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"The Tim Tebow Draft Pick in Photos"
Last picture: Could I BE wearing anymore wristbands?
Watching the Broncos self destruct was really just the highlight of my night.
Well, okay, watching the Colts take FO’s projected best pass rusher in the draft at 31 was my highlight.
Tebow at 25 was just the frosting on my draft cake. Claussen slipping to the 2nd was sprinkles.
Needs more biblical eye-black. Bron-Colossians 4:69.
/yours in Christ
At best, Tebow will be about as successful, record-wise, as Jake Plummer in Denver.
Of course, since he’s “God’s QB” (sorry Breesus) and will pander to the fans, he’ll be cheered rather than booed. Unless “at worst” happens. Elwayland has trouble dealing with “at worst.”
A source tell me Tebow was drafted solely to “heal” Brady Quinn.
Not pictured in the last photo: He’s levitating.
/And The LORD said: Thou shalt spread the Word. And SuperAIDS.
Will Tebow save NeckBeard? Or will NeckBeard save Tebow?
And will any of us care?
I just heard “Party Down” is doing an episode this season where they cater a college QB’s draft day party.
I pray to Jesusback that he’s modeled on Jesusback.
Has any man ever looked so much like he has a totally different face when viewed at different angles?
Maybe it’s just the hat.
The douchiness is palpable.
With he and Marmalard in the same division, no one may ever have sex again. Until Ben rapes them.
/see, I can joke about it…sometimes
Holy shit, I can feel the smug dripping from Monkey Business’ post all the way from here. Ugh.
I just think it’s funny that the Jesusback got picked before Douchebag Clausen. Padding stats playing for shitty Notre Dame teams isn’t as impressive to NFL teams as people think, and that makes me smile.
Tebow was drafted specifically to help Brady pray away the gay.
And, playing at mile high, he’s just that much closer to Jeebus.
On his left hand is that a WWBRGDD bracelet?
(And why did he take one off?
funny that the most pro ready qb is still waiting
Ryan Leaf has a fashionable anklet he’d like to show off.
That is the one good thing I like about this new draft format. Overhyped assholes who fall out of the 1st round have a whole day to stew in the disappointment.
@Otto – With the show in LA, I’m betting they go with Clausen’s douchtasticness for that which, if they follow real life and goes undrafted in the 1st round will be high comedy.
I gotta say this though, as much as I love making fun of Tebow (well, I like making fun of anyone really), I don’t hate the kid. The damned media sucking him all the time, crap like ‘spend 5 minutes with him and you’re a better person for it’ and Gruden’s incessant ‘this kid is winner’ is what pisses me off. Tebow seems to be a fairly decent kid, doesn’t overly push his religion (at least not that I’ve heard other the Wonderlic story which, if true, is hysterical) and does seem to want to help his team win in any way. However, I still think’s a pure product of the system and won’t cut it in the pros.
That said, this pick is epic for its failure potential. Neckbeard was serviceable and Quinn (who will suck) probably would’ve gotten a shot at starting. But no receiving threats outside of Royal and a weak run defense, this is a pick of Raider-like stupidity.
HEY! I like Tebow.
McDaniels simply wanted the only known cure to SuperAIDS to be under his control. Brady Quinn will now be the guinea pig for such experiments.
Gerald “Silverback” Mc Coy? Didn’t Howard Cosell and Jimmy the Greek lose their jobs over that shit?
If it’s MB, that’s probably just whipped cream dripping off it.
Is this the first time Monkey Business has shown his face since Peighton’s Fivehead choke job?
Monkey boy you realize you’re not a spokesperson right? That no one cares who you are or endorse? Basically, you don’t have to mention the Colts EVERY FUCKING TIME YOU POST.
Aside from the racial stuff, I’d say that it was just inaccurate. There can be only one Silverback per draft, and his name is Suh.
/probably still a little racist
No, he’s become a regular again. After vowing he wouldn’t return until September because we were so darn mean to him.
This post reminds me of the Calvin and Hobbes Sunday strips toward the end of the strip’s run. No dialogue, just let the story tell itself.
Is it too late to change our handle to “Homunculos Business?’
Could Tim Tebow have wanted to wear a hat any less last night?
This is all clearly part of McDaniels’ plan to install the Triple Wishbone Pro-Spread West Coast Wildcat offense. A mere two QBs on the field? He laughs at your limited, Belichickian imagination.
Oh, and by the way Ape – excellent use of the Buddy Christ.
I’m still without proper words in reaction to this.
Tebow’s first act as a Bronco: mass text to Bronco teammates to let them know about Tuesday night Bible study.
Triple Wishbone Pro-Spread West Coast Wildcat offense
I don’t know why, but this made me laugh out loud. Tebow’s gonna perfect that offense lemme tell ya. Hardest working kid in the draft dontcha know. Comes from great stock and he’s got the genes of a leader.
/he’s going to suck big time
Love the Comix – and I will agree with the multiple liveblogkakke fans last night that I cannot WAIT to see False Christianity/Anti-christ Lazerface against Denver’s newest J-back. Praise the Lord and pass the Immodium, er, ammunition.
Broncos Draft Tebow as trade bait. Vikings wait until BrittFarr finally commits to next season. Tebow gets traded to Vikings. Peter King’s head explodes. We all celebrate with nutmeg-soy-shamrock-shake lattes.
Think about it: Vikings draft Tebow = BrittFarr doesn’t wanna come back and Minny’s stuck with Tebow and Tarvaris.
That draft move was Millen-worthy. Kudos, Denver.
What is the one good thing I like about this new draft format. Overhyped assholes who fall out of the 1st round have a whole day to stew in the disappointment.
By not being drafted yesterday, Jimmy Clausen possibly lost as much money in any one 24 hour period than Bernie Madoff did. How’d you like to be the guy explaining to Clausen this morning why coming out for the draft was such a good idea?
Even better? Having a whole extra day to point and laugh at Jimmy Claussen. Suck on it, you douchy little fuck.
Can’t wait for the Marmalard/Tebow parodies *door flies open*
I’m on board the anti-anti-Tebow backlash bandwagon. Basically the backlash against the media’s Tebow fellating has become bigger than the fellating itself. Therefore, I am now hoping Tebow kills it.
NFL dot com’s picture of Claussen this morning is impeccable
I think this “[insert event] in Pictures” has some life in it; Not bad for a rapist lover.
Go fuck yourself
Funny how people put down Tebow because he’s all religious. These are the same folks that tout Clausen and Bradford (when’s the last time he threw a pass in a game?) as “Pro Ready.” Now what’s the overlap intergral for those who think Joe Montana was a better quarterback than Dan Marino because Joe Montana won 4 Super Bowls? How many QBs have won two National Championships? Tebow may be a “Bible banger” but the dude won a lot of games at Florida in the SEC.
If Tebow is Jesus, does this mean Kyle Orton just got promoted to God?
Buddy Christ approves of retarded draft maneuvering to make retarded draft selection of JesusBack.
From our favorite Kit Kat repository:
18. MINNESOTA — I think Minnesota should take Jimmy Clausen with the 34th pick overall, the second pick of the night tonight. No doubt about it. None.
Drew is in the middle of a massive stroke right now. No doubt about it. None.
@Joe Sixpack- People put down Tebow as a player because he can’t throw, not because he is a lord lover. We mock him for his jesus fetish because it’s freaking creepy, but it’s not related to his lack of pro skills.
Drew is actually very nervous about the prospect of the Vikes taking Clausen. Which is why it must happen.
/goes back to loving rapists
Please. Just this once. Let PK be right.
If you honestly think the ONLY reason people put down Tebow is because he’s religious then Glenn Beck’s got some gold to sell you.
I knew, and have been posting here for two days, that McD was going to grab Tebow, I am not even surprised he used a first round pick. In defense of McD at least he didn’t pick God’s other son with the 11th pick, but I know he was tempted, oh was he tempted.
I know this blog is for laughs and cut fights, but seriously I am close to tears this morning. Once you have a night to sleep on it and really take in what this little shit has done to the future of the Broncos, I just want to cry. Monday mornings in Dever are going to suck for a really long time. I can’t tell you just bad it felt talking to people and taking shit from people after we lost to KC and the Raiders to miss the playoffs last year. It was like suffering a heart attack and then in the hospital they find you have cancer.
I can only make sense of the world by assuming McD is being paid under the table by Al Davis. When I look at the world from that perspective, it all makes sense.
What no pic of Tebow’s boyfriend with the matching shirt on?
I give it till the end of the season before Tebow an Quinn are talking about adopting kids and how gays should be able to get married
Monkey Business, go die in a fire.
Tebow may be a “Bible banger” but the dude won a lot of games at Florida in the SEC
Danny Wuerffel, Chris Leak, Eric Zeier, Tee Martin and JaMarcus Russell were all very successful at their universities in the SEC. How did their pro careers work out?
I’m worried about Drew if the Vikes take Clausen, he might go crazy, quit his job, and try to re-start his career as a stand-up comic.
Tebow may bang the Bible, but to be fair, it had a DTF nametag on it.
Also, the only thing that would make Clausen not going to Washington OK is if he has to watch Favre play for another six years. Make it happen, Chilly.
I’ve sworn off making rude comments about Jews, Monkey Business, Dahkies, Tebow ( he does seem like a nice kid aside from the holy roller crap) and Ape. That pretty much leaves Ben Gray and other rapists as an easy target for cheap shots.
Mmmm yes, I can feel your hatred from here. It’s delicious. I’m gonna save some for later, deep fry it, and cover it with powdered sugar, chocolate sauce, and ice cream. Because that’s what we do here in Indiana!
And I said that I was venturing off into the wilderness until the season started. Well, it’s the draft, which is basically the start of the season.
Don’t worry, I’ve been working up a good supply of douchebaggery for this season. Spent some time at Jezebel. Got banned. Moved on to Gawker. Still working on it. HuffPo is still in play too.
But really, it’s okay. We all know that all lesser teams and GMs bow when faced with the full might of Bill Polian’s brilliance. But for a freak ankle injury to our best pass rusher and a cornerback from Indiana, Peyton Manning might be a two time Super Bowl winning QB. Oh well, we’ll be back this year. Pencil us in for 1st in the AFC South, 14 wins, and a trip to Dallas.
And the Bible never said it didn’t want it. Only that that was the wrong place for it to be banged. Then the other holy books pressured it into reporting the banging.
But for a freak ankle injury to our best pass rusher and a cornerback from Indiana, Peyton Manning might be a two time Super Bowl winning QB.
I think him choking and throwing a pick-six had a little something to do with it too.
And that Bible wasn’t even a new edition, so age is irrelevant. I’m more concerned about Tebow’s decision-making. I heard he once crashed his cloud and wasn’t even wearing his halo.
My day just got infinitely better as I belatedly realize that Minnesota could indeed take Clausen. Oh please oh please oh please.
Don’t act like you ever went away. You’re not just coming back now. You’ve been consistently commenting for weeks. And you specifically said “see you in September” during your little post-SB martyr blubbering.
Indianapolis serves the best martyr blubber cocktail in the world. And unlike shrimp, blubber is native to the region.
Monkey, don’t make this TCU student turn on Jerry Hughes because you are so fucking insufferable.
YOUR TEAM LOST.
If it wasn’t for the Cowboys sucking so fucking bad against Minnesota, Dallas would have played in the NFC Championship game. That’s what I tell myself, at least!
If it wasn’t for Vince Young, USC would have won the national championship!
What-ifs are the cries of fans who can’t stomach being beat. Shut the fuck up.
You can tell MB thinks the season’s started. That last comment was 14 times longer than any he’s made since his Nixon speech in February.
Pencil us in for 1st in the AFC South, 14 wins, and a trip to Dallas.
Us? You must be this tall to act like you’re a member of the team, Li’l Fella.
@Ape: MB doesn’t remember the INT that cost the Colts the game. He’s selectively erased that event from his memory and will now blame the loss on the freak injury to Freeney’s ankle.
Clearly it’s Freeney’s fault because his ankle just couldn’t avoid getting injured while trying to rape the QB. He’s sort of a quasi-ish bust now too.
The mere idea that this might not be the funniest thing I see today gives me a raging boner for what might transpire in the next 10 hours.
STFU, Monkey Business.
All I could think of was Hoodie™ junior picking the guys who are most gonna solidify him as super coach, and stroking his chin saying “exxxxcellent”
No, nononononono!!!! Clausen to the Vikings! Fuuuuuuuuuuucccckkkk…..
/thought the worst was over when Tebow went to the Ponyfuckers
//goes back to drinking wood alcohol
But for a freak ankle injury to our best pass rusher and a cornerback from Indiana, Peyton Manning might be a two time Super Bowl winning QB.
Instead, he is a one-time Super Bowl winning QB. Jeff Hostetler, Mark Rypien, Brad Johnson, and Trent Dilfer say hello.
Sweet lawd! This is the funniest post I’ve seen in a long time!
this is the best sexy friday yet! keep up the great work! wooo go broncos!
Monkey Business, please come to Dallas for the Super Bowl. Your presence alone will raise our average cholesterol level and lower our average IQ by 14 points.
“Monkey Business, go die in a fire.”
Allow me to continue. Dick first please.
“Blah, blah, blah… My name is Tim Tebow. I am the world’s biggest douche. I will become the next star second stringer for the Broncos. My career as a Bronco will be as victorious as Matt Leinart in Arizona. I will wear more wristbands in game play than a budding 13-yr old girl. I will pray that I can crush more ass than Ben Roethlisberger (never too soon) and get away with it thanks to my buddy J.C.”
Tebow will just be another overhyped, overrated pro-athlete who will eventually have his ACL torn when he tries to make a lateral run effort. Good luck to you DENVER.
Buddy Jesus does not approve of the man grabbing.
Go Tim! You’re an awesome QB and while your skills for pro-style QBing may need polishing and development, you are everything all the nay sayers fear! GO GATORS! GO TEBOW! Best wishes for a wildly successful and accomplished career. The jealousy of others is clearly nothing that will ever phase of a man of your character and conviction! While not a Bronco’s fan, I will always pull for you when your opportunity presents itself, and you will rise to the occasion as you always have. CONGRATULATIONS to a model of class and character others can only aspire to, but prefer to take the low road and criticise. May they recognize their personal faults, as not one of us is perfect, nor shall they find you anything other than one of the most inspirational, hard working, producing and effective additions to this team. CONGRATULATIONS once again!
WTF. Is Ken actually Footsteps Falco?
Jesus, god, I to play jesus football and I play god quarterback and I try god hard at jesus whatever I do and god I played jesus football in god college and I was god good jesus and I’ll do jesus whatever god my new team god tells me to do and my name is god jesus Tim Tebow and I like run on jesus sentences. Jesus. God. Jesus. Jesus. God.
I wish I could take credit for that, but it came up in discussion elsewhere and definitely felt the need to bring it up here.
Uh, nobody comment about the Brady Quinn Nut Grab shot? Guy in the middle looks like a gimp.
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