Why ahhhhhh you people even bawthering to pay attention to this Supah Bowl? This was nawt the Supah Bowl America fackin’ WANTED! These ahhhh two faggot teams from smawll mahhhhhhhkets! Everyone knows this Supah Bowl would have been fahhhh bettah if ow-ah beloved footbawll Variteks had been pahhhht of the game! NO ONE DENIES THIS!

(comes on to girl, gets rejected, calls her a cunt)

Mahhhhk my words. This yee-ah will nawt be remembahed as the yee-ah of the Colts ar the fackin’ Katrinahs! This will be remembahed as the season the fackin’ Pats dynasty came to a fackin’ end! THAT IS WHAT YOU WILL REMEMBAH! When you ahhhh tahhkin to yar fackin’ little faggot grandkids 20 yee-ahs from now, you will say to them, THAT WAS THE YEE-AH THE LEGENDARY BAWSTON FANS HAD TO SEE THE END OF A FACKIN’ ERAH! You will nawt remembah the facks that won Supah Bowl Farty Far! THE SHADOW BELICHICK AND FOOTBALL BIRD CAST IS FAHHHH TOO STRAWNG!

(never tips the black stripper)

I have said continually that awl the Pats had to do was draft Shawnn Facking Greene aftah I saw him play and we’d be collecting ow-ah rightful seventh straight Lombahhhhdi Trophy! BUT BELICHICK DID NAWT LISTEN TO ME! HE’S LAWST HIS TOUCH! HE’S GETTING OLD, AND HE’S FAHHHH TOO HAPPY JUST TO FACK MILFS!

(says he’d totally plow Scott Brown’s daughters)

Everyone knows this Supah Bowl is ALL ABOUT OW-AH PATS! As you know, the Katrinahs ahhh now playing for-ah ow-ah awnah!!! THEY AHHH PATRIOTS IN SPIRIT! Any team that is nawt a Bawston team that plays far a title is ow-ah prawxy!

People fackin’ email me a lawt. They email me becawse they know WE BAWSTON FANS AHHH THE BEST AT HELPING THEM MAKE SENSE OF SPARTS!

(giggled through screening of “Schindler’s List”)

Many Vikings fans emailed me aftah they lawst to the Katrinahs, becawse they know I HAVE BEEN THROUGH THE FACKIN’ FIAHHHHHHH!!! The only way to prawpahly follow yar team is to consult with a Sawx fan to know if you ahhhh doing it right! They look to me. I am a fathah figyah! I AM LIKE THE FACKIN GHOST WHISPERAH! They say to me, “Tawmmy, we ahhh hurt! But ahhh we as hurt as you were-ah aftah Game 6?” AND THE ANSWER IS FACK YOU! GAME SIX IS ITS OWN FACKIN’ THING!

(dips)

You see? It awl comes back to us… THE LEGENDARY FANS OF SAWX CITY! SPARTS CANNOT SURVIVE WITHOUT OW-AH PRESENCE!

(scares women out of bar)

SO FACK THIS GAME! IT IS NAWT IMPAHHHTANT! Who cay-ahhs if a bunch of watahlawggged dahkies finally win a Supah Bowl? Besides, what’s the line? Seven points? I DON’T AGREE WITH THAT FACKIN’ LINE!