bradshaw snow
It’s like water, but it’s colder and less drippy.

Thanks to some fortuitous snow we have six games to enjoy into the early evening, and one of them is in Philadelphia. That usually goes well. Continue after the jump for a quick preview of each game, along with a totally original new ranking system.

All games in the Open Thread are evaluated for sheer snowability on a scale of 1 0 to 5 Snowgasms.

FIVE SNOWGA</SM

FIVE SNOWGASMS

Philadelphia vs. San Francisco

Tim Kawakami: “I’m looking down into the stands–a few snow drifts encompassing several rows of seats–and I can tell you: Somebody or many somebodies will be getting pelted tonight.”

four snowgasm

FOUR SNOWGASMS

Baltimore vs. Chicago

There was so much snow at M&T Bank Stadium that the team brought in 125 local inmates who volunteered to help with removal. The Ravens are missing four starters for today’s game, although they are expected to supplement their roster with a few of the larger convicts.

three throwgasm

THREE SNOWGASMS

Pittsburgh vs. Green Bay

They aren’t expecting snow in Pittsburgh until tomorrow, however the local weather is holding true to form. It’s gray and cold as fuck.

two snowgasm

TWO SNOWGASMS

Seattle vs. Tampa Bay

Ollie?

one throwgasm

ONE SNOWGASMS

San Diego vs. Cincinnati

Well there probably won’t be any snow in southern California, but hopefully the Chargers cheerleaders will wear those little Santa outfits. Those are nice.

zero snowgasms

ZERO SNOWGASMS

Denver vs. Oakland

It’s in the 50′s? Fuck you, Denver.