thunk

If you find yourself confronted with an NFL postseason without a rooting interest and unmoved by Don Cheadle soliloquies, you must draw from the well of that most powerful of human emotions. Ok, well, lust probably won’t do here. But the second most powerful, hate, will serve as a fine proxy. This is one in a series of posts filled with bile, spleen, vitriol and all-around nastiness toward all the teams involved with the sordid roundelay we know as the NFL Playoffs.

Thunk my nuts, you Jersey meathead assholes and your undeserving playoff team. Your team wouldn’t sell you beer at your own stadium on Sunday because they knew you’d all try to turn the seats from your borrowed home field into hood ornaments.

And fuck their lucky motherfucking team. Handed two end of the season victories by playoff teams resting for the postseason. Instead of the Houston Chimera’s first ever playoff appearance, we get to watch Rex Ryan’s defense get the ball back three or four times late against the Bengals only for it all to be wasted by back-breaking interception after back-breaking interception. Already we have to deal with the Bengals and the Ravens playing this weekend. We need another team that can’t pass the ball worth shit? Highlighted by Braylon Edwards dropping the three passes Mark Sanchez manages not to drill into a DB’s chest?

sanchezarms

Oh yeah, Sanchise. How overcome you must be that your team stumbled in a playoff appearance completely in spite of your ever-apparent incompetence. Nacho threw 20 fucking interceptions this year. Brad Smith is the best QB on this roster. Here are a few QBs who had a higher passer rating than this date raping USC Mexahole:

Ryan Fitzpatrick
Marc Bulger
Brady Quinn
Alex Smith

I don’t care if Darrelle Revis is good. I don’t care if Rex Ryan is a likable coach. I don’t give a shit if Drew’s caricature of Rex makes you like him even more. People seem to forget why Dislexy Rexy is there in the first place:

BECAUSE BRETT FAVRE TOLD THE

JETS TO FIRE THEIR LAST COACH

And they fucking did it. Just to please that useless scapegoating attention whore. And he still didn’t come back to play for these losers. Granted, Eric Mangini is a fat failtard fuck who endangers his players by letting them engage in full-contact drills without pads and fines them thousands of dollars for taking a bottle of water from a hotel. But that’s not why the Jets fired him. They would have been content for him to suck for a few more years. No. THE JETS FIRED HIM BECAUSE BRETT FAVRE TOLD THEM TO DO IT!

Die in a parking lot car fire, Jets. I hope Wayne Chrebet pisses on your grave while tongue kissing Wes Welker.