Look everybody! I scaahhhed tickets to the Final Fowah! They gawt live dahhkies here and everything! They even let ‘em tack on the TV. Life is wicked strange outside the ivory towah.
[Points to a guy in a turban and calls him Obama]
I’m he-ah with Cameron Crazy Nation ’bout to see Duke win yet anothah title, because Coach K is fackin smaht. He and Billy Belichick are fackin evil geniuses and you just wish you could stop them. If they combined they-ah genius they could rule the world, so you should stop bitching about they-ah coaching and just be glad you don’t have to give them 95 pahcent of yo-ah wages. Nawt that you make anywhere near as much as my dad.
[Flashes American Express black card with dad's name on it at camera]
People give me shit for rooting for good teams but I do nawt root for them because they ahhh good. They ahhh good because fans like me gawt haaaahhhhhhhttt. I willed that last second faggot Butlah desperation shawt out of the hoop. It was about to go in, and I said, “Shawt, if you go in that hoop, I will roundhouse kick ya mothah in the dick.” So it clanged out. I was rawponsible for that. They should have let me cut down the nets. Speaking of the Nets, no poor Jersey faggots will be bringing Coach K to the NBA. The Celtics already showed that successful college coaches don’t work in the NBA. If it can’t work for Bahston, why would you even try? Besides, Coach K is treated like a god by Cameron Crazy Nation. We made a cheer sheet so fans could tell him that.
[Shakes outstretched hands at usher to psych him out]
Yankees sack! Tahhh Heels sack! Tahhh Babies sack!
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As a Duke alum, I always enjoy listening to the vitriol spewed at Coach K, the Cameron Crazies, and Duke University in general. I also enjoy Tawwmie from Quinzee. However, I agree with some of the other posters that a separate, preppy/douchey KSKharacter needs to be created. This post has exposed a gaping hole that needs to be filled with a Vineyard Vines-wearing douche with wayfarers + croakies and a shit-eating grin.
Does he have to be a Duke grad? No. Will it be funnier if he is? Yes.
On that note, I ‘ll take a minute to congratulate my fellow Dukies on once again proving we really are better than everyone else.
/Shows self out. Ducks remnents of breakfast burrito thrown by Fat Hump gorging on Sonic for breakfast.
Faaaat Hump Bas-ket-ball!
I too preformed a quasi-Capt Picard-esque failpalm when I saw that sign during halftime. We had gathered to play poker and gamble on the game, that poster showed up on the TV, I about shit myself. Naturally, there was no way for me to explain to the locals here what I was incredulous about, as they don’t care about mainland shit. Except for the Steelers. And The Lakers.
FUCK
How does this reflect favorably on the fat humps? Having another Indy team lose a title game this year made Duke winning slightly easier to take.
Ape am I seeing things? Did you just write a pro-Fat Humps post?
Having just disembarked from the Metro, where I was happily getting my daily KSK fix when a family of four, all wearing obnoxious Duke shit and smelling like a bucket of warm turds got on and stood next to me, I can now say I understand the Duke hatred.
Fuck those fucking fucks.
Tawmee is much more interested in Boston College in the NCAA Frozen Four this weekend.
Tawmee most likely cannot stand or is completely indifferent to BC, along with 90% of Boston.
Tawmee is much more interested in Boston College in the NCAA Frozen Four this weekend.
This Dook douche probably hails from Vermont.
So it’s perfectly legitimate for me to roundhouse kick Tawmmy’s mother in the dick, right?
/Butler homer
@ Slothrop – Hey, wait a minute. didn’t Drew go to Exet — OOOHHH! I get it.
@ K-Mart: The BS Report
http://www.adamriff.com/?p=22514
Scheyer Marshall Bill
Scheyer face!
http://www.tarheeltimes.com/viewvid54.aspx
True Boston Brahmins go to Groton or Middlesex and Amherst or Harvard. This asshole is probably one of the innumerable assholes from Weston, Wayland, and Newton who go to Exeter, I mean Andover, and Duke.
Saw that and went to an immediate doublefacepalm. I knew where it would lead but I agree with posters above: definitely NOT Tawmmy material. It could lend itself to a whole new KSKharacter (if you really feel the need to keep piling on New England): the preppy douchebag, every bit as slapworthy as an Emo boy but infinitely more likely to fuck up the world with his ignorant entitlement. Although in fairness, you’ll find that asshole everywhere, not just strolling the halls of New England’s many private boarding and day schools.
Wait wait wait. Black Amex card? Sounds to me a lot like a… DAHHHKIE CARD!
I believe that he said he would never show his face again if the Colts lost, an offer that the bosses refused because it would deny them the opportunity to abuse him when the Colts shit themselves.
Ape said it was typical Hump to even make the offer, so he could avoid the beating if the Colts choked and annoy everyone had they won. But they didn’t refuse – MB just can’t help himself but poke his head in whenever anything even tangentially involves Indy. Just be happy it was brief.
Duke = the school where all the ugly people go to become insufferable assholes.
I disagree. Many of those ugly people are insufferable assholes by the time they get there.
Anyone else think Scheyer has a face that magnetically attracts large fists?
Yep. I also think Singler has a face that magically repels hobbits and elves.
@ Ochocinco Fan Club
I believe that he said he would never show his face again if the Colts lost, an offer that the bosses refused because it would deny them the opportunity to abuse him when the Colts shit themselves. He then said he was going on a “sabbatical”, which he has broken like four times. Personally, I like having him around because every time I see his comments it reminds me of this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xh5D_TMGwjk&feature=related
Anyone else think Scheyer has a face that magnetically attracts large fists?
No way Tawmmy’s dad has a friggin’ AMEX black card. He can’t get those from sitting on his ass at no show construction site jobs in Quinzee.
Duke = the school where all the ugly people go to become insufferable assholes.
Are we ignoring the fact that Monkey Business vowed to never show his face in these here parts ever again if the Colts didn’t dominate the Super Bowl? Get the fuck out of here, loser.
The Duke student section had a higher concentration of dumpy virgins than a Twilight convention.
DOOK and Tawmee…two great tastes that taste like ass together. One gave us Nixon and the other gives me gas.
I flipped a shit when I saw that sign. It might even have been worse than watching Duke win.
The instant I saw that sign during the worst halftime show ever last night, I was hoping for a Tommy post. Thank you Ape.
This reminds me: FUCK YOU, DREW!
Rex Ryan gives a fucking pep-talk to goddamn Arkansas Pinecone-fuckers but nothing for Butler last night?
Rich Boston douchebags don’t have accents, on account of them going to private school in VT or one of the prep schools in town, and then going to college at Duke.
……………….But yeah they’re probably still racist as hell.
Also, when the Duke fans count down the shot clock for the opposing team 5 seconds too early, I want to storm the student section with a flamethrower and a bucket of AIDS.
How pissed was this guy when he found out Nolan Smith is black?
“LANCE THOMAS IF LIKE FACKIN RANDY MAWSS!! EXCEPT THIRTY PAHCENT LESS QUEE-AH!!”
A rich kid from Beacon Hill probably wouldn’t have such a working class accent. And their racism would be a lot more subtle.
^word
That tastes like dick.
We’ll have to take your wod for it.
@King: Oh, no. It was waving proudly behind Ol’ Cheezbrows for a while last night.
You know what does scare that guy? This. And this.
Ben Roethlisberger applied to the prestigious Duke University Chester School of Rape, but they turned him down because he forgot to rape the admissions people.
HOLY SHIT MONKEY BUSINESS COMMENTED
MONKEY BUSINESS YOU SUCK
/brilliant insight
Even the black players at dook are white. Fuck Lance Thomas.
Fuck dook and their faux-gothic bullshit campus. If it weren’t for raping strippers none of them would ever get any ass. That is all.
Ape, all these people dissing you can go fuck themselves. This was a great read. Tawmie and Duke B-ball fit so well it doesn’t even need to be explained.
/Tawmie must love not having to acknowledge the contributions of black players on his team. Everyone knows dahhhhkies don’t go to Duke.
The Bawston Brahmin would nevah let a Dookie live on Beacon Hill. Dookies and Jews have to live in Brookline or Newton.
Jesus Christ on Crutches, please tell me that’s some kind of photoshop. No one would really make a sign like that and display it in public, right? Right?
Greg Gumbel = not black
@K-mart
It would be called “Why I’m rich-ah than you-ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”
The gal of ape for being not clear enough for some of the gritier commenters. That is so quasi-dickesh-ukakke
You can’t tell from the picture but I bet that douche is sporting a popped collar.
Sadly he looks just a bit too old to have been on the Duke Lacrosse team six years ago. Though he probably considers those kids softies, in his day the strippers knew enough not to talk to the police.
I wish my dad made as much money as tommys dad. If Tommy had a podcast, what would it
be called?
@85:
Ape is not harcore enough.. Just a few years ago Captain Blackout would already be on his 8th twisted tea while chain smoking marlboro reds. NO ONE DENIES THIS!
Ape, you need to explain the joke better. Obviously a fucking crystal clear picture won’t do it for some of the retards bothering to comment here.
I’m guessing for a guy who would call himself Captain Blackout, the Tawmmy Masshole stereotype hits a little close to home.
Duke = not in Boston
Ape = not funny
I’m learning so much!
Ape=not funny
“You don’t scare me Indy!”
Only the blacks scare me! And this place is whiter than fuck! Actually, I’m quite comfortable here and I hear your shrimp cocktail is a delight!
This guy is just a dickhead cupcake. Being a Pats fan is the moist chocolate center, and being a Duke fan is the frosting. That tastes like dick.
Did you see that the rules to being a sports fan changed this week? Tommee…I mean Simmons actually said that the 5 year grace period after winning a championship doesn’t apply if the current team doesn’t like each other and try its hardest. This now allows him to root against his Celtics.
I don’t know why this pisses me off so much but it really does….
Ohhh, I get it.
Duke isn’t in Boston.