kafkametamorphosisjoke

Name: Mike Kafka
Age: “Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.”

On Leadership: “By imposing too great a responsibility, or rather, all responsibility, on yourself, you crush yourself.”

On The Importance of Combine Workouts: “Let me remind you of the old maxim: people under suspicion are better moving than at rest, since at rest they may be sitting in the balance without knowing it, being weighed together with their sins.”

On Quarterbacking Philosophy: “A man of action forced into a state of thought is unhappy until he can get out of it.”

On Pocket Presence: “Hiding places there are innumerable, escape is only one, but possibilities of escape, again, are as many as hiding places.”

On Party Life In the NFL: “My peers, lately, have found companionship through means of intoxication – it makes them sociable. I, however, cannot force myself to use drugs to cheat on my loneliness – it is all that I have – and when the drugs and alcohol dissipate, will be all that my peers have as well.”

On Road Beef: “Evil is whatever distracts.”

On the Importance of Proper Crotch Protection: “God gives the nuts, but he does not crack them.”

On Bill Belichick: “One must not cheat anyone, not even the world of its victory.”

On the Possibility of Playing For Rex Ryan: “So long as you have food in your mouth, you have solved all questions for the time being.”

On the Collective Bargaining Agreement: “Tyranny or slavery, born of selfishness, are the two educational methods of parents; all gradations of tyranny or slavery.”

On the Media: “Writers speak stench.”

Fears: “Dread of night. Dread of not-night.”

Immediate Impact: “Hesitation before birth. If there is a transmigration of souls then I am not yet on the bottom rung. My life is a hesitation before birth.”

Down the Road: “A first sign of the beginning of understanding is the wish to die.”