Your Meast of the final week of the regular season is the crusher of souls and all living matter, Bernard Pollard. And not just because he played a small role in the injury of another beloved (to their fanbase, at least) member of the Patriots. Noooo. Perish the thought. The guy also had a fumble recovery for a touchdown and an interception. Those are perfectly Measty contributions to a winning effort. And have nothing at all to do with the infliction of harm on another player. The recognition of clean, stellar play is what the Meast award is all about.
/has oil painting of Welker injury commissioned and hung above his bed
/makes offer of $50,000 to Texans officials for the piece of turf that Belichick said is responsible for Welker’s crippling
/demands Baskin Robbins rename all 31 flavors of ice cream for Bernard Pollard because they are otherwise besmirching his jersey number
/makes it so the Fritz Pollard Alliance has the say over who should coach the Patriots next year
/rewatches this vintage interview Mike Ditka did in his underwear, not because it had anything to do with Welker, but because it’s hilarious
/remember Wes Welker’s injury and laughs even harder
Your first co-Least of Week 17 is the New York Giants. The whole sorry bunch of ‘em.
/swirls finger
Mmm. Yeah. That’s good Manning Face. Whichever benevolent force responsible (but lacking in HTML prowess) can add it to this fine collection.
Not only did the Giants tank their final two games by a combined score of 85-16, they allowed the Vikings to reclaim the first-round bye that Minnesota did everything in its power to squander the last month of the year. We could’ve been rid of Favre this very weekend. Not we have to wait one more whole week. Damn you!
Speaking of that dumbshit, your other co-Leasts are the four fucknuts writers for voted for Brett Favre for Comeback Player of the Year. Tom Brady won it with 19 votes out of 50, which is fine, I guess. I would have opted for Cedric Benson, personally. But Favre? FUCK. THAT. SHIT. He played all 16 games last year. Having a gimpy arm the final month isn’t sufficient hardship to deserve a comeback award the following season.
We know Peter King is one of the four. That’s a given. He might have even bought off another writer with promises of caffeine-supercharged hand jobs. But PK’s pull (tee hee) only goes so far. He had help. We demand the NFL release the identity of the others so they can experience the public shaming they have so recklessly brought upon themselves. Be no longer an accomplice to dumbfuckery, NFL. Give us the names!
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The Cowboys say “You’re Welcome, America” for ending Favre’s career on a down note in about ten days or so.
/Who am I kidding? Favre will never go away.
POLLARD WINS. FATALITY.
Cheer up Eli. No playoffs means more time for squash in the offseason.
Jeez, Boys or Farve. Hobsons’ Choice. I gotta say thanks Mike, that was freaking hilarious.
“The Cowboys say “You’re Welcome, America” for ending Favre’s career”
they gotta win a playoff game first skippy
/fuck ALL cowboys fans (bandwagon or otherwise)
Over/under on amount of time it takes for a humorless Chowd troll to explain why we’re all bad people for rooting against the most loathsome franchise in professional sports: 1 hour.
/take the under
//smart bet: parlay with “said troll will use the word ‘jealous’ at least once”
Let’s make it an even 6 minutes.
Even I would have to agree with Bernard Pollard, Destroyer of Knees. So powerful, he is, that the mere presence on the turf causes ligamentation of the anterior cruciate variety to snap itself.
/looks at the Steelers playing golf
//laughs even harder than Ape did at Welkah’s knee
Calling Favre a “comeback” player is a sad, stupid joke. I’m going to try that at work:
Me: Hey Boss, I quit.
Boss: We’re sorry to see you go. Enjoy working the land.
Me: Hey Boss, I changed my mind.
Boss: Welcome back. Your seat is still warm; have a bigger desk.
Colleague: Wow! What a comeback! Here’s an award.
Me: I can’t quit you guys Wrangler jeans are tough, comfortable. Here, have an interception.
Boss, Colleague: slurp, slurp, slurp
Me: Missed a spot…
“they gotta win a playoff game first skippy”
And here I thought the Cowboys advance in the playoffs regardless of the outcome of the Eagles/Cowboys game this weekend. Thanks for setting me straight!
/makes it so the Fritz Pollard Alliance has the say over who should coach the Patriots next year
The Scot Pollard Alliance couldn’t be reached for comment.
Voting for Favruh for Comeback player of the year is like voting for Obama for the Nobel Peace Prize.
Wait, what?
Scot Pollard Alliance now available for comment: “Hey kids, do drugs”
is the least not “unleash hell” Tomlin?
/ Pollard hears screams
// Likes it
is the least not “unleash hell” Tomlin?
Because his team won?
/shocking that a Pats fan randomly attacks a black coach
haha dahkies in power, this is what is going to cause 2012.
His team may have won but retrospectively, in full, he released a tepid purgatory on everyone.
haha ape. jealously is ugly. and, apparently, funny.
uh, actually the end of the calendar year 2011 will cause 2012.
Over the last five years, the Steelers have won two Super Bowls while the Patriots sole accomplishment is committing the single biggest choke in the history of the NFL. AND blowing the biggest lead in conference championship history.
/the envy, I’m green with it
5 years? seems like a strange length of time to choose. lets just double it then.
/i know it
Over the last one year the Steelers lost their head and shoulders when Troy went down.
Over the last decade the Steelers have twice failed to capitalise on superbowls, instead taking the next year off.
/ You were a dynasty
// You had plans
/// Rebuilding with one man doing three roles and still playoff bound.
Your first co-Least of Week 17 is the New York Giants. The whole sorry bunch of ‘em.
Oh yeah Ape? Well the Steelers are the Leasts of the WHOLE FUCKING SEASON. Actually, fuck that, they’re the Leasts of the ENTIRE FUCKING DECADE!!1!1 I don’t give a shit that they won two Super Bowls. First, they have no concept of what it means to defend a championship. Second, those championships were of questionable caliber to begin with, given the copious amounts of help from the officials they needed to beat Seattle in XL and the fact that they beat a fucking 9-7 NFC West team last season. The Giants beat the first ever 18-0 team in NFL history in XLII, in the process unleashing the joys of 18*-1 and causing grown dipshits in Boston to cry in the streets, and followed it up with a 12-4 season that included wins over both eventual Super Bowl participants and the #1 seed in the NFC. SO SUCK ON THAT SHIT!
/swings genitals at oncoming traffic while yelling out 18*-1
//realizes Giants won the same number of playoff games in their title defense season as the Steelers did in their championship seasons this decade
///doesn’t believe any of his post, just openly antagonizing Ape out of spite for saying he’s rooting for the Pats in the playoffs against the Ravens and Colts (you know we don’t root for the Pats under any circumstances Ape!)
////Ape also knows it’s all love baby
When reached for comment on the award, quarterback Eli Manning was tight-lipped.
My team last won the Super Bowl in 1970.
Listening to you Steelers and Pats and Colts fans bitch and moan about who’s the most awesome of all time — a team with three Super Bowls this decade, a team with two — is like being a starving Ethiopian kid watching Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie on TV having a food fight.
On behalf of all the rest of us. Please. For the love of God. Shut the fuck up.
Over the last one year the Steelers lost their head and shoulders when Troy went down.
So I should just say this entire season doesn’t count, and whoever wins the Super Bowl doesn’t deserve their title, like Pats fans did when Brady went down last year?
/// Rebuilding with one man doing three roles and still playoff bound.
Brady is pitching, catching and fluffing? So versatile.
I thought Bernard Pollard’s Mortal Kombat finishing move was the leg sweep not pulling the heart out through the chest.
On behalf of all the rest of us. Please. For the love of God. Shut the fuck up.
THEY STARTED IT!
I conceded before the season even started that the Pats are the team of the decade. It’s just funny to see all the Pats trolls here and worked up over the Hater’s Guide post today and calling everyone jealous.
If only he was like Roflsburger, only taking whether they say yes or otherwise.
/ Dont be stupid, the entire season didnt not count
// Stopped counting when Britfah screwed us out of the playoffs
/// Loved the Haters Guide post, funny vitriol.
I know they started it, but you’re better than that, young man.
Seriously. Don’t make me stop this car.
My team last won the Super Bowl in 1970.
And my team? We have no Super Bowl win at all.
/shivers in a bitterly cold wind while wearing a tattered purple sweatshirt.
@Otto Man: My team last won the Super Bowl in nineteen… never. And don’t think the rest of the NFC East doesn’t like to remind us of it every fucking chance they get. Damn you realignment for taking the Cardinals away from us!
/Rooting for an Eagles win
//Knowing they don’t have a prayer
///Typical Eagles fan philosophy: Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, drink heavily, repeat
////At least we have the Phillies
Drew Brees voted for Favre for Comeback of the Year because he thinks he is a good guy who could do with the boost.
Christ almighty, it’s like watching the world’s tiniest dick swinging contest.
The Pats since 2004 have managed to do the opposite of nothing, which is turn in a pair of colossal choke jobs that were so bad they actually hurt the reputation of a team that managed to win three Super Bowls in four years. Also worth noting: the Patriots’ greatest failures this decade are bookended by a pair of Super Bowl rings for Archie Manning’s kids. At this point, I’m pretty sure if you put Bernard Pollard and Cooper Manning on the same field, the Patriots would just forfeit.
Let’s be honest here: the officiating in Super Bowl XL was so bad, I know Steelers fans that still act sheepish in admitting they “won” that one. As for last season, c’mon. C’mon. It’s the Arizona Cardinals. They were a 9-7 NFC West team. They had zero business being in the Super Bowl. I don’t even know how they got there. And they took them to the wire and needed a friggin miracle to make it happen. So far this decade, the Steelers lucked their way to two titles, and didn’t even bother to defend them. Basically, this team straight up laid down in 06 and 09 and said “Eh, we won, let’s let someone else try it out for a change.” As for Mike Tomlin “unleashing hell”, I take dumps scarier than that.
That being said, the Colts aren’t much better. 115 regular season wins this decade. 7 straight 12+ win seasons. 7 straight playoff berths. They’ve owned the AFC South all but two years of it’s existence. In that time: 7-6 in the playoffs, 1 Super Bowl win. Being a fan of this team is like spending every offseason with a case of blueballs. They look so good, draft so well, and really just do everything you can ask of a team for 17 weeks, but come playoff time it’s like getting kicked in the nuts.
The Steelers have their defense (which completely shit the bed this season), the Patriots have Belichick (who shit the bed in Indianapolis), and the Colts have Manning (who has yet to shit the bed, but it’s coming).
Oh yeah, and the Chargers. How many years have these guys been the “most talented team in football”? I’ll be forever grateful to them for shitting the bed against the Pats in 06, but 07 and 08 just piss me off. If you’re going to beat the Colts in the playoffs, at least have the fucking dignity to win the Super Bowl, so I can go “Well, we got beat, but they won the Super Bowl so at least we lost a close game to the best team in the league.”. Instead, I get two offseasons of “We lost to these fuckers? Jesus Fucking Christ.” I wouldn’t trust Norv Turner to manage a McDonalds, much less run a pro football franchise. Also, when do the “Why can’t the Chargers win the Big One?” questions start? I mean, they’ve had a few years of being really good now. It’s about time for them to either start winning something important or shut the fuck up.
So yeah, wave away.
team manning exists people.
I will say this in closing, who knew welkers knee was a red squid?
I don’t think Benson qualifies. “comeback” gives the impression that the player was previously good before sucking or getting injured. I’d suggest get it next year after he returns to the shit-dom that defined the first 4 years of his career.
Just when I thought the Pats fans were being annoying, here comes Monkey Business with an ill-thought-out 3,000-word exercise in yapcuntification that makes me think he’s on an epic sugar high from dumping the run-off sugar from his Sour Patch Kids box into a extra large Coke from Mickey D’s.
I blame myself for engaging the trolls.
As for last season, c’mon. C’mon. It’s the Arizona Cardinals.
You could have said this about the Colts not too long into the recent past. Not that you watched them back in the pre-Manning days.
Can someone just delete Monkey Business’ posts? I mean the long winded babbling through the thick flap of throat fat built up over the years from deep fried twinkie and heath bar infused funnel cakes.
/Do the humpty dance, watch him do the humpty hump
//C’mon Cowboys, DO. NOT. FUCK. THIS. UP.
@Ape: Brother? Is that you?
“The Pats since 2004 have managed to do the opposite of nothing, which is turn in a pair of colossal choke jobs that were so bad they actually hurt the reputation of a team that managed to win three Super Bowls in four years.”
I’m not defending the Patriots (only the English language), but the opposite of nothing is everything.
And “the world’s tiniest dick swinging contest”? Is that a flea circus or something?
can’t talk shit about teams. Being a Vikes fan is utter letdown in juice form ( although it is fortified with vitamin c ) and being kinda glad that Gary Automatic missed in ’98 to avoid another Super Bowl letdown still hurts in a way that only consistant losers can feel. The biggest sadness that affects me is that the Yuccaneers won a goddamned Super Bowl. Living in Tampa Bay for quite a few years, I hearken back to the days when Yucs fans wore paper bags on their heads to games and any seat could be had to watch your team devastate those yokels. Everyone talks about how Packers fans felt betrayed by Favre, well how the hell do you think it feels to have to root for him not to go ” all gunslinga” on your team after hating him all those many years?
my point??????????? I wish I could be a part of this greatest team of the decade arguement, I can’t even rage post about anything.
/just sayin, thanks for ignoring wall of text.
Someone tell Monkey Business that this isn’t an essay contest. You could have at least snuck a dick joke into that rambling train wreck of wussification.
he did, unfortunately he started off with it and fell on his hump
Oh for fuck’s sake, Monkey Business. Do you really expect anyone to read that fucking essay?
Wherever our allegiances lie, I think we can all band together over one thing. Monkey Business is the fucking worst commenter.
Thanks for bringing us together, Monkey Business.
Ape, how the hell did the entire Eagles team not get cited for co-least status, as well? At least those cocksucker Giants SCORED POINTS in their final fail-larious attempt at keeping The Land Baron and his Northmen from riding away on their women and raping their horses.
/ Not at all bitter from years of rooting for the only NFC East team without a Superbowl ring.
Monkey Business fails again! At least this other time it was fun to watch:
[www.youtube.com]
After reading the high number crybaby, worthless faggoty posts on this thread, I now only hope for one thing: A Bengals-Packers Super Bowl … just so the lot of (most) you will just shut the fuck up.
Since we’re talking about our favorite teams, let me clarify a few things about my own favorite team, the Minnesota Vikings:
• Yes, I know the Vikings will blow it. As always, they’ll commit some critical gaffe at EXACTLY the wrong moment.
• Adrian Peterson will show flashes of world-conquering brilliance, then cough up the ball or run for 63 yards on 25 carries.
• Though I’m happy Brett Favre is having a excellent year, I’m deeply conflicted about rooting for that motherfucker.
• Adrian Peterson’s punishing running style will shorten his career and ruin his post-football health.
• Yes, I know the Vikings will blow it.
• Stay the hell out of my booze!
Your wildcard weekend predictions:
Dallas over Philly in a FLAWLESS VICTORY.
The Jets and Bengals appear to practice FRIENDSHIP as they combine to score fewer than 30 points, Cincy 17, NYJ 10.
The Pats fans hear the sound of TOASTYYYY as they get uppercut by the underrated Ravens.
And finally, Jesus remebers that “Kurt Warner’s soul is mine,” propelling the cardinals past the packers by a field goal.
/see what I did there?
The biggest sadness that affects me is that the Yuccaneers won a goddamned Super Bowl.
Hehe, your life sucks.
as for Gino, sir…. I will not bogart thy booze because we ( the vikings) as a team have this amazing history of reviving quarterbacks past their prime ( I.E. Warren Moon, Randall Cunningham, Jeff George, and Brett ) and storming the playoffs with them until we really see the faults that made them ” past their prime”. I am willing to endure a loss as long as it is not and embarassing one like has happened in the recent past. This is how far that I have sunk as a vikes fan that I just pray and hope for a NOT embarasing loss. dear god I got into fantasy foorball to be a champion and I have failed at that also.
Hehe, your life sucks.
Yes… yes it does. i cannot even explain to the bandwagon jumpers ( my mother included , who btw never watched sports until a few years ago,) that the Yuks are still and always be a shitty team. But one cannot argue against a Super Bowl, it is just impossible.
We need a clean up in Aisle 3….appears some fat hump left a Murderhorn-sized mountain of crap in the middle on the comments section here.
Trolling’s not really my thing, but to all the Vikings fans (and I guess that includes Drew): don’t self-castigate and talk about all the flaws in your 12-4 team, despite how they’ve done recently. It’s absolutely unbearable to me to see you complain about quite possibly one of the best running backs and one of the best quarterbacks THIS YEAR (I’m putting it in caps so you know I’m saying it from a statistical standpoint, not because I like Favre) and the rest of your talent. Stop complaining that you have a first-round bye and try to actually support your team. It’s pathetic.
Also, as an example, if Peyton Manning left the Colts near the end of his career and came to the Patriots for a stint (unlikely, but an example), I’d still support the team. As much as I hate Manning, I still respect him, and if he’s playing for your team, HE PROBABLY WANTS TO HELP YOUR TEAM WIN.
Just be a little happy that you’re in the playoffs and also that you’re not a Browns fan.
Boy, this thread escalated quickly. I mean, this really got out of hand fast.
Boy, this thread escalated quickly. I mean, this really got out of hand fast.
I know. Ape, you killed a guy! Did you throw a trident?
i just won the lottery, hundred and six million dollars but having to pay the taxes on that makes me wish i never won.
translation: you losing winners are teh suxorz. shut your cunts.
/bills fan
//in buffalo
///janitor
////generally optimistic
/dick joke
Monkey Business for comeback commentator of the thread.
The Falcons had their first ever back-to-back winning seasons, obviously solidifying their position as “Team of the Decade.”
Can you guys give the Least of the Year award to Pats fans, just so we can watch them hurl verbal feces at everyone and everything? Plus it’d be interesting to see how it could possibly be contorted into a discussion of the Colts.
I’m so Goddam sick of hearing from fans about their losing teams. I’m the biggest loser. No, I’m the biggest loser. Jeez, can’t you guys just shut the fuck up?
Please
/can
//we
///stop
////with
/////this.
Why doesn’t it surprise me that Monkey Balls will be leading the World’s Tiniest Dick Swinging contest as an emcee?
I imagine he’s the reining champ there.
That motherfuck Pey-Pey got his ring against Rex fucking Grossman and you have the nerve to talk shit about the Steelers beating the Cardinals, Monkey Business? Wow.
CNN is reporting that the space shuttle has identified the Monkey Business post from space. Good God, man. You either need to lay of the drugs or start.
Waa, waa Otto and Gino.
My team is one of about FIVE that have never even gotten to the Superbowl. Yes, lump us in with the LIONS, BROWNS, Texans, Jags. Awesome.
/knows the Saints are gonna be one and done
//cries softly
Holy Shit, the Texans won something.
I’m a Pats fan. We have had a pretty good decade, all things considered.
And why’s everyone fighting? It’s like one of those TV families. Everyone hates everyone else and talks shit all the time but we’re still all getting together on Sunday to enjoy the day.
Besides, does anyone really want to live in a world where Pey-ote has multiple super bowl rings?
\says that only to piss off commenter who said pats fans would turn it into an argument about the colts.
\\extremely nervous about this weekend.
After reading this worthless thread, I won’t be checking in for sexy Friday……..
/dick joke
Everyone knows you don’t make an oil-based Wlker painting. All Welker works of art are made from a paint made of equal parts water, grit, chowder and Peter King droppings.
Let’s not forget to give credit to Todd Haley and the Kansas City Chiefs for cutting Pollard, making him available for the Texans to sign, making him available to injure Mr. Welker.
Fumble recovered + pass intercepted + crippling injury inflicted = The Bernard Pollard Hat Trick.
Ike Taylor just missed last week.
ike turner wouldnt have missed either
Seeing Ike Taylor intercept a pass Sunday was a once in a life time experience. Kind of like seeing Big Foot or the Lock Ness Monster.
After this thread, I don’t think we deserve a Sexy Friday
Funny Post
Glad to see Bernard Pollard get more recognition
BoneCrusher had a great game and has combined with DROY Cushing to make the Texans D a force
Here is another of my favorite Pollard tidbits – the big hit on Barber when Pollard played at Purdue :
[www.youtube.com]
“bankmeister Says:
January 7th, 2010 at 6:05 pm
Let’s not forget to give credit to Todd Haley and the Kansas City Chiefs for cutting Pollard, making him available for the Texans to sign, making him available to injure Mr. Welker.”
Excellent point
Here are a few of my other favorite Pollard videos :
[www.youtube.com]
[www.youtube.com]