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Per Falco’s Lawyer: Jimmy Clausen was put on the cover of some glossy sports magazine that no cares about or reads, but the four lettered corporate monolith publisher was not satisfied with the amount of Clausensmugface being splayed on their publication. So one of their PR whores called up a PR whore in Hollywood and said “Hey Freddy, let’s do lunch,” which is code for anal sex, but also business deals. Eventually a deal with struck, and so were rectums.

The upshot of all this business buggery was Clausen being CGI’d into looking like a member of the noble savage D’ouche tribe from the movie ABBAtar, which I believe lost at the MTV Movie Awards to Justin Bieber: Cunt Stomper, The Shriekquel. I’m so distraught that the Redskins won’t be drafting this guy.