Periodically, I like to breakdown NFL party videos. And while this isn’t quite one of those, there’s a lot to be learned– so I thought I’d share it with our readers anyway. Be warned, “Shoe Tutorial” is a bit of a misleading title. Bob Barley here isn’t going to show fellow Colts fans how to handle footwear requiring something trickier than a Velcro fastener. Instead he’s showing us the hand gesture that is sweeping corn fields across Indiana. Here we go…
0:01 Why not call it the “Shoe-torial”??? BAM! Video improved!
0:04 Here come the boys from the south… central Indiana. Funny, never would’ve pegged this guy for a rap metal fan.
0:10 “What’s up Blue Nation. It’s me; Adam Duritz’s older, fatter, less successful brother.”
0:13 “You already know me…” Wait, were you the guy who fished that possum out of my pool last summer? Solid work, Peter Nosh.
0:20 “Edna, is that awful smelling man dancing behind us again?” “I’m afraid so, Beverly.”
0:40 Step one: Shape of “L”, as in “lardass loser’s lousy lecture”. Check.
0:48 Step two: REE-verse “L”. Check.
0:57 Step three? Damn, this is one complicated hand gesture.
1:05 Step four: that picture says “pork fried rice” in Cantonese.
1:10 Step five: I think what Fatisyahu here really needs involves 12 steps. Amirite?
1:20 “We want to be the first team in the NFL to have our own hand sign.” Before that we wanted to go undefeated, now we’ve settled on an attainable, shitty goal.
1:29 Kickoffs, third downs, fourth downs, key situations… weddings, bar mitzvahs, supermarkets openings… when the Ravens embarrass us on primetime national television… any time works, really.
1:42 I make my old lady point her video camera at the jumbotron the entire game on the off-chance they happen to show me dancing like I’m suffering an epileptic convulsion.
1:53 I rock out in khaki cargo pants—BECAUSE I AM SO FUCKING METAL!!!
2:03 Included your Twitter and Facebook addresses??? Oof, sorry dude.
So there you have it– a completely original, not at all ripped off from anyone else hand sign…
“See, I tilt my grip at an 85-degee angle. My old lady says that way Miami can’t sue.
She went to paralegal school for a semester—SO SHE KNOWS HER SHIT!!!“
I want more like this!
Follow Kissing Suzy Kolber on Facebook and get the latest NFL news & humor before everyone else.