The NFL is a fraternity! A fraternity of men! Men that do quasi-homosexual things and then pelt outsiders with slurs of disdain! This is the concept of “fraternity” that passed through my string bean of a mind when I saw Steelers defensive back Ike Taylor mutter something to Dolphins quarterback Pat White, who was strapped to a cart being driven off the field at Land Shark Stadium Sunday. So what did Ike say to him? Here are a few good guesses:
“Welcome to the NFL.”
“I guess you won’t be going out with us after the game for nachos.”
“What did you think of Avatar? Was the message of environmentalism too heavy-handed?”
“Do these yellow pants make me look fat?”
“How close are we to Orlando?”
“Do you know Jimmy Buffet? Did he actually invent the dinner buffet?”
“Have you heard the new Lady Gaga single? Artistically, it has a lot of merit.”
“I’m not touching you…I’m not touching you…”
“They should let me drive the cart. After all, I’m the one that knocked yo’ ass out.”
“Someday we’re both gonna look back on this and laugh. Well, I will…”
“Good thing I started Jim Sorgi in fantasy this week instead of you.”
Yours in the comments.
Thanks to Brandon for the collab. Video via With Leather.
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No Dan Dierdorf, Pat White is not a Runningback. He is a Quarterback.
@Conrad Dobler:
Nice name!
Can you believe that the Cards had Dobler and Dierdorf on the same line? The ultimate mean-ass hater and the ultimate namby-pamby lithpy puthy.
“Kind of ironic we’re in Florida, hey? Tebow’s gonna end up in the same place.”
@Grimey- winner
Sorry Pat, just wanted to see if the league will make a new rule in honor of me next season. Hines won’t shut up about his.
“I drink your milkshake”
“hines ward taught me how to tackle last week.”
Dey taught me to football.
or,
“Bitch, you have no future”.
“I’m your huckleberry…”
“Rolling, rolling, rolling on a stretcher.”
“I like Ike.”
“Thigpen better pay me extra for knocking your fuckin ass cold. Shit.”
“Can’t see me!”
“Don’t take it personal. My friend started you in our fantasy football championship, and I wasn’t going to let you beat my team, Big Ben Polanski.”
Rub some dirt on it and get the hell back in there!
Pat White? Pffft, more like Vanna White.
“you goin’ for the Oscar there Meryl?”
“your mother is a terrorist whore” (/Zidane)
+1 Reggie for heart-yanking
I gave you an ouchie in your headspot.
“Don’t worry, the emergency room has Jimmy Buffet’s Greatest Hits on a constant loop.”
“Naw, that wasn’t the sound of Mercury Morris popping the champagne. That was your spinal column.”
“Are you going to eat your fat?”
‘Did you get the number to that tru… (looks down) Oh shit, nevermind.’
‘Say high to the Buoniconti’s for me’
‘Now you know why Charlie Ward played for the Knicks instead of cashing in on the Heisman’
‘Could be worse. You could have fallen out of the truck bed.’
If I say I’m an oil man, you will agree
‘And that’s why we don’t run the option in the National Football League.”
I made you my Whitney.
“Kali Ma! Kali Ma! Kali Ma Shakti de! Kali Ma Shakti De!”
Oops, POW, surprise!
“Want the NFL? Go to the NFL!”
“It was my shoulder pad, I swear!”
That’s what happens when you get chocolate in my peanut butter, mother fucker!!!!!
“Can I now fuck your wife?..is there some kind of grace period involved here?…alright..alright, I get it, not the right time to ask.”
If you were an interception, this never would have happened.
“Horst Wessel would be proud”
What is a thirteen letter word for marriage proposal?
“Now THAT was a football hit! On a football player! BY a football player!”
“Don’t worry, it’s not like you were gonna play next week anyway.”
BRAINSTORMING!
“Hey, my head hurts too, but you don’t see me making a big fancy to-do about it!”
*Zeke, not Ike.
/retard
Like Bill Simmons before Ike murmured the Secret into his ear, rob hasn’t yet figured out that humorous content is not about humorous content.
“at least you still got your Goadome Nikes…”
WALE’d
Have you seen the new paper from NASA Langley using a new hybrid RANS/LES code for high-lift aeroacoustics?
“Don’t worry, bro, a few bumps on your head will make you a better QB. Just look what they’ve done for Big Ben.”
Down, Down Stay Down… stay strapped down.
“has KSK given up completely on producing humorous content aside from drew?”
“I sense injuries. The data could be called “pain.”"
name that movie…
“Wipe yourself off, man. You dead.”
“There can be only ONE!”
/Dolphins stop him from cutting off Pat White’s head
“Another time, McCloud.”
“Don’t worry…maybe V-8 will sponsor a vegetable.”
/Tosh’d
plus fucking 1!!
“Hope you’re still able to use these feet here.”
“At least you don’t got the sickle cell…”
“Hey, you got the ball from that play? Imma put it on my mantle.”
“Oh, come on, now you’re just milking it. “
You got a booger on your nose.
“Wake up, sleepy head!”
“Now you’re a test subject in an NFL study.”
“When your family donates your brain to researchers after you’re dead, will they be able to deduct it on their taxes?”
“You’re it!”
“Check this out man, what’s the difference between a 4.0 and a 4.6?”
“You know I get to call you Tina Taylor now, right, Biatch?”
It was the first tackle that I made all season, but it was a doozy!
“Walk it off dude, you’ll be fine”
Now Mike Leach gonna lock yo ass in a closet!
Hey Pat? Is that short for Patrick or Prison Ass Train?
And that’s why we wear hard hats, Jimmy.
“so easy a caveman could dooit”
“oh…and your wife told me to tell you bring home more KY”
“bitchez on my dick? no no they on my dildo”
‘What would YOU do for a klondike bar?”
“I see that you peed a little…and it matches your uniform”
Now THIS GUY here, Turner. THIS GUY is a FOOTBALL. PLAYER. Capital A. And THAT GUY? Pat. White. Look. At. Him. Possibly. DYING. Now THAT was a hit.
/kinda miss MNF
//checks DVR
///ooo…SoA – screw MNF.
“Don’t worry…maybe V-8 will sponsor a vegetable.”
/Tosh’d
“Chirping birds or stars?”
“I didn’t want to say anything while they were checking you out, but I’m pretty sure that when I hit you, you shit your pants.”
THATS THE POWER OF PINE SOL BABY
“KABONG!”
“If it makes you feel any better, I got trucked my Adrian Peterson. I just didn’t take it like a bitch. Like you.”