As Hannukkah comes to a close, we celebrate Moderately Attractive Friday with this picture of Natalie Portman (a Jew) playing a Hasidic Jew on the set of New York, I Love You. That’s double the Jew for your dollar! The Jews can certainly appreciate a deal like that.
Oh, what’s that? You’re disappointed with the lack of sexiness? Where’s Sexy Friday, you ask?
Sexy Friday will be back when our comments section is rid of dipshits and fucktards and people who don’t try to be funny. A small selection of this week’s most egregious transgressions:
From LOL NFL:
Drave Says:
Meh
Well here ya go, asshole. You wanna see “Meh”? Here’s a fucking “meh” post for you: Hasidic women crossing the Williamsburg Bridge.
AGAIN: Commenting at KSK is a humor platform for you. Use it to entertain people. We don’t need or want whichever direction your thumb points, and we sure as fuck don’t need your comment if you can’t even summon the antipathy to put your thumb all the way down. GET FUCKED.
And from the mailbag. You know, the mailbag, where we talk about fantasy football and sex?
Monkey Business Says:
Considering there was no Thursday night thread, I feel obligated to post this:
14-0 BITCHES! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
That is all.
Listen, I understand that some people revel in being homers and trolls, but this is NOT a message board. Gloat away on your personal blog or Twitter or your fan forum of choice. You have many other, better platforms to share your drivel with the online world.
Monkey Business Says:
@Ocho Cinco Fan Club
The Saints and the Colts are like a Koenigsegg CCX and a Nissan GT-R. The CCX has the potential to smoke the GT-R, and on a track will blow the GT-R away. That being said, try driving a CCX under 80mph. It doesn’t work so well. It’s just not built for that. The GT-R won’t beat the CCX straight up. But, put it on a road course, or on the streets, and the GT-R comes out ahead. Sometimes, it’s better to be able to handle anything from 0-120 than 80-200. Trust me, the Saints haven’t seen anything like the Colts yet.
And this is why we DON’T generally ban people. Because some people are such incredibly retarded douchefucking cockweasels that it’s almost — almost – worth keeping them around just to hate an entire fan base we never really cared about before.
But we’d still rather have Sexy Friday. So please, police your own.
See you Sunday. Enjoy your weekend.
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What do you mean “sexy friday will come back?” From what I can see, sexy friday is out on full force this week. YEEEE HAWWWWW!
Patrons of Sexy Friday. Watch a few holiday specials, and you will see that what our KSK bloggers want is for us to learn the true meaning of Sexy Friday.
Fred Smoot’s Jockstrap gets it, so he linked to some sexy ladies of “the nation”. Well done.
Here’s my contribution.
http://www.sportsocracy.org/imgs/santa-cheerleaders.jpg
Let’s all get involved.
I imagine that a hairy jewish bush is not kosher. Now, try to NOT imagine that hairy jewish bush. HA.
Somehow I don’t think Jews are going to solve this humor problem – frugality problem maybe, but not humor problem.
I am going to have to give my wife 15 times the pussythumping tonight to get the thought of all those curly sideburns out of my head.
Meh. All you guys are faggots.
I’m Canadian, so I haven’t seen too many Hasidic Jews, but I have seen Gina Gershon play one on ‘Curb’, and now this picture of Natalie Portman. So, based on this sample size, I can rationalize that all Hasidic Jew women are hot. Therefore, big thanks to you Mr. Ufford for truly making this a Sexy Friday.
I come to KSK for the generous use of homosexual slurs, not the pics. That said, any one who complains about it is an obvious, lisping pole smoker. Everyone knows this.
@ Big Black Richard
If he was going to go away when bored with the site, he’d have left looooong ago.
To be fair, Monkey Business was going to get ass raped after every post regardless. He doesn’t know the difference between positive and negative attention, and so he thrives on all of it. Therefore, he won’t go away even if all of us beg him to do so. He’ll only go away when he gets bored of this site.
Damn, this is still going?
So to recap, CC decides to completely half ass a feature that he has already said he is getting tired of doing, He probably got a million hits on this post, he made sure that Monkey Business will get ass raped by the commentors any time he decides to comment on here, and he generated more than a 120 user comments that have provided some pretty entertaining reading.
As far as calling it in goes, that is very well played.
You think this will stop me from beating out a few knuckle children? I can make those pics work…
I’m not around much but how was Drave’s “Meh” comment out of line? You published stuff he didn’t think was funny and responded with the clever (and insulting) “meh” line. If a couple guys were hanging out and one went through all this trouble to show something clever, taking his friends time in the process, and, when he was finished, another friend said “meh”, I’d laugh.
We all know the real reason Ufford is quarterassing Sexy Friday: Because he’s tired of wasting time looking for great PG-13 pictures when he could be spending that time looking at some real porn.
I love this site, but Ufford being a whiney little three year old every Friday is getting seriously tired at this point. You can keep the Fridays as unsexy as you want, just stop the hissyfits too.
I would like to ask Natalie if she’s ever had her ass licked by a fat gentile in a trench coat. I can make it happen.
Wow. I’m so fucking aroused right now I want to plow those broads with a sheet in between us, with a dick hole cut out so we may fornicate. G-d is very impressed with this entry.
well, i’m spent.
white christmas, indeed!
I for one appreciate everything that you guys write… I reccommend your site to every friend of mine who loves football as much as I do.
With that being said, you guys dont strike me as the type of people who really give a fuck about what blog commenters really have to say. If they like you, awesome. If not they can go fuck themselves (I’m looking at youuuuu Monkey Business).
Now if you’ll exucse me, I am going to go masturba-… nevermind.
I wondering if CC did this just to generate a shit storm of controversy. If it was, it’s obvious from all the bunched panties above that it worked.
By the way I can’t stand the Hasidics. They’re like the “mormon” branch of the jews. Nasty, racist and insane.
uuuhhhAAAAHHHH!!!!!
Damn, just something about those long matching skirts really gets my rocks off.
Hey, can we get a rive brog tonight for the Saints-Cowboys game? You know, since you guys took the week off!!! HAY-O!!!!
maybe its just me…. BUT.
we come here to be “entertained for free,” right? however, you technically benefit from our readership with various revenue sources that pay you to advertise to the demographic you’ve accumulated. yes?
so perhaps it is unwise to be douchebags to your audience. maybe that’s just my opinion, and maybe its not “funny.” but maybe it is a suggestion to some idiots who have no sense of how to maintain an audience. you’re great at establish an audience. however, it’s kind of hard to keep an audience when you. a. complain about your commenting audience openly (your most dependable readership) b. annoy those who don’t necessarily comment all the time or read every article you post (WHAT DO YOU MEAN? SOMEONE DOESN’T READ EVERY SINGLE WORD WE POST!?!?! RIDICULOUS! NO BLOG FOR A MONTH, THAT’LL SHOW UM’!) with stupid fucking article about how you dislike your commenters.
imagine if a television station did this: “this just in, fox 29 hates your guts for suggesting “show x” sucks balls. therefore we will play re-runs of brothers for a month. get fucked.” personally, i don’t think that would end well for the tv station, and you dudes are skating on very thin ice…
If “meh” is the worst thing that gets said about your work, Caveman, you should feel lucky.
WE CAN WILL THE FRIDAY TO BE SEXY!
/performs perfunctory google search
http://www.israel-celebrity-source.com/coppermine/index.php
L’chaim. Keep up the good work, KSKers.
And whiny whiners, stop your whining about a free internet site not making you laugh hard enough, for Christ’s sake. Fucking asshats.
Get over the God complex, CC. Not everyone is going to worship you because you tell them too, and the carrot of posting SFW pics of attractive women is hardly an incentive. You have awfully thin skin for a guy who is a (extremely small) part of a blog that makes fun of anything and everything. People would be more receptive of your attitude if your work was more like Drew and less like you. If you want us to be funny, lead by example. Your weekly output consists of the mailbag and “sexy friday,” neither of which are ever funny. How ever much you get paid for this site, it’s too much.
Get the hell over yourself.
Oh, and center foreground lady is definitely sexy in a Chloe Sevigny big love kind of way.
So, you’re saying she’s not sexy at all? Yeah, I agree with that.
“But I’m doing everything I can, Ufford!
/gets pie thrown in face
//slips on a banana peel”
I don’t know why, but this made me laugh loud and hard. Seriously, I’m still laughing. Good ol’ slapstick…
Jesus Christ and all his disciples. Some points:
1: I have no control over what other people post. If other people are going to be assholes, they’re going to be assholes no matter what I do. Why punish everybody for the actions of the minority?
2: If you are going to punish everybody for the actions of the minority, do it properly. Either provide Sexy Friday or no Friday at all.
3: Quit fucking whining. A lot of people come here every day and comment on everything, no matter what the quality, so bitching about a few people makes you look like a colossal bitch. Baw my blog gets loads of peoples baw and so on.
4: A personal suggestion – fit the writers with shock collars that go off if they attempt to write about their own division. Except flubby. And Drew. And Maj. Fine, just Ape.
5: A personal gripe – why does Drew, the largest writer, not simply eat the rest of you?
HEY GUYS THERE IS PORN ON THE INTERNET SO THEREFORE YOU SHOULDN’T GET UPSET ABOUT THIS AM I RIGHT PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE MY RAPIER (HAHA) WIT YOU SEE THIS IS NOT THE ONLY PLACE ONLINE WHERE THERE ARE NAKED PICTURES TO MASTURBATE TO AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS THIS AROUND HERE HA GET IT?
“But to expect clever and wit from douchebags on the internet is a little bit naive isnt it? It’s like asking a bunch of down syndrom kids to compose a classical music thing. I dont know what you call it but you catch my drift.” – Seriously Dude
Yes, yes we do…
Finally Sage Rosenfels is rewarded for diligently mentoring Tarvaris Jackson.
@UU (from way up there in the early part)-
I remember Clint and his TheOSU, Reds, and Browns gayness. I remember Drew commenting that they were trying to filter the site as to ban his email address (but blogspot couldn’t do it). I also remember after Clit yapping about how tough he was from growing up in Columbus, Jackin’4Beats and I (in the span of a minute) both posted the “Mean Streets of Columbus”
http://www.angelfire.com/ill/bitethecurb/images/people/Icy_Hot_Stuntaz.jpg
I remember Clit and I hope he’s enjoying a most deserved eye-socket rape. Trolls die. Even PeyPey trolls…
KSK,
Now, in no way is this a facetious post, but when I “jumped” into the sexy friday post, I was expecting something sexy to make up for the lack of sexy in the initial picture.. However, when I “jumped” and was met with the “meh” post, I knew right away what was up, and I laughed before I even started reading. Disappointed? Hardly. I actually appreciate “Meh Friday”. Because you’re sticking to your guns. And I, unlike some of the idiots who feel the need to comment like jackasses actually appreciate everything that all of you do on KSK and don’t feel the need to transform it into a my personal vehicle to be a jackass. I can’t imagine that it’s really THAT easy to run a football humor blog, especially one with as many readers as you have accumulated even though some (read: lots of them) are idiots. My buddy asked me if I wanted to do a sports blog with him and I hadn’t the slightest idea about what I would do because I felt like I could never, ever attain the golden standard that you have set, both in terms of coverage and uniqueness. Because we don’t need another football blog that just reports information without a little something special. If people wanted that, they could just go to ESPN.com.
And, I, also unlike those same idiots, know that there’s plenty of places to find pictures of of sexy people on the internet (don’t get me wrong, I do love sexy friday). For example, I bookmarked that fantastically NSFW blog “Someday Afternoon” and it’s been just as fantastically NSFW as when you posted it months ago.
So, I’d like to thank you for everything you do and for making me laugh which happens almost every single time I head on down to KSK. Keep up the good work, and keep sticking to your guns.
tl;dr for this entire comments section.
Hacidic women showing calves was good enough for me. If you can’t get off to that, what can you get off to?
Oh and by the way, why the fuck do you think we care so much about sexy friday? A bunch of pictures with topless girls? OH NO I CANT FIND ANY OTHER WOMEN ON THE INTERNET WHO ARE FUCKING NAKED. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. STOP THIS SHIT AND WORRY ABOUT WRITING SOME FUNNY SHIT.
Ok KSK guys listen up. You guys have to stop taking these comments so seriously. You guys run a fucking website that makes fun of the NFL, a fucking sport. This isnt a fucking life and death situation were talking about. You guys run a great website, dont get me wrong, i read you guys every day. But to expect clever and wit from douchebags on the internet is a little bit naive isnt it? It’s like asking a bunch of down syndrom kids to compose a classical music thing. I dont know what you call it but you catch my drift. My point is that you fucktards should stop taking these comments seriously. THE COMMENTS ARE MEANT FOR OTHER COMMENTERS AND FANS OF THE WEBSITE TO READ. THEY ARE NOT MEANT FOR THE FUCKING AUTHORS OF THIS WEBSITE. WHY DONT YOU FUCKS STOP GIVING SUCH A SHIT ABOUT THE COMMENTS AND START WORKING ON BETTER MATERIAL FOR THIS SITE. YOU GUYS HAVE LIKE 2-3 GOOD POSTS A WEEK. Your Peter King post is outplayed and hackneyed. You just recycle the same old fucking jokes over and over. I love Drew but I now find his Peter King post to be more unbearable to read than the actual Peter King column. Get that fucking stick out of your asses and starting posting some funny shit. Fuckfaces.
P.S. that shit people do with the “/” is fucking gay.
/ its fucking
// really fucking gay
/// not funny at alll, fucking gay
I guess Ape is the only one around here who can get away with being a homer…
@H Cuz
There are no clever people in Boston
And the award for “Stonedest Comment In KSK History” goes to “yeah, right?”. Congratulations.
Serious question. So what’s your beverage of choice for gift or consumption Mr Ufford? I have found that a bottle of Jamison or maybe the Glen Livet is nice. I am also partial to Newcastle Brown Ale, Maker’s Mark and Smithwicks
Times a wastin and most of us have never had to make a decision before.
Ale or not?
Sweet Jesus I need some help after the Missus done died.
I Don’t even know where to start.
Let me get your coat then.
You guys are getting too fucking serious! Relax and enjoy. Supposed to be 72 and sunny tomorrow. I may even grill. Rib eyes, with baked potatoe as dan quayle would be won’t to add.
So this guy walks into his proctologist, says, “doc? I think I gotta tape worm…”
Doc: “Tomorrow I want you to bring me an apple and a hammer”
Tape worm guy: “A Hammer?”
Doc: “yes you Ninny!”
Tape worm guy: “OK”
2 weeks pass.
Wait a minute there was something about a cookie.
Fuck it. Relax guys.
We’re just talking and the fact that we are talking on the motherboard should be worth something. I Love this site.
Please don’t change.
I can make a Brisket that will make you cream your panties.
What with the onions and the knish? You kidding me?
Happy Holidays!
Monkey business is going to turn into Private Pyle. “Everyone hates me, Joker”.
I will be on clean up detail. It’s destiny.
But I’m doing everything I can, Ufford!
/gets pie thrown in face
//slips on a banana peel
Are we 100% sure that Monkey Business isn’t actually a clever Boston troll trying to get us all to hate the Indy fanbase?
/Just sayin’
@LaFavre: look, I don’t care that you’re stuck with an erection lasting longer than four hours and the open, gaping asshole of Monkey Business to dare fulfill your needs. I need to have that tuche sitting on my face before I shut that yente up the hard way!
…Where the white women at?
Hasidic jewish women remind me of the immortals from 300 with the way they dress. If thats not sexy, then I don’t know what is…right.
@stiff brees Wow, awesome burn dude.
Michael,you negative fucking gay. Take your gay show down the road you gay, gay, gay.
//you’re gay.
Yup, clearly I’m the problem. Clever posters like you are the ones the fellas here are proud of.
Whatever. I don’t really care if KSK has Sexy Friday or not (clearly because I’m gay, according to Stiff Brees). I just hate these stupid “punishment” posts where we get lectured. So lame.
The guys want us to bring the funny. To that I say: You first.
Funny, inspired posts get funny, inspired replies. I’m not gonna defend the Colts homer, but that Drave guy was right, this has been a “meh” week for KSK. It just has.
I’m not blaming anyone, it’s the holiday season and everyone’s busy and distracted, but don’t take it out on your audience if they’re not entertained. Funny is funny, not funny is not funny.
You guys call out Simmons and Reilly when they’re being pompous and demanding, but then do it yourselves. Come on guys, you’re better than that.
Oh, and center foreground lady is definitely sexy in a Chloe Sevigny big love kind of way.
Portman rocked a huge nerd backpack in public school (Syosset, NY) (in and around “the professional” time frame)). Even allowing for adolescent awkwardness, and the fact that I love nerdy girls, fuck it I am drunk and don’t know what point I am making. Her ass was nice in that thing she did that showed her ass, but I can’t forgive her for the Phantom Menace. Also, I don’t love sexy friday because it conforms to my idea of sexiness, but because it opens me to other sexiness I have not previously fetishisized. I would not know about giant watermelon booty brazilian girl, or is she filthy? Truly sexy friday is
//drinks
Sorry, a little harsh there. What I meant to say was: please leave.
Michael,you negative fucking ninny. Take your cock-swallowing show down the road you scrotum-licking, shaft-sniffing, balogna-blower.
//you’re a cock-sucker
OHgod
/finished
No one looking for Chris Rock or Louis Black material in the KSKomments but some people need to stop being so fuckin lazy and at least try to be funny on this site once a day. Are there that many dim-witted shits here that just don’t have enough energy to try to be funny? C’mon man. Y’all can do better than that.
And Meh, you’re well, just meh.
Smh.
MMMgaaa
/just finished
For people commenting on this site, I’ll just leave this here.
Guide to Not Being a Dick:
1. Don’t be a dick.
This uhhhhh. This still counts as Sexy Friday for me…
//buries head in shame
I’m not Hasidic Jewish, but I want a piece of that Bacon-and-Shrimp Cheeseburger action, sex or no.
If I’m reading this correctly, you guys want the commentators to try to be funny, even if they’re not actually funny.
So, basically, we should pretend to be KSK writers not named “Drew.”
/amirite?
I heard that Hasidic Jews can do anything they want, as long as they do it through a special sheet with a hole in it. So if you’re Hasidic Jewish and you want to eat a bacon-and-shrimp cheeseburger while having sex with a donkey dressed as Hitler, just get the sheet and you’re cool.
Ok, that took a little bit longer than I expected. She said she wanted to try something new. Ever heard of “foreplay?” Me either. It was a little weird. My baby is always introducing new things in the bedroom.
Anyway, getting back to the argument, if you want us to police our own, please give us effective tools to do so. Harsh words just aren’t going to get the job done.
“But we’d still rather have sexy Friday, so police your own”
Police have guns and batons and shit. Commentors have…harsh words, which you also possess. Surprise, some internet folk grew immune to harsh words (and probably many drugs) long ago. We’ll gladly build you an ark, just give us some wood.
/haha…wood
CC, you tell us to police our own. Can you give me the power to delete stupid comments? I’d be happy to do it.
I don’t know of any other way to police our own. We can call people “putrid cuntmonkey” until we’re blue in the face, but that won’t stop them from coming in and posting “meh.” Douchebags are incredibly stubborn that way, and people with Asperger’s will not take a hint, even if that hint is “Each and every one of us wants you to leave, so why the fuck are you insisting on staying, you asshole?”
I just think you’re taking Sexy Friday away from us based on something that we have no way to control. And that means that I now have to go get some Sexy Friday from my gf. I’ll be back in six minutes to finish my argument….
Priapism. It’s what happens when you get in a bathtub next to a bathtub with a great view.
Oh no! No Sexy Friday? How am I supposed to get my weekly pictures of sexy women? Surely no other website on the Internets would have anything like this!!!
Hmmmmm…
Hasidic woman. Conservative Shiite woman. A wading pool of kosher/halal chocolate pudding. Pat Patriot as the referee, performing his community service for solicitation of a prostitute…
I’m in.
Somebody up above said something about Mennonites (I’m too lazy to read back through the posts — control-f didn’t work). Anyway, there’s a Mennonite bakery near where I teach. The girls who work there are really, really cute. I’m not talking drool material, but damn, they got that whole wholesome hotness working.
/It may not be Sexy Friday, but it works for me
I knew Drave would fuck us over when he saw this one. Kindly eat a bag of dicks, Drave.
The holidays are tough on everybody.
So I’ll have to find something else to whack it to today….
But it’s not trolling if I think and know everything I say is hilarious.
Natalie Porksmen amiright?
/lol
//no?
//:mad2:
A: Don’t feed the trolls guys. We all know how this works.
B: What’s a Priapism? Is it an orgasm that runs on electricity?
/yeah, it sucks, I’d like to see you do better
Every time a Jew stands in front of an NYC bridge in a movie Woody Allen gets a residual check.
I’m still gonna whack it to these pics.
Dammit, it’s posts like Meh and Commando’s that leave us one week away from Sexy Friday being a nude picture of Drew covered entirely in purple and gold body paint. And the paint is if we’re lucky.
bust out the scissors and bedsheets
/they still do that, right?
//about to consult Rolf…
///yep, they still do that, and a LOT more apparently