carter beats the devil

Today we’re drafting books that should be made into movies. For the purposes of the draft we’ll consider any and all book that has never been adapted for the screen. If the title is categorized by IMDB as in pre-production it will be considered off-limits, whereas titles that are merely in development will be fair game. And yes, graphic novels are eligible as well.

The draft order is as follows…

1. Punte
2. Ape
3. Drew
4. UM
5. Uff

Flubby was unable to participate this week due to other obligations, but we’re comfortable in our assumption that he would have drafted A Confederacy of Dunces, Searching for the Sound: My Life with the Grateful Dead, and Tales from the 1980 Louisville Cardinals. Falco was unable to participate this week due to diarrhea. We have absolutely no clue what he would have drafted.

1. Punte- Let Me Tell You a Story: A Lifetime in the Game by John Feinstein

“I like the way the book is laid out. It’s mostly a bunch of people sitting around a table while the elder statesman (the late Celtics coach Red Auerbach) spins yarns about how the NBA used to be. Auerbach’s NBA was an NBA I could have followed, and this would be a sports movie that would break the tired old formula for that genre that we’re too accustomed to seeing. ”

Or so they’d have us believe right up until they cast Sandra Bullock as Red and replace China Doll with an Applebee’s.

Ape: I’d say Motherless Brooklyn but I guess they’re doing it.

And that’s when I started jumping up and down in excitement.

2. Ape- Maus by Art Spiegelman

“Sure, it’s yet another fucking Holocaust movie, but I think we can all agree Nazi cats would be a great thing. Even better if they make it live action with voiced dubbed over the animals.”

Drew: Dude, EVERY book is in pre-pro at IMDB. Even if the project is in turnaround.
UM: Not this one.

3. Drew- World War Z by Max Brooks

4. UM- Carter Beats the Devil by Glen David Gold

This would make such a fantastic movie, I can’t believe it hasn’t been pulled off yet. Fortunately the rights were just optioned by Warner Brothers. It won’t be easy to make, but it’s at least possible to do well, unlike other historical fiction titles that are better left in print (looking at you, Kavalier and Clay).

Uff: Hey, I read that and totally forgot about it! Fucking awesome book.

It really is. Go read it before they cast the thing.

5. Uff- Syrup by Max (or Maxx) Barry

“As fast and fun and snappy as pop fiction can be. I absolutely LOVE this book, and it’s begging to be made into a movie.”

6. Uff- Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert Heinlein

Assuming Paul Verhoeven doesn’t rape this the way he did Heinlein’s Starship Troopers, I’d love to see this anti-religious screed come to fruition on the screen. Lots of great dialog, sexy women, and fuck parties.

7. UM- Caught Stealing by Charlie Huston

The whole Hank Thompson trilogy, really. It’s a crime that none of Charlie Huston’s work has found its way to Hollywood by now (The Mystic Art of Erasing All Signs of Death is being developed as a pilot for HBO with Alan Ball attached). Thompson is a perfect antihero, and the story would translate easily to film. Caught Stealing was actually optioned before the book was ever published, but the rights expired a while back.

every thug

8. Drew- Every Thug Needs A Lady

“Tell me that movie wouldn’t blaze up the silver screen.”

9. Ape- Pulp by Charles Bukowski

“Fine, hipsters love him. And it’s far from his best book, but it’s the hilarious and easily adaptable to film.”

10. Punte- The Minotaur Takes A Cigarette Break by Steven Sherrill

“Andy Serkis will play the minotaur.”

Uff: FUCK, that’s another great book. But that reminds me

It’s listed as in development, so it’s still good.

Punte: Matt, the only reason I read it was because you recommended it so highly.

That’s the same reason I first picked up Motherless Brooklyn. Ufford recommends a mean novel.

11. Punte- Eat The Rich by P.J. O’Rourke

12. Ape- White Noise by Don DeLillo

Barry Sonnenfeld almost made this into a movie a few years ago. You know that he failed because I am currently not in prison for murdering Barry Sonnenfeld.

13. Drew- Men with Balls: The Professional Athlete’s Handbook by Some Skinny Bitch

“For the money.”

The part of Drew will be played by the lovechild of Steve Zahn (a native Minnesotan) and the Tackleberry guy (who is apparently dead).

14. UM- The Yiddish Policeman’s Union by Michael Chabon

It’s still in development (with the Coen brothers). While I don’t doubt that it will make it through production, I want to be absolutely sure of it. I was tempted to take The Last Shot, but I’m quite sure they would totally ruin it.

15. Uff- Contortionist’s Handbook by Craig Clevenger

And Matt closes things out by drafting one of the four books that happens to be sitting on my desk right now. I’m not sure what it’s doing there, but it’s there, and it’s a great read.

Add your picks in the comments, but please wait ten picks before selecting again. And sorry, but Yertle the Turtle has already been adapted multiple times over. Would you expect any less from what is possibly the finest book ever written on the subject of turtle stacking? I should hope not.