Snow! Snow! Snow! Your 1PM Open Game Thread

Hey, it snowed here yesterday! YEEHAW! WOOHOO! Grab your saucer sled and let’s all get injured! Seriously though, saucer sleds will destroy you.

Before we get into the 1PM games, please note the following players are OUT. Set your lineups accordingly:

-Michael Truner
-Brian Westbrook (well, duh)
-DeSean Jackson
-Matt Ryan
-Jake Delhomme (only important to note is case you wanted to start a D against Carolina)
-Steve Slaton (not out, but questionable, and a dick)
-Lance Moore
-Clinton Portis
-Peyton Manning
-Adrian Peterson

(NOTE: Creative license taken with injury list for purposes of dramatization)

All of the following games are, of course, prelude to this evening’s Game In Which The Land Baron Will Break Some Record Of Some Sort. CUE THE MONTAGE SCORED TO CHAD KROEGER MUSIC!

And they say that a hero can save us.
I’m not gonna stand here and waaaaaaait.
I’ll hold on to the wings of the eagles.
Watch as we all fly awaaaaaay.

Here’s the 1PM slate:

Philly at Atlanta: If the ACLU has their way, Chris Redman will soon be Chris Redstrom.

Tampa at Carolina: A rare week in which Steve Smith will not punch a baby once the game is over.

St. Louis at Chicago. Boller and Cutler. Together. Sparks will land.

Detroit at Cincinnati: Cedric Benson is probable. So he’s likely starting. Just kidding. He’s out. OR IS HE?

Tennnessee at Indy: The big one. Bud Adams has pocket eagles waiting for you slobbering Indyfolk.

Denver at Kansas City: From Pete Gaines comes this lovely .gif of Todd Haley. Whaaaaa???

New England at Miami: FACKIN’ BELICHICK IS DONE! I KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME SOME DAY! YOU PEOPLE FROM FACKIN’ OTHAH STUPID TOWNS DON’T UNDAHSTAND WHAT THIS MAN MEANT TO US!

Oakland at Pittsburgh: Big Ben was reportedly hurt by Hines Ward’s criticism last week. He’ll show that bastard. He’s gonna rape the first casino employee he finds. QUESTION THIS MAN’S TOUGHNESS NO MORE.

New Orleans at Washington: Reader Alex is going to FedEx Field for the first time today. It’s not too late to turn around, Alex. No one HAS to go to that stadium if they don’t want to.