This is Chris Johnson. Right now, Chris Johnson is, hands down the best running back in football. I mean, really. HOLY FUCKING SHIT, this man is a beast. He averages 6.4 yards a carry. He could easily top 2,000 yards by year’s end. The idea of facing him in fantasy makes my balls quiver. The man is a badass.
But he’s got no nickname. We can’t let this shit stand. A player this awesome deserves a handle worthy of his play. So we a KSK came together (an ideation!) and tried to come up with a name for Johnson that would stick. Here was that list:
-CJ
-Magic Johnson
-Powder Blue Jesus
As you can see, we failed miserably. But then we snorted Ritalin, and gave it another go:
-Cop Speed
-Long Johnson
-Dashville Hennessy
-Junebug
-Black Dwarf
-Judge Dreads
-Tosh.go
Okay, those are also all fairly weak. Except Cop Speed. So we need your help. In the comments, give us your best nicknames possible for Chris Johnson. Something cool, like Rocketcock. I dunno. GO NUTS. Winning name gets enshrined in KSK lore forevermore. Go, go!
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
Prawn – Like that badass alien ‘Chris Johnson’ in district 9 :D
Zombie Bob Marley. Zombie Bob for short. he is zombie fast and has dreads like bob marley. i win.
Blitzkrieg
Cop Speed Dos Ocho
He’s gone into…plaid
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mk7VWcuVOf0&feature=related
Aqua Jesus
CJ Swift
worf
Cool Runnings
Dr. McSilkfist
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_d4wOUC254
this.
@Josh Jones
Chris “Oda Mae” Johnson?
Chris “Teeth Bling” Johnson
WWCJD – what would chris johnson do?
Chris “IFYD” Jonhson
Chris “I Fucked Your Defence” Johnson
Whoopi’s Romper
(Cuz he looks like he could be a psychic in Ghost)
Megalon. You know, from godzirra
Killa Grilla
TennesseeULater
Powder Blue Flash
The Rasta Rocket
No Name, No Prisioners Johnson
Warp Speed Johnson
The Ultimate Johnson
Macho Man CJ Savage
Rick Flair Johnson
Ravishing Chris Rude
Chris “Not shot to death or suffering a breakdown yet” Johnson
Tony Romo.
KFC-J
Crackity Jones.
Da Death Dose……because alliteration is befitting such a bastard of a back.
Bob gnarley
Guys, I just wanted to say reading this drunk and jacked up on espresso makes it the most hilarious thing ever. Which I’m sure it would be if I was sober as a bird but whatever.
tick tick BOOM!
tweak
twitch
dash – already was a nickname an still appropriate
The love child of Mike Quick and Tootie from “The Facts of Life”
(Mourn ya till I join ya, Messrs. Phil Hartman and Jimmy the Greek)
Fantasy Football Serial Rapist
/been raped twice by Chris Johnson this year in fantasy football
//why in the fuck did I draft Michael Turner instead of him??
Meast Master
Chris “Tick Tick” Johnson…. (because of his head tick and cause he is a time bomb waiting to explode on an 85+ yard run)
cookie chrisfp
I Shot the Sheriff
(Bob Marley reference for the dreads, shot sheriff because he probably did)
Four-two-itous J (forty time)
GTP
GOLDEN TOOTHED PREDATOR
Heavy Hustle
Gale Force
Goon Squad
Chalkboard – when he touches the ball, you chalk up the points
and my favourite:
The Swiftness
oooh, wait, how about… the Mastodon
Chris “Groove Daddy” Johnson, or Chris “Does Work” Johnson, or Chris “Dred-Slayer” Johnson, or Chris “Thunderfeet” Johnson, or Chris “the Gap Crusher” Johnson…I don’t know, I could make this stuff up all day
Tecmo
how about “chad” johnson?
Chris “First Step” Johnson ,cause if you don’t get him in the first steps,he’s gonna step all over your johnsons!!!!
I like ‘Leeeroooy Jennnkinnns!!’, or maybe ‘Shaft’ – cause he’s one bad motherfu…
Shut Your Mouth..
Just talking bout Shaft
+10 Kill Whitey
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chris_Johnson_(running_back)
Check out his wiki entry.
Considered only a two-star recruit by Rivals.com, Johnson was not ranked among the nation’s top running back prospects in 2004.[3] He selected East Carolina over Eastern Kentucky and UConn.
His drug abuse led to many doubts by recruiters. He also constantly masturbated between practices.
/Snip
Cock Puncher
MOAB – Mother of All Backs
The Nashville Annihilator
VY’s Savior…
His: “Every Coach’s Dream”
The Best: “Prawn”
The Winner: “Cop Speed”
Defcon 1
Vhat’s eating Johnson?
The Fuck You Dreadnaught.
Touchdown Torpedo
Blue Bullet
Chris B.I.G. Johnson (Boom! I’m Gone.)
Cheese
The Kraken
Blue Pegasus
// Clash of the Titans FTW
// Original was released on my 6th birthday
My fav is easily Christ Johnson.
Going off the cthulu theme…
Christhulhu? Chrisulhu?
The Music City Manhandler
He actually has a nickname on the team, they call him Lil Ugly. I shit you negative.
how did Rushtoofarian not crush this? sad face
Gator Purify
Latrell Speedwell
Cocksmash McRapenstein
Tennessee’s Widowmaker
Stomping Babies
The Grilled Up Face Masher
Shhh Johnson.
Dong Johnson
Coffee Black
Chainsaw Johnson
Spearchucker Johnson
Ass Murderer
WMD Johnson
Ebola Johnson
*tapping out now- We all know Cop Speed wins glans down
He said he’s every coach’s dream, so how about “Coach’s Wet Dream” or CWD?
Sounds like some kind of fast acting pesticide or something!
Stepdaddy Johnson – he beats you and you hate him
Astroglide
can fit a cadillac in a mailbox or a (chris) johnson in the endzone (or 2 hole)
The Blue Blur
Fuck Me Johnson (because whenever he runs past, you go ‘fuck me!’)
Snoop John
Watermelon Ho’
Someone Put KFC In The Endzone
Shitkicker
Thrilla Killa
However, I still like Rocketcock
Velociraptor Grape
- He’s fast and he’ll fuck you up.
Scoots McGoots
The Fantastic Mr. Johnson
The Artist Formerly Known as Chris Johnson
I’d like to second Blue Zeus.
To whoever said he’s going to fall off next year due to heavy workload:
He averages <20 carries per game and is projected to finish with 315 attempts on the season. That's not a particularly large amount. The Larry Johnson comparison doesn't work because LJ finished with 416 (!!!!) carries in 2006, most all-time by any running back in a single season.
I don't have a nickname suggestion because I am boring.
The Darkness Monster
Shawshank Redux
Powder Blue Haze
CJ Kush
The Weapon of Ass Destruction
Trap Star
DonkeyDink
“Raped Ape” as in “That guy came running through the hole like a Raped Ape”
“Ape Rape” would make a good alternative.
BCN:
Black Chuck Norris
no more badass a man on the planet than Chuck.
ALL THE WAY or FANTASY