half dome
Forgetting about Half Dome? THAT’S DISRESPECT!

For today’s mock draft we’re selecting scenic destinations within the continental United States. The topic came up when I expressed my opinion that Pebble Beach is the most beautiful place in America. Ufford quickly castigated me for thinking a place best known for its golf course and mansions could be on par with the country’s finest national parks. But what can I say? I’m incredibly shallow and I really like golf.

The idea is simple. You get one day at the geographic location of your choice, equipped with a four wheel drive vehicle and any supplies that will fit therein. Make your picks in the comments, but please wait for ten other commenters to pick before you go back for seconds. Oh, and the first person to take a Hawaiian island gets to wear the Big Daddy Dunce Cap. The draft order is as follows…

1. Flubby
2. Ape
3. Maj
4. Uff
5. Drew
6. Punte

badlands

Flubby- Badlands National Park

“It’s like going to Mars– only slightly less remote.”

yellowstone

Ape- Yellowstone

Flubby says it smells. Plus the park ranger always struck me as a bit of a dick. If a bear wants to help himself to a picnic basket I say that’s his right.

pebble

Maj- Pebble Beach/Carmel

Basically 17 Mile Drive.

joshua-tree

Uff- Joshua Tree National Park

“A sanctuary from the hell of living in Twentynine Palms. I could leave behind a base of 15,000 Marines and in twenty minutes be climbing a rock on another planet.”

Drew- Grand Canyon

“I hear it’s pretty. And quite vast. Also, I can go there with Danny Glover after he’s saved me from being accosted in a sketchy part of LA.”

death valley

Punter- Death Valley

Rights Managed

Punter- Pacific Coastal Highway

I’ve never been entirely sure which parts of Highway 1 are considered the PCH, but I know it’s quite lovely.

grand tetons

Drew- Grand Tetons

Reed: “When I was at the Grand Tetons my wife thought I was crazy because I took a picture of a buffalo turd that was size of a small wedding cake. I put my wallet next to the turd so there would be a frame of reference for the dozens of people I showed the picture to. ”

At this point in the draft we became sidetracked when Drew shared the following exchange from a Bill Simmons chat.

Reader: Really Bill? Ali coming back to win the title after being banned from the sport for religious convictions that prevented him from serving in a war that continues to effect the course of American history today, “comes close” to Tiger missing 5 months for a cavalcade of bimbos and a staged sex rehab?

Simmons: Here’s the big difference though: Everyone was rooting for Ali. He never came even 10% close to facing the scrutiny, vitriol and 24/7 news cycle microscope that Tiger will face.

I don’t think he’s ever been more wrong about anything.

Reader: Yes, I’m certain that in the early 1970s, a black man who refused to be called by his “slave name” was far better received by white America than Tiger is received in America today. Certain.

Simmons: You don’t know your Ali history. it’s true that White America was against him in the mid-60’s, but that shifted as America turned against Vietnam. By the time of the Ali-Frazier fight, Frazier was the “old guard” rep and Ali was the “new guard” rep. He had everyone under 35 rooting for him.

So it’s gone from “everyone” to “everyone under 35,” which is totally the same thing. Oh, and it’s also total bullshit.

steamboat

Ufford- Steamboat Springs, Colorado.

“Perhaps not the best pick strictly in terms of natural beauty, but a day of snowboarding followed by a dip in natural hot springs sounds pretty good right now.”

bandon beach

Maj- Bandon, Oregon

Totally different than Pebble. This has golf and the Pacific coast, but…I don’t know how to finish this sentence. It’s just different!

smokey

Ape- Clingmans Dome – Appalachian Trail

Ah yes, the eastern portion of the country.

Mammoth_Cave_National_Park_005

Flubby- Mammoth Cave National Park

Flubby’s gonna find so much guano.