“Tell me he didn’t just ask me that.”
Dolphins’ General Manager Jeff Ireland has apologized for asking Oklahoma State wide receiver Dez Bryant if his mother was a prostitute. The question was part of the pre-draft interviews teams conduct with potential draftees. Ireland’s apology has caused others to speculate about other questions he might have asked. KSK did some asking around and here are a few of the more objectionable queries:
“When your mom was turning tricks, you think she was good for a BBBJ?”
“So is she exclusively girl-girl now, or is there some wiggle room?”
“Have you ever seen ‘The Crying Game?’ Admit it, you were turned on, weren’t you?”
“What’s Dez short for? DEEZ NUTS?”
“Okay, IF your mother WERE a prostitute, how much more would she charge for an outcall as opposed to a quick one in my car?”
“No, you cannot punch me in my smug prick face.”
“Any of your sisters prostitutes? Aunts maybe?”
“What does crack taste like?”
“Is Dez your ‘street’ name?”
[Shoots fellow interviewer point blank] “You a snitch?”
“What’s the most embarrassing thing you ever said while fucking a little kid?”
“Did Mike Gundy ever feel the need to ‘prove’ his manhood to you? Like maybe in private one day after practice? You know, like a closed-door meeting, just the two of y…SHOW ME WHERE HE TOUCHED YOU!”
“Where’s the strangest place you’ve ever put your dick?”
“If you were born white, which race would be most prejudiced against?”
“Are you one of those guys that only likes to fuck fat white women?”
“List Hitler’s three most admirable qualities. Mustache doesn’t count.”
“When does your rap album come out? “I’m sorry, that came out wrong. What I meant is, when does your rap album ‘drop?'”
“Which makes a better sound against human flesh: a bat, a crowbar, or a sack of door knobs?”
“Will you consent to a cavity search?”
“Where do you see your kid’s kid 10 years from now?”
“How much speed did you lose on your 40 time with your ankle monitor?”
“Which one of your mom’s customers do you call dad?”
Ireland: Say, man, you got a joint?
Bryant: No, not on me, man.
Ireland: It’d be a lot cooler if you did.
“Did you do any fornicating last night?”
“Ever fuck on Coke? It’s great.”
“I’m sorry if I chose my words poorly. We, as a franchise, are about to make a considerable financial investment. Sometimes in our haste to ferret out much information about a candidate’s background we forget to conduct ourselves in as compassionate a manner as we should– and for that we deeply apologize. Now back to your stank ass mama…”
I want more like this!
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