltimore, and North Avenue indicates it is a section of town you don’t want to go to, like when Liz on 30 Rock had to go to “245th Street and Lawrence Taylor Blvd”.
Say, did I miss the Klearinghouse where Falco faded away? The Onion never had enough Jackie Harvey for my taste…
So the KSK krewe is on ‘shrooms? That explains a lot.
North Avenue is one of the worst parts of “the roughest district in one of the roughest cities in America.” Perfect for a murderer like Ray Ray.
It’s North Avenue! Not North Street! Second best place to buy crack in the city.
Ray Lewis gets his own street in Bawlmer and it gets dumped into the middle of the Klearinghouse? No separate post making fun of such obvious hypocrisy? No Wire parody? Sad.
The Ray Lewis Way:
Murder + Deadbeat Dad = God’s Linebacker
I was more impressed by him talking about all of the “ionic moments”.
Also, I think we can be fairly certain Cushing was jacking it before, during, and after the test.
Question: what happened to “This week in F**k you”? Is it on Hiatus along with Drew?
Wait Menino is an gigantic fucking idiot? Who knew…..