Okay, some business to take care of first. We have to name our Meast of the Week for Week 14. All of us agreed on Brandon Marshall, who broke an NFL record with 21 catches and, best of all, wiped TO’s name from the NFL record book. But then I thought about it, and I think I’d rather have TO in the record book than Brandon Marshall. Brandon Marshall is a fucking wife-beating asshole. So your Meast of the week this week is Desean Jackson, who treated the Giants backfield like the end of the month treats a pantyliner.
As for your Least of the week, continuing our Chiefs theme of the day, it’s Matty Cassel, who threw four picks as the Chiefs lost to Buffalo 16-10.
Cassel has thrown seven picks in his last three games. He’s completing less than 55% of his passes, and averages less than 200 yards a game. Thankfully, Cassel isn’t a rookie QB, so we don’t have to do that annoying thing where you have to give a QB time before you declare them a bust. No, we can do that right now. Matt Cassel is a fucking BUST.
Man, I’ll never get tired of declaring people busts. It’s a joy unlike any other. Why, just yesterday, my son cried and I declared him a true bust. Then I sold him for a potato. Life is fun that way.
Now, we’re fast approaching the end of the decade, and you’re starting to see a shitload of decade retrospectives. The best in this. The worst in that. Well, there’s no reason we can’t join the fray. Now, our selection of the Sean Taylor Memorial Meast of the Decade was an easy one. You can have your Peyton Mannings and your Tom Bradys. We even duct taped Ape and stuck him I nthe closet to prevent him from naming James Harrison. No, your Sean Taylor Memorial Meast of the Decade is, of course, SEAN TAYLOR.
Now, Sean will be ineligible to win this award next decade, because he’s dead. So I bet the race for the Meast of the 10’s will be a lot less predictable.
As for the Least of the Decade…
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/lightbench-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/01/image-150x150.jpg)
Sean Taylors BMW is for sale check it out at http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=290389212041&viewitem=&_trkparms=algo=LVI&its=I&otn=1&category=6009#ht_500wt_1180
Haven’t the people of Detriot suffered enough? The economy sucks,, there are no jobs, the city is a war zone, the football team is awful, and we still force matt millen on them. He set there team back a decade and his reward is going to be announcing the games of both undefeated teams this weak? Thats bullshit right? he mades some great observations like “Peyton is really good at looking off defenders” tell me something i don’t know asshole. He is Peyton Manning, he’s the best quarterback in the league, for the last ten years. The guy is awful at his job, hopefully the network figures it out faster than the ford family.
//watches clip of Taylor blowing up Brian Moorman at the Pro Bowl
//sigh
RIP Sean. Once a Meast, always a Meast
After looking at that picture of Cassel, I came to the disturbing realization that long ago, I was once in love with a girl who was basically Matt Cassel with tits and long hair.
I feel so unclean right now.
Hey Otto, don’t you hate pants?
If Sean Taylor didnt get it automatically I was gonna bitch, but if he does take a late death disqualification, I want to see Ed Reed’s name in lights.
so otto, what about people that say son of a bitches? i want to stab these people.
Otto, Jez, where y’at, Jake, Gino…. Clearly white.
i have never been so offended in my entire life.
Good day to you, sir. I SAID GOOD DAY!
dk mke Says:
December 16th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Otto, Jez, where y’at, Jake, Gino…. Clearly white.
Looks like SOMEONE won’t get invited to our annual Holiday Wine-Tasting & Bad Sweater Party!
dk mke Says:
December 16th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Otto, Jez, where y’at, Jake, Gino…. Clearly white.
/and lovin’ every minute of it
//reference to another thing us crackers like, 80s rock
Bravo on the correct spelling of ‘duct tape’. Too many people think it’s duck tape and should be shot along with the company who branded their product ‘Duck Tape’. Assholes.
How about least to the Rams front office?
Qualifications:
Took a team that scored 500 points/yr to a team that might not score 200 this year
6-39 over 3 years
Allowed Kurt Warner & London Fletcher to walk
Drafted Eric Crouch
Selected Donnie Avery over Desean Jackson!
I would say that this easily exceeds Matt Millen’s douchebaggery (appropriate apostrophe!)
Otto, Jez, where y’at, Jake, Gino…. Clearly white.
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/05/12/99-grammar/
Also, Marshall is not yet married– so technically he’d be a fiance-beating asshole if you really wanna accurately stereotype such a Measty fellow.
Also, SKÅL VIKINGS!
I like the (!) to denote a click in the Bushmen’s languages.
My understanding of this apostrophe thing… Mind you I am a public school product out of NY.
When used in a word like it’s, the apostrophe forms a conjunction, or merging of two words. In this case, it is. They’re= They are. You get the idea.
When used at the end of a word, after the “s” it takes on a possessive trait. So Welcome to The Smiths’ (as in, their house) would be correct, and Welcome to The Smith’s would make no damn sense.
And while I’m a huge fan of the Giants, Jackson does deserve the Meast. He just graped our secondary, special teams coverage…Didn’t he sack Eli once or something too??
Monkey Business must be off today, I expected him to complain about Dallas Clark not being this weeks meast.
Whoa, wait, huh, what? I’m this late to the party and no Tiger jokes?
Please…
Tiger slept with your potato, that’s hush money coming your way. Good trade.
You sold your son and all you got was one mothafucking banny potahtoe?! I could have introduced you to some arabs who would have… wait… ehm, never mind.
I think the Least should be everyone who is currently gainfully employing that waste of air Matt Millen.
Sean Taylor, sir, you deserve your award.
My stance on umlauts is incredibly liberal. The möre, the mërrïër.
My computer won’t let me type “Spinal Tap” properly, with the umlaut over the “n”. Well, now it’s time for Löwenbräu and Mötley Crüe.
What’s zoölogy’s rôle in this debate on apostrophes?
No idea, but my stance on umlauts is incredibly liberal. The möre, the mërrïër.
josh cribbs deserves an honorable mention for the meast of the week award…but hot damn is desean a freak.
@ Otto Man
Well, it seems that the Cat has been caught by the very same person who was trying to catch him.
What’s zoölogy’s rôle in this debate on apostrophes?
When I’m at Burger King, I always make sure everyone knows that the correct plural of “Whopper Junior” is “Whoppers Junior”.
Finally, we figure out who you are, Gino. You’re zombie Bill Safire.
Welcome to the Smith’s” is correct, as it is an abbreviation for “Welcome to the Smith’s [Home].”
No, it isn’t.
The full sentence would be “Welcome to the Smiths’ Home.” There should be an apostrophe there, but it comes after the plural “Smiths” and not wedged in between.
Unless of course, you’re a blacksmith who lives alone, and you want to welcome people to the smith’s home.
When I’m at Burger King, I always make sure everyone knows that the correct plural of “Whopper Junior” is “Whoppers Junior”.
@Torgo
Shite or Shits? Or Shites?
Definitely not Shit’s, that’s fo sho.
Damn, you can get potatoes for kids? No more condoms for this guy, daddy wants himself some french fries.
Who knew that so many people were English majors? I blame the economy.
I don’t know, but Sean Taylor looked kinda dead out there the last couple of years. People were walking all over him.
Anyone else become a fan of “Knowing the Difference Between “Their”, “There” and “They’re”"?
@otto, +1 for pointing out the inappropriate usage of an apostophe in 80s and 90s, however, “Welcome to the Smith’s” is correct, as it is an abbreviation for “Welcome to the Smith’s [Home].” Unless, of course, you were actually being welcomed into the Smiths themselves, which seems more appropriate for the mailbag.
so, are we going to conveniently ignore the fact that the Chief’s wideouts lead the league in dropped passes, and that at least three of those drops turned into interceptions – not including interceptions that occurred after a drop? because that’s cool if so.
before someone attempts to castrate me for claiming Cassel is a great QB or something, I’m not, but the mate has been given shite to work with this year.
Also:
1. Using “your” when it’s “you’re”
2. Masterbating instead of masturbating.
3. RBIs instead of RBI. The same logic applies when referring to multiple in-laws. It’s brothers-in-law, not brother-in-laws.
There’s probably a lot more, but I want to be a Grade ‘C’ douchebag, not a Grade ‘A’ douchebag.
A good tip is to use Firefox when commenting as it will insert a red underline for a bad spelling. Right click on the word, and it shows you the correct word.
/knows the majority of the commentators know all this, but I’ll say it anyway.
//steadies self for a verbal wedgie.
///pushes up glasses, adjusts pocket protector and huffs out the door.
Wife-beating asshole aside, I think it would have been funnier to have Marshall the Meast in a losing effort and Peyton Least in a winning effort. I mean c’mon, 3 INT’s? What better chance are you going to have to stick it to the “Peyton is always the MEast” crowd? Of course realistically the only QB ever really bad enough to be least while winning is Dereck Anderson….
Uff is still in the closet with Jean Grey.
+1 to OttoMan about the apostrophe thing. Drives me crazy.
Where is Ufford with the vote for Brian Russell?
I have no complaints on this week’s and decade’s least and meast. Good selections all. What really grinds my gears is the fact that I won’t be able to watch the Saints ass shank the Cowboys on Saturday night thus causing me to drunkenly shoot up then head first tackle my flat screen TV.
/December just sucks
//Media caters to the LCD
///Why did we let Sean Payton leave?
Are you going to skullfuck the corpse of Derrick Thomas next?
I’m sure Thomas has already fucked it himself.
Do watch that drivel about Brandon Marshall, me droog….
I gotta agree with Ape.
Super Bowl MVP
Two-time champion
Voted dirtiest player
Steelers all-time receiving leader
One-man LA race war
That is one hell of a decade, ladies and gentlemen.
Millen as Least of the Decade – lofty.
How can such an obvious Least be so over-employed?
/ lubes up Derrick Thomas’ eye socket.
@ Fred – What was even more comical about Thursday night Browns / Steelers was Millen repeatedly mentioning that the Browns were playing “playoff football”. That asshat knows as much about playoff football as I do about quantum mechanics.
fortunately, no one wants to do that.
Yeah, I actually stopped caring as I typed it.
I stand by the apostrophe thing, though. All those people with “Welcome to the Smith’s!” doormats need to be fucking neutered.
I apologize for extending this stupid debate. I just hate the pedantry of saying that the ’00s, for example, are not a decade, when they clearly are.
Technically, it was the last day.
Year, not day. My team’s suckitude is catching.
I hear you, QL. I keep telling myself we’ll be good again by 2016.
@claude balls
Definition of “decade” : 1. a period of ten years: the three decades from 1776 to 1806.
So, the 2000s are a decade. 2001-2010 is also a decade. However, don’t you think it makes way more fucking sense, and is a lot more aesthetically pleasing and all that, to talk about the ’90s and ’00s instead of some awkward bullshit like 2001-2010? I agree that talking about the ’90s and ’00s would be a problem if we wanted to go all the way back to the year 1; fortunately, no one wants to do that.
Shit, according to Millen the Browns are ahead of the game. Mangini has delivered 2 wins this season! They should definitely take a wideout in the first round this year.
1) Draft WR
2) Draft WR
3) Draft WR
4) …
5) WINS!
That Millen has a job just goes to show what a circle-jerk the media is. No football fan in the US takes ANYTHING this man says about football seriously. Yet we get this “well before he took over a team and demonstrated that he knows fuckall about football, he was a good announcer, why can’t he go back to being that?” from the talking heads. I’m not even a Detroit fan and I want to punch the TV when he talks.
/frees self from duct tape
I WAS ACTUALLY GONNA SAY HINES!
The definition of a decade hair-splitting is even more irritating than arguing over a pointless weekly award given by a humor site.
@Otto, we fucking deserve it man. why do I waste every sunday watching this joke of a team, every fucking sunday I thnik something special will happen. just this sunday i was arguing with some chiefs-quitters that we could still go 7-9. fuck me
Was 1990 the last year of the 1980’s or the first year of the 1990’s?
Technically, it was the last day. There was no year zero in the A.D. system, so the first decade ran 1-10, the first century 1-100, and the first millennium 1-1000.
As long as I’m nerding it up, there’s no goddamn apostrophe in “1980s” or “1990s”. The only time you should write something like “1980′s” is in writing something like “during 1980′s baseball season.”
Grammar Cop Out!
where is monkey business whining about pey-pey?
This has really been a wonderful day here for Chiefs fans.
Are you going to skullfuck the corpse of Derrick Thomas next?
LaFavre: he got a problem taken off his hands, AND got something for it. That’s a good deal, even if the something was just a potato.
no peyton again? what a joke.
Millen should be the least even if he didn’t fuck up the Lions for a decade. He’s horrible on Thursday night games. He’s like John Madden with neither the lovable personality, nor the hard-earned credibility. He suggested the Browns give Eric Mangini time to build a team! Only a guy who put together an 0-16 team would praise Eric Mangini.
Was 1990 the last year of the 1980′s or the first year of the 1990′s?
I nominate Millen for the Meast of the 10′s, with hopes that he meets the same fate as the Meast of the Zeroes.
For a celebration, I plan to finish this Colt 45 off faster than it took the MeastDecade to bleed out. TAP (A) TAP (A). SHIT. Well I fell short to expectation in memory of him. That’s good right?
Thanks a lot LitO. As if the Raiders fans haven’t been punished enough.
Here’s hoping your team signs Millen as GM, Weis as coach and trades for Matt Cassel.
Honestly i thought that was a 90210 still picture of Matty.
Matty appreciates the Least and will try to outdo himself this week versus Cleveland.
@claude balls: DecFlaWa?
A potato? That’s all you got? That must be one motherfucking great potato.
Damn, you got a whole potato for your bust of a son! What a negotiator!
What about Peyton??
/shows self out
I was getting more a “The Coreys” vibe from young Matty.
Unfortunately, Millen will have the last laugh. At this rate, by 2019, he’ll be doing the play-by-play and commentary on every fucking game on every fucking network.
We’ll be begging for Kornheiser.
Taylor deserves it for the hair alone.
Matt Cassel’s former haircut should be the meast of the decade. All he needs is a Zack Morris phone…