He Is No Longer Chris Johnson. His Name Is Zulu Cthulhu.
12.01.09 at 2:28 pm
Ace Rimmer
Don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos.
/Seriously though, good choice.
12.01.09 at 2:28 pm
Marmalard's Mansack
Atomic Johnson!
Or I do my Epic Fail CutlerFucker Pouty Face!
12.01.09 at 2:30 pm
Zero Charisma
THE RUNNING BACK THAT SHOULD NOT BE
12.01.09 at 2:32 pm
Upstate Underdog
Shaka Chtulu sounds better, but Zulu Chtulu works.
12.01.09 at 2:33 pm
Paul-God
Two thumbs up!
12.01.09 at 2:34 pm
BlueDWarrior
It’s said that Defensive Coordinators who merely gaze upon a few seconds of game footage with Zulu Cthulu immediately drop to the floor and die of massive body spazams… if they are lucky.
Wait. We have to READ in order to get the jokes now?
This would never have happened when Chris Berman was in charge of nicknames…
12.01.09 at 2:44 pm
The Dreadnought
Long live the “Old Ones”
12.01.09 at 2:50 pm
jackin'4beats
Can’t you just dumb down the meaning of his nickname for the masses like TWWL? That would be great. Still loves Cop Speed, The Human Tornado and Whiplash Johnson.
/who gets the prize?
//KAY BYEEEEEEE
12.01.09 at 2:50 pm
deeznutz
How you pronounce that?
12.01.09 at 2:52 pm
Captain Caveman
How you pronounce that?
If my reading of Wikipedia is right, it’s “ka-thoo-loo.”
12.01.09 at 2:53 pm
DJAnyReason
So, when do we get the Zalgo/Zulu Cthulu photoshops?
12.01.09 at 2:53 pm
Upstate Underdog
Metallica has a song called The Call of Ktulu on Ride the Lightning, so that’s cool. However, Lovecraft was a racist from Providence, RI. If he were alive today he would no doubt be a Red Sox and Pats fan.
12.01.09 at 3:00 pm
Signal to Noise
Arcane horror/sci-fi angle acceptable because it rhymes. Catchy.
12.01.09 at 3:00 pm
Matt Casselhoff
Well good thing is he has tactics the British haven’t seen before so hes’s got that going for him, unfortunately, they will figure him out and take him over in a few years or so.
But then he will just eat them, so win-win I guess.
12.01.09 at 3:01 pm
BlueRat
From now on, all Tennesse Titans game film will have to be checked out of the library from Miskatonic University.
12.01.09 at 3:01 pm
Reggie Bush's Pimp
The R’yleh Titans have a great RB.
12.01.09 at 3:04 pm
mini dagger
is it too late to nominate porsche monkey?
/lil’ bit racist
12.01.09 at 3:04 pm
OJ Incandenza
Fair enough. Now how do we get Gruden to say it three times?
12.01.09 at 3:07 pm
TomSellecksMustache
i think it’s only fitting that LenDale now be referred to as Lovecraft.
12.01.09 at 3:08 pm
The Shaqtus
In the spirit of Gus, I would’ve gone with “Black OJ”.
12.01.09 at 3:09 pm
Matt Casselhoff
So ZC’s kids will be star-spawn?
Win.
12.01.09 at 3:11 pm
kalyarn
Fisher is Lovecraft.
LenDale is Nyarlathotep, aka “The Crawling Chaos”
12.01.09 at 3:15 pm
Matt Casselhoff
Bud Adams is the “Elder Thing”.
12.01.09 at 3:17 pm
Garthmeister J.
I don’t TomSellecksMustache’s suggestion to be forgotten. I second the vote that LenDale should now be referred to as Lovecraft. Superb!
12.01.09 at 3:18 pm
Risorius
Does that make VY Azathoth?
/put down your crack pipes and google blind idiot god, poorly read mouth breathers.
12.01.09 at 3:25 pm
70 Chip
love it, still needs a gold grill though
12.01.09 at 3:25 pm
Chicago CP
FAIL
this i overtly racist
12.01.09 at 3:29 pm
Slideshow Bob
Cthulu has nothing on Crom.
/Howard>Lovecraft
12.01.09 at 3:31 pm
Zack
Nuts. And I thought I had just come up with a really good one: Jailbreak.
12.01.09 at 3:38 pm
Castrated Jaguar
@Chicago CP
I know, I can’t believe they’re hating on the Cthulhu and his fellow Vhoorlians.
12.01.09 at 3:46 pm
William Murderface
Solid, but I lik0de Dashville Hennessy better.
12.01.09 at 3:46 pm
Destructo-Beam
Just awesome. I applaud you, good sirs.
12.01.09 at 3:52 pm
LaFarve's Next Drink
Damn, that was gonna be my next one. I was that close to internet stardom.
12.01.09 at 3:54 pm
SantaBarbaraWahoo
He’s going to be in Avatar, right?
12.01.09 at 3:59 pm
Upstate Underdog
CJ’s aka ZC head looks like some hardcore tentacle porn.
12.01.09 at 4:10 pm
That'samare
Once I get used to pronouncing the Cthulu part, I’ll like it, as it’s catchy.
I still liked Black Zeus or ghetto Zeus, or Blue Cronus better.
12.01.09 at 4:15 pm
TyMo
Many different pronunciations are acceptable for Cthulhu. Kloo-loo, Ku-too-loo, Thulu…the list goes on.
Zulu Cthulhu Fthagn!
12.01.09 at 4:15 pm
Jamarco Jenkin
Tyrone Biggums?
12.01.09 at 4:31 pm
Who Dey
Powerthirst Johnson :(
12.01.09 at 4:32 pm
spanky datass
LenWhale! No,no,no…Fat Blue Grouper!!!!!111!!!1
Wait…what?
12.01.09 at 4:45 pm
Triumph
I guess I was the only one that liked “Rundingo”
12.01.09 at 4:47 pm
DancingBaptist
Does this make Jeff Fisher his August Derleth?
12.01.09 at 5:18 pm
nd4kelly
this is ok but really cop speed was the best. or maybe suga toof or suga toof toof
12.01.09 at 5:28 pm
Nathan Hale
” the secret priests would take great Cthulhu from his tomb to revive His subjects and resume his rule of earth….Then mankind would have become as the Great Old Ones; free and wild and beyond good and evil, with laws and morals thrown aside and all men shouting and killing and revelling in joy. Then the liberated Old Ones would teach them new ways to shout and kill and revel and enjoy themselves, and all the earth would flame with a holocaust of ecstasy and freedom.”
That sounds like Titans fans alright.
12.01.09 at 5:29 pm
Nathan Hale
Also, Lovecraft had a cat named “Nigger-Man.”
Just thought I’d point that out.
12.01.09 at 5:39 pm
Slash
Meh. I liked Predator better.
12.01.09 at 5:59 pm
someone
meh.
12.01.09 at 6:00 pm
Dan Snyder's Waxed Taint
no arguments. the photoshop really pulled it all together.
12.01.09 at 6:02 pm
BingBongBing
I’m gonna call him Copspeed Johnson. I don’t even know how to pronounce that second word. Is it just “Chulu” with a stupid silent “T”? Dumb.
12.01.09 at 6:05 pm
roy
suck
12.01.09 at 6:10 pm
Farthammer
/cranks Metallica
12.01.09 at 6:24 pm
Pip
I thought I was the only sports blogger making Cthulhu jokes?!?!?
This makes his offensive line the Fish Faced Men?
12.01.09 at 7:01 pm
Gino Tourettsa
I heard he pledged Yog-Sthoth at Miskatonic University. And his Major was The Cyclopean Geometry of the Elder Ones. That and African-American Studies.
12.01.09 at 7:04 pm
Pickett's Charge
@Zero Charisma: +1 for invoking Lovecraft’s beloved negative-imperative phrasing. Zulu Cthulu had on Sunday an 85 yard touchdown run WHICH I MUST NOT DESCRIBE.
12.01.09 at 7:06 pm
BingBongBing
From wiki:
“Johnson split carries with RB LenDale White for the duration of the 2008 season. White finished the 2008 season with 773 yards on 200 carries for a 3.9 ypc and 15 rushing touchdowns. They nicknamed this RB tandem “Smash and Dash.” Smash refered to White due to his power, and Dash refered to Johnson due to his unusual quickness and speed. Entering in to the 2009 season; however, Johnson dismissed the nickname of “Smash and Dash” and named himself “Every Coach’s Dream.”"
Also:
” Johnson earned the nickname “Cop Speed”in 2009 because of his incredible sub 4.4 40 yard dash speed, and Gus Johnson’s infamous “He’s got ‘getting away from the cops speed” comment during the November 1st game between the Titans and Jaguars.”
Let’s just stick with Copspeed.
12.01.09 at 7:18 pm
failbot
racist fail
12.01.09 at 7:22 pm
Intrusivity
Copspeed, You Black Runningback?
12.01.09 at 7:23 pm
yeahyeahno
fuck yeah, chris johnson has ruined my day twice this season. both of the times that i played some retard ex a&m guy in my fantasy league cj has gone off. fuck him. fuck him hardcore.
12.01.09 at 7:28 pm
DancingBaptist
Gino, does that mean he studies exclusively from the Necronomican ?
12.01.09 at 7:29 pm
Animal Mother
Does this mean we have to do the Zulu Dance when he scores a TD?
/Sulu’d
12.01.09 at 7:37 pm
City of Industry Football Corporation
Zulu Koo Tu Loo
Run Over Some Cock Tasters
Zulu Koo Tu Loo
12.01.09 at 8:19 pm
Big Daddy Drew
Also, Lovecraft had a cat named “Nigger-Man.”
Shouldn’t he have called it N–ger-Cat?
12.01.09 at 8:39 pm
obit_rice
First instinct is often the correct one: Cop Speed.
12.01.09 at 8:47 pm
Scarecrow
Boooo.
Cop Speed was way better
12.01.09 at 10:00 pm
boomtownrat25
Zulu Cthulhu is definitely the best name. Cop speed was good, but not quite in the same league.
12.01.09 at 10:24 pm
angry metal misanthrope
awesome nickname and photoshop
12.01.09 at 10:59 pm
Mathemagician
Will we be penalized for failing to spell ‘Zulu Cthulhu!’ correctly the next time the Titans are on Monday Night Blogkakke? If so, I’m going to need a clever mnemonic device…
12.01.09 at 11:03 pm
Tijuana Towel Guy
Hmmm…Zulu, eh? Is it ‘cos I’s black?
/Ali G’d
Rundingo demands a recount. Nothing else comes close that.
12.01.09 at 11:27 pm
Zilla
A shortening to Zuthulhu [zoo-thoo-loo] might be in order, because Zulu Cthulhu is not rolling off the tongue.
12.01.09 at 11:37 pm
sbarker15
I’m still calling him Cop Speed. Dumb nickname
12.01.09 at 11:41 pm
I Run Like Dennis Dixon
So what does that make Kenny Britt?
12.01.09 at 11:42 pm
Aaron Rodgers' Lost Self Esteem
Zulu Cthulu is retarded..
Cop Speed imo.
12.01.09 at 11:46 pm
Bill Callahan Called Me Dumb
Seriously, “Cop Speed” FTW
12.01.09 at 11:57 pm
yeah, right?
A blackening wall of mummified foreskin peeled away from the moss-encrusted girders. There was only one path. And along that path lie madness. Worlds within worlds collide. Anti-matter refutes matter. Logic refutes logic. Black death licks my pale skin. It is upon this revelation, this broadening of my nether regions that I come upon the name…
Kraft American Singles.
I will use it to name my band, verily. Kraft has become us.
/Closes sheet of blotter.
//Takes two tries, it’s a big sheet of blotter.
12.02.09 at 12:14 am
Mo Dred
Cop Speed, Rundingo, and if you must use the Lovecraft name, Shaka Cthulu makes more sense.
12.02.09 at 12:18 am
Forte Knox
Q: What the hell is a Cthulhu? A: The kind of nickname Dennis Miller would come up with just to show us all how much more he knows about a topic none of us care to know about in the first place.
Cop Speed isn’t great, but its a lot better than a fictional character from an 80+ year old book none of us have ever read, and whose name none of us can pronounce.
/can’t believe there’s no love for “Teal Tequila”
//ok, can believe it.
12.02.09 at 12:48 am
Lofa Tatupoontang
Nitrous Coxide
12.02.09 at 12:51 am
Lofa Tatupoontang
HB Floss
12.02.09 at 12:55 am
Lofa Tatupoontang
Or if you’re really hell bent on the Zulu Cthulu mold, why not just go for Tutsi Charybdis?
12.02.09 at 1:14 am
sbarker15
KFC-J
12.02.09 at 5:00 am
El Borracho
Somehow I ended up with Zulu Cthulu and Cool Brees with the 10 and 11 picks in this year’s fantasy draft. epic win.
12.02.09 at 9:51 am
Mike D
ahaha….WIN
please don’t post that picture with the all-eyes-Lazerface picture though…I’d like to sleep this month…
12.02.09 at 9:56 am
Slothrop
Cop Speed isn’t great, but its a lot better than a fictional character from an 80+ year old book none of us have ever read, and whose name none of us can pronounce.
Why don’t you go take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut. Take a flying fuck at the moooooooooon.
12.02.09 at 12:05 pm
Forte Knox
@ Slothrop: “I’ll take ‘Why quoting Vonnegut on a football blog is pretentious’ for $1,000, Alex”
12.02.09 at 1:15 pm
johndewar
FAIL
12.02.09 at 1:44 pm
Slothrop
@Knox: if being pretentious is not advocating ignorance, then, yes, I am hugely pretentious. Ya fucking douche.
12.02.09 at 3:35 pm
My Moss Hurts
“The Coloured out of Space”
Aren’t there Arkham Argonauts in the CFL?
12.02.09 at 11:58 pm
chris johnson as a second language
he always twitches like he has ants in his ears,so,his name is Ear Bug…..
12.03.09 at 3:38 pm
Nato in NZ
Farce Tazfuk would be great
12.04.09 at 7:47 pm
mrejr8234
trying too hard. Zombie Bob sounds better because he is fast like the new school zombies and he looks like bob marley.
04.22.10 at 1:26 pm
Elnora Redner
I really like the Avatar 3D film, especially the story line, not only it brings a totally new sensation however eye opening thoughts of humanity. I heard the New Avatar 2 is comming soon, can’t wait to watch it again…!
05.26.10 at 3:19 pm
Helena Giorgi (Nouriel Roubini Interviews)
Nouriel Roubini’s time in the sun thankfully will soon be at its end. He has made some inspiring calls in the past but his more recent work is too negative. Nonetheless we’ve put together some of his better interviews and articles at nourielroubini.financialanalystwatch.com please check them out when you get a moment.
Don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos.
/Seriously though, good choice.
Atomic Johnson!
Or I do my Epic Fail CutlerFucker Pouty Face!
THE RUNNING BACK THAT SHOULD NOT BE
Shaka Chtulu sounds better, but Zulu Chtulu works.
Two thumbs up!
It’s said that Defensive Coordinators who merely gaze upon a few seconds of game footage with Zulu Cthulu immediately drop to the floor and die of massive body spazams… if they are lucky.
It should have been Blumpkinfarts
weak. bye bye ksk
It’s Ry’leh not that bad.
SHOULD HAVE BEEN PEYTON!
Even defensive riflemen stand little chance against Zulu Chtulhu.
Wait. We have to READ in order to get the jokes now?
This would never have happened when Chris Berman was in charge of nicknames…
Long live the “Old Ones”
Can’t you just dumb down the meaning of his nickname for the masses like TWWL? That would be great. Still loves Cop Speed, The Human Tornado and Whiplash Johnson.
/who gets the prize?
//KAY BYEEEEEEE
How you pronounce that?
How you pronounce that?
If my reading of Wikipedia is right, it’s “ka-thoo-loo.”
So, when do we get the Zalgo/Zulu Cthulu photoshops?
Metallica has a song called The Call of Ktulu on Ride the Lightning, so that’s cool. However, Lovecraft was a racist from Providence, RI. If he were alive today he would no doubt be a Red Sox and Pats fan.
Arcane horror/sci-fi angle acceptable because it rhymes. Catchy.
Well good thing is he has tactics the British haven’t seen before so hes’s got that going for him, unfortunately, they will figure him out and take him over in a few years or so.
But then he will just eat them, so win-win I guess.
From now on, all Tennesse Titans game film will have to be checked out of the library from Miskatonic University.
The R’yleh Titans have a great RB.
is it too late to nominate porsche monkey?
/lil’ bit racist
Fair enough. Now how do we get Gruden to say it three times?
i think it’s only fitting that LenDale now be referred to as Lovecraft.
In the spirit of Gus, I would’ve gone with “Black OJ”.
So ZC’s kids will be star-spawn?
Win.
Fisher is Lovecraft.
LenDale is Nyarlathotep, aka “The Crawling Chaos”
Bud Adams is the “Elder Thing”.
I don’t TomSellecksMustache’s suggestion to be forgotten. I second the vote that LenDale should now be referred to as Lovecraft. Superb!
Does that make VY Azathoth?
/put down your crack pipes and google blind idiot god, poorly read mouth breathers.
love it, still needs a gold grill though
FAIL
this i overtly racist
Cthulu has nothing on Crom.
/Howard>Lovecraft
Nuts. And I thought I had just come up with a really good one: Jailbreak.
@Chicago CP
I know, I can’t believe they’re hating on the Cthulhu and his fellow Vhoorlians.
Solid, but I lik0de Dashville Hennessy better.
Just awesome. I applaud you, good sirs.
Damn, that was gonna be my next one. I was that close to internet stardom.
He’s going to be in Avatar, right?
CJ’s aka ZC head looks like some hardcore tentacle porn.
Once I get used to pronouncing the Cthulu part, I’ll like it, as it’s catchy.
I still liked Black Zeus or ghetto Zeus, or Blue Cronus better.
Many different pronunciations are acceptable for Cthulhu. Kloo-loo, Ku-too-loo, Thulu…the list goes on.
Zulu Cthulhu Fthagn!
Tyrone Biggums?
Powerthirst Johnson :(
LenWhale! No,no,no…Fat Blue Grouper!!!!!111!!!1
Wait…what?
I guess I was the only one that liked “Rundingo”
Does this make Jeff Fisher his August Derleth?
this is ok but really cop speed was the best. or maybe suga toof or suga toof toof
” the secret priests would take great Cthulhu from his tomb to revive His subjects and resume his rule of earth….Then mankind would have become as the Great Old Ones; free and wild and beyond good and evil, with laws and morals thrown aside and all men shouting and killing and revelling in joy. Then the liberated Old Ones would teach them new ways to shout and kill and revel and enjoy themselves, and all the earth would flame with a holocaust of ecstasy and freedom.”
That sounds like Titans fans alright.
Also, Lovecraft had a cat named “Nigger-Man.”
Just thought I’d point that out.
Meh. I liked Predator better.
meh.
no arguments. the photoshop really pulled it all together.
I’m gonna call him Copspeed Johnson. I don’t even know how to pronounce that second word. Is it just “Chulu” with a stupid silent “T”? Dumb.
suck
/cranks Metallica
I thought I was the only sports blogger making Cthulhu jokes?!?!?
This makes his offensive line the Fish Faced Men?
I heard he pledged Yog-Sthoth at Miskatonic University. And his Major was The Cyclopean Geometry of the Elder Ones. That and African-American Studies.
@Zero Charisma: +1 for invoking Lovecraft’s beloved negative-imperative phrasing. Zulu Cthulu had on Sunday an 85 yard touchdown run WHICH I MUST NOT DESCRIBE.
From wiki:
“Johnson split carries with RB LenDale White for the duration of the 2008 season. White finished the 2008 season with 773 yards on 200 carries for a 3.9 ypc and 15 rushing touchdowns. They nicknamed this RB tandem “Smash and Dash.” Smash refered to White due to his power, and Dash refered to Johnson due to his unusual quickness and speed. Entering in to the 2009 season; however, Johnson dismissed the nickname of “Smash and Dash” and named himself “Every Coach’s Dream.”"
Also:
” Johnson earned the nickname “Cop Speed”in 2009 because of his incredible sub 4.4 40 yard dash speed, and Gus Johnson’s infamous “He’s got ‘getting away from the cops speed” comment during the November 1st game between the Titans and Jaguars.”
Let’s just stick with Copspeed.
racist fail
Copspeed, You Black Runningback?
fuck yeah, chris johnson has ruined my day twice this season. both of the times that i played some retard ex a&m guy in my fantasy league cj has gone off. fuck him. fuck him hardcore.
Gino, does that mean he studies exclusively from the Necronomican ?
Does this mean we have to do the Zulu Dance when he scores a TD?
/Sulu’d
Zulu Koo Tu Loo
Run Over Some Cock Tasters
Zulu Koo Tu Loo
Also, Lovecraft had a cat named “Nigger-Man.”
Shouldn’t he have called it N–ger-Cat?
First instinct is often the correct one: Cop Speed.
Boooo.
Cop Speed was way better
Zulu Cthulhu is definitely the best name. Cop speed was good, but not quite in the same league.
awesome nickname and photoshop
Will we be penalized for failing to spell ‘Zulu Cthulhu!’ correctly the next time the Titans are on Monday Night Blogkakke? If so, I’m going to need a clever mnemonic device…
Hmmm…Zulu, eh? Is it ‘cos I’s black?
/Ali G’d
Rundingo demands a recount. Nothing else comes close that.
A shortening to Zuthulhu [zoo-thoo-loo] might be in order, because Zulu Cthulhu is not rolling off the tongue.
I’m still calling him Cop Speed. Dumb nickname
So what does that make Kenny Britt?
Zulu Cthulu is retarded..
Cop Speed imo.
Seriously, “Cop Speed” FTW
A blackening wall of mummified foreskin peeled away from the moss-encrusted girders. There was only one path. And along that path lie madness. Worlds within worlds collide. Anti-matter refutes matter. Logic refutes logic. Black death licks my pale skin. It is upon this revelation, this broadening of my nether regions that I come upon the name…
Kraft American Singles.
I will use it to name my band, verily. Kraft has become us.
/Closes sheet of blotter.
//Takes two tries, it’s a big sheet of blotter.
Cop Speed, Rundingo, and if you must use the Lovecraft name, Shaka Cthulu makes more sense.
Q: What the hell is a Cthulhu? A: The kind of nickname Dennis Miller would come up with just to show us all how much more he knows about a topic none of us care to know about in the first place.
Cop Speed isn’t great, but its a lot better than a fictional character from an 80+ year old book none of us have ever read, and whose name none of us can pronounce.
/can’t believe there’s no love for “Teal Tequila”
//ok, can believe it.
Nitrous Coxide
HB Floss
Or if you’re really hell bent on the Zulu Cthulu mold, why not just go for Tutsi Charybdis?
KFC-J
Somehow I ended up with Zulu Cthulu and Cool Brees with the 10 and 11 picks in this year’s fantasy draft. epic win.
ahaha….WIN
please don’t post that picture with the all-eyes-Lazerface picture though…I’d like to sleep this month…
Cop Speed isn’t great, but its a lot better than a fictional character from an 80+ year old book none of us have ever read, and whose name none of us can pronounce.
Why don’t you go take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut. Take a flying fuck at the moooooooooon.
@ Slothrop: “I’ll take ‘Why quoting Vonnegut on a football blog is pretentious’ for $1,000, Alex”
FAIL
@Knox: if being pretentious is not advocating ignorance, then, yes, I am hugely pretentious. Ya fucking douche.
“The Coloured out of Space”
Aren’t there Arkham Argonauts in the CFL?
he always twitches like he has ants in his ears,so,his name is Ear Bug…..
Farce Tazfuk would be great
trying too hard. Zombie Bob sounds better because he is fast like the new school zombies and he looks like bob marley.
I really like the Avatar 3D film, especially the story line, not only it brings a totally new sensation however eye opening thoughts of humanity. I heard the New Avatar 2 is comming soon, can’t wait to watch it again…!
Nouriel Roubini’s time in the sun thankfully will soon be at its end. He has made some inspiring calls in the past but his more recent work is too negative. Nonetheless we’ve put together some of his better interviews and articles at nourielroubini.financialanalystwatch.com please check them out when you get a moment.