When last we left Favre-watching Lard Lad Peter King, he was gushing over Scott Sicko until, not even 24 hours later, the Man Who Said No to the NFL very quickly and decisively said yes. What will PK be wrong about this week? Nothing at all. Because he’s tired of playing guessing games, except when he tells you that and still hazards a guess in the same paragraph.
In other assorted loftiness, PK offers to be your terrible fantasy football adviser, if that indeed is more than tangentially related to your interests. So read on, lest PK brand you with your very own scarlet W.
The story involves the dispensation and alleged theft of 130 Vicodin tablets from the Saints’ drug locker at the team’s offices and training facility in New Orleans over a four-month period early in 2009. A lawsuit filed by discharged former Saints’ security director Geoffrey Santini, a former FBI agent, describes the recipients of the Vicodin as “Senior Staff Member A” and “Senior Staff Member B,” and profootballtalk.com reported Saturday that coach Sean Payton is Senior Staff Member A, with assistant head coach Joe Vitt Senior Staff Member B.
But Brittfar loves those same painkillers. He just has the dependency of a child out there, like a boy for his mother! The Saints were just trying to win your love!
Payton’s involvement in the case seems almost tangential. Most of the accusations concern Vitt allegedly stealing the Vicodin and Santini describing Loomis trying to cover it up. On page six of the suit, Santini asks Mangum, referring to Payton, “How are they going to explain [SSMA]?”
“He’s stopped,” Mangum said, according to the suit. “Somebody has talked to him.”
That doesn’t sound tangential at all. It sounds like he’s also being accused of stealing pills.
When Santini told Loomis about the theft, the suit alleges, Loomis told Santini and the trainers “to keep all of this confidential … Plaintiff then told GM Loomis that the video needed to be copied for use during the NFL audit. GM Loomis stated, ‘No, this is not a criminal investigation. Plaintiff told Loomis the event should be reported and without copying the video it would eventually be overwritten by the recording equipment and erased.
Between Big Ben, Eric Foster and this, I’m wondering if there’s ever been any video evidence that hasn’t been erased.
“Mickey is adamant he did nothing wrong,” said a source close to the Saints. “Sean is beside himself — he swears this is a trumped-up charge.”
Every Saints fan this morning — and a nation charmed by the improbable story of the Super Bowl Saints — has to hope the same thing.
Say it ain’t dat, Payton, say it ain’t dat!
Actually, legal ramifications aside, I really couldn’t give less of a shit if Sean Payton and an assistant swiped a bunch of Vicodin from the team facility.
Walter Jones walks away.
Now the Seahawks hand the left-tackle job to Russell Okung, who has the temperament, skills and strength to be a great one. He’ll always be compared to Jones, which will be both unfair and good for the kid.
I agree. How criminally unfair to compare someone to their predecessor at the same position. Better to weigh his output against, say, the kicker’s. More fair, but possibly less beneficial in the long run.
We shouldn’t forget about Jeff Feagles retiring either.
We shan’t. That would be unfair. As would be any analysis of his replacement.
Look up the retiring punter’s bio and the thing that jumps out is this: the number 22. From 1988, when he entered the league as a free-agent punter making $52,000 with Raymond Berry’s Patriots (Steve Grogan and Russ Francis were teammates)
(See, now that’s tangentially related.)
Feagles played every game for 22 consecutive seasons. That’s 352 straight games played, an NFL record. I don’t care if you’re a snapper or a ballboy; to never have a tweaked hamstring or suffered a bum back in 22 years and to play every game is amazing.
Bum back, the scourge of football fields the world over. The vagrant’s tendon is also one to watch out for. It controls the body’s ability to extend the arm to ask for change.
“The Favre streak is insane,” Feagles said last night, referring to Favre’s NFL record 285 consecutive starts. “He’s the iron man of football. I’m just the lonely kicker.
Feagles won’t go down as the longest punter ever (his 41.6-yard average is 110th all-time), but he should go down as the best directional punter of all time. His hang times are famous — he once had a documented 5.83 hang time on a practice punt, the highest I’ve ever heard of — and he practiced by putting a garbage can downfield and trying to land the ball in it.
Hang time, just another newfangled player measurement like 40 time and arm length.
I’ve come into possession of the letter sent by the attorney for Ben Roethlisberger, David Cornwell, to the commissioner after Roger Goodell met with Roethlisberger in April and before Goodell issued his sanction against the Steeler quarterback for his loutish behavior.
Goodell’s message to the NFL: YOU LOUT, YOU OUT!
Dear Commissioner Goodell:
I am confident that we share the same view of the men who play professional football.
“They are malleable fuckwits who are ours to exploit for riches.”
Watching Ben off the field has given me great insight into why he has been so successful on it. Ben’s rectilinear approach and his method of analysis — processing things as a quarterback so that he is in control — have served him well as a football player, but this singular focus is the primary reason that he is facing the challenges that he currently confronts. Life cedes control to no man.
“Aye.” — Downtrodden old Irish guy at the bar.
Though I could not have predicted these specifics, I am not surprised that Ben is dealing with a challenge of personal development. His passion for football and the remarkable success resulting from his commitment to the game necessarily means that he has compromised his development in other areas.
Lobes, if you will…
As you consider your options, I hope you will focus on an approach that establishes a direct nexus between your response and the issue to which it responds.
Do lawyers hold contests to see who can write the least clearly?
Following a recent disciplinary hearing, you and I discussed privately your commitment to address each case based on its unique set of facts, without regard for the rancor of the public and the press.
Goodell: “Yeah, but that was before South Park and Eminem made fun of him.”
And now for some real football news.
Awwwwww shit, PK brings da realness! Bout to get gully!
McDermott likes what he’s seen in outside linebacker Ernie Sims, acquired from Detroit in trade. “There’s a shark in the water, and his name’s Ernie Sims,” he said.
If he’s anything like the shark in this Flash game, Ernie Sims is the greatest fucking player in the history of football. In fact, fuck the rest of my PK mockery and go play it now.
Funny what happens to a guy when he looks in the mirror and sees the end of a promising career. [LenDale] White said Saturday he’s determined to win the starting job, which I’m sure is the same thing Julius Jones and Leon Washington are saying. Washington, returning from a mangled leg, will likely compete for playing time with sparkplug Justin Forsett.
No doubt he wears this jacket to prove it.
Trent Williams, first-round Washington tackle. There’s a scarlet “W” on the chest of Williams now (for “work ethic”) after Oklahoma’s strength coach told the Washington Post that Williams was “definitely not a gym rat
I thought it was for being wascally.
We’ve added a couple of perks to the football event of the spring in New England: the New England Locker Room Luncheon, benefiting the Matt Light Foundation and the Greater Boston Food Bank
More white people?
1. One lunch guest will receive two prime tickets to the game of the season, November’s New England-Indianapolis showdown.
Well, I was kind of right.
2. One lunch guest will have Light record a voice-mail greeting on both home and cell phones.
Wow, it’s like an even lamer version of Wait! Wait! Don’t Tell Me!
3. One lunch guest will get me, after visiting 21 training camps this summer, as his or her personal fantasy-football consultant. I’ll either go with you to your draft, or I’ll talk you through your draft before you go in.
Joy.
“Golly! You should have heard the fart joke Chester Taylor made at Bears camp. Brought the house down. You really must take him with the no. 1 overall pick. He also returns my texts.”
Last thing: I’m involved with the Food Bank, and I know the incredible work it does (one in every 13 eastern Massachusetts residents gets food annually from the agency, totaling 31 million pounds of food)
Which by extension makes me great!
Quote of the Week I
“I agree.”
– Jacksonville rookie defensive lineman Tyson Alualu, told at Jaguar rookie mini-camp that the perception in the football world is that he was one of the biggest reaches in the draft.
He gets a scarlet A for agreeability.
Quote of the Week II
“I think the individual who asked that question, somebody ought to whack him in the head.”
– Mike Ditka to host Dan LeBatard on 790 The Ticket in Miami, referring to Miami GM Jeff Ireland asking Des Bryant in a pre-draft interview if his mother was a prostitute.
Preferably with a pimp hand.
Quote of the Week III
“Jeff Ireland is a man of great capability and integrity and he is well deserving of my continued confidence. We are going to take a hard look at our interview practices and we will make improvements that will allow us to get the important information we need about players in whom we are making a major investment, but without being insensitive.”
– Miami owner Stephen Ross, announcing he will not discipline Ireland for asking Bryant if his mother was a prostitute.
“In the future, we will abstain from asking about your whore mother.”
Quote of the Week IV
“I’d rather turn this club into a bar room brawl. Get as rowdy as Roethlisberger in a bathroom stall.”
– Eminem, the rapper, in his new song “Recovery,” referring to the infamous incident with the Pittsburgh quarterback.
Almost as good as when he zinged the Spice Girls three years after their careers were over.
Enjoyable/Aggravating Travel Note of the Week
Now this is good hotel care: Last Tuesday night, I checked into the Renaissance New York Hotel 57 in midtown Manhattan for one night. (Had some meetings in the city on Wednesday.) I got the key card at the front desk and elevatored up the room.
How about you bullet train yourself to hell, you verb inventing asswipe?
The bed in the room was made, but the rest of the room was dirty. So I called the front desk and asked if they could either clean the room or move me to another room.
“Mr. King, we’re terribly sorry,” the front-desk person said. “We’ll send someone up with a key for another room in a moment.”
Two minutes later, a bellman came up and handed me a key to room 500. Meant nothing to me.
“If it had, I would have really bitched up a storm.”
“I’m sure you’ll like this room,” the bellman said with a smile. So I went to room 500, a corner suite overlooking Lexington Avenue and East 57th Street, at least 2.5 times the size of the other room, with a nice desk and sitting room. Whoa! The other room wasn’t that messy. You’ve got my business for a long time now, Mr. Marriott.
“Mr. Days Inn can suck my dick!”
Ten Things I Think I Think
1. I think the Bears have a underrated group of receivers, with Devin Aromashodu particularly on the verge of hitting it big. The group doesn’t worry me the way it worries some Chicagoans. But Mike Martz sounds a little like Sparky Anderson saying Chris Pittaro is the next Pete Rose (remember?)
(Tangential? Shut up?)
when he says the receivers will be the strength of the Bears this year, and “you can put that in granite.” Yikes.
And then you can take that granite to the granite bank! Then challenge whatever they tell you!
2. I think the one rumor that should be universally debunked is a prospective trade of cornerback Nnamdi Asomugha to the Ravens. It is absolutely not happening. Baltimore is not looking to add another mega-salaried player to its stable of Ray Lewis, Terrell Suggs, Ed Reed (and soon, Haloti Ngata, and in the next couple of years, Joe Flacco and likely Michael Oher), particularly with Asomugha making so much more than any cornerback in football. He’s entering the second year of a three-year, $45.4 million deal, and the Raiders have the right to erase the third year at $16.8-million — but if they do that, he’d become a free-agent. Makes lots of sense for the Ravens to want him. Makes no sense for them actually to add him, and they won’t.
Well that’s good. I’m most pleased with the idea of the Ravens secondary continuing to be shitty.
3. I think the Brett Favre ankle-surgery story from the other day will have little to do with whether he plays this season, the same way something I heard the other day will have little to do with whether he plays. An NFL player who knows the quarterback well told me Favre said to him after the season, “I’m 100 percent positive I’ll never put on pads again in my life.”
Peter King has finally cottoned onto the fact that Brett Favre lies to everyone. This was a hard-won victory for reason. Grueling. Painstaking. Rewarding.
I’ve said a couple of things as a Favre-watcher this offseason:
1. Favre-watching is best done in the evening. Cricket noise provides a handy cover to the fapping sounds.
2. Don’t let cartoons fool you. Guard dogs will not be swayed by tossing giant T-bone steaks at them.
3. Don’t touch a baby Favre if you find its nest. The mother Favre will abandon it if you do.
I’m finished predicting what he’ll do, because I’ve been wrong every time I’ve predicted recently. And if I had to go to Vegas, based on the long emotional scene with several teammates and coaches in the locker room after the NFC Championship Game loss to the Saints, I’d bet he’d play this fall. He loves that team. But please, keep your money in your pocket. That’s where mine is staying.
I’m done with making fun of Peter King. Really, it’s a childish waste of my time, which could be better spent on projects more personally and socially redeeming. But if you held a gun to my head, I’d probably say Peter King is a chunky turbocunt of a tardwaffle.
6. I think, after what appeared to be a serious Achilles injury suffered by 2008 second-round receiver Limas Sweed Sunday, I’d bet Sweed’s Pittsburgh career will never take off.
There’s a daring conclusion. I like the way he waits until after a horrific injury to make this assertion, and yet still qualifies it by saying his “Pittsburgh career”. I, however, will state the obvious and say Limas Sweed will be a worthless piece of shit in all future endeavors, no matter how Pittsburghish they may be.
/watches Sweed make game-winning TD grab against the Steelers three years from now
//cries about hypothetical situation
9. I think I have one question for Patriots fans: Do you think Laurence Maroney has incriminating photos of someone? Kidding, but really, they’ve got 12 draft picks and can’t get someone to threaten the job of the terminally disappointing Maroney?
IF BELICHICK STILL HAD HIS FASTBALL, WE WOULDA GAWT TOBY FACKIN GEHHAAAAHT! HE COULD HAVE BEEN THE WELKAH OF BACKFIELD!
10. I think these are my non-football thoughts of the week:
a. Our prayers, thoughts, karma are with you, Gulf Coast people dealing with the oil spill. What an unending nightmare it is for all of you, careening from one disaster to the next.
Yes, our karma. So much more legit than tangible support. Do with it as you see fit, Gulf Coast. Our karma has done them a shitload of good these last few years.
DOWN IN THE TREME
JUST ME AND MY KARMA
IT’S BETTER THAN MONEY
WE’RE JUMPING AND HAVING FUN
WOO
b. I liked the rabbit, Conveyance, in the Derby, and I would have been a rich man if the race had been .85 miles long, not 1¼.
The tortoise always wins the Kentucky Derby, you fool.
c. Got a great tip from a friend of a shoeshine guy on Conveyance. Seriously. The shoeshine guy had picked four straight winners, legend has it, including Mine That Bird. But, hey, when I get involved, all luck and good fortune goes flying out the window.
Should’ve asked the chimney sweep, I guess.
d. Still can’t get over more men 18 to 49 watching the first round of the draft on cable than The Office and 30 Rock on NBC 11 days ago. Amazing.
“THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!”
e. Coffeenerdness: Tough Sunday night. Tired from a Derby party and assorted other short nights of sleep. Without Starbucks Italian roast at 5 this morning, this would have been published at noon, not 9ish.
Three hours of nationwide bated breath. What a grand exhalation was had at 9 a.m.
h. While my rotisserie team languishes in 13th place in a 12-team league (that’s what it feels like, anyway), I’d like to thank the Los Angeles Dodgers, and Jonathan Broxton in particular. I broke the dam in my league and picked the first reliever in the draft. Broxton. He was the guy all the RotoWorlds of the internet told me to pick first, and so I did. After a month, he has one save. Matt Capps, who might have been the 76th reliever taken in our draft, has 10. Yup. That’s another game I know so well.
Perhaps this was a tidbit best saved for a column where you are not offering yourself as a expert fantasy GM as a prize.
i. Re Philip Rivers: Mea culpa time in one parting football thought. Last week, I said Rivers was “full of himself” when discussing a quarterback who has been accused of the same hubris, Jimmy Clausen. I got called on it, rightfully.
Rivers is a confident guy who sometimes lets his emotions run away on the field, but it’s not fair to call a good leader, one who’s admired in his locker room and with a good human base, “full of himself.” I like Rivers and get along well with him, and consider him a good man. It’s not the worst thing I’ve ever been wrong about, but I felt I should make it right.
“STUFF YOUR SORRIES IN YOUR BALLSACK, FATGOT! THE ONLY PERSON FULL OF PHILIP RIVERS IS THE WIFE WHEN WE’RE FUCKING FOR THE SPECIFIC CAUSE OF PROCREATION! OTHERWISE IT’S WRONG!
/typed with my dick on my iPhone”
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I’d have to okay with you here. Which is not something I typically do! I enjoy reading a post that will make people think. Also, thanks for allowing me to speak my mind!
Oh my dearest PK,
Could you please send some of that Kharma to the poor people of Manhattan who almost potentially got blowed up?
We beeseech three our beloved Fatgot.
having read the letter from Ben’s rep on the MMQB article – it is astounding in its entirety
Ape nailed the most relevant bits here….essentially the guy’s argument is:
“although he didn’t commit a crime…ben is a retard because he is so good at football….please teach him how to be a better person….but don’t punish him for what he didn’t do”
can someone pay me $500+ / hour to come up with this type of shit?
my new band name: turbocunt. our first album: tardwaffle.
therick711 says:
May 3rd, 2010 at 1:07 pm
Is the Welkah of the backfield equivalent to the quarterback of the running backs?
Close, but it is more like the Safety of the Bullpen, but without stirrups
Vagrant’s tendon: scourge of the punter. Watch yourself, PUNTE.
“With Walter Jones retiring last week, the book has closed on the top tackles whose careers began and ended in the last 20 years. I’d put Baltimore’s Jonathan Ogden and Jones atop that list. Ogden, at 6-foot-9 and 345 pounds, was the first great basketball player of a left tackle, with the reach to keep the best pass rushers from the quarterback. Jones, 6-5 and 325, was a powerful athlete, rarely beaten to the outside and strong enough to power-run with the best tackles in recent history. A score of top offensive minds, most notably Mike Holmgren and Howard Mudd, thought Jones was the best tackle they’d ever seen.”
Every single sentence in that paragraph screams out a paraphrase of Greil Marcus’ review of Bob Dylan’s Self-Portrait – “What is this shit?!”
Reggie Roby is the longest punter in NFL history according to King’s shower exploits.
NBC is much better at Hang Time than Feagles.
“Do lawyers hold contests to see who can write the least clearly?” Yes, I think it’s called law school.
RE Rivers is a confident guy who sometimes lets his emotions run away on the field, but it’s not fair to call a good leader, one who’s admired in his locker room and with a good human base, “full of himself.”
What’s a “human base”?
The diagram of Ben’s brain is awesomeness.
Turbocunt added to my vocabulary. Sydney the Shark added to the favorites list.
Breaking in and stealing = involved with a food bank.
That picture of Roethlisberger’s brain is only the left side; the right side is 100% dedicated to Call of Duty.
As opposed to M&Ms, the candy, who have yet to publicly ridicule Ben Roethlisberger as of this writing.
THE BEN NO LIKE TO NOM CANDY THAT MAKE LIGHT OF HIS NOT-RAPE RAPE. CHACO TACO IS THE ONLY NOM THAT TRULY LOVES THE BEN!
So Peter, you want me to take a lineman? Michael Oher…as my wide receiver?
Seriously? You also want me to take a white running back, rookie from Stanford, one built like he was chiseled from a solid-ish block of Massachusetts granite?
No asshole, we don’t drink Shock Top here, there is no facking Shock Top here, you jerkoff.
Pk couldnt even get the song (tangentially a freestyle) or the album name right for the eminem line
As opposed to M&Ms, the candy, who have yet to publicly ridicule Ben Roethlisberger as of this writing.
Big Ben would rather melt in your mouth than your hand but he’ll take whatever he can get.
The things I’d do if one of my friends walked into our fantasy draft with Peter King.
If I convinced everyone to not draft either Favre or Jesusback, do you think he’d explode like robot? If I said Gnik Retep would he go back to the fifth dimension? I don’t know. I’d say there’s a 10% chance of either of those things happening, but that 10% means something.
“Mr. Days Inn can suck my dick!”
Giggled like a schoolgirl at that.
Good turbocunt. Lofty tardwaffle.
And Favre can curl up and dye anytime now. Holding the Vikings fans hostage all offseason, as he did so many years in Green Bay, is now rather delicious rather than disgusting.
Peter King getting his facts wrong, again. The Roethlisberger line from Eminem is in a freestyle called “Despicable.” “Recovery” is the name of Em’s next album.
A proper PK thrashing. Well played ape.
Was kinda hoping Hines might stick up fol his fliend Rimas.
“In fact, fuck the rest of my PK mockery and go play it now.”
Done. Now what do I do with the rest of my day?
3. Don’t touch a baby Favre if you find its nest. The mother Favre will abandon it if you do.
We talkin’ ’bout Breileigh here? If so, that was fucking outstanding!
”typed with my dick on my iPhone”
Now there’s a talent that can actually would help in real life.
Surely being a Pat, it’s more likely Maroney has incriminating video evidence, not just photos!
“How about you bullet train yourself to hell”
awesome, and an excellent visual
/bullet train rocketing through core of the earth surrounded by fire
//Charon in the pilot seat
///PK desperately calling Farve one last time
Excellent work, Ape. I’m currently wearing the scarlet “P”, for “pissed-off” at Peter King. PK will always wear the scarlet letter “F” for “fucktard” in my book.
By the way, Broxton has only pitched 8 innings this year, and he hasn’t surrendered an earned run yet. He also has 14 Ks, so it’s kind of hard to see how PK can be disappointed in him. First of all, it’s incredibly early to be bitching about your fantasy baseball team. Second, saves are incredibly easy to find. I just checked the free agent list in my league and there’s six closers with 5 or more saves available.
/shows himself the door
As opposed to M&Ms, the candy, who have yet to publicly ridicule Ben Roethlisberger as of this writing.
“Eminem, the rapper”-as opposed to Eminem the…
I tend to think PK does’nt have an editor or his editor just likes seeing him make an ass out of himself
I still can’t get over..
“I’m finished predicting what he’ll do, because I’ve been wrong every time I’ve predicted recently.”
So in the very next sentence of course he says:
“I’d bet he’d play this fall.”
That’s the reason this parody lives. And the only reason I actually still read King, actually.
King can suck on my tan genitals (I’m Armenian).
This seemed longer than usual. Which makes it that much more beautiful.
And I, for one, will never, ever get tired of that picture of Rivers.
” I’m involved with the Food Bank”
They asked me to come down to a charity event. I brought some coffee for the food bank, this was about tenish or so years ago. I personally think that coffee in the hands of some of our homeless could be a godsend, for their life and personality, it might get them to think a little bit deeper about the current state of the state. You know, the Food Bank actually has some nice quality cheeses and meats that they reserve for volunteers, decidedly above the quality they give to the homeless, but some of those guys have faces that look like Larry Csonka on the three year bender, they can’t possibly taste the nuance-ishness of a fine brie or prosciutto. Better give to someone who cares.
“Payton’s involvement in the case seems almost tangential. ”
I say this because I want to show him that I can play the game and I’m here to help, in exchange for his mobile number, so I can ring him up and talk to him about on-sides kicks and strategy, and the loamy goodness of a well-toned latte from one of those little coffee shops that pepper the French Quarter. Delicious, simply grandishly delicious.
Not PK-related, but when the fuck did Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg start writing lyrics for Eminem? Rapping about Roethlisberger? Christ that’s awful.
His passion for football and the remarkable success resulting from his commitment to the game necessarily means that he has compromised his development in other areas.
Translation: He was dumb before he got his brain pounded to shit. It don’t work so good no more.
Also: Bob “Spark Plug” Holly was entirely unexpected. And since he’s not using it, can we just call Justin Forsett that from now on? Because I can’t think of anything else interesting about him.
Do lawyers hold contests to see who can write the least clearly?
Yes. It’s another among the billions of reasons why the world would be better off without lawyers (and law generally).
So I went to room 500, a corner suite overlooking Lexington Avenue and East 57th Street
Somebody really needs to tell me the next time this fat fuck is a mere four blocks away from my office. I’ll be sure to bring my whale harpoon to work that day and put this bloviating idiot out of his misery once and for all. The Greater Boston Food Bank wouldn’t need money because they could hand out PK meat for the next five years.
Brett finally hit menopause! Good for him!
+1
I look forward to next week’s treatise by PK on how he was more inconvenienced by the breakdown in Boston’s water supply than anyone else.
He’s on hiatus.
Don’t get it twisted, son: Carl Kassell will straight wreck yo’ shit.
Once again, Dalton lights the way.
“What if somebody calls my momma a whore?”
“Is she?”
So has Drew left this site for good, or is he just on hiatus while working on his book?
I think I have one question for Patriots fans: Do you think Laurence Maroney has incriminating photos of someone? Kidding, but really, they’ve got 12 draft picks and can’t get someone to threaten the job of the terminally disappointing Maroney?
Don’t worry, next year the Pats can go ahead and draft Emmanuel Moody. #thepatriotsaregatorfootballgradschool
“Ben’s rectilinear approach” That’s a fancy way to say he’s an ass man.
So many lines to mock. Let’s light this candle.
he once had a documented 5.83 hang time on a practice punt
Why in the hell does this matter? It was a practice punt and by definition doesn’t count. Did he do this in a game? In the playoffs? In the Super Bowl? NO? Then fuck off PK.
“I agree”
This is a quote of the week? Not the follow-up quote to the question asking him to elaborate on his answer? Does anyone other than Mel Kiper and his dome of hair really care?
Do you think Laurence Maroney has incriminating photos of someone?
No he has the refreshing new Construda flavored Kool-Aid that quenches your munchie thirst while making you no longer care that he sucks as a RB.
Our prayers, thoughts, karma are with you, Gulf Coast people dealing with the oil spill
I’ll let my white friends confirm how shiity of a sentence that was. Also, maybe if he donated the proceeds of the Locker Room Luncheon to the Gulf Coast he wouldn’t need to send them rainbow thoughts on karma wings.
Chunky turbocunt of a tardwaffle is an apt description. Well done Ape.
Still can’t get over more men 18 to 49 watching the first round of the draft on cable than The Office and 30 Rock on NBC 11 days ago. Amazing.
Amazing indeed. The primary audience of professional football was more interested in a heavily hyped, once a year event which can have a huge bearing on the future of their favorite (or most hated) teams than in a couple of sitcoms which could be seen on Tivo or Hulu at some later time if you really wanted to see them. Astounding.
**An NFL player who knows the quarterback well told me Favre said to him after the season, “I’m 100 percent positive I’ll never put on pads again in my life.” **
Brett finally hit menopause! Good for him!
I love Drew, but that was the funniest Fun w/ PK Ever. That Photoshop is the balls.
“But, hey, when I get involved, all luck and good fortune goes flying out the window. I guess I shot my luck- wad when I landed this SI gig. I mean, who woulda thunk it…me – lil’ Petey King – earning a living talking about a sport I barely understand.”
Really enjoyed that.
“I’m 100 percent positive I’ll never put on pads again in my life.”
Bret wasn’t lying. The Vikings have hired a personal valet to equip and dress Bret before practices and games. Peter King has volunteered to handle the undressing tasks.
Do lawyers hold contests to see who can write the least clearly?
Yes. We call it the legal system.
“They’re going for… twoooooooooooo…”
“Trent Williams, first-round Washington tackle. There’s a scarlet “W” on the chest of Williams now (for “work ethic”) after Oklahoma’s strength coach told the Washington Post that Williams was ‘definitely not a gym rat’
OK, if we’re using the Scarlet Letter analogy, the W on his chest would mean that he has a “work ethic” just as the A in the original version meant that the girl had committed “adultery.” If we’re going to interject douchey literary analogies into a football column, let’s at least do it right.
I missed “FATGOT” the first time I read it. Just wanted to make sure no one else made that mistake.
i’m certainly not going to make fun of peter king in this post. peter king’s a homo. dammit!
Is the Welkah of the backfield equivalent to the quarterback of the running backs?
Bravo, Ape. That was one fine PK roasting.
/will also be calling obese people “fatgots” for the rest of my life