This is the worst week of the year. More than one week after the Super Bowl. The head rush from the Saints win is slowly dissipating. We are now firmly stuck in the middle of yet another deadly offseason, AND THERE ARE STILL MONTHS TO GO. Just brutal. I can’t stand the thought of it.
So let’s try and put off our misery by arguing about who should be Meast of the Year. Plenty of deserving candidates out there, and we’re gonna let you vote. But you can only select from our pool of nominees! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Candidates after the jump:
Darrelle Revis
PROS: Was the real defensive Player Of The Year. Sticks to you like herpes. Made a point of shutting down the league’s most irritating wideouts. PUSSYTUBER.
CONS: First name sounds like the name of a ladies’ shampoo. PETER KING DEEMS IT TOO PERFUMEY.
Chris Johnson
PROS: Zulu Chutlusudufudufgubudsusu set the regular season combined yardage mark. Offensive player of the year. Three runs of 85 yards or more. Great hair. Criminally ignored in the MVP race.
CONS: Fucked your ass in fantasy if you did not own him. Fucking consistently productive asshole.
Drew Brees
PROS: Super Bowl MVP. Saved New Orleans. OR DID NEW ORLEANS SAVE HIM?!!! As of right now, best quarterback in football.
CONS: The Affliction t-shirts
Jay Ratliff
PROS: Fucking brilliant interior lineman who helped turn Dallas’ unit into one of the best in football by the end of the year.
CONS: That roid rage thing he does after any sack. Fucking weak sauce.
Josh Cribbs
PROS: Only good player on decidedly horrendous team until Jerome Harrison somehow appeared. Never have so many people lobbied for one man to become a multimillionaire many times over. Wildcat QB better than all of Browns actual QBs
CONS: Stands out largely because the rest of his team is so glaringly bad
Marmalard
PROS: YA BETTAAAAA VOTE FOR SOMEBODAYYYYYYYYYY! Led Chargers to 11 straight wins. Did so with midget and Whitney Houston as his backfield.
CONS: Choker. Dipshit.
Ray Rice
PROS: Very good, and since Ape isn’t writing this post, there will be no overtaunting of the Ravens here.
CONS: Just kidding. The Ravens can eat hog. And if you’ve never stabbed anyone or run them over with your Bentley, are you REALLY a Raven? I say no.
Michael Oher
PROS: “My God, have you SEEN The Blind Side? It’s FANTASTIC! Sandra Bullock is incredible! I took the kids and we all had a great time!” –Fat lady at your office
CONS: Won’t actually win this
Patrick Willis
PROS: “THIS GUY… Patrick Willis… YOU TALK ABOUT A HITTER!”
CONS: 49ER. Gay.
Darren Sharper
PROS: Spurred defensive revival of Saints. Ball hawk. Uncommonly handsome.
CONS: Not Drew Brees
Vote below. Polls close sometime tomorrow. Least of the Year nominations next week.
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Revis
Compared to all the other community blogs at SBN, Stamped Blue blogs are the worst written and very poorly done. I’ve seen there blogs and many of the words are mispelled and many of their bloggers don’t know that there is football outside of the Colts facility. They think it begins and ends at Indianapolis, so when you speak to them about another team, quarterback, coach, city, everything is like a surprise there and if you disagree they get really, really, really defensive like you just bashed christ or something. Its really weird, like the entire blog is run by the kids from Children of the Corn and he who walks beyond the rows is Peyton Manning. Just terrible, horrible, be thankful you were banned.
What I admire about Revis is his ability to close the door on opportunities for receivers.
@jay16
Wahhhhhhhhh
I wanted to correct some errors from above. I actually did not call any of their bloggers f@gs…Whatever they thought that meant. I said there is another name for people who choose to pick on other people for no reason and that word is F#gs….They said I can’t do that….You go on there…You tell me if you don’t actually hear f-bombs, really nasty laguage from people that don’t agree with either someone new on there or someone like me that has an objective opinion. And lastly I did call 2 or more bloggers that I guess got really offended when I called them trolls because they were known Colts fans that happen to not be one of the 11 people in the cold supporting their team from a Super Bowl loss at an airplane arrival from Miami….C’mon the Colts deserve better then the so called “fans” on that whole site. We need a petition to fire the contributors for lack of professionalism.
I’m happy for the Saints fans. Drew Brees was one of a kind in college and I marveled every time he played Michigan. He has always been great just never was given a legitimate, fair chance to run an offense. Happy belated Super Bowl victory!!
I recently been banned from Stampede Blue for the second time. After the first time I actually apologized and they let me back on but told me in a person email that “I’m warned and that I’m on probation”….Ok?…So I get back on there and I get everyone bashing me, calling me names, swear words, your name it man. If I said anything about Bill Polian resting players these guys would call me everything in the book. Then I got pissed and called two their cherished, beloved bloggers who were ganging up and threatning to ban another blogger for nothing (because on there you can pretty much flag anyone you want) I said indirectly that they were acting like F*Gs….I actually spelled the word just like that and I never singled anyone out. I get this warning that I can’t call people names ? What? Is this a joke? Do they not know they are hippicrites? So I totally give up there anyways they banned me again for I guess I singled two more of their cherished bloggers out on a blog only this time I called them trolls…..Yes thats right trolls and they banned me for it. They totally disgust me as fans of the Indianapolis Colts that I’m truly can’t stand to be a fan of that franchise anymore. They actually turn away fans. Everything that everyone has stated on here is sadly true. There should be a petition to actually ban the people that make that site because I can’t believe they speak for all of the fans, they make it sound like Indianapolis has shitty people. I personally attacked another blogger?…Wait a minute isn’t that what their bloggers do to everyone else especially the contributors who run that stupid site. You can’t have an objective point of view on there if they don’t know you or you personally haven’t kissed this Skank n Bake, Dick Richard, BBS, peytonisurdaddybutIdon’tknowmine,and many other trash personalities that roam that site. They actually are a disgrace to a public forum….They don’t practice what they preach since only 11 fans show’d up for the Colts airplane arrival and none of them bloggers actually attended…..For that alone they should be exiled from the earth…
I voted Revis, because CB is probably the most inherently measty position, and the dude was a beast.
No Hines Ward?
Isn’t Rex Ryan the definition of “meast”?
/legit laughs out loud at “mouth breathers”
somebody, without calling him a fucking idiot to his face, wanna tell nate newton’s van that the word is spelled “y’all”?
You low-brow caveman retards, Gregg Easterbrook says that football awards should only go to white lineman and tight ends. His Non-RB-Non-QB-Non-Minority-Non-Jewish Meast of the Fiscal Year is a 3-way tie between Jeff Saturday, Mike Scifres, and Keith Olbermann.
I’m with English Jay. But then, I’m also a huge, gay-for-Nick-Mangold-level Jet homer.
Were I not, I could see voting for Zulu or the Rice feller, too.
I’m going to put myself up for mocking for mentioning this, but why no love for Aaron Rodgers? Dude got sacked 35+ times and still put up more fantasy points than any other player.
Ape – that’s understandable. Sad thing is, most of the rest of SB Nation is quality stuff
My mom has a crush on Darren Sharper. AKA “The cute one with the dimples”.
Thanks D#.
I elected to abstain when I saw Hunter Hillenmeyer didn’t make the list.
Copspeed all the way!
I voted for Darrelle Revis, guys, and here’s why you should too.
True Meastiness is not about the stats you put up, it’s about your Meast levels. Cop Speed is pretty Measty, I’ll give you that, but what he did isn’t anything special in the grand scheme of the game. LT ran for a shitload of touchdowns. Purple Jesus got loads of yardage. Beef Moe had a kickass nickanme. Cop Speed is treading grounds already trod. Revis Island, on the other hand, proved his Meastiness by doing nothing short of dicking all over every receiver put up against him. He took on the cream of the NFL receiving crop including the best receiver in the league (Andre Johnson) and pissed all over their reputations. He did not give a shit who the opposition played, he locked them down. That’s Measty.
I wanted to vote for Hines Ward.
@ jackin4beats:
Teddy Pendergrass:
PRO: His voice made women throw their panties at the stage.
CON: This happened at midnight “ladies only” show where he wore a dress.
Awesome voice none the less.
My heart (homerism) wants to vote for Ced Benson. My brain tells me that is fucking retarded.
Willis, because he is the best line backer in the league and Im a homer
I know Rex Ryan can’t be Meast, but can there be a coach of the year just so I can have my methadone hit of the Greatest Coach Alive?
Poor P-Willie will never get the credit he deserves unless that team makes the playoffs. Best 4-3 MLB in the NFL, and he’s really early in his career.
But without Brett Favre, who will Peter King vote for? I better check his Twitter account to find out.
OH GOD WHY DID NONE OF YOU WARN ME HOW STUPID IT IS
Vis-a-vis Cromartie. I know what the writer was TRYING to say, but looking at his comment another way, AC has 42 kids.
THAT’S GOOD HUSTLE.
Oh and Caldwell is plugged in just like the Sex Pistols always kept Sid Viscious’ bass plugged in.
:)
Ape-
Thanks for taking the high road. Seriously.
On another note, Stamped Blue has KSK linked under “sites we like.” Below the Big Lead.
Zulu [insert name of that Metallica song here]!
AnthonyTX is correct.
Also, doesn’t all the snow we’ve had in the Northeast prove that Katrina never happened?!?!?
Looking at the results page, it seems New York is in favor of Revis, but strangely New Jersey isn’t…..
Caldwell = Art Shell Lite
Thanks FSJ and TPS!
I just couldn’t get past the whole resemblance to Teddy “Love T.K.O.” Pendergrass (R.I.P.). I was wondering if the secret to Revis’ powers was his ability to whisper sweet nothings in the ears of all the receivers he covered.
/you got you got you got what I need
Pey Pey would like to “clash foreheads” with the nice lady pictured.
I had to vote for the Breesus. Yes, I know Zulu Cthulu was a Destroyer of Defenses this season but I can’t get over the fact that his team started 0-6 or that they all quit against Tawwmy’s Red Sox City team in the snow.
Meanwhile Breesus:
- Had the #1 offense (better than Pey-Pey, Fat Humps)
- Did it without a 1000-yd rusher
- His team did not have a Top Ten defense
- Was calling for do-or-die 4th down plays in the comebacks against Miami and DC
- Stared down Elisha, Tawwmy, Kurt Warner, the Land Baron and Fetus Head all in one season.
- Saved New Orleans
- Ruled over Mardi Gras (the equivalent of being Queen of the Cheese Parade or whatever there is in Fat Hump Land)
- Showed everyone just how out-of-touch Oprah is
If he started walking on water, I wouldn’t blink twice.
The fat lady at the office really should be a con.
Praise be to Revis Christ!
@Anthony – well said. Although I would like to see Pollard on the list, too – two Patriots down in consecutive years? Niiiiiiiiiiice. Although Welker wasn’t his fault, he was in the area – so between him and Porter (f’ you Brittfar and Fetushead), I’d say they make up 1/2 of the all Meast defensive secondary.
I’m a little late in the day for this, but I gotta put in my two cents: We’re talking Meast here, NOT MVP. If it’s MVP, it should be Brees. “Meast” = Man Beast. There was no other Man Beast in the league this year thatt was Meastier than Zulu Cthulu. Even though I’m a Texans fan and hate the Titans by default (and for so many actually valid reasons), I gotta hand it to him: that dude is a bad ass.
/last comment
+1,000,000 to jackin. Made me spill some coffee looking at those photos. Well played.
Voted for Darren Sharper since he’s as close as I can vote to Tracy Porter.
GO BANANA!!!
@Chazz – If they are high functioning retards, I say it’s more than fair game to mock them.
/Pats fan too.
As for Least next week – can we just call the Humps the Least of the Year?
I liked the Blind Side, so fack yourself for judging me.
What’s with the ‘fat lady in the office’ quote? I thought you said Rex Ryan wasn’t on this list.
I see me and the one other NFL fan in Hawaii have voted. WOOHOO!
@Ape- I stand corrected, after reading a little more on SBN I they are either A) deliberately bating for attention with their idiocy, in which case it would be best to ignore them or B) Are actually high functioning retards, in which case in would be cruel to make fun……. BUT I HATE THEM SO MUCH!
Since I’m a Pats fan I’ll just take my anger out by bitching about Celtics having no chance at winning a title this year so I can whine that no one believed in them if they end up getting out of the first round of the playoffs. I feel better already.
Fat Humos-
If you want to talk to someone about the pooch screwing of a Super Bowl, talk to Jim Caldwell.
Or the hand. Same thing reaction-wise.
“Rather than kindly and passively ignoring their obvious stupidity, it is sometimes best to point a finger at that somebody, call them a f*cking idiot to their face for their opinions that they share with you without you even asking for them, and walk away from them as their stare at you, stupefied that anyone DARED to call them out on their BS.”
Call me a fucking idiot to my face? Yes please.
I still love you Slash.
How about a poll for the best mope-face. Or does Keading just win it, no contest.
And, sorry, I’m not giving Stampede Blue the FJM treatment. That’s exactly what they want. They write the most shrill and clueless shit they can possibly come up with both to satisfy their collection of mouthbreathing Fat Humps and get a reaction from other people.
You notice BBS never flames small-time writers who bash Peyton. It’s only mainstream media guys and people with blogs that are better read than his own. He’s just out for attention. Even if it means he has to be a petulant retard to get it.
Moreover, I really don’t want to have to read that incredibly lame blog on a consistent basis in order to find material to bash. It’s neither informative nor entertaining. It’s just an endless stream of bitchy rants and cries for attention. At least PK’s idiocy is enjoyable to mock. Reading BBS only makes you feel sorry for him.
It’s just too ridiculous reading that shit over there at SB. Those fucktards have to be the dumbest mouth breathers in the entire realm of NFL fandom.
Saints faking injuries? CHECK!
Colts always go to Wayne after the other team fakes an injury? CHECK!
Manning’s the greatest QB of all time and everyone’s a hater? CHECK!
Saints will get their asses kicked next year? REALLY? CHECK!
It’s no wonder those fans are the fattest no-nothing retards (YEAH I SAID IT) in flyover nation. I can’t even think about the fat humps any longer or my cholesterol might spike through the roof.
I hate the J-E-T-S… If they go 1-15 it means they won one two many games… but you have to give it to Revis, he shut down BIG names ALL effin’ year… He was in WR jocks so often, that he would have failed the Armed Forces “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policiy
I know we can’t vote for Rex Ryan to *win* the Meast of the Year, but can we at least vote for him to *present* the Meast of the Year award to the eventual winner?
Revis dominated at a position that is not dominant. Let this be the year of the ISLAND!
+1 J4B. great call.
Zulu by a dreadlock. All three people in Montana with computers voted for him, too.
So were terribles such as Patrick Willis and Michael Oher (really?) put on here in place of say Nacho or Brittfar simply so people didn’t have to spend more than 20 seconds deciding?
and its fuckin COP SPEED not this Zulu Cthulu unfunny shit.
/doesn’t really care either way
//voted for Breesus
@85
And sure, Humps, I’d take Peyton Manning’s opinion as gospel, too. After all, he won one Super Bowl. He MUST be a great QB.
Ahhhhhh…it’s just too easy!
/Manning actually is a great QB.
Ben:
I removed the link to the Stampede Blue post from your comment. He does that shit specifically to get traffic from us. Don’t reward him for being a desperate dipshit.
Oh Jeebus. Did that traffic-seeking retard BBS reference me on yet another post on his shitty blog? No wonder the people who run SB Nation hate him. That makes at least 10 times he’s done that in the last few weeks.
What a whiny obsessive fucking loser.
I’m at a loss. The asshole Stampede Blue Hump writes this:
Rather than kindly and passively ignoring their obvious stupidity, it is sometimes best to point a finger at that somebody, call them a f*cking idiot to their face for their opinions that they share with you without you even asking for them, and walk away from them as their stare at you, stupefied that anyone DARED to call them out on their BS.
And yet we had that stupid fuck Monkey Business wah-wah-wahhhhing that Ape DARED to call him out on his BS. Asking why he picked on an unfunny and unpopular commenter rather than, oh, I don’t know, “kindly and passively ignoring their obvious stupidity.” And this came AFTER the Colts lost, mind you. And we were all assholes for picking on Colts fans for daring to call them know-nothing homer humps for the nonsense they spread all over the place.
And sure, Humps, I’d take Trent Dilfer’s opinion as gospel, too. After all, he won one Super Bowl. He MUST be a great QB.
Even though most of you voting in this poll have probably never heard of him, I’m going with the NFL’s best kept secret: Drew Brees!
Huh? What? Huh? What?
/surprised Marmalard’s not in last
//throws voting device in air
///does not float like Marmalard pass
////out one laptop
Not Jay Cutler will fuck Laserfaces eyemouths if he doesnt win.
Super Bowl MVP Peyton Manning owes nobody an apology. Well, except maybe Dominic Rhodes. But other than that, fuck ya’ll. Can’t spell Citrus without MVP.
Drew Brees thinks Chris Johnson really deserved to win MVP.
Hey Chris, you want to hang out, maybe get a beer and unload? Drew’s got your back.
What, no kickers? My vote is for Jay Feely. He kicked AND punted in the same game. This type of athletic dominance and command connot be denied.
Wow, Stampede Blue is like Barstool Sports for Indy fans. Gotta appreciate this gem from the post Ben linked to:
“For loser-football-Manning-hater fans, like this guy [links to picture of Ape], they choose Peyton Manning because he is an easy target and because the guy throwing for their team is so obviously inferior that they need to tear down the Great Peyton rather than, you know, hold their own guy to a higher standard.”
I could see the logic in that, except for the fact that the QB of Ape’s team has twice as many SB rings as Peyton. And, you know, all that Sixburgh bullshit and what not.
Drew Brees! Because of him, Hurricane Katrina never happened!
Can’t wait for the hyperventilation from Speed Blue Nation when the Least nominees come out next week.
And come on. It’s Cop Speed. 2000 fucking yards, people. And if that’s not enough, he made Vince Young look good. Game.
Also, Brees is Meast because he got Oprah to rub his birthmark.
“Welcome Rasheed Walalce! Rasheed, who been kissing you? You got a big ol’ clump of dried semen on the top of your head.”
Off-topic but I agree with Ben- stampede blue needs a weekly FJM treatment. While I disagree with a lot of what I read on here and other sports blogs it is almost always well written and usually funny. The main writer on stampede blue is a breathless fat hump who is either a bright eight year-old or a slow twelve year-old. They most certainly deserve high amounts of ridicule.
Is that picture a subtle FU from Bressus to the Colts? He’s holding the “whine”, she’s holding the cheese…
Voted for Cop Speed, since his 35 yd td in garbage time against the Chargers cost me a fantasy championship. At least I got a watch.
/cry
“@Bugg – Barry Switzer thinks that Caldwell is a heck of a good Head Coach.”
Switzer lost the NFC championship game his first year. Usually that would be the zenith for a coach in over his head, but Switzer won the Super Bowl the next year. Plus, Coach Switzer is an epic pussy-tuber.
In other words, keep Switzer out of your mouth when you talk about Caldwell.
I nominate the Steelers kicker, Jeff “Pagliacci” Reed for being such a sackless little bitch. He gave me someone to laugh at all season long. Thank you, Jeff!!11
Chris Johnson. He stubbed out the final cigarette on the ‘LaDanian’s a good fantasy pick’ idea and may be ending Purple Jesus’ reign. ZULU NATION BITCHES
who would’ve been a homer candidate anyways? PurpleFumbleMachine? RongRastName? someone on the Redskins or Seahawks?