Hey, it snowed here yesterday! YEEHAW! WOOHOO! Grab your saucer sled and let’s all get injured! Seriously though, saucer sleds will destroy you.
Before we get into the 1PM games, please note the following players are OUT. Set your lineups accordingly:
-Michael Truner
-Brian Westbrook (well, duh)
-DeSean Jackson
-Matt Ryan
-Jake Delhomme (only important to note is case you wanted to start a D against Carolina)
-Steve Slaton (not out, but questionable, and a dick)
-Lance Moore
-Clinton Portis
-Peyton Manning
-Adrian Peterson
(NOTE: Creative license taken with injury list for purposes of dramatization)
All of the following games are, of course, prelude to this evening’s Game In Which The Land Baron Will Break Some Record Of Some Sort. CUE THE MONTAGE SCORED TO CHAD KROEGER MUSIC!
And they say that a hero can save us.
I’m not gonna stand here and waaaaaaait.
I’ll hold on to the wings of the eagles.
Watch as we all fly awaaaaaay.
Here’s the 1PM slate:
Philly at Atlanta: If the ACLU has their way, Chris Redman will soon be Chris Redstrom.
Tampa at Carolina: A rare week in which Steve Smith will not punch a baby once the game is over.
St. Louis at Chicago. Boller and Cutler. Together. Sparks will land.
Detroit at Cincinnati: Cedric Benson is probable. So he’s likely starting. Just kidding. He’s out. OR IS HE?
Tennnessee at Indy: The big one. Bud Adams has pocket eagles waiting for you slobbering Indyfolk.
Denver at Kansas City: From Pete Gaines comes this lovely .gif of Todd Haley. Whaaaaa???
New England at Miami: FACKIN’ BELICHICK IS DONE! I KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME SOME DAY! YOU PEOPLE FROM FACKIN’ OTHAH STUPID TOWNS DON’T UNDAHSTAND WHAT THIS MAN MEANT TO US!
Oakland at Pittsburgh: Big Ben was reportedly hurt by Hines Ward’s criticism last week. He’ll show that bastard. He’s gonna rape the first casino employee he finds. QUESTION THIS MAN’S TOUGHNESS NO MORE.
New Orleans at Washington: Reader Alex is going to FedEx Field for the first time today. It’s not too late to turn around, Alex. No one HAS to go to that stadium if they don’t want to.
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The Jags have been silent killers the last few months. David just wins games.
My cock grows an extra inch or so every time the Redskins commit epic acts of failure. By now, my johnson is about 50 million inches long. Thank you Danny-Boy Snyder!
Redstrom…haha…cuz the Jews right?
Not satisfied with only one teammate named Colt, Jason Campbell placed his faith in Vinny ‘n’ Daniel to use their ever-improving draft position to get… THE REAL MCCOY!
Time for Brees to rack up some more fantasy points.
Campbell CHOKE
Redskins in field goal range to win it with 30 seconds left, and Campbell throws a pick. Well done.
Campbellfail
Colt Brennan time?
Wow, the ref gives Witten about an extra yard and a half for the first down.
Breesus saves!
ZORN!
FAIL TO THE REDSKINS!
BREESUS CHRIST, WHAT A THROW
Breesus strikes again!
Anyone else think Chad Henne looks like Michael Bisping from the UFC? Hands made of stone and afew too many blows to the head would explain his skill as a quarterback.
Playing Dropkick Murphys as time ran out was a nice touch.
Oh goody, talk to me Joe Buck… Wow you’re so much more interesting than an ACTUAL GAME THAT IS STILL ON!
/shakes fist at FOX
Fuck you FOX, I don’t give a shit about the late game. Put NO/WAS back on.
Redskins kicker FAIL
Fuck you, tarr leceivel.
2001-2007 Pats were one of the best second half teams in the league.
This year they look like the browns
Phil Simms desperately trying to find a reason that Brady’s interception shouldn’t count.
They’re fucking reviewing it. If they overturn this it’s hte biggest bullfuckingshit ever.
Brady picked off. LOVE IT
Sparano: Thats-a spicy meat-a-ball!
Bradyfail!
The Bruce Gradkowski Era BEGINS NOW!
Dreamboat pickeration! Pats lose!
Otto, thanks to your avatar, I’m laughing my ass off because I just heard that comment in the voice of Kenny Powers.
I’d like to think all my comments should be read that way. Especially in a PoFlaWa.
My anger at the Patriots collapse is almost canceled out by my jubilation at the Steelers collapse.
Pats down by 1 with a minute left. Steelers down by 3 with 9 seconds left. Saints about to be down 10 with 2 minutes left.
So much schadenfreude, so little time.
Miami takes the lead
BRUCE FUCKIN GRAD FUCKIN KOWSKI!!
FUCKIN!
Otto, thanks to your avatar, I’m laughing my ass off because I just heard that comment in the voice of Kenny Powers.
THE SAINTS AHR OHNLY LOSING TO THE REDSKINS BECAUSE THE GREATRIOTS SOFTEHNED THEM UP!
Miami down 21-19, just got into field goal range with 2:00 left.
Bet you wish you’d gone for that fucking field goal now, eh, Bill? Fucking mumbling moron.
Nathan, if you compare stats, Yahoo has the season long listed at 77 yards, by Billy Cundiff. Been like that for a couple weeks i think
@ Nathan
How many fantasy points for a 97 yard field goal?
Seriously Fox, its 34-0. Switch to the fucking Saints/Skins game.
And Miami pulls a Belichick
Let me be the first to congratulate John Kasay on what would be a record smashing 97 yard field goal. Hat tip to nfl.com for the stats.
Jesus, Yahoo needs to get its shit together. First they said that Steve Smith caught a pass for a 66 yard loss and now they say that John Kasay kicked a 97 yd FG.
Ok… 34-0 Eagles. Why are we still watching this abortion?
Greadkowski you crazy fuckin Pollock!
Gradkowski, makin’ it rain!
Jesus Christ, did the Steelers sub in a Pop Warner D for this game? You just got schooled by Bruce Gradkowski.
Tom Brady just channeled his inner Cutler and threw a red zone pick.
Ok Fox, you’ve had your special Vick homecoming Atlanta moment. Now for the love of God please change the game!
why do the Titans have Vince throwing inside the 20 when the have Chris Johnson?
ron mexico strikes again
Michael Vick outplaying McNabb. Fucking awesome.
I think Fisher really likes Manning and is going to give him this game. Maybe Pey-Pey will sign the jersey afterwards!
Texans RB Chris Brown just threw the worst pass I’ve ever seen.
You’d think the Redskins were a playoff team they way they keep jumping around like monkeys after every play.
Chris Redman is Michael Vick without athletic ability.
4 Bree-D’s need to happen right now. They can’t possibly loose to the Snyders.
“This isn’t going to be a trap game”, they said…
And the Pats start self-destructing in the second half yet again, almost on queue.
Time for a Henne pick 6?
Looks like Dan Snyder’s strategy of playing “When the Levee Breaks” on a loop today just might be working.
And Belichick going for it on 4th AGAIN. It’s so awesome how scarred this old man is from one little slip up.
wow Tennessee has the best RB in the league and on 4th and goal from the 2 they have Vince Young throw a fade? Stupid
Who are these men and what have they done with the Washington Redskins?
Butler is actually decent for a rookie. Its fucking Wilhite that sucks dick every game. He’s blown at least 2-3 plays each of the past 3-4 games.
RT Sports has the same 17 to -1 score listed. Nice to know neither has fact checkers.
Henne is All-Pro at throwing to completely empty areas of the field.
Sign in stands after Vick touchdown: “ATLANTA LOVE VICK”.
It’s good to see that the Bluths were able to regroup in Georgia.
Ron Mexico finally scores
oh man. avatar is gonna suck major balls.
also, VICK!
Too soon ESPN.com. Too soon.
http://img51.imageshack.us/img51/1733/toosoon.jpg
289, this is true. And shannon already does the halftime at cbs i guess so my point is invalid. I was referring to Fox. Terry Bradshaw comes off as such an ignorant hick when he’s saying players’ names, I don’t know why they don’t just let Strahan or even Jimmy do them.
Can we please have a black man in the halftime booth do the highlights? These old white guys can’t say half these names to save their lives.
So you want them to bat 1.000? Shannon Sharpe has problems with his own name.
Right now SI.com is saying Washington is beating New Orleans 17 to -1 at the half
The Titans are just staggeringly undisciplined. They’d be in this game if they didn’t do unbelievably stupid shit.