It doesn’t take a rocket surgeon…
03.10.10
According to some guy on Twitter that no one has ever heard of, the scores from this year’s Wonderlic test have been leaked. The Wonderlic is given to potential draftees to supposedly gauge aptitude and problem solving. Here are some of the scores:
Sam Bradford – 36
Colt McCoy – 25
Jimmy Clausen – 23
Tim Tebow – 22
Some pundits are taking this to mean that Tebow isn’t smart enough to play quarterback in the NFL. Pardon my French, but that’s a load of you-know-what. Tebow is magna cum laude when it comes to “football smarts. “ These egg-heads would rather have Stephen Hawking quarterbacking their team. Gimme Timmy T any day!
NOTE: That’s right, I’ve returned to the site I helped found in 2006. The guys told me years ago that the door was open for me to return anytime I wanted, but I’m pretty sure they thought they’d seen that last of me. I had to leave for career reasons, but I am now ready to start anew. Right now I’m poring through the KSK archives to catch up on everything I’ve missed. It’s great to be back!
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![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/08/footsteps_falco1-150x150.jpg)
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Couldn’t you have just shelled out the big bucks and brought in JD Salinger?
I mean, you buried Falco, too. I was there. I tried to find the post but am just too damn lazy to see it through.
Who needs Stephen Hawking when you have Ryan Fitzpatrick?
Kevin,
If you are being honest about the 49 Wonderlic score, and that you would be a 36-year old rookie with MS, stay off your phone. The Lions may be trying to call at any moment.
I scored a 49 on the Wonderlic. Draft Me. Ignore the fact that I’ve never played football beyond the backyard after thanksgiving dinner level … and I would be a 36 year old rookie… and I have MS.
Otto Man Says:
March 11th, 2010 at 9:02 am
Seriously, for those of you who want to familiarize yourself with Falco’s work, you should start here:
http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2006/09/live-from-pittsburgh-what-feeling.html
You can end there, too, because that seems to be the only thing in the archives he wrote.
only 4 comments lol
Looks like a news paper in Palm Beach has jumped the gun a little:
http://www.palmbeachpost.com/sports/gators/tim-tebow-scores-below-average-on-nfls-wonderlic-339371.html?imw=Y
A look at the Wonderlic scores of the NFL’s starting quarterbacks:
1. Ryan Fitzpatrick 48
2. Alex Smith 40
3. Eli Manning 39
4. Matt Stafford 38
5. Tony Romo 37
6. Aaron Rodgers 35
6. Matt Leinart 35
8. Tom Brady 33
9. Matt Ryan 32
10. Matt Schaub 31
11. Philip Rivers 30
12. Matt Hasselbeck 29
12. Marc Bulger 29
12. Brady Quinn 29
15. Mark Sanchez 28
15. Peyton Manning 28
15. Drew Brees 28
18. Josh Freeman 27
18. Joe Flacco 27
20. Carson Palmer 26
20. Jay Cutler 26
20. Kyle Orton 26
23. Ben Roethlisberger 25
24. Jason Campbell 23
25. Brett Favre 22
25. Tim Tebow 22
25. Chad Henne 22
28. Bruce Gradkowski 19
29. Vince Young 15
30. Donovan McNabb 14
30. David Garrard 14
Apparently Tebow is already starting in the NFL.
Wonderlick my ass…I wonder what Peyton Manning and Brett Favre’s scores were? I bet they would be off the charts if one of the criteria were tossing picks late costing your team a big game…
All I can think of when I read your name is Falco from Starfox.
@Falco: Welcome back…uh…I never knew ya, but yeah dick joke or something dude.
/been off this week
//also catching up
Didn’t Big Ben get a Chocho Taco stain on his?
Gregggg Easterbrook has already blamed the Jews for Falco’s return…
@otto-
Sounds like PK and Simmons need to start worrying to me. That was…um…yeah.
Seriously, for those of you who want to familiarize yourself with Falco’s work, you should start here:
http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2006/09/live-from-pittsburgh-what-feeling.html
You can end there, too, because that seems to be the only thing in the archives he wrote.
For those who don’t remember Falco — and by that, I mean, everyone — here’s a helpful breakdown that Drew offered in the very first reader mailbag back in 2006:
I’ve guessed the authors of the last 10 articles on KSK just by reading the article title on my RSS feeder, at what point does this streak become scary?
-Brandon
By the title alone is pretty impressive. Actually, it’s not that hard to do it by content. You can usually guess the KSK author by the following criteria:
Drew: Mentions masturbation
CC: Mentions fighting in Iraq. Then mentions it again.
UM: Mentions Jewyness
Punter: Links to donkey porn
Flubby: Mentions hatred of you and the team you root for
Ape: Mentions… Christ, do we have to mention that fucking team again?
Falco: Mentions nothing.
If Halley’s Comet here keeps posting, we might need to revise that last entry. But so far, the rest has held true.
I’m waiting for Sage Rosenfels to return to the staff. Welcome back FF.
Honestly I don’t know who Falco is and I don’t care because I read the bits and never the byline. If you’re funny and contribute then it’s a better place to go. But when the guy with dyed hair (and looks like the gayest person on earth) misses his turn it’s not nearly as funny.
That being said I’m just wondering if there’s a single tangible about Tea-bag? His sheep kept saying he’d show he’s a bona fide NFL qb when he did his wonderlic. We know Marino got a 13 but he was in his weed smoking days. Tea-bag? He’s high on Jesus and the hype machine. I don’t wish ill on anyone (hence my lack of religion) but I won’t mind when he’s giving Christian leadership seminars full-time in a couple of years.
Who knew scraping barnacles off the bottom of boats at National Harbor wasn’t going to be a lucrative job?
To be fair, I think Chad Henne scored a 6 or something.
Hey, Falco.
Bet you could use a cool one.
who?
I hope you don’t get the same cpm share as the rest.
Do I, uh, have to pick a new handle?
I don’t know who this falco is, but i’ll assume it’s a false name for ufford to post under, like Florio has with ‘gregg rosenthal’
Ma used to talk about you, Footsteps.
I don’t remember you cuz I was only 2 when you abandoned my brothers and me and left us alone with her. Left us on the Welfare.
She said you was an “asshole”.
I was 19 before I figured out what that meant.
Asshole, I mean.
/Welcome back, Falco!
//Who are you again?
Tebow believes in God and chose not to get any ass as starting quarterback at a D1 school. How smart can he be?
…so does this mean he’ll just end up shirtless in a gay club?
Eh- so the lowest of the 4 big QBs scores nearly quadruple Radio’s 6 (seriously, Jimmy Clausen and Tim Tebow never struck me as geniuses and they get around 4 times Vince Young’s score- is he actually retarded)? Are we sure Vince didn’t try and kill himself and forget to tie the rope of something?
So a grown man who fervently believes in an all powerful, all knowing deity isn’t totally blessed in the brains department? I am fucking scandalized!
Yeah… but he’s white right?
Nice to see you back, although I’m sorry you lost your job when they plastered over that gloryhole.
You sure you ain’t PK?
Isn’t this post about 24 days too early?
Witness the awkwardness as the purely rhetorical “come back anytime” invite actually gets redeemed.
Come on, it’s not like they stripped his name off the “staff” list on the sidebar or anything …
Oh.
You guys are all a bunch of ass kissers. Falco, don’t aspire to be King. Whatever came out of your ass this morning made more sense than his last column.
“Whoooooooooooo are you? Who who. Who who. I REALLY WANNA KNOW NOW!”
So welcome back or some junk.
I call horseshit…Falco has to be either PK or Simmons undercover. Or…Shanoff…shudder.
Nicely done, TSW. Ape hasn’t gone by the name Footsteps Falco since, oh, before Monkey Business was born.
Alles Klar, Der Kommissar
Liking Peter King will be an incredibly unpopular opinion around these parts. Welcome back otherwise, and my apologies for all of the jokes at your expense while you were away.
Sorry to hear you lost your job. Welcome back to the blog.
Witness the awkwardness as the purely rhetorical “come back anytime” invite actually gets redeemed.
I’ll be over here waiting for Ape to give the “we know we said you could come to dinner, but you frighten the children” speech.
+10 StarterWife
I hear your afraid of quicksand
I believe that’s supposed to be Timmeehh, with a little twitch thown in for good measure. Try to get it right. Sheesh.
Now that’s a name I haven’t heard in a long time… A long time.
Oh hey, I remember you! …sort of… Anyway, hope you catch up soon.
Even JaMarcus Russell scored a 24! Rapisburger landed a 25 (coincidentally also the # of years he’ll be locked up for).
Pfft. Everyone knows Footsteps Falco is a white myth, like Larry Bird and Colorado.
Like I’m going to believe anything Keanu Reeves has to say about intelligence.
You may want to bone up on all those archived posts and get a feel for the general vibe. This reads like Peter King trying to guestblog on KSK.
Not quite, PK would’ve then gone on contradict himself in the following paragraph, sentence, bullet point, roman numeral, tweet or whatever bullshit style his was writing it in.
Are you gay like the other fellas?
Finally, he gets to eat something other than fish heads.
*tale…
Shit. There’s a real Footsteps Falco? I thought that you were just a cautionary tail that the rest of the KSK team told us about to keep us in line.
Uh so…all that bad stuff I said about you in the comments? Yeah, I was just kidding. You’re the best, whoever you are.
He’s alive? And can still type? But now who do we blame for shit when it goes wrong around here?
PK is going to write about this. And get it wrong of course.
Welcome back, Falco.
I wish nothing but the worst for you, Footsteps Falco.
You may want to bone up on all those archived posts and get a feel for the general vibe. This reads like Peter King trying to guestblog on KSK.
Wow, first post back & someone’s already compared me to Peter King! I know “Big Daddy Drew” likes to give him the business, but Peter “The” King is aces in my book.
Welcome back, writer-I-never-knew-existed.
So when is your childish book coming out?
I had to leave for career reasons, but I am now ready to start anew.
Allow me to translate (Now with choose your own ending!!:
“I had to take a real job but:
a) it sucked, so I quit.
b) I sucked, so they fired my ass.
Who?
“Ufford: Maybe he’ll come back from the dead again, like he did for the opening day Pittsburgh bukkake.”
Creepy foreshadowing
Vince Young scored a 6, right?
PS how come Uproxx pulled a Gawker with all their RSS feeds today?
Falco really is the Syd Barrett of KSK.
Welcome back, Falco.
I wouldn’t worry too much about Tebow’s score. The only question he really zeroed on was “What killed the dinosaurs?” because he drew God’s foot squashing a T-Rex from the clouds, Monty Python style.
It’s a trick. Get an axe.
Wow. Falco.
The wonderlic can dere-lick my balls.
@ Cayceecal
Or maybe this is an alternate reality where none of these guys we touched by Leitch
It’s alive!
Good morning, sweet prince.
Err, I thought Falco died in the KSK universe:
http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2007/02/ashes-to-ashes-dust-to-dust.html
Is this like Marvel where people can come back from the dead? If so, I vote for the Sex Cannon to come back for the fifth time
This is disconcerting, the NFL is looking at a work stoppage next year and all of a sudden a “Footsteps Falco” has returned to KSK. The rest of you guys aren’t going on strike, are you?
MY GOD THAT’S FOOTSTEPS FALCO’S MUSIC!
Yeah, predictable and worn out. Fuck you all I’m tired.
Welcome back fucker.