01.05.10
RETURN TO GLOREEEEEE!!!
Yeah, Jack! Yeah, it’s official! WE GOT COOCH SHANAHAN! That’s right! The Mastermind! Noo, it just happened TODEE! They just hired him todee! I’m not lying! Would I lie to you with the basketball jersey on? WE’RE TALKIN’ SKINS HERE!
Well, if I were you, I’d cancel our golfing trip to Hilton Head this year. We’re gonna have to start getting riddy for Super Bowl Sundee 2011! WE GOT COOCH MASTERMIND! I haven’t been this excited since I got a table at Cheesecake Factory with only a 20-minute wait! SEE YOU AT CHURCH!
January 5th, 2010 at 8:59 pm
What kind of accent are you trying to make fun of?
January 5th, 2010 at 9:02 pm
Where They Are Now: Jim Courier
January 5th, 2010 at 9:07 pm
Mike Shanahan won’t be coaching the ‘Skins, you fool. Dan Snyder just needs Shanny’s face to reupholster his office chair.
January 5th, 2010 at 9:15 pm
Shanahan won’t have Campbell or Portis, one of those guys possibly both are gone. If Snyder truly decides to butt out they will become a good team. Thats a big if though.
January 5th, 2010 at 9:17 pm
Can a guy with orange skin really coach this team? Won’t that be confusing to the fans?
Maybe Shanny and John Boehner can hold an Oompa Loompa Lookalike competition and raise money for Haynesworth’s salary.
January 5th, 2010 at 9:28 pm
God fucking dammit, he’s gonna steal his son as OC from the Texans. And I thought I couldn’t have any more distaste for Snyder and the Redskins.
January 5th, 2010 at 9:48 pm
Over/under on how long it takes for this to completely implode? I give it a season, which about halfway through will involve Shanahan sipping Mai Tai’s on the sideline and Ethan Albright just randomly stabbing people.
January 5th, 2010 at 9:53 pm
CHAM-PEEN-SHIP!!! Nothing tastes better than Redskins fail.
@johnthefisherman: That’s how most of the tards who live in the District sound. Ain’t it obvious? Cooch shanny will be cooching on Sundee up in the maus-o-leee-um in Raljon.
/Here’s to another sweep
January 5th, 2010 at 10:02 pm
I don’t go to church, and nobody has ever gotten a seat at Cheesecake Factory in 20 minutes.
/not happy
January 5th, 2010 at 10:05 pm
That accent = huh?
January 5th, 2010 at 10:06 pm
That’s cus you’re a JEWH like Snider.
January 5th, 2010 at 10:08 pm
Shanahan never won shit without me.
/not coming out of retirement.
January 5th, 2010 at 10:10 pm
To be fair, Elway never won shit without Shanahan either.
January 5th, 2010 at 10:12 pm
But that would kill the point Ape and random internet commenter is smarter than everyone else.
January 5th, 2010 at 10:18 pm
The only way this works is if Shanahan pushes Snyder to go hog wild (see what I did there?) in an uncapped year. That way he can build a roster like the illegally over-the-cap Broncos teams that won Super Bowls. Of course, as John Elway just said, he’s not coming out of retirement. For that matter, neither Terrell Davis. Or Shannon Sharpe. Or Rod Smith. Clinton Portis, however, is readily available.
Actually, wait, this won’t work at all. Shanahan’s team-building skills are freakin’ awful. He should have waited for Dallas to flame out so he could have poached Wade Phillips’s mostly capable roster and salted it with one or two missing pieces.
Again.
January 5th, 2010 at 10:23 pm
And that is one doughy motherfucker. His cheeks are redder than the SKins jersey.
January 5th, 2010 at 10:24 pm
No one in the District sounds like that. White trash in Charles County on the other hand…
January 5th, 2010 at 10:25 pm
That’s a fair approximation of the Baltimoron accent, especially the “Sundee”. But “Cooch” doesn’t really convey the horror defined by the Baltimoron’s pronunciation of the long “o” sound. Seriously, just listen to one Salvo Auto Parts ad featuring “Coach Buzz” and you will be horrified.
January 5th, 2010 at 11:37 pm
Jesus titfuckingasslickingcuntholebuttfuckingassholemotherfuckingshitbaggingdouchesuckingcockfuckingassrapingshitfuckingdicksucking Christ
January 5th, 2010 at 11:43 pm
Cool shades, bro
January 5th, 2010 at 11:48 pm
Well, you could be a Lions fan…
January 6th, 2010 at 12:50 am
So SSB: I’m guessing you’re a(n until very recently) quiet Skins fan? You disguised it well.
C’mon, you still got Clinton Portis! And Chainsaw Dan.
And the measty London Fletcher. Give it time and build off the D. Then pray to whatever gods you believe in that maybe some day you will find a quarterback who won’t rip out your soul on an annual basis.
Good luck with that.
/gave up slashies as a New years resolution.
//Shit
January 6th, 2010 at 12:52 am
I bet Clinton Portis can’t wait to dust off that championship belt. Here’s to the Skins drafting an unknown RB in the 5th round who rushes for 1,200 yards next season!
Oh, and 6 wins. Don’t forget the 6 wins.
January 6th, 2010 at 12:54 am
Cooch Shaneehan.
January 6th, 2010 at 1:08 am
@yeah, right?: I’ve been that quiet? Didn’t think I was. I take that as a compliment.
Yes, I am a Skins fan. But I realize all sorts of franchises have reasons to bitch so I try not to. Still, Dan Snyder … fuckshitassbitchcuntfdjsaklfjdsalkfjdsa
January 6th, 2010 at 1:14 am
That sounds like Balmore Ravens accent cooch
January 6th, 2010 at 1:16 am
Elway OR Shanahan never won shit without me.
And Elway is an Ellen Degeneres lookin’ bitch.
January 6th, 2010 at 1:32 am
The Washington Redskins – offseason champions for six years running! And they didn’t even have to wait until the start of free agency to be crowned this year.
Also, anyone else think that Col. Hans Landa from Inglourious Basterds had an uncanny resemblance to John Elway? I mean in terms of looks, not the Jew hunting. Well, then again…
January 6th, 2010 at 2:02 am
@SSB: Let us consider it as a lab project. It will be worth 75% of your total grade. C’mon The World needs your unbiased opinion. WAPO has you leaning positive towards the Dan Man.
Well, we are allowing you to retort.
No pressure man. It’s like mailbag eve-eve.
January 6th, 2010 at 2:12 am
FUUUUUUUUUCK!
January 6th, 2010 at 4:32 am
In a heartwarming coincidence, a coach and his favorite running back are reunited. No, I’m not talking about Portis…OLANDIS GARY IS COMING OUTTA RETIREMENT, BABY!!!
January 6th, 2010 at 4:54 am
God dammit, there goes Kyle.
/hopes the next Houston OC uses the pass to set up run instead of vice versa
January 6th, 2010 at 6:07 am
jackin’4beats Says:
January 5th, 2010 at 9:53 pm
CHAM-PEEN-SHIP!!! Nothing tastes better than Redskins fail.
@johnthefisherman: That’s how most of the tards who live in the District sound. Ain’t it obvious? Cooch shanny will be cooching on Sundee up in the maus-o-leee-um in Raljon.
I guess you have never been to DC.
Fuck Baltimore
Fuck the cowboys and thier bandwagon riding douche bag redneck fans
January 6th, 2010 at 7:49 am
This is going to be hilarious. The Skins fans here in DC are giggling like schools girls. The Redskins and their fake-assed, pasty, out-of-town fanbase are gonna cry some delicious tears when Six-Win Shannee is finished.
BULLEE-DAT.
January 6th, 2010 at 8:05 am
I live amongst these assclowns and am not looking forward to them striding around proclaiming themselves to be winners with their shiny new coach. After Washington beat Denver and were in last place in the division the fans were chantnig playoffs…god, I loathe this franchise.
January 6th, 2010 at 8:33 am
Every defensive linemen in the NFC East just felt shivers run down thier MCLs and ACLs
January 6th, 2010 at 8:34 am
Is there anyone outside of DC that thinks this will turn out well? Seriously, this has all the hallmarks of a total disaster written all over it. I’ll be surprised if it doesn’t end in a zombie apocalypse.
January 6th, 2010 at 8:42 am
They really are overmarketing that Susan Boyle chick.
January 6th, 2010 at 8:50 am
1.Anything better than 4 wins.
2.Sorry Campbell “Youre done”
3.Teach D how to catch sure picks.
4. Start drafting people out of Russia…that Ovechkin kid seems to be working for the Caps.
January 6th, 2010 at 8:58 am
It’ll be cluster-fuck-arific!
January 6th, 2010 at 9:33 am
Do they have a case of Offseason Championship trophies next to the one of Lombardi trophies down at Redskins Park?
/same old Skins
//Martyball 2.0
January 6th, 2010 at 9:34 am
I guess you have never been to DC. Actually I lived there for a summer when I worked for WAPO and I’ve visited more times than I can count so great job being wrong.
Fuck Baltimore No problem agreeing with that statement
Fuck the cowboys and thier bandwagon riding douche bag redneck fans Anyone who jumps on this bandwagon can get fucked…especially the rednecks, but since I’ve been holding down my Cowboys allegiance longer than you’ve probably been alive, let me kindly say the bag of dicks section is ——> that way. Go kindly find a bag and choke on it.
/6 wins will be the Skins equivalent of a playoff berth
January 6th, 2010 at 9:51 am
Shanahan is a good coach with a pretty good (offensive) track record. That’s all. Just thought that should be mentioned in one post. And no, not a skins fan.
January 6th, 2010 at 9:51 am
Snyder: Hey Coach Horseface, I’ll give you the reigns for football decisions as long as you hire my stepbrother Jethro as special teams coach (pictured in post above).
As an unbiased Cowboy fan (not bandwagon, for life and from DFW), how can any Redskin fan be upset? There is really nowhere to go but up from where they are now.
January 6th, 2010 at 9:52 am
i can sadly say that the people in my office are ecstatic we hired Shanahan.
Hell, he was smart enough to trade Portis for Champ. That’s already better than any trade we’ve made in the last 1.5 decades.
Next season is going to suck.
January 6th, 2010 at 9:54 am
@Long Ball Larry
I was one of those asshats sorry. Although I was piss ass wasted and screaming at people that they were gonna go 12-4, even though they had already lost about 6 or 7 games at that point because that sounded about as likely as the Redskins making the playoffs.
/Redskins fan who really can’t stand other Redskins fans…..Idiots
//PUT IN COLT COOCH!!!!
January 6th, 2010 at 10:07 am
Washington fans are the worst NFL fans out there. No question.
//tucks Colts jersey into jeans and orders a chili cheese hamburger pizza…BUT NO MUSHROOMS
January 6th, 2010 at 10:42 am
I hate that Drew lives in the DC Metro area.
January 6th, 2010 at 10:52 am
this post is missing the tag really anybody is an upgrade over zorn
January 6th, 2010 at 11:00 am
He better have an assortment of bitchin’ fake field goals!
/Skins fan
//understands the hate
///doesn’t understand why you mongoloids think this is a sure failure considering the organization actually looks competent now for the first time in a decade
January 6th, 2010 at 11:10 am
Hilton Head looks a little too classy for that guy. I’m thinking Myrtle Beach.
January 6th, 2010 at 11:11 am
Well, there goes the Texans coaching staff…and as much as I hate the J-E-S-T for getting a couple of gimmes to get in (although they looked good against the Bengals), is anyone else reminded of the Steelers from, like, ‘06 (too lazy to check dates – I’ll look in Ape’s direction for clarification) – rookie QB, number one defense and number one running game? Dirty Nacho Chimichanga can keep from giving the ball away…that would be as insufferable as Philly or Washington winning.
January 6th, 2010 at 11:13 am
This should change everything, just like the Haynesworth signing last year.
January 6th, 2010 at 11:23 am
I heard Dexter Manley is getting the old gang back together for one last big score.
January 6th, 2010 at 11:33 am
Cooch Shanahans gonna need to fix the o-line before they start dreaming of championships again. He’ll probably install the zone blocking scheme he had back in Denver. The guy in the picture seems to fit the bill, not like they got anything better.
Plus look at those cool shades! Return To GLOREE is imminent!!!!
January 6th, 2010 at 11:34 am
Shenanigans! That guy and his boys golf in Myrtle Beach, not Hilton Head.
January 6th, 2010 at 11:35 am
Fallex beat me to the Myrtle Beach reference. +1 Grand Strand.
January 6th, 2010 at 11:46 am
With Kyle Shanahan in the fold, can his butt-buddy Chris Simms be far behind? QB problem solved, Redskins fans.
January 6th, 2010 at 11:49 am
I agree. I could imagine this guy at Mother Fletchers in Myrtle Beach, front row and center for the high school spring break wet t-shirt contests.
January 6th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
“Fuck the cowboys and thier bandwagon riding douche bag redneck fans.”
I know! It’s all “Yeah, we won a playoff game a few decades ago! Woooooo!” with those fans. Fucking bandwagon faggots.
January 6th, 2010 at 12:19 pm
I don’t get why people think this is such a horrible move. Shanahan’s a fucking awesome coach, especially compared with the other jackoffs out there. If he could have swallowed his pride and listened to someone about defensive personnel, he’d still be coaching today. There’s a good chance he learned that lesson through his firing and watching the Broncos defense turn around (initially).
On second thought, Snyder will fuck this up. And Shanahan might revert to his old ways on defense, by signing Derrick Brooks out of retirement or something.
But for all you hating on this move, you should know that you are agreeing with Simmons on something NFL-related. That should worry you.
January 6th, 2010 at 12:25 pm
Dan Snyder is the worst NFL owner
/ Oops, I momentarily forgot about Al Davis
January 6th, 2010 at 12:26 pm
As a Redskins fan, I am only cautiously optimistic about this move, while this is a clear upgrade over Zorn, by how much only time will tell…
January 6th, 2010 at 12:58 pm
Brandon Marshall to the Skins for Jason Campbell??
Just sayin…
January 6th, 2010 at 1:15 pm
He’ll probably install the zone blocking scheme he had back in Denver.
So, in other words, instruct his offensive line to leg whip people whenever possible? Sounds plausible.
January 6th, 2010 at 2:25 pm
I will wait to see what Mark Frederick Schlereth says about the move after he finishes cleaning his shorts.
Then I shall pass judgment.
Also, I am pretty sure I saw that Skins fan ordering an “Everything” Nic-o-Boli at the Rehoboth Boardwalk and then puking it up on the Gravitron at Funland.
/misses very little about the Mid-Atlantic
//except Utz and Yuengling
January 6th, 2010 at 2:44 pm
Redskins fans are the hostages on the bus in Speed.
Brandon Marshall to the Skins for Jason Campbell??
/invests in DC area battered women’s nonprofits