Periodically, I like to breakdown NFL party videos. And while this isn’t quite one of those, there’s a lot to be learned– so I thought I’d share it with our readers anyway. Be warned, “Shoe Tutorial” is a bit of a misleading title. Bob Barley here isn’t going to show fellow Colts fans how to handle footwear requiring something trickier than a Velcro fastener. Instead he’s showing us the hand gesture that is sweeping corn fields across Indiana. Here we go…
0:01 Why not call it the “Shoe-torial”??? BAM! Video improved!
0:04 Here come the boys from the south… central Indiana. Funny, never would’ve pegged this guy for a rap metal fan.
0:10 “What’s up Blue Nation. It’s me; Adam Duritz’s older, fatter, less successful brother.”
0:13 “You already know me…” Wait, were you the guy who fished that possum out of my pool last summer? Solid work, Peter Nosh.
0:20 “Edna, is that awful smelling man dancing behind us again?” “I’m afraid so, Beverly.”
0:40 Step one: Shape of “L”, as in “lardass loser’s lousy lecture”. Check.
0:48 Step two: REE-verse “L”. Check.
0:57 Step three? Damn, this is one complicated hand gesture.
1:05 Step four: that picture says “pork fried rice” in Cantonese.
1:10 Step five: I think what Fatisyahu here really needs involves 12 steps. Amirite?
1:20 “We want to be the first team in the NFL to have our own hand sign.” Before that we wanted to go undefeated, now we’ve settled on an attainable, shitty goal.
1:29 Kickoffs, third downs, fourth downs, key situations… weddings, bar mitzvahs, supermarkets openings… when the Ravens embarrass us on primetime national television… any time works, really.
1:42 I make my old lady point her video camera at the jumbotron the entire game on the off-chance they happen to show me dancing like I’m suffering an epileptic convulsion.
1:53 I rock out in khaki cargo pants—BECAUSE I AM SO FUCKING METAL!!!
2:03 Included your Twitter and Facebook addresses??? Oof, sorry dude.
So there you have it– a completely original, not at all ripped off from anyone else hand sign…
“See, I tilt my grip at an 85-degee angle. My old lady says that way Miami can’t sue.
She went to paralegal school for a semester—SO SHE KNOWS HER SHIT!!!“
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I am a huge fan of Yo Gabba Gabba. My 1 year old has loved it from the time he was six months old! I’m surprised by how many famous stars have done segments on the show. Plex is the best!
Hi all, i just came here when i did a fast google search. Neat blog you got here! Keep it up!
As an NFL fan, I’ll take the crazy nutjob over the bitter pathetic blogger who spends an hour critiquing a video he hates desperate for comedy gold when all he can come up with is “the dude is fat.” I hate the Colts as much as the next guy, but I’m not going give a lame ass second by second account just cause my team’s out. Fuckin’ sad. One more thing: funny how none of these fucks are still talking after Nap-town rolls.
Tunison’s just mad cuz this guy gave him “the shoe” out back behind the gay bar, and never called him. Look, I’m a season ticket holder, and I can literally see this guy from my seats, and…I don’t know what it is, but whatever…it works. My brother went over to talk to him during the Baltimore game to ask him what the fuck this shit was and he said, it’s “the Shoe.” Fuck it. He’s been doing it all year and he wasn’t at the Jets game because he was getting married. Shit works, I tell ya.
Oh, and if you hate the Colts, fine. But if you don’t care enough about your team to spring for season tickets, and this guy does, then…
Step 1-Take your sweaty, sausagey, jealous fingers off your keyboard right now
Step 2-Grab your car keys (or use your Homer Simpson-style dialing wand to call someone qualified to drive you)
Step 3-Come on down to Indianapolis and catch a load of the next generation all over your faces, from the fattest pair of humps you’ve ever seen, dingleberries!
That’s right. Suck it, bitches. Colts in 44!
Reminds me of this guy from south park, “if you don’t do the shoe, you’re gonna have a bad time.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pY2XU9fVrtU
Priceless: http://www.mycolts.net/media/p/7947.aspx
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Dreadhead/151350344626
14 fans for this douche on FB (that’s nearly double what the Colts had before Peyton came to town). Can’t wait to get a full week to build up my hate for all things IndianCRAPolis… J! E! T! S! Jets! Jets!! Jets!!!
Apparently this dipshit hasn’t been to any other NFL stadiums… Not only are you fighting an unwinnable battle against being the “first team with a handsign,” (the “tomahawk chop” at Arrowhead, for instance) but you’re easily the biggest dipshit on the planet. Oh wait, I forgot about Obama… SECOND biggest dipshit on the planet.
masturbation>bluenation
I’ve had Colts season tickets since 1994 & I’ve seen this guy. Not sure when he got on the wagon but it was most likely after all the women knitting Christmas sweaters left…… he’s always trying to “start something new” & it drives me crazy. His last gimmick was a rip off of the Tomahawk Chop & a ref signally 1st down.
Amazing. Why aren’t there “internet licenses”?
Dreadhead also gives his address on his Facebook page….maybe he needs a few shoe-shaped dog turds to arrive…..
/ashamed to admit I went there
//wishes the Falcons drew enough attention to generate Hate
///MV7 doesn’t count
That’s it.
I’m all in for the Juggalo holocaust.
Dear God why did I allow myself watch that entire thing? Like watching a car wreck, or Jersey Shore, I can’t turn away! May God have mercy on our souls!
This idiot is one of the smarter people in Indiana… He can make complex hand signals.
Once again, I believe there should be a mental health check before people are allowed to purchase video cameras.
“pork fried rice” hahahahhahahahahahahaha
I do believe this fine gentleman has a tongue piercing, doesn’t this present an unacceptable choking hazard as he most certainly inhales 98% of his food off of a bone?
The only Colts fans that I respect are the ones that repped their Starter jackets in HS. 1993.
/seriously there’s at least 1 loser who had that jacket
/still a fat hump though
We Colts fans DO have our own nation: Land of Shit.
So we have Derek from Munice, Douchedread from the South Side (Beech Grove/Greenwood/shithole burb), what about the uppity season-ticket holders from Hamilton County?
Brett Brett Brett… I thought “Rock Of Love” was as low as you could get…
I was wrong.
(guy behind dreadhead at game)
“Hey Asshole!!! Knock that crap off, your shaking
Play-Doh and hair all over the fuckin’ place!!!”
Who the Fuck is “Blue Nation”? I’d say that the Colts fan base is more like Blue Village. When did these Fat Humps get their own Nation? Holy shit when did Colts fans become as crazy about their team as Raider, Packer or Steeler fans? I guess I’m Rumplestiltskin and slept through the part where “Blue Nation” became a die hard fan base.
My Shoe Dads, 90-Shoe-10, Shoe’s the Boss. Yes I am showing my age, both in lack of funny and in older sitcoms.
/Mad About Shoe? Nothing? Oh you rapscallions don’t know nuthin ’bout funny nowadays.
@ Head Bee Guy
Hahaha. You forgot about “Shoe Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place,” “Shoe and a Half Men,” and “Shoe’s The Boss”
@miami nacho cheese…. Gatorade… nacho cheese flavored Gatorade seems like an invention I can get behind.
/make it so Number One.
//I’m really not a Trekkie
This Axl Rose rip-off here should just get a real horseshoe and shove up his ass.
You wanna be the first NfL team to have fans with actual horseshoes up their asses, oh wait. YOu guys already have horseshoes up your asses?
Never mind then.
Tilting your hands in like that does not make a shoe. It makes an upside-down uterus. Because you’re a fucking pussy.
First we had Derek from Muncie. Now we have Dreadhead from Beech Grove. Amirite?
/He’s actually probably in Greenwood.
Johnny Bench called.
i can tell by that beautiful lady at his side while doing the “u”, that i will never do the “u”.
Wow, Monkey Business looks like shit. Just another reason you know his claim of banging a frisky redhead yesterday was bullshit.
Also, that video had to be done in multiple takes that were spread out – fatty dread there definitely needed to catch his breath after Step 3, and probably get a shot of Gatorade and nacho cheese to keep going
how can the Colts be proud of fat hump douchebag fans like this?
/really wants another Derek from Muncie post after the colts lose
I’m a Colts fan and I love this shit. I love internet hate, I think it’s fuckin hilarious and this website is funny as hell. But I’m not ashamed of Colts fans being fat (actually, I’ve got season tickets and they’re not as much fat as they are trashy chain smokers) or any of that shit. I’d rather have my team made fun of than completely ignored any day of the week. Let’s go Colts! Win that shit! Fries and cigs on me if we win motherfuckers!!
1:10 Step five: I think what Fatisyahu here really needs involves 12 steps. Amirite? –lmao
I don’t know, even with Dreadhead’s 5 easy step method, I’m not able to do “The Shoe”.
One should note that this man’s name is Theo.
Yeah, this makes me want the Ravens to win all the more. But being a Ravens fan, I know there’s a 90% chance of absolute embarrassment and a 9.9% chance of a close game that somehow is moreof a heartbreaker.
Good to see that Gutter from PCU is doing well
/Favreau’d
this asshole probably thought Reggie Wayne was doing the “‘shoe” when throwing up the U. Sorry buddy, he cares more about his alma mater then your shitty fat-hump city.
It’s funny that the team’s name is Colts, since most of their fans resemble cows.
I predict a successful career on hit TV shows like “Mad About Shoe” and “NYPD Shoe”
Hey. It beats having fathumps go to games shirtless with THE SHOE painted on their absolutely disgusting fathumps.
/imagines Dreadhead with his shirt off
//vomits everywhere
@Stonecutter: luckily, the PA at Lucas lacks the opposable thumbs required for the Shoe and can take of that other problem.
Colts Season Attendance History
Season Capacity
1993 84% Blackout
1994 82% Blackout
1995 91% Blackout
1996 90% Blackout
1997 93% Blackout
1998 91% Blackout (pey pey arrives)
1999 94% Blackout
2000 101.2% Woohoo, TV
Fathumps, been watching the Colts on TV since 2000
But if everyone is doing the shoe, there won’t any crowd noise to distract the ohter team. If only there was a way you could also have crowd noise when people weren’t actually clapping.
Let’s go old school gladiator time, round up this cockweed, the JETS fireman, that damn cat in Carolina and all other “distinguished’ fans and have them all fight to the death. The lone winner we will toss him some ladies and give him an island to retire on and never be heard from again.
As a Pats fan I am truly enjoying all of the suddenly self-loathing Colts fans posting here. “Oh but we’re not all like that” “i’m ashamed to be a Colts fan”. I long ago embraced my inner Tawmmy and I’ve never looked back. Learn to enjoy the Hate Colts fans.
I’m saddened by the fanbase I belong to.
Of COURSE this guy has a pet iguana.
@LaFarve
I believe that was Bryan Cox
Maybe he can coordinate the next Hands Across America.
Or, better yet, head to the forest to die.
/suddenly loses faith in fellow fanbase
I thought Bud Adams invented the football hand sign.
I’m trembling with so much Hate right now that I’m worried about being able to drive home. Hopefully the meth-lab fire that will inevitably consume his trailer park will curtail future videos from this apple-cheecked sister fucking goon. I hope chokes on his next mayonnaise sandwich as hard as Pey Pey chokes this weekend.
uh the first team with a hand sign?
I was under the impression that giving the Pats the finger was the ‘NFL first team hand signal.’
wow. This guy is a huge dbag. As a colts fan, that makes me cringe and I’d like to apologize… If you notice the people around him at least try to ignore him.
Wait wait wait–who blew an asian?
The Redskins already have a hand gesture.
/makes wanking motion
Oh man! Oh man! Did you see what he did? He has long hair and and rocks out with it at a public event. He totally invented that. I wish my team had fans that hardcore.
I can’t wait for Pey-Pey to retire, then retards like this can get off the bandwagon and go back to molesting young boys
@ Buddha- +1 burger king bathroom
“…it’s supposed to look like a fit or a convulsion. Anyone can play this game…”
It about time Monkey Business started pissing everyone off using a new technique.
Id rather stay a Chiefs fan for all of eternity and never, ever be successful in order not to be compared that fat fuck in the vid.
Goddammit.
HEY EVERYBODY! MORE FAT HUMPS OVER HERE!
HO-VA
HO-VA
HO-VA
Man, it’s really been a long hard fall for Axl. I personally didn’t think Chinese Democracy was THAT bad.
Saliva intro, white Colts fan with dreads, shoe-torial, Ric Flair woooo. I just turned my Colts hate up to 11.
Also, that looks like some stupid dancey dance from Yo Gabba Gabba
Somehow I don’t think they need a doublefisting foot-long subs tutorial.
See, you don’t have to take your clothes off to have a good time…but you do have to have a shit-ton of grain alcohol and meth to put up with this shit. I’m just thankful Monkey Bidness left his shirt on.
Step 1 (1…1…) we can have lots of fun….