When we last left Bob Costas uber-protector Peter King, he was marveling over the tenacious white man speed of Toby Gerhart, savoring the deliciousness of Shock Top, and imploring you to visit the Indianapolis airport. There’s a shoeshine stand right next to the Hudson News! YOU TELL ME THAT PLACE DOESN’T LEAD THE LEAGUE IN CONVENIENCE!
So what of this week? Will Peter encounter more women breastfeeding in public? Will he offer to lend a teat? Will he learn more things from Gil Brandt? Did you know Rhode Island is NOT an island? How about that? And will we hear more about that crazy Boston weather? Sometimes it’s rainy and sunny on the same day! Bonkers! Read on…
Free agency is overrated
So true. Except that the current Super Bowl champions have a quarterback that they signed in free agency who helped make the team good, contributed untold amounts of money and personal time to reviving his new city, and has the power to heal dying puppies.
One… point about the value of splurging: In 2008, as a precursor to their Super Bowl seasons, Arizona and Pittsburgh signed no one from other teams in the first two days of free agency. In 2009, as a precursor to their Super Bowl seasons, New Orleans and Indianapolis signed no one from other teams in the first two days of free agency.
However, the Saints did sign Darren Sharper later on in free agency, who turned out to be a DPOY candidate. But overall, FREE AGENCY IS TOTALLY LAME.
That’s the thing about free agency: We celebrate it like it’s a huge event, like if you get nothing done the opening 72 hours, your season’s down the drain.
Who does this? Who’s this “We”? Oh, you mean STUPID fans. And Dan Snyder, who is also a stupid fan in his own way.
There’s a clarion call out there, and it’s screaming: Free agency is vastly overrated.
No. Free agency is NOT overrated. Free agents can be overrated and often are. The actual process of releasing players onto the open market? Not so much. OMG THE ARBITRATION PROCESS IS SOOOO OVERHYPED.
Again, the Saints are currently world champs because they, you know, signed a very good free agent QB. And the Vikings made the NFC title game with half their starters imported from other teams (including their QB). So no, free agency itself is not overrated. But Al Haynesworth is!
The Cardinals, more and more, are taking on a Steeler persona.
Look at how Pittsburghish they are!
Jim Schwartz must be one heck of a texter.
Look at his THUMB DISCIPLINE!
I praise, I criticize, I wonder. The Bears and Ravens get noticed.
I praise. I criticize. I uber-walk. I hug. I cradle. I propel. I, robot. I, Claudius. I rannnnn, I ran so far awayyyyyyy…
There’s a reason Albert Pujols is good, and Bill Parcells finds it out.
Is it because he hits lots of home runs and has a great OBP? No way! I never would have guessed that. Thank you, coach Parcells. LIGHT: BROUGHTETH.
You know what I learned from the Saints’ Super Bowl DVD? The reversal of the two-point conversion catch by Lance Moore was spot on by ref Scott Green –and Sean Payton loves him some Juicy Fruit.
Coach Payton is gonna move ya! He steals some wine… he gets right to ya! Coach Payton… the coach the coach the coach is gonna moooooooooove ya!
I’m not sure it’s going to work, but it’s can’t be much worse than the old days, when the Redskins won the NFL offseason championship every year but precious little else. Shanahan, the Redskins’ coach with the power, and Allen, the new general manager, worked on a long-term plan for the team in their first month on the job and gave it to Snyder just before the Super Bowl. “He said, ‘Good. Do what you guys think is best,’ ” Allen said Sunday.
Snyder then he batted down his right arm repeatedly, which acts as its own independent claw that does VERY EVIL THINGS like offer Clinton Portis a $25 million contract extension. He then had the arm strapped to a folding table, and asked Vinny Cerrato to sing lullabies to it to calm it down.
Schwartz, VandenBosch’s former defensive coordinator in Tennessee, flew to Nashville last Thursday to recruit him. Schwartz said as soon as his watch showed 11 p.m. local time (free-agency began at midnight Eastern), he was close to VandenBosch’s home and sent him this text message:
I could be anywhere in the country tonite, but I am here in Nashville to see you. Can I get a half hour tonight or tomorrow morning?
Schwartz
VandenBosch invited him into the house, and he stayed until the player agreed to come to Detroit, essentially.
I could be anywhere, Kyle. But I’m here, outside your bushes, staring through your window, watching your wife toss on the biggest pair of granny panties I ever saw. What kind of briar patch is that gal hidin’? COME TO DETROIT.
The three best decisions teams made in free-agency over the weekend:
1. The Bears being bold.
You know what’s overrated? Free agency, especially when teams sign players for big money right out of the gate. In other news, HOW BOUT THE BEARS! WHAT A SIGNING!
What choice did they have? I’m not in favor of free-agent spending sprees because they rarely bear fruit. But even though Julius Peppers is an overrated player, he clearly was the best player on the open market, and the Bears have no picks in the first two rounds of the April draft, and they had to do something to improve a sinking team.
I think free agency is dumb. I think Julius Peppers isn’t that good. But I applaud the Bears for doing something stupid anyway! YOU GOTTA DO SOMETHING!
The three worst decisions teams made:
2. New England not moving aggressively to get a receiver.
WE COULD HAVE DRAFTED PERCY HAHHHHHVIN! Belichick is slippin’! I should be named VP of Cawmmon Sense, becawse I’m the only smahhht person around! I HATE THE COEN BROTHERS EVEN THOUGH I NEVAH SAW BIG LEBOWSKI AND ONLY WAWTCH RAWCKY FARRRR AWN A CONTINUOUS LOOP!
/eats at Dunkin Donuts, brags about this for some reason
I can see Julian Edelman doing a fine impersonation of Welker…
Not as good as my impression of him! “Durrr I’m Wes Welker and I run hard after that catch and stuff.”
Quote of the Week I
“I have seven kids that live in five different states. I made some wrong decisions in my first two years in the league. Now I have to take on the responsibility of being a father to my kids. I can separate my personal life and off-the-field issues from football … The mothers [and I] try to work out a schedule where I can see my kids. I talk to them on IChat and Skype. We try to find different ways for me to be in their lives, no matter how it is.”
n Antonio Cromartie, traded from the Chargers to the Jets on Thursday night, on some of his off-the-field issues that spurred San Diego to jettison him.
Gah! Skype! Why didn’t I think of that?
/leaves wife and kids
/talks to kids on Skype once a week
/Closes Skype three minutes into call because the vid is choppy
Now THAT is parenting.
Quote of the Week III
“I’m proud of my players for doing that. This was the best team-building exercise we have ever done.”
– Texas A&M-Commerce football coach Guy Morriss, a former coach at Kentucky and Baylor and a longtime NFL player, who, in a police incident report, supported his players’ removal of every copy of the student paper from campus outlets after the East Texan reported two of Morriss’ players were arrested on drug charges.
The theft and disposal of a reported $1,100 worth of college newspapers angers me because I worked up to 10 hours a day for much of three years at The Post, Ohio University’s independent student paper…
Oh, to read Peter back in those days:
-Coffeenerdness: You call THAT coffee, Boyd Dining Hall? More like coffee-flavored Schlitz! Harvey Greene Sr., director of Boyd’s beverage services, should be ashamed of himself.
-Call me crazy, but I think women might really grow to like this birth control pill!
-Look, just because everyone is protesting the war, and just because soldiers are dying by the truckload, and just because there seems to be no way to get out of this war with a victory, does NOT mean the war is somewhat unpopular. That’s absurd to suggest. NOT A PATTERN!
-I typed this article on my SmithCorona Air!
-I see a lot of my fellow students lying out in the sun. WHERE IS THE RESPECT?
I know the effort that goes into putting out a newspaper, regardless of the size or scope, and if school fathers at Texas A&M-Commerce have any guts, they’ll sanction Morriss and his players seriously for this act of abject theft of school property. Shame on you, Guy Morriss.
How DARE you steal a newspaper no one reads and is effectively now organized garbage?
Factoid of the Week That May Interest Only Me
Last Monday, Dolphins president Bill Parcells, a huge baseball fan, stopped by the Cardinals’ training facility in Jupiter, Fla., before going to the office. It was 6:50 a.m., and Parcells went looking for his good friend Tony LaRussa. Parcells walked by the Cards’ weight room. There was one man there. Albert Pujols.
“And he hadn’t just gotten there either,” Parcells said. “He was working hard, sweating. There’s a reason why the great ones are great.”
This just in: Great players work very hard. Join us next week when Coach Parcells calls you a nip faggot and tells you that great players also have PASSION.
Enjoyable/Aggravating Travel Note of the Week
This was the aggravating part of my weekend:
My Braun coffee grinder broke! Can you believe that? Like watching a child being scalped.
My wife and I went to New Jersey to see friends and run some errands over the weekend, and I wanted to see how the new Giants Stadium was looking. So we dropped down onto the Turnpike, got off at construction-addled Exit 16W onto route 3 west for the 10-minute jaunt to Montclair, and immediately I felt it. Guy on my tail. Really on my tail. I’m driving 45 in the middle of three lanes, keeping with the flow, and he angrily weaves to the right, bursts past and, with not enough room to get ahead of me, weaves back to the right, taps his brakes and I tap mine and we all drive on. Aaaah. Back in Jersey!
GTFO. A man tailgated you? IN NEW JERSEY? The hell you say. And to top it all off, there was TRAFFIC. Why is Obama focused on health care when this is what’s happening at the grass roots level? THIS IS A PROBLEM IN AMERICA RIGHT NOW.
This was the enjoyable part of the weekend: having lunch with Paul Zimmerman and his wife Linda in Morris Plains, N.J., Saturday. Matt Millen came over from eastern Pennsylvania to eat with us…
NO, MATT! DON’T DISCONNECT THAT FEEDING TUBE! GAHHHHHHHHHHH YOU KILLED DR. Z YOU BIG FAT MAN!
…and it was great to see Millen and Zim sit next to each other, with Millen spinning some of the craziest yarns I’d ever heard.
“And then, this one time, I destroyed a city’s spirit! Just because I could! BAHAHAHAHA!
(Next time you see Millen, ask him about helping a cow give birth on his neighbor’s farm. That’s a keeper.)
Oh, it’s great story. It happened on a Wednesday during the first week of the 2005 season. Wednesday was always Millen’s designated Farm Day.
Anyway, the story goes like this: This cow was giving birth, and Millen was asked to catch the calf. So he did, only he wrapped the umbilical cord around the calf’s neck by accident and it died. Then he kicked over a lantern and started a fire that destroyed $2 billion in local property. HILARIOUS.
I admire the Panthers for firing Jake Delhomme.
Way to cut a shitty player a year too late, guys!
Good to see, by the way, John Fox. You’ve been Mr. Recluse.
Someone has not been answering my texts! Do I have to send Jim Schwartz to hide in your shrubbery, Foxy?
Chester Taylor will be the best thing that ever happened to Matt Forte.
It’s true! Think of all the stress that Forte will get rid of by not playing for 70% of the game.
I think this is a good get for UMass-Lowell: The commencement speaker for the Class of 2010, on May 29 at 10 a.m., is Roger Goodell.
What a coup. It would be even more of a coup if Goodell wasn’t the type of person who puts you into a Level 8 coma within four seconds of opening his mouth. I’d rather see Gunnar Nelson do a guest spot in the booth. AFTERRRRR THE RAIN!
I think we all have to be careful about rushing to judgment on Ben Roethlisberger after he was accused of sexual assault by a 20-year-old woman in Milledgeville, Ga., near where Roethlisberger has an offseason home. It’s the second time in seven months that a charge of sexual assault against Roethlisberger has come to light, the first coming from a Nevada woman last July.
So without being judgmental…
Let’s be judgmental!
…if Roethlisberger is without fault, it still is utterly preposterous that he puts himself in these situations.
Let’s not be judgmental about Big Ben in the wake of these allegations, but for real. What a fucking retard.
This Super Bowl was a win as much for the community and Saints Nation as it was for the team. And though NFL Films touches on that several times in the sometimes transfixing video (interviewing local luminaries like Anne Rice about the meaning of it…
Oh, Christ. Anne Rice. “I’ll only let you people interview me if you put me some kind of dark, abandoned church. And I get to wear black, and intimate the close links between vampires and sexual repression! OOOOOOOH SCARY VAMPIRE GOTHNESS!”
(Sean) Payton to an inactive player late in the (Super Bowl): “I want a piece of Juicy Fruit! Is this Juicy Fruit? … It’s good.”
It’s gonna moooooooove ya… down the field!
I think I haven’t spoken to one coach or personnel man in the last three days who thinks Seattle would be smart to deal the sixth pick in this draft for Brandon Marshall. It just makes no sense. He’s a great player, potentially, but you’re giving up a cornerstone pick in the best draft in years and paying an incendiary player at least $8 million a year on a long-term deal. No question Marshall could justify the faith if Pete Carroll shows it in him. But the operative word there is “could.”
Could Brandon Marshall be a success? I don’t know. Is he worth the sixth pick? I doubt it. MAYBE. Does he like throwing bricks at women? MAYBE. Has the US Army developed some kind of supergun made only of barley and flint? It could be, but I emphasize that COULD. A legitimate 40 percent chance of couldness.
Disappointing big, big, big episode of “The Office.”
WHERE WAS MORE NARD DOG?!
One: Pam is too smart and too caring about her child to be so crazy to delay her trip to the hospital for the dumb reason that she uses, over and over again. Two: Dwight’s the best, but doing what he does because he sees a spot of mold? Don’t buy it. Three: It’s not funny.
Whoa, whoa. Wait a second. People on “The Office” not behaving as they might in the real world? Characters wildly acting out of character? Well, that’s not the show I’ve grown to love and then quickly grown indifferent to!
Great to be back in my Upper Montclair Starbucks for a while over the weekend, and to see so many familiar faces.
Mitch Puin! Oil man! That German guy who takes Der Spiegel to the can! They’re all still here! WHAT A MOMENT.
The more things change, the more they stay the same: Martin’s still the mayor of the place.
Martin who? Who cares! It’s the Montclair Starbucks, people. First-name basis with everyone in this place. It is my Cheers. Amanda Bowers! Is that you?!
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A couple of ribbon shortcuts..decorations remember every hay bale counts as one, the architect ribbon, rest tents are cheap and also each counts as one building. the gifted not spoiled, just leave gifts in your gift box, it only counts one of each type so if you have more than one of something in there use it or sell it.
Thanks for providing this great read. Check out mine!
i imagine it was a bit rushed, and overlooked some features that not many individuals speak about. Everybody knows that the majority new smartphones have internet, so why show that fundamental function at its bear minimum. Scroll up scroll down zoom in zoom out. Really? which new cellphone doesnt do this? How bout speak about how the text rearranges itsself. Also the texting, very poor review. Why didnt you mention you should utilize the mic and text together with your voice? Disregarded ALOT of different more necessary features
They have, Hintzy, but I think it’s pretty expensive.
http://www.defenseindustrydaily.com/images/LAND_MTVR_Tractor_w_Flatbed_Trailer_lg.jpg
Wait, let’s take this one to the whiteboard:
PK is in the middle lane on a 3-lane highway.
The alleged “tailgater” (more accurately, person trying to drive normally) is behind you, therefore, also in the middle lane.
You state that he moves to the right.
Passes you.
And again, moves to the right.
Doesn’t that put him in the wall?
But seriously, you guys yell at PK for driving too slow. In his defense, have they built a car yet with enough horsepower to move him faster than 45?
Why is Obama focused on health care
***************************************************************
Why indeed.
Peter King is so different. The gal of this man for being so damn quasi-interesting.
The thing that got me is that PK claims that the college kids taking the newspapers were committing a $1000 theft! I don’t know how they do things in the other side of the country, but isn’t EVERY student newspaper FREE?!? Man, is PK a moron!
Perhaps PK would like to move to lovely South Florida, where the speed limit is considered some sort of hypothetical barrier that can never actually be reached, and in fact a thing that is dangerous to even contemplate approaching. 45 in a 65 is par for the fucking course around here. Should he make his way down here, I will be pleased to swerve rapidly around him and give him the finger while shouting incoherently.
/refuse to switch my Jersey plates for a Florida one
Well I can’t argue with the poor performance of that free agent WR class, but Peter King saying vocally decrying free agency as unimportant is just lazy. While, no, no one in the NFL builds a team anew via free agency, key players are added and they can make huge impacts. Drew cited a couple. A big example is the 2007 Patriots (insert Bill Simmons joke), who transformed their offense via free agency. Speaking of the 18-1 Patriots, Plaxico Burress was also a free agent. So, yeah. These things matter.
My problem is PK’s own example in which the STARTING QUARTERBACK of one of the team’s was a free agent. James Harrison, who made one of the biggest plays in Super Bowl history IN THAT GAME, was a free agent.
This is very Easterbrook-like (although I’m sure every windbag sports radio host is guilty of this) in that it’s a blanket statement that’s meant to be provocative but is easily refuted and meaningless. It betrays a laziness; Peter King would rather complain loudly than get into the nitty gritty of player acquisitions.
Why oh why does he write everything in that stupid boilerplate “serious sports story” narrative style. “Shaun Alexander was on his third bowl of fruit loops when the phone rang. It was Dan Synder, who wanted to offer the faded star running back not only a roster spot, but a second act.”
“And then, this one time, I destroyed a city’s spirit! Just because I could! BAHAHAHAHA!”
–I can’t be the only one who reads this imagining Matt Millen with Ted DiBiase’s laugh.
none of the eight made the Pro Bowl, none of them had 80-catch seasons.
But on that shitty team, T.J.’s 79 catches look pretty good. He might be the exception to all the other shit on that list.
I don’t want to over-chart you, but check out this list of the top-paid wide receivers in free agency last year, and what happened to them:
Free Agent Wide Receivers On The Open Market
Player Team 2009 Earnings Receptions Yards TDs 2010 Team
Antonio Bryant Buccaneers $9.8 million 39 600 4 Unemployed
Laveranues Coles Bengals $9.75 million 43 514 5 Unemployed
Nate Washington Titans $7.8 million 47 569 6 Titans
Michael Clayton Buccaneers $7.5 million 16 230 1 Bucs
T.J. Houshmandzadeh Seahawks $7.5 million 79 911 3 Seahawks
Terrell Owens Bills $6.5 million 55 825 5 Unemployed
Brandon Jones 49ers $5.4 million 1 18 0 49ers
Torry Holt Jaguars $3.5 million 51 722 0 Unemployed
Eight players who struck it rich, who combined to earn $58 million last year — and none of the eight made the Pro Bowl, none of them had 80-catch seasons.
There’s a clarion call out there, and it’s screaming: Free agency is vastly overrated.
The three worst decisions teams made:
2. New England not moving aggressively to get a receiver.
Look at all these WRs who were a complete waste of money, only a fool would throw free agency dollars at a WR. Furthermore the early days of free agency never bear fruit, all the best teams don’t make a splash early……..New England you have no clue, why haven’t you signed a WR in the first couple of days of free agency.
Wow… your Wes Welker imitation is spot-on.
- I can remember when we didn’t care so much about celebrity. Sure, we had our Redford and Newman, two stalwarts of American cinema, but they were ours and we didn’t go prying into their lives. It’s a shame that a guy as caring as Roman Polanski is given such a hard ride by the press.
- Iron Man, don’t get it. Robert, why are you wasting your time. Loved you in Chaplin.
- tea is a delicious alternative to coffee
- I cannot find a pair of jeans that fit anymore. It must be the young urban hipsters.
And if PK says he was going 45, then you know it was probably closer to 30. Death penalty for people who drive like this should be standard. You know the only reason he was in the center lane instead of the right lane is because he’s a scared, old, pussy who doesn’t know how to merge with traffic.
Does anyone else think King is becoming an old curmudgeon?
- Why doesn’t anyone use the T-formation anymore?!
- Jim Harbaugh – now he was a quarterback!
- The AFL never should have merged!
- I remember when cheerleaders didn’t dress like whores!
- These contracts are absurd. Players should be paid a flat rate of $32 a week!
- No one remembers how great the Steelers were in the 70s!
Matt Millen plays Farmville on Facebook, and Peter King uses his column to give updates on Millen’s Farmville updates. None of this surprises me in the least.
You know that the offseason was when PK took the time to travel the world and study on the best coffees around. Now he’s forced to do his job all year round (like the rest of us) and he has to settle for whatever swill is around.
No wonder he can only do 45 in Jersey.
Does anyone else think King is becoming an old curmudgeon?
– I don’t see the big deal with the combine
– Bhah. Free agency weekend is pointless.
– (One month from today) Why does everyone get excited for the draft. It’s not important, now go get me some prune juice
@85
plus one million. Strokey!
Am I the only one who has begun talking in mock-PK speech? I just had a package arrive and thought to myself that UPS leads the league in punctuality. That delivery defined clutch.
Yeah that driving 45 shit applies to pretty much any highway in Jersey. I do 45 down my block. Jesus fucking Christ PK, with all the Favre protein you’ve swallowed,I figured you’d be a little less fat and hence more nimble about driving.
Damn Drew, did you have another Oscar party and let PK cater it?
And that’s what happened to my Yugo. He ate it. Blood raw.
“Reminds me of the the chick from “Precious” at the Oscars, where they put sat at the end of the aisle so that she could span two chairs.”
And here all this time I thought I was looking at the McDonald’s new – look Grimace
The incident on Route 3 never would have occurred if Peter had just let Ross Tucker drive.
I am not sure whether PK’s Montclair Starbucks is the one on Bloomfield Ave attached to the Whole Foods or the one in Upper Montclair, but either way he should be doing no less than 45 mph in the parking lot. 45 in the middle lane of Route 3 is grounds for summary execution
with Millen spinning some of the craziest yarns I’d ever heard.
“…and that old dipshit Ford thought I was fucking serious! So, we ended up taking another receiver. Hell if I was going to let a chance at a prank like that slip by! Am I right, Strokey?”
(Sean) Payton to an inactive player late in the (Super Bowl): “I want a piece of Juicy Fruit! Is this Juicy Fruit? … It’s good.”
Only PK could find these inane details interesting.
Sadly, it appears this is the extent of his journalistic ability.
Further King on Big Ben:
“If Roethlisberger is at fault, the issues are entirely different. If he’s at fault, he has got to grow up. So we’ll see.”
King, you fucking douche. If he’s at fault, he needs to go to jail. At 28, they probably shouldn’t be giving you a second do-over for rape.
What a fat-tastic fucking moron King is.
not that this has anything to do with peter king, but i thought people might be interested in who rothlisberger hired as his lawyer
http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/story/13029024/roethlisberger-hires-lawyer-who-represented-ray-lewis?tag=headlines;other
The more things change, the more they stay the same: Martin’s still the mayor of the place.
Ah, that Martin. What a character! Wait … you don’t regularly visit the Starbucks in Upper Montclair, NJ, dear reader? Well then you can fuck the fuck off!
Is it just me, or has Drew toned these down since he became pen pals with Peter King?
OK, I know some people here already commented on this:
“I’m driving 45 in the middle of three lanes…”
But man, seriously?! ONLY 45 in the middle lane? In Jersey you can shoot a cocksucker for driving that slow and no judge in the state would convict you.
In defense of the Sportsguy, I’ve never watched “The Sopranos” for the sole reason of frustrating my fellow KSK commentors. Nate Newton’s Van has repeatedly threatened to boycott my comments, but I feel sure he’s bluffing.
@JLWhite – absolutely right. “I think I haven’t spoken to one coach or personnel man in the last three days who thinks Seattle would be smart to deal the sixth pick in this draft for Brandon Marshall”…I also think I haven’t spoken to one coach or personnel man who thinks it would be a good idea for me to pay a hobo to smash my balls with a claw-hammer and leave me for dead.
Join us next week when PK does a straw-poll on replacing his coffee-creamer with bleach.
I have a lunch date scheduled with Matt Millen on the Manning’s front porch to hear about this cow birth. We’ll see if Archie can’t one up him.
Hate to say it, but he’s right about Ben. It only takes about a 3 week stretch of no football games or practices for that jackass to screw up royally. He seems to make poor choices regardless of whether or not the allegations have any merit.
I don’t think it’s right to put up a picture of Monkey Business.
/talks to kids on Skype once a week
/Closes Skype three minutes into call because the vid is choppy
Now THAT is parenting.
Drew, I think Ray Lewis owes you a T-shirt.
@otto..listeners also bought danger danger and kip winger..please kill me
i went to itunes and downloaded after the rain..
You fool! You could have gone to any dental hygienist and heard it for free!
As others have said, that stretch of Route 3 is like a scene from “Mad Max” come to life. When Honda puts a tailgunner spot in the 2011 Accord, it’ll be with that road in mind.
I’m surprised Driving Miss Farve actually lived to tell the tale.
The Office is still on? There’s a reason the original only ran for 14 episodes.
And speaking of Florio, I’m pretty sure he has a twitter alert set up for his name. Either that or a bunch of spies who report any usage of his name.
damn you Drew..i went to itunes and downloaded after the rain..
“I think free agency is dumb. I think Julius Peppers isn’t that good. But I applaud the Bears for doing something stupid anyway! YOU GOTTA DO SOMETHING.”
Every Monday at lunch I impatiently open KSK to get to ‘Fun With Peter King,” and it’s always the same…I read, I laugh, and then the reality hits me that this ridiculous, Fat Fuck gets paid an obscene amount of money…and I go and throw up in front of the smokers gathered outside the door.
What a douche.
1. For weeks he has been saying the Pats needed to resign Vince Wilfork for them to have any chance of a good offseason, I think he even ranked him as the #1 free agent/potential free agent over the weekend. They signed him on Saturday for 40million and on Sunday PK writes about they didnt ink a…5th string veteran wide receiver??
2. The best part about his Bears discussion is that theres a chart earlier in the column, which when he analyzes he calls Chester Taylor an aging RB, in decline, whatever…then two pages later he has a picture of him and awards the Bears his best FA winner award and talks about Chester Taylor is an ideal guy to spell Matt Forte
I think I haven’t spoken to one coach or personnel man in the last three days who thinks Seattle would be smart to deal the sixth pick in this draft for Brandon Marshall.
Because that, in fact, would be fucking retarded, and there’s like a 0.00000000000001% chance of it happening; either the Seahawks work out a trade with Denver, or they walk away. If Peter had to ask numerous people to find out that this unlikely scenario is a bad idea, then he’s even more retarded than I thought.
Nice picture of the fat dude. Reminds me of the the chick from “Precious” at the Oscars, where they put sat at the end of the aisle so that she could span two chairs (seriously… they did).
/ Kevin Smith’d
Holy cow, going that slow on that section of route 3 is asking to get shot. By a State Trooper. Who will then get a medal.
Props for the Gunnar Nelson reference. That’s lofty pop culture work there
If that little taste of NJ driving annoyed Peter, it’s really clear he’s never once driven in Boston.
The Cardinals, more and more, are taking on a Steeler persona.
No more evident than by the fact that a probable rapist will be under center next year.
1. The Bears being bold.
Peppers! Cutler! They’re the Peet’s Italian Roast of giving truckloads of cash to guys who are certain to be colossal disappointments! Quasi-Snyderesquianish!
I live in Montclair and am very familiar with that stretch of Rte 3. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that NO ONE would possibly be going slower there than the 65 speed limit, and if PK was actually doing 45 in the middle lane, the weaver is the one who should have been pissed. Unbelievable.
For the record…nothing in the world like running your hand up a girl’s thigh and hitting that granny panty…it just keeps going. Like a satin desert.
Florio would like us to feel shame too.
Only after Adam Schefter wants us to feel it.
God ruins everything!
Anne Rice found God and doesn’t write about sexually repressed vampires anymore. I know this because my wife, who’s a big Anne Rice fan, hisses whenever she hears a mention of her anymore.
Hey PK, that was me that cut you off.
You are to drive no less than 55, the speed limit, on Route 3. NO LESS THAN 55!! STOP LOOKING AT THE STADIUM AND GO!!
I think I’ve figured out why Peter King doesn’t like the combine and free agency. Because the bigger deal fans make about it, the more he is pressured by SI to do actually his job and report stuff.
“Goddamnit you people, don’t you realize the real story here is that some guy I know thinks Peyton Manning is a real competitor? Or that Marriott hotel coffee is god-awful? Why do you people make me endure the annoyance of first-class air travel?!?”
Jim Schwartz is coming along nicely as a Lions head coach. Year 1 is all about surveying the damage but remaining optimistic (hence he’s willing to put in some effort to get a free agent), Year 2 is when the mounting and seemingly unconnected string of problems will begin to crack him, and Year 3 . . . well, by Week 5 he’ll be standing on the sideline swearing at himself for having ruined his career. The Lions have turned tougher men than you into punchlines, Mr. Schwartz. Marinelli was an ex-Marine who once wrestled a bear, look at him now. Bobby Ross actually lost the will to live. Beware, beware.
Sean Payton goes through a lot of Juicy Fruit because the flavor lasts about 15 seconds before it tastes like ash. That gum blows.
Great job, Drew, as always. Also enjoyed the part of this week’s column when PK praises Snyder for not going crazy in (apparently irrelevant) free-agency by restraining his desire to sign Chad Clifton and instead going with Artis Hicks. Since when is it praiseworthy to address crippling line problems by signing someone who couldn’t oust Anthony Herrera or Ryan Cook from their starting jobs? “Look, Snyder has gone from spending huge amounts of money on overrated players to paying slightly-above-market for mediocre ones! Progress!”
I suspect at some point, Simmons will treat Lebowski like he did The Wire, which he discovered in time Season Four.
I think I’ve figured out why Peter King doesn’t like the combine and free agency. Because the bigger deal fans make about it, the more he is pressured by SI to do actually his job and report stuff.
In the good old days, PK had 5 straight months of vacation. And now he has to work. We should be ashamed of ourselves for caring so much about the combine. Florio would like us to feel shame too.
How can Anne Rice be a local New Orleans luminary when she moved away in 2005?
As per usual, the moral of this story is fuck Bill Simmons.
first for fatty