Given Name: Sergio. I wonder if he’s Spanish like that golfer guy. I don’t know much about the Spanish, but I can tell you one thing, their sangria is DELICIOUS! Why drink beer or wine when you can drink a fruit salad with some alcohol in it? I make a mean pitcher of the stuff myself. The secret ingredient is Sprite (shhh!).
Surname: Kindle. You know, like the e-book reader. I got one of these for my birthday, and it’s awesome. Hella awesome. I can go from reading The Sports Guy’s Book of Basketball to Glenn Beck’s Common Sense (scoff if you want, the guy knows his stuff) in like, 10 seconds. Plus I now have every word Dan Brown has ever written at the tip of my fingers.
Story ESPN Will Shove Down Your Throat: Sergio has had his share of problems behind the wheel. There was a DWI arrest in 2007 that cost him three games, and an even more troubling incident within the last year. Apparently Sergio was engaging in what has come to be known as “Texting While Driving” when he hopped a curb and drove into an apartment. This was probably the result of those maddeningly small buttons found on most cell phones. That’s why I do all of my texting on the Kindle. The buttons are much easier to identify while changing lanes at 55. Is there anything this little miracle can’t do?
Mainstream Media Comparison: The nook from Barnes and Noble. But really, there’s NO comparison between the two when you get down to brass tacks.
KSK Comparison: Derrick Thomas. Let that be a lesson to you, Mr. Text-n-Drive!
Who Wants Him: You! Or at least you should. Did you know that you can read other stuff besides books on your Kindle? No joke. Lately I’ve been using mine to get back into the blog world. I don’t really have time to read a lot of sites, but I try to keep up with the big ones. You know, the TBL’s, PFT’s, and Perez’s of the world. The really essential blogs.
Who Will Take Him: The New York Giants. That’s what Kiper thinks, and frankly, that’s all I need to know.
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@ fightoffyourdemons
“Footsteps Falco is the Jackie Harvey of KSK. I love it.”
He is more the Jackie Martling of KSK
/and a Baba Booey to you all
Also, demand a email address so can give him my queer love letters. You motherfucking wankers.
The Gay Mafia’s silence says it all.
@Zachary Says…
and 30% genuflect.
All I can say is you must give some pretty good head.
@Otto-
There’s a list?
I know this is a lame troll by a fake writer, but I’m still gonna overturn your car in the parking lot.
Wait – could Falco be Al Davis the Vampire? Or Al Davis The Undead?
@ H Cuz: Perhaps (and this may seem ridiculous) people around here are able to resist the low hanging fruit.
There have been several comments about Mr. Beck. It seems he’s wandered so far off into lala land that nobody is inclined to defend him.
61 comments and no PoFlaWa over the Glenn Beck comment?
The nook is where it’s at, really.
I don’t really care who’s posting my KSK articles, as long as they get one chuckle. Maybe the standards are too high?
@Suggested Chat Questions: A blog year is like 45 minutes, right?
/shows self out
//showed self out
///has shown self out
Falco is Ben Linus and I am Illana.
/gratuitous LOST reference
//shows self out
I don’t really like TV/Movies/the 80s/famous people who aren’t athletes, so I’ve never heard of “Stripes”.
How dare you put the list in scare quotes, James Harrison.
And how dare you not get an easy “Stripes” reference too.
Easiest troll ever: say the words “Glenn Beck” and watch half the internet start bleeding out of its ass.
hey, i knew glen when he was on the morning zoo in new haven..what i fondly remember as the “BLOW DAYS”..good times…i got nothing else…
@SMK: Yes, I did, dammit. But only because the Post is the NY newspaper equivalent to Glen Beck.
The number of commenters that don’t remember FF makes me feel kind of old in blog years.
Mission Accomplished.
I’d imagine the rest of the Gay Mafia are having a Stonecutteresque meeting to decide what to do about Falco’s return;
Ape: Kill him
Punte: Kill him
BDD (sorry, your the only one large enough to be Mr.T): KILL THE FOOL
I’m sure he’s being completely serious and urging you to buy a kindle.
This blog was desecrating the memory of Chris Henry before he was even in the ground, so you’ll have to get over Derrick Thomas. Or, you know, put everyone who makes Columbine or Unibomber or Planes-into-Buildings jokes on your “list” too.
I must assume there’s some history behind the Falco bashing, since the article itself brought the funny.
Man, Harvey Dent was right. You either die (or vanish inexplicably) a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the fvillian.
You just made the list, 289.
Seriously… and desecrating the memory of Derrick Thomas?
Didn’t his SUV already do that? Ooooh, I thought you said defenestrating…
Hopefully history will repeat itself and Falco disappears for another 4 years
Um, fuckwits griping that folks can’t take a joke…
Ya ever hear of “playing along”?
So when does Falco come up with a zany kskharacter?
I guess it’s true falco. You can never go home again.
Let’s just hope Falco doesn’t handle the Sexbag this week.
/Yes, I know he’s sarcastic, doesn’t mean it’s funny.
Much like Glenn Beck, the commenters here detest agents of change.
Goddamnit! Do I really share reading this blog with such idiots who can’t read through the most blatant sarcasm? Is this the company I keep? Christ people, this is a humor blog. Everything on here is a joke, so why would you think otherwise for this particular post?
You had me chuckling until you dropped that H-bomb. Now you’ve made an enemy sir.
Christ, some of you are retarded. It’s not that subtle, guys.
“Footsteps Falco is the Jackie Harvey of KSK. I love it.”
Does that make BDD the Jean Tisdale?
/ surprised that people are still struggling to recognize Falco as a, “let’s-kill-time-during-the-offseason” KSK joke,
Sports Guy to Glenn Beck to Dan Brown. Yes, I, too, wonder if that was sarcasm.
No, wait. I don’t.
I’d rather read Kige…doing Cosell.
To be clear, were you serious about Beck or saracastic?
At first I thought it was sarcastic, but now……I’m scared for you.
So the golf plays football dressed as a lime?
Where’s the Ramon Guadeloupe tag?
I guess we can forgive him for now because he’s a dirty ese still learning English.
Ungrateful bunch of commenters here. Falco gives us the secret ingredient to his sangria recipe and this is how you treat him? Shameful.
We are a pretty tough crowd, I’ll give you that.
Beck is a jackass.
The running kindle joke is funny.
And kids, the above is why you should pay wholesale for your drugs. Falco paid retail and see what happened.
kiper thinks his hair is getting a first round grade from fans around the country.
The post above on helps point out Footsteps isn’t a true member of the Gay Mafia. Remember what happens when we mock Ape, he comes into the thread all weapons blazing. Punte starts up posting up links to hideous porn. Others take away Sexy Friday. Falco comes in “Ooooh guys I’m sorry sorry, I’ll win you over. What if I sucked it, would that make you like me? Can I suck it pleeeeasseeeee?”
I hope he does get drafted by the Giants and then drops in pass coverage and gets beat for a game-winning TD on a seam pass to Jason Witten just for the NY Post headline “SERGIO KINDLING”.
/admit it, you laughed
Sergio, from Rio? Fattish thin guy
Anybody got a stake? Glenn Beck knows dick about anything…much like PK and Falco.
Somebody get me a shovel and a cement truck, I think it’s time we sent Footsteps back.
I’m no troll, although I’ve spent a night or two under a bridge.
I know my style is a bit different. Bear with me, I’ll win you guys over. I’ll even promise never to mention Glenn Beck again!
I second/third/tenth the cries of “troll”. Trolly troll troll troll.
Troll.
If you have all of Dan Brown’s written words at your fingertips, will you please burn them?
Otto: Glenn Beck clearly knows his stuff. Haven’t you seen the brilliant breakdowns on the chalkboard? I mean, I had no idea Obama was a reverse vampire before I watched Beck! (True story: I got an urgent pleading e-mail from a neighbor, imploring all of us to be against the health care changes, which were a clear violation of our Constitution…the e-mail closed with “If you want to learn more about it, Glenn Beck is doing a one-hour special tonight.” I don’t really talk to that neighbor any more.)
You guys are all getting trolled hardcore by the Gay Mafia.
Derrick wasn’t driving, he was in the passenger seat. Oh unless you were referring to the fact he wasn’t wearing a seatbelt.
Remember kids, click it or ticket!
@porky1:
Does that mean that the funny posts will be written by Larry David?
If so, I’m on board.
Why yes, I am an idiot. Why do you ask?
I believe it should be “why do you ax.” You’re wellcome!
I always thought it was “brass tax”.
Why yes, I am an idiot. Why do you ask?
Insult the guy if you like, but the Derrick Thomas joke is…just wrong.
/going to hell, but at least I’ll have company
I dropped some glowsticks into this pit of sarcasm before rappelling down and I lost sight of them.
Great parody of PK. It is a parody, right? Right?
That was my reaction. But not even PK is dumb enough to say Glenn Beck “knows his stuff.” I mean, that’s just going full retard.
No, I think the alleged return of Footsteps Falco is a delicate trap meant to make us all look like fools. April fools, as it were.
Seriously, praising Glenn Beck’s intelligence and desecrating the memory of Derrick Thomas? You might as well have written “Otto” on a bear trap. Not buying it.
I laughed. Good stuff.
Hey KSK, this is the 2nd time in as many days that this random dude has hacked into your site and posted.
Sergio Valente > Sergio Garcia
yts, I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that it is sarcasm. Then again maybe not. Then again, who cares?
In fairness, he did edit out the “In Soviet Union, Kindle reads YOU!” joke.
Footsteps Falco is the Jackie Harvey of KSK. I love it.
Falco, I think you took the “You sound like Peter King” comment from yesterday the wrong way. Look up the tag “fun with Peter King” on this very site to see whether your readers intended that as a compliment or not.
I mean what’s next? Are you going to argue that Rex Ryan isn’t a gigantic badass? (Note that I use gigantic in the sense of “extreme” as well as the sense of “uses a crane to get out of bed in the morning.”)
uhhh, please tell me this is a joke? Glenn Beck “knows his stuff”? Jebus, founder or not, this is some some seriously weak stuff.
I haven’t read much of Footsteps, but he seems like the Seinfeld of KSK. Works clean, weaves a main topic in and out of side jokes, and is probably rusty after a long layoff. He probably also likes to bang high school girls, but who doesn’t?
Great parody of PK. It is a parody, right? Right?