When we last left Indianapolis airport spokeswalrus Peter King, he was telling you how much Sean Payton loves his Juicy Fruit. Grab a stick. Pull it oooooout. The taste is gonna move ya when you pop it in your moooouuuthh. He also told you that free agency is totally overrated, BUT BOY DID HE LOVE THAT PEPPERS SIGNING. He also was tailgated. In JERSEY, of all places! And he recommended you ask Matt Millen about the time he helped give birth to a calf. Oh, is Matt Millen not a close friend of yours? Pity. Boy, does he have some wild stories, like the time he drafted Ernie Sims while dressed as a penguin.
So what of this week? Will Peter praise? Will he wonder? Will he adore? Will people who steal free newspapers finally get what’s coming to them? What does Anne Rice think? Will we find out the secret to why Derek Jeter is so good? (HINT: He works hard!) Read on. This could get retarded, and the operative word there is “could”.
Whoa. Looking like a dead Sunday, middle of March, with me still incredulous over the Browns paying Jake Delhomme $7 million.
They did? HOLY SHIT! And they traded Brady Quinn so they can draft Jimmy Clausen? Good God. Was Mike Holmgren raped in Cleveland a decade ago, and now using his job to exact revenge upon the city?
Tease alert:
Oooh, here comes the tease!
/takes off shirt, prepares for horse crop
Stay tuned, down a bit in the column, for a good nugget…
…about the first thing Rex Ryan said when he woke up from lap-band weight-loss surgery Saturday.
“Oh, oh! Ol’ Rex can finally get on top of the Mrs. again!”
It’s interesting how this story of the Eagles quarterbacks has stretched out. We all know it’s unlikely Philly opens the season with McNabb, Kolb and Michael Vick as the quarterback depth chart. If I’m laying odds, it’s 60-40 McNabb is under center for the Eagles on opening day. But that 40 percent (who knows — maybe it’s 30 or 35) means something.
It absolutely means something, in that it’s a complete arbitrary number that you pulled from out of your ass, and that you’ve already undermined that percentage by suggesting it may be an even lower arbitrary percentage. Does that 40 percent mean something? Well, it is a LEGIT 40 percent, although perhaps it’s an even MORE legit 30 or 35 percent. But it does mean something. What does it mean? Does it mean McNabb will be traded? Does it mean Kolb will be traded? Does it mean the faces on Mount Rushmore will soon begin talking, and issuing bizarre commands like, “Feed me rabbits”? I DON’T KNOW. There’s only a five percent chance of that, but that five percent means something, dammit.
The fact that there’s a real chance the Eagles could deal McNabb, and that McNabb is a half-year younger than Peyton Manning and apparently intends to play four or five more seasons, and also apparently has kicked the injury bug…
In the past six seasons, McNabb has played the full 16 games once.
…leads me to this question: What in the world are all these quarterback-needy teams doing? Why aren’t teams running to deal for McNabb?
Because Andy Reid probably overvalues him even more than some other teams do, and because he’ll want a big new contract, and because he still believes bounce passes are legal and that overtime is not?
The prime object of this game in the personnel area is to get a quarterback who can win games and lead your team, and a good, proven one is out there.
Whoa whoa whoa, let’s not go nuts by tossing around words like “proven.”
I asked a coach with a quarterback need about McNabb, and the coach said because McNabb is on the last year of his contract and would probably need to be re-signed, and the fact that Philadelphia would want a high draft choice for him in a very good draft, and the fact that he doesn’t have a lot of years left, all combine to make it a tough trade. Understood. Good factors all.
Understood completely. Makes perfect sense. In other news, I HAVE NO CLUE WHY TEAMS AREN’T PUSHING HARDER TO LAND DONOVAN MCNABB.
But McNabb is 33.
So he’s old, and has a longer injury history than many QB’s his age. Even better!
I have my own problems with McNabb.
He never answers my texts! He prefers Krispy over Dunkin’! He doesn’t have a Steeler persona!
I don’t see McNabb getting Philly over the hump and into another Super Bowl.
But he’s totally proven as someone who will never help you win a Super Bowl, and that has to mean something.
NFL teams have picked 30 quarterbacks in the first round since 1999. Of those 30, I’d say six (McNabb, Carson Palmer, Eli Manning, Philip Rivers, Ben Roethlisberger, Aaron Rodgers) have turned into top-flight starters.
Agreed, though Palmer has fallen off.
Six more (Chad Pennington, Jay Cutler, Joe Flacco, Matt Ryan, Vick, Daunte Culpepper) have been well worth the pick; Vick, remember, had the Falcons on strong playoff runs early in his career.
And then he was arrested, thrown in jail, got Jim Mora AND Dan Reeves fired, and forced Atlanta to start entirely from scratch once his career blew apart. But otherwise, totally worth the pick.
I’ve also heard what a great draft this is, and I respect teams determined to build through the draft. Long term, it’s clearly the best way to build your team right. The last time I heard so many raves about a draft beforehand was the 2004 crop, with the three good quarterbacks (Rivers, Manning, Roethlisberger) and rock-solid depth at several other positions.
Well, I looked up that draft Sunday, and here were the fifth through 10th picks in this so-called superior draft:
5. Washington: Sean Taylor, S, Miami (Fla.).
6. Cleveland: Kellen Winslow, TE, Miami (Fla.).
7. Detroit: Roy Williams, WR, Texas.
8. Atlanta: DeAngelo Hall, CB, Virginia Tech.
9. Jacksonville: Reggie Williams, WR, Washington.
10. Houston: Dunta Robinson, CB, South Carolina.
…Six years later, six of the top 10 picks in a thought-to-be excellent draft are gone, with just traces of the impact they were supposed to have left on their teams.
But one of them was fucking MURDERED. It wasn’t like he planned on being a draft bust by having a gang of teenagers break into his house and shoot him in the thigh.
And so here Peter King intimates the following: The Draft can be, like, totally overrated. Just like free agency. Just like the combine. All means of measuring and acquiring football players? OVERRATED. Just look at that disgraceful 2004 draft. Everyone thinks it’s soooo awesome just because it produced three playoff QB’s. Well, that draft had some shitty players too! OVERRATED! Why aren’t these teams trading overrated draft picks for someone who’s proven he can nail receivers right in the shoelaces every throw? Let’s see Sam Bradford have that kinda accuracy!
I think one of the quarterbacks is going. Where, I don’t know. When, I don’t know.
Who, I don’t know. How, I don’t know. Where, I don’t know. But there’s a forty percent chance that I THINK Kolb or McNabb is going to go. Could it happen? Perhaps. Are Saturn’s rings made of Pizza Rolls? MAYBE.
Rex Ryan really wanted LaDainian Tomlinson.
“LT, your new nickname is OLD SULKER!”
Ryan was in on meetings with Tomlinson on Friday in New Jersey to try to persuade him to sign as a free-agent with the Jets.
“Think of the pussy!”
Then the Jets coach, who has always struggled with his weight, went to Manhattan on Saturday to have lap-band surgery on his stomach, and the first thing he did when he woke up from the surgery was ask: “Did we get LT signed yet?”…
“And when will I be able to piss without liftin’ the hood?”
…the answer was no, so when Ryan had rested and returned home late in the day Saturday, he called Tomlinson to put on one last sales pitch.
“I will buy you a fucking veal chop and introduce you to a woman who can pop a champagne bottle with her asshole TONIGHT if you sign on that dotted line, fella!”
The Raiders get a rusher. Maybe.
POSSIBLY.
Kamerion Wimbley, the Browns’ first-round pick in 2006, got off to a great start rushing the passer for Cleveland, with 11 sacks in 16 games as a rookie. In the 47 games since, Wimbley’s had 15.5 sacks and too often gets caught in traffic, unable to consistently turn the corner and get to the passer.
Is he a rusher? Maybe. Did the Raiders get good value by trading a third round pick for him? Could be. Is he just another overpaid piece of shit? I WOULD NOT RULE OUT SUCH A THING.
Factoid of the Week That May Interest Only Me
Vince Wilfork, the New England defensive tackle, and wife Bianca have a 7-month-old son named David Dream-Angel Wilfork.
IT’S NO BOSTON IZZO!
Enjoyable/Aggravating Travel Note of the Week
Not a travel note per se…
Just as this is not a football column, per se…
…but an observation about living in Boston that I wouldn’t have considered before moving here a year ago.
-They love their Dunkin here!
-I don’t need my car except for long trips!
-The signs to the Providence airport are misleading!
-Mooo has a fabulous steak! AND MY LEXUS GETS PARKED FOR FREE!
This is the only place I’ve been where, even with a big golf umbrella, you get wet when you walk for 20 minutes in the kind of Nor’easter we had over the weekend.
Why am I not shocked that Peter King is the kind of fellow who uses the mega golf umbrella?
It rains sideways.
Whoa! This is like Wonderland! You mean it’s rainy AND windy sometimes? People from Seattle would be fucking STUNNED by such a sight.
So if you position your umbrella to stop the rain from pelting you from the side, some of it’s going to hit you from overhead anyway. I’ve been around the kind of rain in the north of England, but this is the fourth or fifth storm with sideways rain in the year we’ve been here.
OW-AH RAIN IS MORE-AH INTENSE THAN YOUR-AH RAIN! VERTICAL RAIN IS FAR FACKIN’ GASHES!
This is loyalty, with a nod to being sure Vince Wilfork has at least three or four top seasons left: The Pats paid him an $18 million signing bonus.
Shame on you, for making that kind of money, Vince. SHAME ON YOU. Not a smart thing to make $18 million. Not today. Not in this economy!
I think I can’t wait to hear Mike Holmgren’s and Eric Mangini’s explanation for paying Jake Delhomme $7 million in 2010. I really can’t wait.
“I was raped in Cleveland a decade ago. Payback is a bitch.”
I think Delhomme is in the top five of NFL good guys I’ve ever met.
Good guy. LOFTY guy.
I once saw him stopped by students in the Student Center at Wofford College in Spartanburg, S.C., site of the Panthers training camp each summer, and give these kids 15 minutes of his time, asking them as much about them as they asked about him.
AND HE GAVE THEM HIS GLOVES!
I think the odds are 40 to 45 percent of overtime undergoing serious reform at the NFL meetings starting next Sunday.
And those odds mean SOMETHING. Though they may be closer to 35 percent. Or perhaps 7 percent. Still, that is a LEGIT seven percent.
If OT reform fails, a key part will be this: I think the coaches who are strident about keeping the system the way it is — and I talked to one the other day — don’t want to have another layer of decision-making added to their list. Coaches would have to decide, if they win the coin flip, whether to kick or receive. Under the plan being considered by the Competition Committee, the game continues to a second possession unless the first possession ends with a touchdown (either offensive or defense).
So you would take the ball every time. Unless you’re a fucking idiot.
I have it on good authority that the weather in Boston over the weekend was the same weather that sank the Edmund Fitzgerald.
LOOK AT OW-AH RAIN!
Good comeback by “The Office.” I think the show’s at its best in 22-minute episodes, not 44-.
And finally, just the right ratio of Nard Dog! Nard Dog is that show’s nutmeg!
Condolences to Keith Olbermann, my NBC football partner, on the loss of his dad Saturday after a lengthy illness. I could tell by Keith’s stirring references to his dad how much he meant to him.
BILL SIMMONS SAYS YOU’RE EVEN MORE ALONE NOW, KEITH.
Coffeenerdness: Quick review on the new Starbucks dark roast, Yukon Blend: Nice smoky full-flavored coffee, not quite with the bite of Italian Roast but a good midday coffee.
One sip, and I am hunting Elk in the Northwest Territories. Kind of a midday, snack break, after lunch coffee coffee. Not unlike my Butterscotch Triple Gooseberry Shakeiatto. AND TO HAVE IT BACK AT MY OLD UPPER MONTCLIAR ‘BUCKS! What a time we have there.
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“The Walking Eye Says:
March 15th, 2010 at 4:37 pm
“At what point does this officially jump the shark? Can we pick a new, non-PK target?”
If you don’t like it, don’t fucking read it. Thanks for the useless comment, fucko.
There’s a plethora of FJM-style take-downs all over the net, may I suggest a “Google” search for said information.
This will “jump-the-shark” once PK starts writing something other than his stream-of-consciousness passed off as real information. I see this type of analysis in all facets of media, so I don’t expect to see it changing anytime soon.”
@ Walking Eye…thinskinned much? Jesus the only thing more annoying than reading annoying comments is reading a faux-tough guy whiny bitch rejoinder.
I am sorry that the standards of professional journalism do not meet your standards and that you are so bothered by someone who deigned to be bored by this week column – which I think is still quite strong. Nevertheless, go hang yourself from a bonzai tree.
Vick was framed, his daddy was extorting him for drug money. His momma told us so.
I was thinking this morning over the jolt I got from my morning brew that say you have a outstanding, high motor guy with loads of intangibles and a plethora of leadership abilities in the Joe Montana mold. Say he’s 10-15 on the board, give or take.
If he pans out and is a top producer at the position, but then gets bludgeoned with an ax handle while he’s sleeping, and his body chopped into small chunks, can we call him a bust, someone who didn’t live up to his potential. I think it’s up in the air as to whether or not we can still consider him to be a value pick.
But say he contracts a rare skin cancer and dies a miserable painful death while his skin melts off his body down to the organs and bone, then in my estimation, all bets are off.
Ahh the mysteries of life: The female orgasm, Seinfeld’s run and how in the world PK conned people (I”m thinking he threatened to sit on them) in order to draw a paycheck to write this slop.
A co-worker in Berlin (Army) had a daughter – her name ? Fantasy Dawn.
So women find the stripper pole and some run smack dab into it.
* how it was pronounced *
One of my friends who was working in an Australian hospital saw a kid named ‘Francois’ – not such a big deal except that his parents insisted that it was pronounced ‘Frank-oize’ . They saw the name in a French book and thought that was it was pronounced.
Names-cousin, a cop in a Gotham-like city, swears he handled a domestic dispute in which the victim introduced her baby daughter with the hoodrat miscreant baby daddy as “Female”(pronounced fa-molly), explaining that was the name she saw on the girl’s birh certificate and didn’t think she chould change it.
@ slash
Cash Monet was my name in the artist themed porno I made. Me and Pablo Picocko double teamed the hell out of Annie Leibotitz.
Feed me rabbits
Too bad it’s duck season.
RE Die Joe Buck Says:
“Slash, I’d like to introduce you to Tim McCarver. And Joe Morgan. And 80% of all network baseball broadcasters.”
That’s what I figured. So most of the guys commenting on sports are either doofuses who’ve never played professionally or retired pros who can barely put an intelligible sentence together? Why does anybody watch sports without the sound turned off?
Mike From Stumptown Says:
“Exactly, you get the double bacon cheeseburger with chili cheese fries and the shake because it’s tastier. Then you exercise your ass and/or gut off (literally).”
Fuck that. I’d rather eat less and not exercise. I’m not saying that’s healthy either (the not exercising part), but you’d have to run a goddam marathon to work off the calories in the list above. Like, almost literally a marathon. It’s science. Horrible, horrible science.
RE names: not an urban legend, it was a news story down here (Dallas area, Ft. Worth, actually), a drive-by at a kid’s birthday party (seriously). Very sad, a kid and the kid’s grandma were killed. In the resulting murder trial, a witness was a 12-year-old girl named CashMonae (can’t remember last name). I swear to you I am not making that up. It was printed in a real newspaper and everything. I’m pretty sure they make you give your real name in court proceedings. I am not going to speculate as to the ethnicity of little CashMonae. That is a really good stripper name, though, so she’s got that going for her already. See, those parents are thinking ahead.
Also, it sometimes rains sideways down here, too. It’s called wind-driven rain.
How could PK ignore Emmit Smiff’s geology? What would Mike Mcguire think?
YOU FUCKING PUSSY. STOP SAYING SHIT HAS A 40 PERCENT CHANCE OF HAPPENING. TAKE A STAND FOR ONCE IN YOUR GODDAMN USELESS EXISTENCE. I supposed I shouldn’t be surprised that this dipshit can’t commit to an opinion ever. He has a column feature called “Ten Things I Think I Think.” Because actually THINKING something would be far too dangerous. I COULD BE WRONG!
Oh, and: “I will buy you a fucking veal chop and introduce you to a woman who can pop a champagne bottle with her asshole TONIGHT if you sign on that dotted line, fella!”
Fantastic.
E Buzz Miller Says:
March 15th, 2010 at 4:39 pm
We can’t officially call a draft pick a bust until he’s shot and killed.
It’s something we all should just take a step back and ponder over a cup of medium dark roast from Brill’s coffee, it’s a heady brew with a strong note of copper, a copperish note and a melange of acidic citrus.
…………….
Beauty, we have a winnah!
Holy shit, I had no idea Punter did that Name of the Year blog. My mind is fucking blown. Seriously.
Probably because he doesn’t.
We can’t officially call a draft pick a bust until he’s shot and killed.
It’s something we all should just take a step back and ponder over a cup of medium dark roast from Brill’s coffee, it’s a heady brew with a strong note of copper, a copperish note and a melange of acidic citrus.
“At what point does this officially jump the shark? Can we pick a new, non-PK target?”
If you don’t like it, don’t fucking read it. Thanks for the useless comment, fucko.
There’s a plethora of FJM-style take-downs all over the net, may I suggest a “Google” search for said information.
This will “jump-the-shark” once PK starts writing something other than his stream-of-consciousness passed off as real information. I see this type of analysis in all facets of media, so I don’t expect to see it changing anytime soon.
“This myth is so old it makes me suspect that Fred doesn’t have a GF either.”
Oh, I have one, she apparently didn’t do her homework on this before simply spreading the rumor further. I assure you, this internet embarrassment will not stand and she will find the back of my hand quite displeasing!
Actually, she is a real person so I’ll probably just mention in passing that she shouldn’t continue to circulate that particular rumor.
/whipped
Hate PK. Love Drew’s bashing of him. Ridiculous take on the whole McNabb thing for sure. But he is right about the fact that McNabb will never get the Eagles over the top again. That doesn’t mean he can’t do it for another team, though. Quick example would be Vikings. He could extend their window for a few seasons, unlike Favre, who has one more year tops. PK just too lazy to expound on his thought…obviously one of the main reasons he is(rightfully) lambasted here.
“…a woman who can pop a champagne bottle with her asshole.”
I’d really like Coach Ryan to return to and build upon this concept.
My wife had a student (1st grade) named…..
Erotikah
You know THAT’s a balanced family, complete with RapeyStabby Daddy…..
Cleveland fans, you are overlooking the fact that Holmgren also brought in Seneca Wallace. Now THERE is your starting QB.
Holy shit, I had no idea Punter did that Name of the Year blog. My mind is fucking blown. Seriously.
I think the Ladasha thing is an urban legend. I can’t count how many different times I’ve heard about twins named lemonjello and orangejello.
right so daunte makes three pro bowls and is less a qb than rodgers 1 pro bowl and no championship games.
Also you know Winslow, Williams, Hall and Taylor all made pro bowls?
fuck it, all were busts, all of em.
On the whole name thing:
http://nameoftheyear.blogspot.com/
Endorsed by Simmons! (It’s a quality diversion in spite of this)
@Joakim: Awesome job. But I wouldn’t call the email “somewhat” racist. It’s pretty obviously racist. “Man those black folks do some crazy shit! Let’s feel superior by making shit up!”
This myth is so old it makes me suspect that Fred doesn’t have a GF either.
I can’t even read these completely anymore. I skim PK’s work, read Drew’s and know exactly what YukonBlendStain said.
I was in Montclair on Saturday and the rain was going sideways, just like in Boston, and per Limpy, just like in Connecticut. Such stupidity does not occur in nature
Love how PK only cherry picks the nos. 5-10 selections of the 2004 draft and declares it overrated!
As mentioned previously in the comments, Fitty was the No. 3 selection. Other picks from that draft:
Big Ben – pick 11 (2 superbowls and hell with the ladies);
John Vilma – pick 12 (superbowl);
Tommie Harris – pick 14 (pretty good til the injuries);
Will Smith – pick 18 (superbowl);
Vince Wilfork – pick 21 (didn’t PK just finish singing his praises);
Steven Jackson – pick 24 (beast);
Karlos Dansby – round 2;
Bob Sanders – round 2 (before he was a corpse);
Darnell Dockett – round 3;
Matt Schaub – pick 90 – round 3;
Jared Allen – pick 126 – round 4;
Michael “Burner” Turner – round 5;
Patrick Crayton – round 7;
Jesus, I say that is a pretty good and decent draft! And, it took me about 3 minutes of “research” to figure that out.
I so wanted the PK pictures to be done with KISS makeup.
Hey, Petey- Starbucks Yukon Blend isn’t new- they’ve had it for about 10 friggin’ years now! Maybe if you staye’d away from the triple grande no whip soy spermalatteccino, you might have noticed. . .
Wonderful! Now I’m thinking…was Matt Millen raped, sodomized, dunked in a bucket of cum and nipple twisted in Detroit in 1986? THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING!!
I’m not the most disciplined person in the world, but when confronted with regular human-size hamburger or double bacon cheeseburger with chili cheese fries and a large double chocolate shake, that’s not even a hard decision.
Exactly, you get the double bacon cheeseburger with chili cheese fries and the shake because it’s tastier. Then you exercise your ass and/or gut off (literally).
Fred Dryer for VP: either my wife works with your girlfriend, or the name La-a is twice as popular as I thought.
“I think Delhomme is in the top five of NFL good guys I’ve ever met.”
Who are the first four? Well, in no particular order, Brett Favre, Britt Farr, Son of Irv Farve and father of Breleigh Favre …
@HolmgrensLineofThought : Wasn’t that the same logic behind Quinn sitting behind Anderson?
@Fred Dryer For VP
I highly doubt you’re girlfriend works with anyone named La-a pronounced Ladasha. I’ve heard that one before, another friend of a friend who supposedly shares the name. Turns out this comes from a common somewhat racist chain e-mail, snopes even investigated it: http://www.snopes.com/racial/language/le-a.asp
King on Twitter, talking about Peyton Hillis:
Good get for Cleveland with Peyton Hillis. That’s a Mangini kind of a guy, a Blake Costanzo-, Josh Cribbs-type hard-tryer with some talent.
And somehow, this guy writes for a living.
@ deeznuts: “Dunta Robinson is gone because he was too good.”
I’m going to guess that total number of Houston games you’ve watched in the last two years is somewhere in the neighborhood of zero. Dunta was overrated pre-injury and has been goddamned awful post-injury.
It rained sideways in Connecticut this weekend too. That’s why I stayed inside, Fatso.
Hey Peter, since when did a Nor’Easter apply only to Boston? It rained sideways all across the Northeast. Hence the name. But do excuse the interruption, I wouldn’t want to demean Boston like that. Go on please about your sideways rain.
BUT, it’s still a good signing. (Maybe for a little too much money, but I digress)
Delhomme might be a bad QB now, but he used to be pretty decent and if I recall correctly did QB in a Super Bowl.
Dan Snyder comments on this blog?
“Does every sport have a Peter King, a guy that spreads misinformation and dumbassery like manure on a community garden?”
Slash, I’d like to introduce you to Tim McCarver. And Joe Morgan. And 80% of all network baseball broadcasters.
I’m from Cleveland, so let me just chime in on this whole Delhomme thing.
The Browns are not going to be in the playoffs next year with Jake Delhomme or not. He is likely going to throw a metric ton of interceptions and cost the browns a win or three that they could have had, BUT, it’s still a good signing. (Maybe for a little too much money, but I digress)
Delhomme might be a bad QB now, but he used to be pretty decent and if I recall correctly did QB in a Super Bowl. The Browns have 8 picks in the first three rounds this year (I think, don’t quote me on that), and they will draft a QB in Round 2 or 3, and groom him. It’s not going to be Jimmy Clausen (if it is, I take back everything I’ve said here and quit being a fan), but the line of thinking here is that you give the QB position stability, something the Browns haven’t had in a long time, and you groom a young QB while letting the rest of your about-to-be-young team get experience and grow the next year.
That’s how I see it.
Vick didn’t kill in Atlanta (he did that in VA–sorry, I had to), but it isn’t like the Falcons are/were a historic juggernaut or anything. They haven’t even had back to back winning seasons as a franchise.
Hard to believe Drew didn’t touch the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame rant. Neil Diamond? Dire Straits? The Commodores? (Well, Brickhouse maybe). The thing that gets me is that PK listed The Stooges in the “bad” inductee list. I’m not surprised he doesn’t know who they are, but The Stooges would eat just about anybody alive from his “good” not-inducted list (except maybe Waits who I’m equally surprised he knew).
I’m convinced that these horrible names given to children turn into stories that circumnavigate the globe then back again to the source. My wife knows educators in VA and she was told of this Ladasha girl late last year. Wow, only if we could beat the parents with a meat tenderizing mallet.
Another name that I will throw out there… N-A-C-H-U-R-E. You guessed it…pronounced NATURE. I blame it on Peter King making us all a little bit dumber everyday.
Also, Vick got thumped in the divisional round by the Eagles after both wins, 20-6 the first time and 27-10 the second. Hardly a strong playoff run in either case.
Six more (Chad Pennington, Jay Cutler, Joe Flacco, Matt Ryan, Vick, Daunte Culpepper) have been well worth the pick; Vick, remember, had the Falcons on strong playoff runs early in his career.
Vick, remember, led the Falcons to two playoff wins in six years, both in the first round against mediocre opponents, and in both cases the Falcons got a contribution from Vick of 82 and 117 passing yards, respectively.
Love, love, LOVE the way this entire PK column runs completely counter to the one he wrote just last week saying how worthless free agency is. Choose a position, stick with it. Ass clown.
My GF works for one of the school systems in MD and one of the enrolled student’s names is La-a. Having trouble pronouncing that? Try “Ladasha”. Seriously.
We now know what is on PK’s iPod playlist (KISS, Chicago, Neil Diamond, Yes, Tom Waits, Def Leppard, Dire Straits, The Commodores) and it is exactly as bad as I had anticipated. Seriously that list is “please, please, make it stop, I’ll admit to anything” horrible. Here’s a tip, Petey, Kiss is awful. They have always been awful. They would be completely forgotten at this point if it weren’t for the ridiculous makeup. Want proof? How HOF worthy were Kiss for the 15 years they went without makeup? “Kiss is our biggest musical infuence”… what is something never heard ever, Alec?
If we’ve learned anything for Peter, it’s that the only way to get a quarterback is to pick him up at the airport and compare beards on the way to the team’s facility.
I have seen young children with more mental integrity, toughness and more linear thinking ability after three chocolate cupcakes than Peter King.
Does getting rammed in da butt by Keith Olberamann cause dementia?
Good Lord. PK is just setting his column on a nice tee for Drew now.
“It rained so hard, I got wet even WITH my umbrella!”
I mean, fuck.
This is exactly why you should never doubt worse.
Is it wrong that my mind automatically translated the Simmons line into Tawmmy-speak? “BILL SIMMONS SAYS YOW-AH EVEN MOAH ALONE NOW, KEITH, AND I’LL NEVER GIVE UP THAT OPINION!”
Did LT pout when the waiter took someone else’s order first?
I don’t know; I’m just waiting for KSK’s take on the Brady Quinn trade.
I am still amazed that people would rather submit to major surgery than exercise just a little discipline in their eating habits. That’s major league stupid right there. I’m not the most disciplined person in the world, but when confronted with regular human-size hamburger or double bacon cheeseburger with chili cheese fries and a large double chocolate shake, that’s not even a hard decision.
Fun Fact: In the course of wooing LT, the Jets, including Coach Ryan, took him out for dinner. This was Friday night. Ryan’s lap band surgery was Saturday.
I am seriously concerned for Rex Ryan’s health. He makes this team SO GODDAMN GOOD, but this has me considering sneaking into his house, Godfather style, and leaving a head of lettuce in his bed to scare him into not dying of a heart attack so he can keep coaching the Jets.
Upgrayyed, huh? Is he Dutch? Cuz I knew this exchange student once – Untgrad….
@Slash, if we assume Magnus, Thor, or Bjørn is off the board, then yes, I would prefer Dream-Angel. Plus, have you seen Bianca Wilfork? She doesn’t hear ‘no’ very often.
RE Slothrop Says:
“I don’t know Slash; I might rather be Dream-Angel than Hjørdis, Gjertrud, or Gudrun.”
Really?
rex ryan is god. that is all
Specifically says in the Peter King Guide to Draft Evaluation that getting murdered in your bedroom by home invaders within 5 years of being drafted, no matter how many Pro Bowls you played in nor how respected you were nor the fact you were at least 1 of the 3 best at your position at the time of this awful crime, means you sucked as an NFL player. But 33-year old QBs with histories of choking in a big spot, that commodity teams should overpay for. Or so we are led to believe by this week’s drivel .
Always a great idea to walk around in hurricane-force winds. But when you’re have to have a venti mocha half skim latte with nutme and 3 sugars, screw safety.
Excellent breakdown. I am just disappointed that you didn’t cover how broken up Peter is about Kiss and the Rock and roll hall of fame. Really wanted to see Peter photo shopped as the Starchild
I don’t know Slash; I might rather be Dream-Angel than Hjørdis, Gjertrud, or Gudrun.
At what point does this officially jump the shark? Can we pick a new, non-PK target?
I’m starting to think he’s just fucking with you, Drew. It’s like he takes everything that he knows drives you crazy and consciously makes it juuuuust a little dumber.
Man I had dat lap-band surgery once after a bitch got stuck on my nut.
And last, RE “Kamerion” and “David Dream-Angel Wilfork”:
I think it’s about time we had a law like Norway’s, in regards to naming children. They have an approved list of baby names and if you try to name your kid something fucking retarded, they won’t let you.
For anyone who thinks that sounds too draconian or socialist, let me repeat: David Dream-Angel Wilfork.
As a Bengals fan, I’m sick of national columnists listing Palmer as a great starting quarterback. Especially because they wouldn’t do that if he were black.
“I think I can’t wait to hear Mike Holmgren’s and Eric Mangini’s explanation for paying Jake Delhomme $7 million in 2010. I really can’t wait.
“I was raped in Cleveland a decade ago. Payback is a bitch.””
Reading this in class; I had to walk out, laugh my ass off, and then walk back in. The prof noticed some before I could contain it and thinks I’m hung over and feeling sick.
Bill Simmons is far too classy to take such a cheap shot like that. He’ll get Cousin Sal to do it for him.
“BILL SIMMONS SAYS YOU’RE EVEN MORE ALONE NOW, KEITH.”
I shouldn’t laugh at this. But I did. Really loud. Out loud? MAYBE!
His list of 6 high draft picks no longer with the team that drafted them 6 YEARS AGO is the dumbest thing I’ve read. Teams move on quite quickly. Fine, the four of them probably did not pan out as expected but 7 of the first 8 picks in 2004 made the pro bowl at least once in their careers so far. Two SB winning QBs and 7 more pro bowlers in the 1st round including some guy named Larry Fitzgerald.. And this in the same article where he said that Michael Vick selection was worth it.
I’m surprised he didn’t compare the new coffee to Shocktop, or Cherry Coke Zero.
I do agree with Peter King on Sean Taylor, though.
That reminds me, James Dean and Sal Mineo have really squandered their early potential, too. Ditto Heather O’Rourke and Dominique Dunne. Imagine what all those people could accomplish, if only they applied themselves.