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ALL BEN SEE IS SORORITY GIRL WHO IS DOWN TO F*CK.

BREAKING NEWS THAT YOU PROBABLY HEARD ALREADY: Roger Goodell has informed Ben Roethlisberger that he will be suspended for the first six games of the regular season. Additionally, Ben will have to undergo “comprehensive behavioral evaluation,” which seems a bit redundant when you recall that Dr. Klis of the Denver Post already diagnosed Ben with Dead Mom Complex. But hey, knock yourselves out, accredited mental health professionals. [ESPN]