millers-crossing-3

There is a difference between a movie I’m willing to watch over and over again, and a movie that I think is great or something like that. Just because I think a movie is amazing doesn’t mean I want to see it a hundred times. I thought “There Will Be Blood” was one of the best movies I’ve ever seen. But I don’t think I ever want to see it again. Conversely, I could watch shit like “Blades of Glory” 500 times. And it’s not like I’m picking up new subtleties every time I watch it. It’s “Blades of Glory”. It’s mildly diverting. It just happens to be mildly diverting even if I’m watching it the thousandth time. I think it’s because of that chick in the leather tube top in Ferrell’s sex rehab group. She’s an animal.

Anyway, with that in mind, we dug down and did a draft that centered around this question: If you were only allowed to watch one movie over and over again the rest of your life, what would you pick? The proverbial desert island movies, although screw the island. You get to watch them at home, with a couch and beer and stuff.

The rules: Pick one movie. No picking of entire trilogies or something. And let us also assume you still have free access to all the porn you like, so only REAL movies. Three rounds. The order:

Flubby
Falco
Ape
Caveman
Punter
Maj
Drew

Off we go.

1. Flubby – The Big Lebowski

“Was there any doubt?”

2. Falco – Mr. Smith Goes to Washington

“Its timeless blend of sweetness and determination reminds me of the sturdy play of one of my favorite players, Wes Welker. We could all learn a lesson from Capra’s classic.”

3. Ape – The Sandlot

“You probably needed to be 10 the first time you saw it.”

I was SO not expecting that pick. It’s “Stand By Me” for Ape’s generation.

4. Ufford – The Princess Bride

“Luckily for me, the best movie I saw at a formative age wasn’t The Sandlot.”

KITTEN’S GOT CLAWS!

5. Punter – The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King

“Chock full of badassery. Plus I could nap during the 45-minute dénouement.”

I will never get tired of the ghost army appearing and fucking shit up. Always brings me joy.

6. Maj – Annie Hall

Maj is one of two people I know who think Woody Allen is greatest filmmaker of all time. This subset of humanity goes by the collective term of “Dipshits”.

7. Drew – The Godfather

It just so happens the greatest movie of all time also happens to be the most consistently entertaining one as well. Seriously, if you told me this was the only movie I could watch for the rest of my life, I wouldn’t even be that upset, unless…

8. Drew – True Romance

…it meant I never get to see Drexl Spivey again. THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR FUCKING WITH ME… WHITE BOY!

9. Maj – Apocalypse Now Redux

“It holds up well after multiple viewings and I can always fast forward through a couple of the extended scenes that drag on a bit.”

10. Punter – Hitchhiker’s Guide to The Galaxy

Your guess is as good as mine.

11. Ufford – Out Of Sight

“Cool as fuck EVERY time, and one of my favorite sex scenes in cinema.”

It’s also amazing how much charisma Jennifer Lopez lost after this film was made. She’s awesome in this movie. Ever since, she’s been horrendous.

12. Ape – LA Confidential

You got a big GUILTY sign hanging around your neck.

13. Falco – The Bodyguard

“Talk about romantic!”

14. Flubby – Glengarry Glen Ross
15. Flubby – Caddyshack

They should’ve remade both those movies and switched casts. John F. Barmon, Jr. would have made a fine Blake. “My name is DOUBLE TURDS!”

16. Falco – Anchorman

“Stay classic, San Diego! God, I never get tired of that line. San Diego is a dolphin’s vagina!”

17. Ape – Monty Python And The Holy Grail

“Nerrrrrrddddddd”

Now this is a movie I’ve actually seen a lifetime supply of. Seriously, I’ve seen it 100 times at least. That’s the question of this draft: Do you pick a movie you already know you can tolerate multiple times, or do you pick a movie you think you’ve only begun to rewatch?

18. Ufford – Miller’s Crossing

“It’s not my favorite Coen Brothers movie, but I enjoy the act of Drew not getting it.”

That fucking piece of shit. Obviously, I was poised to take it, if only for this exchange:

Verna: What’re you chewin’ over?

Tom: Dream I had once. I was walkin’ in the woods, I don’t know why. Wind came up and blew me hat off.

Verna: And you chased it, right? You ran and ran, finally caught up to it and you picked it up. But it wasn’t a hat anymore and it changed into something else, something wonderful.

Tom: Nah, it stayed a hat and no, I didn’t chase it. Nothing more foolish than a man chasin’ his hat.

God dammit, that movie is perfect.

19. Punter – The Adventures of Milo and Otis

Strictly for its erotic value to Punter, I would imagine. I should have picked “An American Carol” for him.

20. Maj – Animal House

“It will never not make me laugh, and there are some classic 70′s tits to boot.”

21. Drew – Tombstone

Still can’t believe Ufford took “Miller’s Crossing”. Goddamn cuntbar. Yours in the comments. Pick one movie, then wait ten comments to pick again. Anyone who discards the rules will be thrashed.