Say, do you remember last week, when Peter King told you that delightful tale of Sean Payton stealing the Double J’s wine? Well, that certainly was humorous and mirthful! Also, it was breathtakingly inaccurate!

One of the waitresses that night gave an account of what happened to the Sporting News radio. Florio (also a paragon of accuracy) posted a summary:

She said that Cowboys owner Jerry Jones had not expressly reserved the last bottle of the wine in question, but the staff knew from past experience that it is one of the wines Jones likes.

When Payton ordered the wine, he wasn’t told that Jones and the Cowboys’ entourage was coming to the restaurant the next night, or that Jones may have wanted that wine. Payton later learned of Jones’ likely interest in the wine, and then Payton decided to autograph the label and leave the bottle for Jones.

The bottle won’t be headed to the Hall of Fame any time soon; after it was left for the Cowboys, someone knocked the bottle over and broke it.

Well, that’s hardly as interesting as Payton STEALING Jones’ wine and taunting him with the dead soldier. But such dramatic flair is necessary is when you’re typing out this story on the Acela train while on your fifth Heineken Light and seventh Triple Girl Scout Cookie Blendolatte.

Or is this waitress LYING? Is she covering her tracks to cover up for St. Elmo’s gross mistake, and their subpar coffee-flavored water? If so, YOU OWE DON BANKS A FREE DINNER, HONEY.