sulkysulkface

After his three-interception performance against Baltimore on Sunday, Jay Cutler’s season total stands at 25. He’s on pace to throw the most INTs since Brett Favre uncorked 29 in 2005. Jay was kind enough to provide us with an explanation for each of his picks for far. I think we can agree that Jay is just a victim of cruel circumstance.

1. Receiver ran the wrong route.

2. Receiver gave up on the route.

3. Wrong route.

4. Sun.

5. Should’ve been caught.

6. There was mud and stuff on the ball. I asked the ref to wipe it off, but he just acted liked he didn’t hear me.

7. Isidore’s fault. He knows what he did.

8. Leon Hall talked all week about how bad he wanted an interception. Like he’s never even seen one before. I looked him dead in the eye when I threw it. I wanted him to know “See these things you prize more than life itself? I fling them around like they don’t mean a thing.” He acted like he couldn’t hear me, but I could tell he was devastated by my indifference.

9. Christ, I ordered the breadsticks and had them put on my bill—shouldn’t that mean I get one lousy breadstick to myself without having to share with Leopold.

10. Sun.

11. Obvious missed PI call.

12. Sun.

13. Clouds.

14. This ref totally fuckin’ hates me for no reason.

15. Seriously, Isidore. How hard is it to just pick up the fucking phone and call?

16. Wrong route.

17. You can’t go around laying blame for everything single that happens. I feel sorry for you, man. Always trying to compartmentalize everything’s into “Cut’s fault” and “not Cut’s fault.” Fact is, brother, sometimes things just happen that are beyond our control and no one’s to blame. Shit. Just. Happens. Deal with it, man. Oh plus Johnny Knox fell down again for no reason.

18. I completely overthrew this ball. See how I dip my shoulder right at the release? I’ve been making extra throws after practice for a couple of weeks and I think this screw up is a thing of the past. Like I always say, there’s almost nothing that a little hard work, a good attitude and a few more reps can’t fix!

19. “Oh hey I’m Greg Olsen and I’m a fucking dick who always messes shit up for Cut.”

20. Garza just lets his man through unblocked. I think Isidore has been texting him.

21. Tried telling coach this was a bad idea, but he just acted liked he didn’t hear me.

22. Fucking Pixies, man. Been touring again for years now, but still no new record. Fucking cockteases.

23. Should’ve been caught.

24. You have no how hard it is growing up in a town called Santa Claus, Indiana when the very idea of Christmas wants to make me puke my fucking guts out. Every year my parents would give me lots of expensive presents. But nothing can fill this void in my soul. This holiday makes me wish I was dead even more than the rest.

25. Wrong route.