He Is No Longer Chris Johnson. His Name Is Zulu Cthulhu.
Part African warrior, part unstoppable cosmic terror, Zulu Cthulhu gon’ ruin your day.
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TAKE BACK THE SEATS
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THE PERFECT GIFT FOR THE JACKASS IN YOUR LIFE
three-time champs in meaningless awards
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December 1st, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos.
/Seriously though, good choice.
December 1st, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Atomic Johnson!
Or I do my Epic Fail CutlerFucker Pouty Face!
December 1st, 2009 at 2:30 pm
THE RUNNING BACK THAT SHOULD NOT BE
December 1st, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Shaka Chtulu sounds better, but Zulu Chtulu works.
December 1st, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Two thumbs up!
December 1st, 2009 at 2:34 pm
It’s said that Defensive Coordinators who merely gaze upon a few seconds of game footage with Zulu Cthulu immediately drop to the floor and die of massive body spazams… if they are lucky.
December 1st, 2009 at 2:36 pm
It should have been Blumpkinfarts
December 1st, 2009 at 2:36 pm
weak. bye bye ksk
December 1st, 2009 at 2:39 pm
It’s Ry’leh not that bad.
December 1st, 2009 at 2:39 pm
SHOULD HAVE BEEN PEYTON!
Even defensive riflemen stand little chance against Zulu Chtulhu.
December 1st, 2009 at 2:43 pm
Wait. We have to READ in order to get the jokes now?
This would never have happened when Chris Berman was in charge of nicknames…
December 1st, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Long live the “Old Ones”
December 1st, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Can’t you just dumb down the meaning of his nickname for the masses like TWWL? That would be great. Still loves Cop Speed, The Human Tornado and Whiplash Johnson.
/who gets the prize?
//KAY BYEEEEEEE
December 1st, 2009 at 2:50 pm
How you pronounce that?
December 1st, 2009 at 2:52 pm
How you pronounce that?
If my reading of Wikipedia is right, it’s “ka-thoo-loo.”
December 1st, 2009 at 2:53 pm
So, when do we get the Zalgo/Zulu Cthulu photoshops?
December 1st, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Metallica has a song called The Call of Ktulu on Ride the Lightning, so that’s cool. However, Lovecraft was a racist from Providence, RI. If he were alive today he would no doubt be a Red Sox and Pats fan.
December 1st, 2009 at 3:00 pm
Arcane horror/sci-fi angle acceptable because it rhymes. Catchy.
December 1st, 2009 at 3:00 pm
Well good thing is he has tactics the British haven’t seen before so hes’s got that going for him, unfortunately, they will figure him out and take him over in a few years or so.
But then he will just eat them, so win-win I guess.
December 1st, 2009 at 3:01 pm
From now on, all Tennesse Titans game film will have to be checked out of the library from Miskatonic University.
December 1st, 2009 at 3:01 pm
The R’yleh Titans have a great RB.
December 1st, 2009 at 3:04 pm
is it too late to nominate porsche monkey?
/lil’ bit racist
December 1st, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Fair enough. Now how do we get Gruden to say it three times?
December 1st, 2009 at 3:07 pm
i think it’s only fitting that LenDale now be referred to as Lovecraft.
December 1st, 2009 at 3:08 pm
In the spirit of Gus, I would’ve gone with “Black OJ”.
December 1st, 2009 at 3:09 pm
So ZC’s kids will be star-spawn?
Win.
December 1st, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Fisher is Lovecraft.
LenDale is Nyarlathotep, aka “The Crawling Chaos”
December 1st, 2009 at 3:15 pm
Bud Adams is the “Elder Thing”.
December 1st, 2009 at 3:17 pm
I don’t TomSellecksMustache’s suggestion to be forgotten. I second the vote that LenDale should now be referred to as Lovecraft. Superb!
December 1st, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Does that make VY Azathoth?
/put down your crack pipes and google blind idiot god, poorly read mouth breathers.
December 1st, 2009 at 3:25 pm
love it, still needs a gold grill though
December 1st, 2009 at 3:25 pm
FAIL
this i overtly racist
December 1st, 2009 at 3:29 pm
Cthulu has nothing on Crom.
/Howard>Lovecraft
December 1st, 2009 at 3:31 pm
Nuts. And I thought I had just come up with a really good one: Jailbreak.
December 1st, 2009 at 3:38 pm
@Chicago CP
I know, I can’t believe they’re hating on the Cthulhu and his fellow Vhoorlians.
December 1st, 2009 at 3:46 pm
Solid, but I lik0de Dashville Hennessy better.
December 1st, 2009 at 3:46 pm
Just awesome. I applaud you, good sirs.
December 1st, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Damn, that was gonna be my next one. I was that close to internet stardom.
December 1st, 2009 at 3:54 pm
He’s going to be in Avatar, right?
December 1st, 2009 at 3:59 pm
CJ’s aka ZC head looks like some hardcore tentacle porn.
December 1st, 2009 at 4:10 pm
Once I get used to pronouncing the Cthulu part, I’ll like it, as it’s catchy.
I still liked Black Zeus or ghetto Zeus, or Blue Cronus better.
December 1st, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Many different pronunciations are acceptable for Cthulhu. Kloo-loo, Ku-too-loo, Thulu…the list goes on.
Zulu Cthulhu Fthagn!
December 1st, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Tyrone Biggums?
December 1st, 2009 at 4:31 pm
Powerthirst Johnson :(
December 1st, 2009 at 4:32 pm
LenWhale! No,no,no…Fat Blue Grouper!!!!!111!!!1
Wait…what?
December 1st, 2009 at 4:45 pm
I guess I was the only one that liked “Rundingo”
December 1st, 2009 at 4:47 pm
Does this make Jeff Fisher his August Derleth?
December 1st, 2009 at 5:18 pm
this is ok but really cop speed was the best. or maybe suga toof or suga toof toof
December 1st, 2009 at 5:28 pm
” the secret priests would take great Cthulhu from his tomb to revive His subjects and resume his rule of earth….Then mankind would have become as the Great Old Ones; free and wild and beyond good and evil, with laws and morals thrown aside and all men shouting and killing and revelling in joy. Then the liberated Old Ones would teach them new ways to shout and kill and revel and enjoy themselves, and all the earth would flame with a holocaust of ecstasy and freedom.”
That sounds like Titans fans alright.
December 1st, 2009 at 5:29 pm
Also, Lovecraft had a cat named “Nigger-Man.”
Just thought I’d point that out.
December 1st, 2009 at 5:39 pm
Meh. I liked Predator better.
December 1st, 2009 at 5:59 pm
meh.
December 1st, 2009 at 6:00 pm
no arguments. the photoshop really pulled it all together.
December 1st, 2009 at 6:02 pm
I’m gonna call him Copspeed Johnson. I don’t even know how to pronounce that second word. Is it just “Chulu” with a stupid silent “T”? Dumb.
December 1st, 2009 at 6:05 pm
suck
December 1st, 2009 at 6:10 pm
/cranks Metallica
December 1st, 2009 at 6:24 pm
I thought I was the only sports blogger making Cthulhu jokes?!?!?
This makes his offensive line the Fish Faced Men?
December 1st, 2009 at 7:01 pm
I heard he pledged Yog-Sthoth at Miskatonic University. And his Major was The Cyclopean Geometry of the Elder Ones. That and African-American Studies.
December 1st, 2009 at 7:04 pm
@Zero Charisma: +1 for invoking Lovecraft’s beloved negative-imperative phrasing. Zulu Cthulu had on Sunday an 85 yard touchdown run WHICH I MUST NOT DESCRIBE.
December 1st, 2009 at 7:06 pm
From wiki:
“Johnson split carries with RB LenDale White for the duration of the 2008 season. White finished the 2008 season with 773 yards on 200 carries for a 3.9 ypc and 15 rushing touchdowns. They nicknamed this RB tandem “Smash and Dash.” Smash refered to White due to his power, and Dash refered to Johnson due to his unusual quickness and speed. Entering in to the 2009 season; however, Johnson dismissed the nickname of “Smash and Dash” and named himself “Every Coach’s Dream.”"
Also:
” Johnson earned the nickname “Cop Speed”in 2009 because of his incredible sub 4.4 40 yard dash speed, and Gus Johnson’s infamous “He’s got ‘getting away from the cops speed” comment during the November 1st game between the Titans and Jaguars.”
Let’s just stick with Copspeed.
December 1st, 2009 at 7:18 pm
racist fail
December 1st, 2009 at 7:22 pm
Copspeed, You Black Runningback?
December 1st, 2009 at 7:23 pm
fuck yeah, chris johnson has ruined my day twice this season. both of the times that i played some retard ex a&m guy in my fantasy league cj has gone off. fuck him. fuck him hardcore.
December 1st, 2009 at 7:28 pm
Gino, does that mean he studies exclusively from the Necronomican ?
December 1st, 2009 at 7:29 pm
Does this mean we have to do the Zulu Dance when he scores a TD?
/Sulu’d
December 1st, 2009 at 7:37 pm
Zulu Koo Tu Loo
Run Over Some Cock Tasters
Zulu Koo Tu Loo
December 1st, 2009 at 8:19 pm
Also, Lovecraft had a cat named “Nigger-Man.”
Shouldn’t he have called it N–ger-Cat?
December 1st, 2009 at 8:39 pm
First instinct is often the correct one: Cop Speed.
December 1st, 2009 at 8:47 pm
Boooo.
Cop Speed was way better
December 1st, 2009 at 10:00 pm
Zulu Cthulhu is definitely the best name. Cop speed was good, but not quite in the same league.
December 1st, 2009 at 10:24 pm
awesome nickname and photoshop
December 1st, 2009 at 10:59 pm
Will we be penalized for failing to spell ‘Zulu Cthulhu!’ correctly the next time the Titans are on Monday Night Blogkakke? If so, I’m going to need a clever mnemonic device…
December 1st, 2009 at 11:03 pm
Hmmm…Zulu, eh? Is it ‘cos I’s black?
/Ali G’d
Rundingo demands a recount. Nothing else comes close that.
December 1st, 2009 at 11:27 pm
A shortening to Zuthulhu [zoo-thoo-loo] might be in order, because Zulu Cthulhu is not rolling off the tongue.
December 1st, 2009 at 11:37 pm
I’m still calling him Cop Speed. Dumb nickname
December 1st, 2009 at 11:41 pm
So what does that make Kenny Britt?
December 1st, 2009 at 11:42 pm
Zulu Cthulu is retarded..
Cop Speed imo.
December 1st, 2009 at 11:46 pm
Seriously, “Cop Speed” FTW
December 1st, 2009 at 11:57 pm
A blackening wall of mummified foreskin peeled away from the moss-encrusted girders. There was only one path. And along that path lie madness. Worlds within worlds collide. Anti-matter refutes matter. Logic refutes logic. Black death licks my pale skin. It is upon this revelation, this broadening of my nether regions that I come upon the name…
Kraft American Singles.
I will use it to name my band, verily. Kraft has become us.
/Closes sheet of blotter.
//Takes two tries, it’s a big sheet of blotter.
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:14 am
Cop Speed, Rundingo, and if you must use the Lovecraft name, Shaka Cthulu makes more sense.
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:18 am
Q: What the hell is a Cthulhu? A: The kind of nickname Dennis Miller would come up with just to show us all how much more he knows about a topic none of us care to know about in the first place.
Cop Speed isn’t great, but its a lot better than a fictional character from an 80+ year old book none of us have ever read, and whose name none of us can pronounce.
/can’t believe there’s no love for “Teal Tequila”
//ok, can believe it.
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:48 am
Nitrous Coxide
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:51 am
HB Floss
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:55 am
Or if you’re really hell bent on the Zulu Cthulu mold, why not just go for Tutsi Charybdis?
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:14 am
KFC-J
December 2nd, 2009 at 5:00 am
Somehow I ended up with Zulu Cthulu and Cool Brees with the 10 and 11 picks in this year’s fantasy draft. epic win.
December 2nd, 2009 at 9:51 am
ahaha….WIN
please don’t post that picture with the all-eyes-Lazerface picture though…I’d like to sleep this month…
December 2nd, 2009 at 9:56 am
Cop Speed isn’t great, but its a lot better than a fictional character from an 80+ year old book none of us have ever read, and whose name none of us can pronounce.
Why don’t you go take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut. Take a flying fuck at the moooooooooon.
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:05 pm
@ Slothrop: “I’ll take ‘Why quoting Vonnegut on a football blog is pretentious’ for $1,000, Alex”
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:15 pm
FAIL
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:44 pm
@Knox: if being pretentious is not advocating ignorance, then, yes, I am hugely pretentious. Ya fucking douche.
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:35 pm
“The Coloured out of Space”
Aren’t there Arkham Argonauts in the CFL?
December 2nd, 2009 at 11:58 pm
he always twitches like he has ants in his ears,so,his name is Ear Bug…..
December 3rd, 2009 at 3:38 pm
Farce Tazfuk would be great
December 4th, 2009 at 7:47 pm
trying too hard. Zombie Bob sounds better because he is fast like the new school zombies and he looks like bob marley.