warnermeast

Your Meast for the Wild Card round is Kurt Warner, who threw more touchdowns (five) than incomplete passes (four). Drew played Cassandra last week, warning us all about God Boy entering ’99 Warner Zone as the postseason arrived and retirement looms. Lo and behold, Drew was right (I’m scared too). How convenient that Warner advances to play Breesus in the God-approved side of the NFC playoffs, while Satan rubs one out to the prospect of either Favre or the Cowboys advancing past the early game on Sunday.

Your Least is Tom Brady. Oh, how we’ve longed to write those words. We’ve gloried in some Patriots defeats in the past, but seldom have they been so feckless. So resigned to failure.

bradybear

Dreamboat turned the ball over four times and looked thoroughly wretched all the way during the Pats first playoff loss at home in over 30 years.

Naturally, this is Gisele’s fault. Or his ribs’ fault. Or the sun’s. Definitely not Welkah’s! He gutted it out in the stands, watching The Bear Jew Edelman do exactly what he would have done, then he somehow mustered the strength THROUGH INJURY, MIND YOU to complete this staggering feat of heroism:

A day after the Pats’ pitiful playoff exit, sidelined receiver Wes Welker was at Radius to meet with execs from Liberty Bay Credit Union. (The suits have been big supporters of Welker’s 83 Foundation, which helps at-risk kids.) Though hobbled by his knee injury, Welker happily posed for a few pics and spoke briefly.

NO ONE HAS THE HAHHT TO POSE FO-AH PITCHAWS LIKE OW-AH WELKAH! NO INJAWED KNEE CAN STAWP HIS LIONHAHHTED MESSAGE! THOSE KID AHHH ONLY AT RISK OF BEING INSPY-ED!