THINK ABOUT IT
02.25.10
If there was a great thing about sports cards in the late ’80s and the early ’90s, it was that the cards didn’t yet cost $5 per pack of 10. But another wondrous thing were the super earnest and forced attempts at being wholesome and a positive influence on the kids who were collecting them. This was a time when it wasn’t only the most callow Americans who might have considered athletes to be actual role models. Also, a Warren Moon football card telling you not to use crack is amazing whatever the context. Of course, once we were reminded of these the other day, we felt compelled to make a few updated versions for today’s NFL.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/wasteland-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/haleysteelers-150x150.jpg)
THINK ABOUT IT
(Picture of Purple Jesus)
Hold onto the fucking ball!
STICKUM
THINK ABOUT IT
(Picture of Cop Speed)
“Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn”
OH GOD I CAN SEE FOREVER
I’m pretty sure I’ve got that Warren Moon card in a box somewhere at my parents place. Damn, I feel old.
THINK ABOUT IT
(Pic of Emmit Smith)
“Always mind your manatees”
ITS NOT FUN BEING LEWD
THINK ABOUT IT
(Pic of Favre on tractor)
It’s not the the $12M, it’s the adulation
FOR A FEW MORE MONTHS
concist -> convict
/ unintentionally Emmit Smiff’d
THINK ABOUT IT
(Pic of Al Davis being decapitated by chainsaw)
No NorCal judge would concist you
DRASTIC MEASURES
THINK ABOUT IT
(Picture of 1980 USA hockey team)
No, not to you, Lions fan
MIRACLES HAPPEN
THINK ABOUT IT
(picture of tin foil hat Colts fan)
Peyton is perfect
The Rapture happens when he dies
THINK ABOUT IT
(Picture of Peezy)
SHOW SOME RESPEC!
AND FIX YO MOUF!
THINK ABOUT IT
(Picture of Joe Namath)
When you just want to kiss someone
STRUGG-EL-ING
or
THINK ABOUT IT
(Picture of Joe Namath)
It’s that one thing he wanted you to remember
VAPOR LOCK
THINK ABOUT IT
(Donovan McNabb)
Nobody remembers if you puke during the regular season
PEPTO-BISMOL
THINK ABOUT IT
(Drew Brees)
Because, hey, you would do the same for me.
PRACTICE BENEVOLENCE
THINK ABOUT IT
(Sean Taylor)
If you get a chance to move out of the hood, you should probably do it
KEEPING IT REAL
@twoeightnine
Thank you for recognizing ol’ Howard there – was killing me all day.
THINK ABOUT IT
(Michael Irvin on a coke bender)
PROTECT YO NECK!
The Cutler picture: “Stop sulking little Cutler.”
THINK ABOUT IT
(picture of Plaxico Burress)
because you can afford it
SECURITY GUARDS
THINK ABOUT IT
(picture of Hines Ward)
It confuses peeper rike Rongrastname
SMIRE
Think abou……
(SEX CANNON)
look at cheerleaders
FUCK IT, THROW IT DOWN FIELD
this was brilliant – thanks boys. lots of laughs in the comments too.
I was hoping for a Vick card but was it too obvious? I trust you to find a unique way to make it funny.
@LaFavre’s NR: you inspired me to create one even though I still can’t see squat.
THINK ABOUT IT
(picture of Colts fatties grazing)
Our secret sauce
KEEPS YOU COMING BACK FOR MORE
THINK ABOUT IT
(picture of Ricky Williams)
the electric yellow’s got me by the brain banana
I AM THE ‘OW’ IN THE WORD ‘NOW’
THINK ABOUT IT
(picture of shrimp cocktail)
shrimp cocktail is delicious
ONLY IN INDY
Can we get more of these each month?
Ben’s should have just read ‘…’
THINK ABOUT IT
(Picture of John Gruden)
DON’T MAKE IMPORTANT EMPLOYEE DECISIONS ON METH
THINK ABOUT IT
(picture of me)
Howard Ballard?
WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?
THINK ABOUT IT
(Picture of Bernard Pollard)
infamous is better than famous
ASSASSINATION WORKS
THINK ABOUT IT
(Picture of Trent Green’s helmet getting kabong’d by that lineman’s knee)
drooling isn’t sexy
IF YOU CAN
No matter how many times I see that pic of Marmalard, it still bothers me.
Most punchable face in NFL history.
Lawrence Taylor was always late to the photoshoots for this particular run of NFL Pro Set cards- for some reason.
THINK ABOUT IT
smiling Matt Leinart
I thought that said
TITS
THINK ABOUT IT
(Rex Ryan)
Say your sprayer
DOG IS LOVE
THINK ABOUT IT
(Orenthal)
Keep your Bronco clean
ARSENIC IS NEATER
how did this get through the editors without moutheyes?
THINK ABOUT IT
(LT, Westbrook and Shaun Alexander blowing out birthday candles)
Just ask these guys
TURNING 30 SUCKS
Where’s that Travis guy, the one with all the kids, telling us to think about using birth control?
Peyton Manning is a big-headed motherfucker… Also, Peyton is a girl name. You can make a guy name into a girl name, but it doesn’t work the other way around.
THINK ABOUT IT
(Troy Aikman staring blankly at the camera)
He’s always right.
THAT’S RIGHT JOE
THINK ABOUT IT
(Pic of Al Davis)
Braiiiiinnsssss
BRAAAAAAAAAINNNSSSS
THINK ABOUT IT
(Andy Reid snoring on an airplane)
You might get stranded in Antarctica
STUFF YOURSELF SILLY
THINK ABOUT
(picture of Dexter Manley)
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fkjefiog03erjfek3eon
following would have been more appropriate in the original set:
THINK ABOUT IT
(picture of Dexter Manley)
Sure it is good and all, but you can still win Super Bowls without knowing how
READING
thought you were talking about randy moss’ hair when you said NAPS.
who wrote this, Imus?
THINK ABOUT IT
(Ray Ray Lewis)
Always trust your entourage
TO DO 25-LIFE
THINK ABOUT IT
(picture of Josh Cribbs)
BIG FISH, POLLUTED LAKE
THINK ABOUT IT
(picture of Matt Millen)
JUST SAY “NO” TO RECEIVERS
@fallex it means frightened and weak willed.
THINK ABOUT IT
(Double J)
Yee Haw!
FUCKING CRAZY
Just a heads up; I would gladly pay you $25 for the Rivers card on a shirt. (Notwithstanding the licensing lawsuits you guys would deal with) I will never stop laughing at that image.
**Can’t see pictures**
DAMN YOU WORK FIREWALL!!!!!!!!
/Whosyourpaddy is really Rick Reilly
//We’ve been infiltrated!
THINK ABOUT IT
8000 word missive about how the Colts are the greatest team (with the greatest cocktail sauce) evah
YOU’RE NOT MISSED
If it weren’t for Charles Mann, I would still be on steroids today. Thanks, Pro Set.
Think About It
(Pic of young Magary)
Now open for chubbies
MEXICAN MOLESTATION
Callow, huh? I thought that was a compliment.
I remember those cards! Hell, I think I still have that Warren Moon card somewhere in an attic.
Damn near lost it when we saw Fetus Head. And then we got to “Ask Someboday” and I had laughed. Well played.
Maj for the win.
THINK ABOUT IT!
(picture of Fat Humps)
Cheese fries at every meal will eventually kill you.
TRY A SALAD
Think about it
(picture a monkey thinking)
I’ve got nothing witty
instead say its not funny
.. slow clap……….
well played
Time is money, Punte. Time is money.
Whos Your Paddy giving us free advice! So why do I feel like we’ve still overspent for it?
THINK ABOUT IT!
(Plax)
Comfort and convenience – what could go wrong?
SWEATPANTS
Think About It!
(Dante Stallworth holding hands with Leonard Little)
Who needs a Driver when you’re rich?
GET CRUNK AND DRIVE
@WhosYourPaddy:
THINK ABOUT IT!
(Picture of a gaping asshole)
Everyone has one
OPINIONS NO ONE CARES ABOUT
You better listen to him, Ape. He watches vh1 and his commenter name is a pun based on a Rick Reilly book. The man knows funny.
Hey. remember back in the ’80s, before the Internet existed when I couldn’t be exposed to the retardery of WhosYourPaddy? That decade WAS KRAZEE! SLAP BRACELET JOKE!
They’re – fuck that’s something that always pisses me off too
Think About It!
(Chris Henry)
It only makes things worse
Talking to Women While Their Angry
These were not even remotely funny… sorry. You’ve lost your way, stick to mailbags and Sexy Friday and Rex Ryan. Leave making fun of the 80s and 90s to VH1.
THINK ABOUT IT!
(Picture of Rae Carruth)
There’s a less drastic step
COAT HANGERS
Think About it!
(Serious/Angry Alonzo Spellman with unicorn background)
Nat King Cole might eat all your biscuits!
Oh I get it because she killed him.
No Skippy Reed for washing your hands after using the bathroom?
Think about it!
(Picture of Tom Brady with mistake baby)
Wrap it up twice