Your Meast of the Week this week is Drew Brees, who destroyed the Patriots with five TD passes. You embarrass Bill Belichick, you’re a friend of ours.
We’re professional haters at this site. It’s what we do best. But I can’t think of a single reason to hate on Drew Brees. Drew Brees is fucking awesome. He never sulks. He never points fingers. He’s not in every other commercial. And it’s fun to watch him play football. I dare you to hate this man. He should be made an honorary Canadian or Australian, he’s so amiable. He’s the anti-Cutler. In fact, I do believe there’s a meme here.
Drew Brees will pick up the check. No worries, man.
Drew Brees isn’t mad that you crashed the car. Insurance will take care of everything. He just hopes you’re okay.
Drew Brees has heard that birthmark joke 4,567 times before. But he still laughed at it anyway.
Drew Brees uses Lincolns at the titty bar.
Drew Brees is renting a speedboat this weekend. Wanna head out onto the lake with some beers?
Drew Brees dated your sister, and that was all right with you.
Drew Brees cleaned up the bathroom after you booted in it, and didn’t ever bring it up again.
Drew Brees helped you move.
Drew Brees thinks that song you wrote actually had some potential.
As for your Least of the week…
DAWWWWW HORSEFEATHERS! JOSIE’S BLUE RATTLE, I AM PEEVED!
This may be the last time we get to give Pickin n Grinnin the Least award. Savor the flavor, Cajun boy.
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Drew Brees pees sitting down.
This and the “Jay Cutler…” posts weeks ago are hilarious.
drew brees told me i’m doing a good job, and not to dwell on my mistakes. nobody’s perfect
Chuck Norris got him a Drew Brees tattoo
Drew Brees adopted Eric Cartman…and turned him into a good kid.
When Drew Brees got robbed of the MVP award, he was the first to congratulate the winner….and he meant it.
When playing Tecmo Bowl, Drew Brees always punts on 4th down.
While participating in passing drills at training camp, Drew Brees once fired a football so far and hard that it broke the fabric of the space-time continuum, traveled back to the post-Crash 1930s and cleaned up in the stock market. The football later joined the local “Why We Fight” committee and helped organize scrap and rubber drives for the war effort in the early 1940s.
While participating in passing drills at training camp, Drew Brees once fired a football so far and hard that it broke the fabric of the space-time continuum, traveled back to the post-Crash 1930s and cleaned up in the stock market. The football later joined the local “Why We Fight” committee and helped organize scrap and rubber drives for the war effort.
Brees is allergic to eggs, dairy, wheat, and gluten. I suggest the ‘Skins invite Drew for a friendly pre-game breakfast at the local Denny’s.
Drew Brees snowblowered* your driveway while he was at it.
Drew Brees borrowed your car for a chips and salsa run (mild, medium, and spicy), and returned it with a full tank.
Drew Brees liked your Affliction shirts so much that he traded you his new Brooks Brothers polos** for them.
* …snowblew? snowblew.
** your size, not his
Drew Brees throws for all those yards and TD’s for one reason and one reason only.. for YOUR fantasy team, Brees owners.
And when he has a bad game, it’s because he knows the team playing against you really needs a win. He just wants everyone to be happy.
Drew Brees ALWAYS answers your cell phone calls.
Drew Brees has jumper cables, a full gas can, and a universal spare tire in his car. Just in case you get into some car trouble.
I am a Panther’s fan but that GIF still makes me lol
Drew Brees and Gay Zorro saved an orphanage of 90 hijos from an evil sweatshop owner.
Drew Brees went back to Vietnam to free his old war buddies from a POW camp. He killed 183 gooks with nothing but grenades and his sweet ass arm.
Where the fuck is Justin Forsett?
Drew Brees let someone else have his swine flu vaccination.
Drew Brees neutered my dog for free.
Drew Brees makes sure he’s out of the house when you bring a chick home. No cock-blocks, brah, no cock-blocks.
Drew Brees refuses to use the N word, even at his KKK meetings and rallies.
Hey girl, I’m Ryan Gosling, and I approve of Drew Brees.
Drew Brees called shotgun but its cool, you take it man.
Drew Brees lets you have control of the remote.
Drew Brees coud last all night, but doesn’t because he doesn’t want to show up the guys she’s been with before him. He’s thoughtful like that.
Drew Brees leads by example and challenges you to be as good as He
Drew Brees is Grand Poobah of Tony Dungy’s cult.
Women say they want Drew Brees to act like a mangina, but they secretly love it when Brees acts like a cocky asshole.
Drew Brees has his red wings, and will renew them any time you need. Just ask.
Drew Brees knew your little sister was too drunk to give consent, so he just tucked her in and slept on the couch. You know so no one else would take advantage.
Drew Brees rents old VHS movies that have not been rewound and rewinds them so the next guy doesn’t have to. he is kind.
See Cat had to go and ruin it … Breesus is making all of us men look bad!!! You suck Breesus!!!
For my fellow ladies:
Drew Brees will eat you out gleefully, not because he feels obligated to because you just gave him head, but because he thinks you’re beautiful and sexy and he wants you to feel the pleasure he gets from you. And he will hold you afterwards. And make breakfast in the morning.
Drew Brees never pisses in the shower
Reading all these nice things about Drew Brees has made my day brighter.
So, um, Drew Brees will make your day brighter, without asking for anything in return.
Drew Brees is happy to be the healer when running heroics.
Drew Brees always accepts the charges when you call him collect from jail.
Drew Brees has no problems with Jon Gruden’s commentary, he’s just happy the guy landed on his feet.
Drew Brees totally understands that you’re a nevernude, and throws on some jean cutoffs just to make you feel more comfortable.
Drew Brees wipes his ass both standing up and sitting down.
Drew Brees declined a 3-way with your mom and Shawne Merriman. Out of respect Merriman back out as well.
// Merriman came back an hour later and raped her of course
Drew Brees apologized for taking victory away from me and narrowly defeating me in TWO SEPARATE FANTASY LEAGUES! No shit, in one league I lost 111.48 to 111.84.
And yet, I accepted his apology and invited him over for dinner. He offered to cook
Drew Brees is happy to give his wife a foot massage and pass on sex because she’s feeling bloated.
Drew Brees gives paper money to panhandlers.
Drew Brees lets you have all his Coke Reward points.
Drew Brees doesn’t mind watching chick flicks in the theater.
Drew Brees offers water and snacks to Jehovah’s Witnesses when they come by.
Drew Brees will let a high school QB beat him in a skills competition to get the kid a D-I scholarship.
Drew Brees takes you and the guys out for a free weekend in Vegas after you missed that promotion at work.
Drew Brees dresses up as the sober office Santa every year.
Drew Brees thinks that your screenplay has a chance, and loved reading it.
Drew Brees likes to throw an occasional pick, just so internet folks can criticize his play.
Drew Brees always gets you coffee when he goes to Starbucks.
Drew Brees respects the sun and uses sun block even at night, indoors, in the winter, to make sure the sun knows his level of respect
Drew Brees berated James Harrison for tackling him too hard when Kent State played Purdue in college, because he was afraid it would hurt his draft stock.
Oh wait, doesn’t that work? Whoops. That one is true, though.
I remember when San Diego got LaToeInjury in the first round and Breesus in the 2nd back in 2001 … I said then that they had the best draft of all 32 teams. They should have held on to Breesus but then I couldn’t come here and laugh at all the marmalard blogs!
// Da Bears took David Terrell and Anthony Thomas … the only guy still playing in the league they took was 3rd round tackle Mike Gandy who sucked out loud in Chicago but finally caught on after leaving the team.
Drew Brees never hits on 16 while at the blackjack table.
When offered a Mike’s Hard Lemonade, Drew Brees responds. ‘No thanks, friend. Drew Brees only drinks whole milk or bourbon.’
Drew Brees never read the books but thinks it’s great that Twilight encourages young girls to read.
Drew Brees thinks this comment string is just a hoot!
Drew Brees isn’t a big fan of hip hop music, but if you want to put it on go ahead.
Drew Brees stayed up till 12:00 to make sure he was the first to text you “Happy Birthday”
Drew Brees just ate, but would be more than happy to accompany you to dinner.
Drew Brees doesn’t mind that you fucked his girlfriend, because he knows you’re going through some tough times, and he values your friendship too much to let 1 women get in the way of things.
Drew Brees gave you the last piece of gum without hesitation.
@ synapticmisfires:
Drew Brees whispers in your ear that it was an ‘Always Sunny’ reference instead of calling you out in front of everyone.
Drew Brees tips 25%
Drew Brees respectfully declines the ‘Breesus’ nickname. That is blasphemous.
Drew Brees thinks your ironic t-shirt is hilarious.
Drew Brees uses pennies at the titty bar? What an asshole.
Drew Brees totally understands why Ron Artest is so angry all the time.
Drew Brees tells every telemarketing rep that he is interested in long-distance savings…very interested.
And last but not least…
Drew Brees thinks Matt Leinart really CAN be a killer!
zing, for the win.
Drew Brees agrees with the Unibomber that he’s just misunderstood.
Drew Brees sent you a private jet so that you could get from Chicago to San Diego to make it back in time for your son’s little league game.
Drew Brees thought Old Dogs had its strengths and weaknesses.
Drew Brees is writing your biography. It’s a page turner.
Drew Brees picks his nose with a kleenex.
Drew Brees purposely missed that putt, just so you could tell all your friends that you beat Drew Brees at miniature golf.
Drew Brees will call your boss to smooth over that fact that you’ve been reading these comments for half an hour.
BabySexCannon:
“Drew Brees is really happy with his cable provider.”
Unless his cable provider is the holy Flying Spaghetti Monster, this is where I call bullshit.
Drew Brees thinks the women in the Victoria’s Secret are too skinny and said “you are more beautiful than any of them because you look like a ‘real’ woman”.
This comments section has made me re-evaluate my life. I’m going to try to be more like Breesus from now on.
Drew Brees is really happy with his cable provider.
Drew Brees blames himself when the dog farts.
Drew Brees found out you peed your pants, so he splashed water on his crotch and told everyone that peeing your pants was the coolest.
Drew Brees got Glenn Beck and Michael Moore to agree on something…that Drew Brees is awesome.
Drew Brees told Bud Adams to tell Jeff Fischer to let Vince Young play.
Drew Brees call Donovan McNabb and Andy Reid after every game to compliment them on their time management skills.
Drew Brees would always uses vaseline when fucking you in the ass.
Drew Brees always has the decency to give a guy a reach-around.
Drew Brees always lets you stay the night, even if he prefers to sleep alone and is up all night.
Drew Bress respects you in the morning, no matter what filthy, illegal in 48 states, acts you did the night before.
Drew Brees calls you the next day, because he said he would.
Drew Brees reads Playboy for the articles.
Drew Brees never leaves a toilet paper roll empty
Drew Brees will care for your dying relatives
Drew Brees saves you all the red starbursts
Drew Brees wont tell anybody about the guy you put under the floor boards.
Drew Brees really wants to read the poems you wrote in high school.
Drew Brees gives you his umbrella when you left yours at home.
Drew Brees sleeps on the couch and lets you have the bed.
Chuck Norris created Drew Brees in His image.
Drew Brees will make sure no one tells you the score of the game so that you can enjoy watching it on the DVR with all the suspense intact
Drew Brees just bought breakfast tacos for everyone, and no, dude, it’s no problem, his pleasure. Don’t worry about it.
Drew Brees died for your sins and returned 3 days later.
If it were down to a big piece of chicken and a wing, Drew Brees would let you have the big piece.
Drew Brees will gladly miss the third period of the hockey game so he can tape the Office for you. He knows working 3rd shift is hard
Drew Brees felt awkward when he filmed that Sportscenter spot where he causes a traffic jam because he’s trying to drive a Mardi Gras float into the ESPN parking lot. Making people late to work is no laughing matter!
Drew Brees heard that you little sister is pregnant, and will drive her to the next town to the “clinic”, and will wait for her in the waiting room.
Drew Brees would never make fun of you because you cry every time that Sarah McLachlan SPCA commercial comes on the TV.