Vince Wilfork Ate a Bus: Your Early Game Open Thread

Blech, maybe it’s just me, but Week 17 seems a bit more anticlimactic than usual. Oh sure, Jets-Bengals has some merit tonight, and the NFC East title is at stake in the Eagles-Cowboys game, but first! FIRST! First, we have nine games at 1:00 that have little to no meaning whatsoever. Coupled with the sense of emptiness from the fantasy season ending, and I’m leaning towards going out and getting drunk at brunch instead of this swill. Anyway, here’s your slate:

Colts at Bills — People are still upset about the Irsay decision to pull the starters, and now the NFL competition committee is reviewing the game. But we’ve missed the larger issue at hand, and that is: fuck the Colts.

Saints at Panthers — Drew Brees won’t sit, because he knows you don’t want him to, dude. (NOTE: Drew Brees WILL sit. Hey look, Mark Brunell’s still alive!)

Jaguars at Browns — If Jerome Harrison manages to bust loose for another big game — very possible against the Jags — one of the biggest questions of the fantasy off-season will be where he should be drafted. I’m going to stay the hell away: he might have destroyed the Chiefs and Raiders, but I don’t want to invest in a guy on a lousy team who plays the Ravens and Steelers twice a year (and the Bengals D has gotten nasty, too).

Patriots at Texans — I had a fantasy team with Schaub and Brady this year. I picked up Schaub in the sixth round and intended to trade him for a good running back when he panned out as one of the best fantasy QBs. What I didn’t count on: people will NOT trade a stud running back even if they’re starting Eli Manning every week. Assholes.

Giants at Vikings — Strangely enough, these two teams played in Week 17 last season, with the Vikings clinching the NFC North with a 20-19 win. Here in the blogosphere, we’ve reveled in the Vikings’ collapse and blamed it on Brett Favre, but Adrian Peterson’s slump has coincided with Minnesota’s string of losses. Anyway, the Vikes need to win to clinch a first-round bye, so I guess this game matters, but I’m just so goddam sick of having to look at the stupid purple uniforms every week.

49ers at Rams — Dear Rams, please, please, please, please PLEASE take Eric Berry with the first overall pick in April. I really don’t want to watch Ndamukong Suh destroy the Seahawks twice a year.

Falcons at Bucs — So who lost their fantasy championship because of Tony Gonzalez’s injury last week? Anyone?

Steelers at Dolphins — I’m going to put on my Dan Shanoff-brand Krazee Kap and say that I hope the Dolphins draft Tim Tebow and become the NFL’s first all-Wildcat offense. I know it’s unlikely, but I’d LOVE to watch a Dolphins team that did nothing but run option and misdirection plays with Tebow, Ronnie Brown, and Pat White in the backfield. C’mon, it’s a better option than Chad Henne.

Bears at Lions –

“Whatever, it’s just the Lions. Maybe I’ll throw some more interceptions. Or not. Big whoop, who cares?”