New Orleans, your 15 minutes are up.
After the earthquake in Haiti earlier this week, you are no longer the devastation darling that endeared you to so many Americans back in 2005. You wooed us with your water damage, and the plight of your people tugged at our heartstrings amid your spurts of cantankerous looting. You were a fun little retarded brother to have around, New Orleans. But now it’s time for you to go.
It’s time for you to resume being the Coonass Las Vegas to all of the drunks, whores and tit-deprived youngsters of southeast America. Finally, in this period of transition, we can stop pretending that you ever were a real city. Even Indianapolis relies on media of exchange other than beads and frontal nudity, and even the worst cops in Cincinnati wouldn’t have the gall to loot their own town. And not even Marion Barry, in his highest hour, would go on television in the wake of Hurricane Katrina and tell all the white people to, generally speaking, get the fuck out of town.
And that, somehow, brings us to the New Orleans Saints. The Saints literally take cash payments from the city and the state to the tune of about $15 million a year. As the city was mildewing around them, the team was getting eight-figure annual payments just to not leave. And then it was like, “Oh, America loves the Saints.” Bullshit. America loved the Saints in much the same way as we loved Corky from “Life Goes On.” We’re generally indifferent, but we’re keeping an eye out in case somebody falls down a flight of stairs.
Of course, New Orleans could just give it up and let the team move to LA. And while it might seem lewd to part a team from its fans at first brush, pro football in California makes more long-term sense than pro football in Louisiana. But the idea of taking away Corky’s one precious toy is too much to bear for the rest of the world (It’s somewhat amazing that in the midst of all that flooding and destruction that Tom Benson was the only one that actually wanted to leave). At least when Benson tried to run his team out of town, he did it without robbing a Walmart.
So enjoy it, New Orleans. Enjoy this playoff run like it’s your last, because it very well might be. The Saints are the only organization in your city run with any modicum of efficiency. We’ll be over here fawning over this other shithole in Haiti now. If you want the attention back on your fair town, you’ll have to earn it. Good luck. You bastards are gonna need it.
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New Orleans is the arm pit of the south. After Katrina, many of the pits joined us here in Atlanta. These wonderful people have ruined many neighborhoods and shown what great people they are. Just like their cheater piece of crap football team….. drain on society, welfare and public assistance. New Orleans and it’s people suck!!!!!
i was actually looking for something online to justify my own feelings about the owner of the saints and came across this very articulate, hateful commentary by jeez punter – what has happened in haiti is horrific, to say the least, but “trashing” new orleans, or better yet, diminishing what happened here during katrina by trying to compare it to the catastrophe in haiti, well, i just see no justification – you are so small-minded to think new orleans doesn’t care about the situation in haiti, or any other place on the wrathful end of nature – in fact, my nephew (from NEW ORLEANS) is currently in haiti doing relief work – yes, he “stepped up to the plate”, left his family behind, and is in haiti doing his share to help – one more thing … the debauchery that happens in new orleans is almost always tourists who lose their sense of decency, thinkin that is a lifestyle of those of us who love this major historical city – what happens on bourbon street does not define us as a people – perhaps your anger has blinded you and you’re taking it out on us …
Great info on your posts. Look forward to future info, keep it coming! >:-O
they just won the super bowl. hope they riot and burn that trash pit
fuckers need another hurricane might wash all the shit out to sea. but then instead of the smell of shit all you would smell is the sweat stink form all those fat assed deep fried fed scumbags that live in a toilet and bitch when it overflows and the shit slides out on the streets. fuck you new orleans, you ungrateful fucking mongrels
fuck the saints
new orlean sucks. bunch of fucking grifting welfare hounds
just because it was supposed to be funny, doesn’t mean it was. thanks bruh
Best thing to ever happen to New Orleans was the hurricane.
Dear Sir or Madam
Best regards
Min
Maybe thats because your a douchebag
“Blah Blah Blah, I’m a whiny bitch”
Quit complaining. Cowboys fans didn’t even get a real haters guide.
I went to Nawlins to help clean up after the storm, and all i saw were the most ungrateful, piece-of-shit people I have ever encountered in my life. May just have been the location I was at, but be damned if I continue to help you clean all that debris out of your shitshack after you threaten to stab me six times an hour.
The mayor “ray SCHOOLBUS nagin” couldn’t even move 400 school busses to higher ground with 5 DAYS WARNING.
Gee ray, when you were whinning that it was Bush’s fault, did you ever stop to think you could have used those busses to evacuate your helpless, hopeless, worthless, shiftless, dependent constituents to higher ground seeing as you had a fucking weeks warning.
The massive vietnamses population just walked up the highway to saftey. Then there was the bl*cks, well we know what they did. Is it racist if its true. I never saw one vietcong standing outside the Super Shelter screaming at news helicopters to save em. They just walked up the highway to saftey. Haiti’s just detroit with nicer weather.
Wow, a long joke about hurricane Katrina to put down New Orleans….original.
“In America there is New York, New Orleans and San Francisco. Everywhere else is just Cleveland.”
@Kuppler
@sofa king
@anon pussytuber
You fuckers really have no idea what New Orleans is like. Just go back to your life at UNO Grill and Crackerbarrel, and maybe if you’re feeling cultured, you can go to Chipotle.
I agree with most of the kommenters, picking on the team itself is the object not the city. But I guess there isn’t enough hate for Drew Brees so why not pick on the state? Anyways, I still enjoyed the post as a longtime reader of the site, but some of you kommenters must have really shitty lives to feel this much vitriol towards NOLA.
Oh look, it’s 8AM, I can go drink alcohol in the street and the local Church lovers can’t do shit about it.
Have fun in the rest of America, your food really does suck.
I spent 3 of the weirdist months of my life down there, right after Katrina. When my group was at the airport for our return flight, a coworker said
“Man, I can’t wait to get back to the sates!” His statement was valid.
/Can’t believe they spelled “Louisiana” right on the “Welcome To Louisiana” sign…
I never knew so many people in Louisiana owned computers.
I visited NO a week before Katrina, and it was a piece of shit city, filled with hayseeds. I can only imagine what it must be like now. Do you know why they have these “cookie cutter suburbs”? Because they fucking work! That is why so many people live in these “places that are all the same” (even though that’s couldn’t be less true). I’m sorry that I don’t want to live in a place where I’m more likely to get anally raped and murdered, than to find a good bagel.
Lighten up people it’s a blog. So what if you live in a hurricane ravaged wasteland? You clearly like it, so enjoy it and go clean the sand out of your vaginas.
/hate,hate,hate,hate,hate
Wow…really? California over Louisiana? California isnt putting money in other things than what they need to? I think they are in the 42 billion debt area. Yet the biggest news is about Lane Kiffin and USC. No thanks. Not sure how the Saints and budgets are even related. Thats just bonafide HATE. Who wouldnt want to join the ranks of the Raiders? Oh and the 49ers. Ok ok….the Chargers do ok every 4 years. Saints fans are real fans…This season has done alot for the city. Were over the whole katrina thing, about 4 years ago. I do sometimes forget that noone in any other state would “loot” something if they had the oppurtunity. Especially with the limited amount of resources to get food and normal living supplies. Oh and Las Vegas is free of drunks and whores…hmmm…i believe its LEGAL is some parts there. This article just makes you sound like an ass. I will no longer come to your site.
…isn’t Fuck You supposed to be next?
I’m right there with you RBP. LOVE my city. Would never leave even though I could make more money elsewhere and pay lower homeowner’s and flood insurance, yadda, yadda, yadda.
It gets in your blood. And, yes, I have lived other places (Baton Rouge, Hattiesburg, Phoenix, Aruba…). I have also traveled to many countries in Europe, the Caribbean and India.
New Orleans RULES.
Since you seem to know the origin, I won’t bother doing any research of my own and ask; why did they start saying that?
It comes from old Jazz and ragtime back-and-forth songs. (The singer would say something and the band would reply “Who Dat?” That kind of thing).
@Kuppler: “Fucking poseur”? Why? I’m telling you why I’d take New Orleans over most of America. I’ll take crooked, corrupt and dangerous over your cookie-cutter. You want to live where everything’s the same? Fine. I don’t. I like originality, uniqueness and places that aren’t the same as every other city. (New Orleans isn’t alone in this. But the list is short).
And how do you not know I branched out more in other places? Huh? What? HUH?
The screen grab is from last years Monday nighter. I was in attendance. It fucking ruled. I loved the city and the experience in the Superdome was mind-bending loud and super fucking fun.
Vegas is for pussies. NOLA is the shit. And it’s mayor is “vagina-friendly”.
That being said, “Fuck the Saints”.
Lofty hate, Punter.
RBP: You fucking poseur. Have you ever eaten at a McDonald’s? Wendy’s? Taco Bell? Popeye’s? Or do they not have those in NO? It’s all French bistros, huh? In all the cities you’ve lived, you should have branched out more instead of telling me that the Applebee’s in NO are better than anywhere else. I’ve been to so many cities with better food than New Orleans.
If your city’s “identity” is of a shit-hole with a sky-high per capita murder rate with no redeeming value, then you’re welcome to stay. The most corrupt city in the most corrupt state, you make Chicago look like a paragon of virtue. Your own police force looted as much as the criminals, at least the ones who didn’t abandon their posts. But you go ahead and tout the good attributes. Like jazz. What a “cultured” city. I’ll take the “cookie-cutter” suburb, where I won’t be shot or stabbed to death by a crackhead.
By the way, signing Deuce McAllister at this late date should not be filling you with a confident feeling.
I hadn’t laughed this hard since 9/11…
//FAIL
Move the Jags to Port-Au-Prince. This way we can have the Jags and Saints play yearly in ” The Pity bowl” and whomever wins gets all of our fake compassion for the following year.
/Jaguars attendance would most certainly go up.
Breesus, do I have to do everything around here??
1) It’s the Hater’s Guide, people. It’s tongue-in-cheek. It’s not a call to nuke New Orleans, it’s a parody of someone trying to find a reason to hate the Saints. New Orleans is a shithole in a way, but it’s the most charming shithole you could even hope to imagine.
2) Taking the Haiti angle is brilliant, but only because you’ve beaten the announcers of tomorrow’s game to it. They WILL be exploring this angle – New Orleans vs. Haiti – it’s a guarantee because they’re all shitbag journalists who can’t help themselves.
3) New Orleans was NOT built below sea level by the Army Corps of Engineers or by Tom Benson or by George Bush. New Orleans was BORN below sea level but a city thrived there because of it’s location near the mouth of the Mississippi. It needs protection from the waters, but not because it was fucking built that way.
4) I do take exception with one thing in this article. You act like being a Saints fan has only been possible since Katrina. As a native New Orleanian who bleeds freakin’ black and gold (and purple and gold), I can tell you that being a Saints fan is more like being Charles Manson’s mother. Long, long suffering, but you just love them anyway!’
Saints 38, Cards 24
blah blah blah, article was written in an inflammatory style because it’s supposed to be funny, blah blah blah, once again it wasn’t.
not one insult about a Saints player? or how they are limping into the playoffs and are probably hilariously one and done?
high five to the dude who stated that Punte = “Sports talk radio hack douchebag.” He’s been pulling this shit on WithLeather too, but then actually does try to make some sort of moral point about it all, and that’s just retarded.
@ Deranged Drunken Tailgater
Fuck.And.Yes +1
Although I’m curious to see how many of the offended people aren’t from Narlins.
I actually didn’t know that. I just figured that, since the Bengals actually had a couple seasons where someone may have actually wondered who could beat them, it originated in Cincinnati. Both are probably equally terrible to people unaffiliated with either team. Since you seem to know the origin, I won’t bother doing any research of my own and ask; why did they start saying that?
Nothing like a MMP rant to get all the self-righteous, pretentious, fake douche-canals to come crawling out of their holes wailing about how evil and insensitive a particular column is. Seriously you fuck-sticks, Jeff, Chris, Bob Dylan, ect. do you honestly believe this article was written with a greater sense of purpose and understanding of reality than a Sexy Rexy/Laserface crossover (thanks a trillion for that by the way Drew!!!) it was just a harmless blog trying to find something humorous out of horrid. It was mindless FUN! GET THE FUCKING SAND OUT OF YOUR VAGINAS YOU ASSHATS!!!!!, Get raped by 24 inch piece of rebar and DIE of SUPRERAIDS!!!! And get the fuck off the best blog in the universe you humorless donkey-raping shit eaters.
/gratuitous South Park reference
Punte didn’t even address the most rage inspiring chant: “who dat”. Its like some crackhead cajun dickslap fucked who dey and knocked it up.
You do know that “Who Dat?” came first right? It predates the “Who Dey?” by about 10 years.
Now is it annoying? Absolutely!
makes more sense for football in california than football in a city built BELOW a fucking lake and next to pretty much the ocean where hurricanes come every fucking year.
Yes because nothing bad ever happens in california…
/earthquakes
//yearly forest fires
///destroyed state economy
////Al Davis
As a Saints fan, my feelings are mostly hurt that no one seems to care enough to muster up some vitriol.
Give it a few years of making it into the playoffs and we’ll be there.
There is no morality in my outrage (can’t speak for the jeff’s of the world). I happen to be a bengal fan, and hated the weak hater guide for my team. Growing up in nati, you get to observe some of the crappiest people, and therefore fans, in the world (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mAV2Jt6OzCE&feature=related). I was hoping for some of that action was completely disappointed. We got weak, indirect hate. Have to point out, we are getting the same shit with Nawlins. Punte didn’t even address the most rage inspiring chant: “who dat”. Its like some crackhead cajun dickslap fucked who dey and knocked it up. Then who dey drank and smoked the whole pregnancy and who dat was the F.A.S. spawn. How do you not hate on that? So, no morality here. I’m just hating on MMP’s hate style.
makes more sense for football in california than football in a city built BELOW a fucking lake and next to pretty much the ocean where hurricanes come every fucking year.
I realize there’s little left over in post-season hate with the Cowboys, the Jets, the Eagles, the Pats, Marmalard, Favre et al. in the playoffs. But this was awfully short. As a Saints fan, my feelings are mostly hurt that no one seems to care enough to muster up some vitriol.
Feigned moral outage will be the death of this country
love this.
This was weak shit. Not funny, not entertaining.
Feigned moral outage will be the death of this country. With all that is wrong in the world, THIS gets people upset?
Quentin:
Hey, I expect some haterade, that’s the the name of the game in a “Hater’s Guide”, but this is a FOOTBALL blog and the hate in this post had nothing to do with football. There was some hate on the city and some near-nonsensical hate on the team’s owner being paid to keep the team around. Of course, that would never happen to Jacksonville or Minneapolis or any other team that threatens to move to LA.
So yeah. The “Hater’s Guide” had so much potential and we got an unfunny rant that has nothing to do with football. On a football humor blog. Maybe someone should sign MMP up for a livejournal so he can whine without wasting our time?
http://famousdc.com/2010/01/15/nfl-playoff-madness-continues-in-dc/
DrewBreesiana is happy to have all visitors. Stay as long as you like.
That being said, I really was happy when all my friends who are Giants fans went down there this season running their mouths about how awesome their piece of shit team was… and then The Saints beat them. Classic. Awesome.
I’ve been in New Orleans and it was the fucking dirtiest, msot disgusting place I’ve ever seen… And I live in Newark, NJ…
ZING!
/hates stupid fucking engineering schools in the ghetto
Even if I weren’t a New Orleans native, this would remain the worst article I’ve ever read on this site.
I thought this was a football blog, not one for faux geo-political commentary. Absolutely stupid.
From here on out, I’ll treat MMP’s opinion on football like Clay Aiken’s opinion on women: Glad to know you’re looking and all, but really, it doesn’t fucking count for anything
Hens love roosters
Ganders love Geese
Everyone else
Loves Drew Brees!
I was pretty much done with N’awlins after watching the female police officers make off with Wal-Mart merch. See ya in LA in 2011 assholes!
DEEEEEUUUUUCCCCCEEEE!
It’s gonna be nuts, RBP. Can’t wait to hear the crowd tomorrow. And, by the way, just to let you know, we stopped paying the Saints to stay here this year or so. We made some deal for Benson to buy a building next door to the Dome and then lease office space back to the City. So…yeah, we’re still paying them to stay.
WHO DAT?!
Move someplace that doesn’t suck
Trust me. I tried moving someplace else and I came back because those other places suck more! Cookie-cutter, flyover, no identity-having middle-of-nowhere dumps.
If your idea of “cuisine” is the steakhouse some ex-jock opened…your city sucks.
And yeah, this was the weakest sauce of hate since the Bengals. But I understand. Outside of Shockey (and maybe Bush) there isn’t a guy on the Saints that you wouldn’t want on your team.
Oh and the Saints just re-signed Deuce McAllister today! Bring back the Deuce! Who Dat?!
I think this post sets a record for the greatest amount of amount of anti-hate komments.
Kommenters usually agree – eg. Indy – but dem coonass be fightin’ back fo sho!
/ Puttin’ the HAIT in HAITI !
America loved the Saints in much the same way as we loved Corky from “Life Goes On.”
New Orleans is a Chocolate City, but I didn’t know black people could get Down Syndrome.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kgdikuVQOU
Seriously, it’s been a good 3 and a half years get over it already. I mean how long does it take you to rebuild a house?..yawn.
That I nodded and laughed when reading this means I’m going to hell, right?
/You can do some righteous damage to your liver and cholesterol levels during a long weekend in NOLA
Let’s give them a little credit – Po’Boy and Muffaleta sandwiches are fucking tremendous.
Some great hot sauce comes from NoLa too.
geaux with the fleaux
You could’ve just posted that video where the Saints fans shoot the TV.
The prosecution rests.
Public Enemy #1 on the Saints: Robert Fucking Meachem.
Jeez Punter that’s…pretty accurate
Now make a joke about the football team, Jeremy Shockey is on it after all.
Confederacy of Dunces Reference FTW
Ok, so whoever linked this post to some random blog in NoLA and got all you twitchy fuckers here with awesomely thought up french names like Gaeuxboy or whatever, chill the fuck out. if you have no frame of reference, you have no idea that punter writes inflammatory shit all the time. its meant to be funny. i don’t think, and maybe im worng, that punter actually likes death and destruction, its a humor website. go back to your shithole town
“America loved the Saints in much the same way as we loved Corky from “Life Goes On.””
Wow. That’s an all-timer line right there. Sounds like something Paul Mooney would have said on Chapelle’s show. It’s a bit too wordy for a T-shirt, but would look really good on a billboard or something.
Becca!?
I put the “Who Dat?” fans right up there with Viking fans.
I know I’ll probably catch shit from Gino T. for that
I didn’t think anybody thought anything at all about Vikings fans- besides the corpulent Packers, Bears and Lions fans who hate us, that is. Cool, we annoy other obese fan bases, too.
I love booze but hate the excessive smell of vomit and piss that roams the streets of Bourbon Street after 2am. It’s not as bad as the dry blood smell from the stabbings inside the Superdome during the storm but still pretty gross.
Its so funny how people try to make a name for themselves these days.
“This city is famous for its gamblers, prostitutes, exhibitionists, anti-Christs, alcoholics, sodomites, drug addicts, fetishists, onanists, pornographers, frauds, jades, litterbugs and lesbians, all of whom are only too well protected by graft.”
-Igantius J. Reilly
“You[r] life is horrible… and it’s only going to get worse.”
Well, Punter is a Bengals fan, so you may not have to wait long.
With both the Bengals and Saints, punter left alot of funny, relevant hate on the table. Whoever compared him to a sports radio asshat was dead on.
“So if you’re ever in the French Quarter and Lance Heniksen starts following you: run. Run like a sonofabitch.”
Be fair, that rule’s good pretty much everywhere. Motherfucker’s creepy, even when he’s playing Wally Schirra.
// honky from Iowa
// thought this post was sorely lacking in proper theology and geometry
// not to mention a good Confederacy of Dunces reference or two
// nah, better keep it to one
@ Mr Burns
re: “New Orleans deserves our hate hate hate because they built it below sea level”
I don’t believe this is accurate. New Orleans was built where it was because it was high ground at the time. It’s geological demise is attributed to the damning abuse up and down the Mighty Mississippi by the US Army Corps of Engineers
Wow what a scum bag. You use the destruction and deaths in haiti to put down the destruction and death of an american city
You are are a seriously disturbed and mentally adolescent boy, and a real scum bag.
The only satisfaction I get from this, is that I know you life is horrible , for you to think like this, and its only going to get worse.
Not defending that cry baby jeff, but I do agree with Dylan, Scram and others – this post was the weakest Hater’s guide since the Bengals post. Get your shit together punter.
kuppler sucks cock
Fuck the Saints. Fuck New Orleans. Fuck people from New Orleans. Your town is shitty, it’s sinking and the American taxpayer is wasting money keeping the Gulf of Mexico out of your living room. It’s damn shame rainstorm Katrina didn’t wash your “culturally relevant” shithole out to sea. Move someplace that doesn’t suck and then you can complain.
Can someone please lend me The Rough Guide to Coonass Vegas?
Not to rush to NOLA’s defense, but c’mon Punter: Indianapolis only relies on other media because the only tits in Land of Shit are on the men. Now that the Rust Belt isn’t making shitty cars…or anything really…the only median of exchange they’ve got is Pey-Pey.
This writer is trying real hard to get noticed and stir a shitstorm for his own publicity.
For all you people talking trash abour New Orleans : Kiss my fucking Ass you fags!