The season is almost over, but that’s no reason to start slacking. Brandon Marshall’s private cheerleader’s know what’s up. They’re keeping things nice and tight even though they’ll be all bundled up against the cold in Denver. The same goes for Marshall himself. The receiver faces off against Nnamdi Asstomouth in a match up that will go a long way to determining the outcome of two of this week’s suggested* wagers.
Nnamdi once called Marshall “the toughest guy to bring down, one-on-one,” a sentiment that was echoed by multiple DA offices around the country. So can the league’s second-best corner hold the record-breaking receiver to under six catches?
On to the picks!
Buffalo +7.5 vs. New England
Fuck the Patriots. I’ve never hated them with the fiery passion exhibited by some others, but after they fucked me out of my suicide pool with that loss to Miami my hate has reached its zenith. They’ve now failed to cover in three straight, of course they can’t do anything with consistency, so they’ll probably win by 20 this week. Choke on flounder cock.
Denver -14 vs. Oakland
Did the Raiders sign JP Losman, or was that some wondrously vivid dream? Regardless, Charlie Frye is making his first start of the year, and that’s good enough for me. Wait, no it’s not. I want JaMarcus back. How many people have to go down to make this happen? Would they really throw Losman out there to ad lib an offense if Frye goes down? It would be fun, but it’s really no substitute for vintage JaMarcus.
Washington +3 (-130) vs. New York
WOOO! Everything’s fixed now! Well everything except for the offensive line, defensive line, kicking game, owner, defensive backfield, offensive backfield, coaching staff, scouting department, and ownership. See, just a splashy hire and a couple of overpriced free agents and we’ll be all set to roll out the bandwagon next summer.
/punches self in the cock
OVER 6 (-150) Total catches for Brandon Marshall vs. Oakland
Seems pretty low after last week’s explosion, no? That’s what my friend Sully asked me the other night. I calmly explained to him, “THAT’S WHAT THEY WANT US TO THINK! Marshall has only recorded more than six catches in four games this season. THAT IS LESS THAN HALF. That’s why I’m taking the over. It’s a classic reverse jinx!”
/air fives Sully
//writes about his brilliant double-reverse jinx when Marshall catches five passes
0-2 (13/4) Dallas’ record in the final two games of December
Is this a smart bet? Probably not. But betting on the Cowboys to go 0-fer-December makes me feel all warm inside. It’s like eating a freshly baked cookie while stomping on a Beelzebub’s larynx.
*Suggested probably isn’t the right word, because I definitely do not recommend abiding by my suggestions. I’m terrible at this, but you probably know that by now.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/lol-gonna-miss-you-nfl-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/scrooge-150x150.gif)
Thank you for the logic about Redskins. Has noone learned that a revolving door at the top floor level doesn’t fix the problems on the field??
Have to say, Justin Tuck, I come down on the opposite side of you on both games. That’s why they call it gambling.
the same bandwagon fans who lost big time money on the Saints the last two weeks.
Nobody has more bandwagon gamblers than the Cowboys.
So why does Vegas have them beating the Cowboys by a touchdown or more when they couldn’t do the same against the Falcons or Redskins recently?
Those games were played in Atlanta and Washington respectively. This week’s game is in New Orleans, where the Saints are 4-2 against the spread.
I’m not saying that the Saints are a mortal lock or some bullshit like that. What I will say is that Dallas is a pretty average team. They’re 2-4 against the spread on the road, and their best player is probably out. That’s why you’ll see a lot of people taking them at 7.5 or 8 (not sure where that 6.5 is coming from).
“So why does Vegas have them beating the Cowboys by a touchdown or more when they couldn’t do the same against the Falcons or Redskins recently?
In order to generate equal action on both sides of the line? Yeah, that’s probably it.”
Or prey upon the same bandwagon fans who lost big time money on the Saints the last two weeks.
So why does Vegas have them beating the Cowboys by a touchdown or more when they couldn’t do the same against the Falcons or Redskins recently?
In order to generate equal action on both sides of the line? Yeah, that’s probably it.
I feel sick to my stomach doing it, but I’m betting over half my entire bankroll on the Steelers.
Raider Fans never die – they just go upstate for 5-10.
” I’ve never hated them with the fiery passion exhibited by some others, but after they fucked me out of my suicide pool with that loss to Miami my hate has reached its zenith.”
Well, that’s your mistake. No matter how much better one team is over the other, for whatever reason, the Pats/Fins games are usually way too close to call, and upsets aren’t unusual.
GIANTS -3 over Redskins – First of all, the Giants have owned the Redskins recently. Secondly, the Giants quietly have the #5 offense in the NFL. And as bad as the Giants secondary is they’ve only been blown up by top-tier offenses. Redskins are the first bad team they’ve played in a long time. Vegas has a short memory as to what the Giants did to bad teams earlier in the season. I love this bet.
DALLAS +6 1/2 over Saints – Everyone ignores that the Saints have had an easy breezy schedule this season and have been eking out victories against bad teams. So why does Vegas have them beating the Cowboys by a touchdown or more when they couldn’t do the same against the Falcons or Redskins recently? As much as I want the Saints to win this game, I think they go 13-1.
@ Punch – No quit in you, my friend.
LOSMAN LOSMAN LOSMAN!
And anyway, it’s expected to be sunny and 44 degrees. Unfortunately, I’m not going – a bad omen because everytime I get tickets and go, the Silver and Black bring the shock and awe to the Mile High City. Probably why I’m never invited anymore.
Monkey Business thinks the flounder is like a Koenigsegg CCX while Indiana’s beloved large mouth bass is like a Nissan GT-R.
I think we must be talking about the John Holmes of Flounders here.
for those that haven’t heard about this:
http://www.sportingnews.com/fantasy/article/2009-12-18/man-fired-for-playing-fantasy-football-speaks-out
Oh I know UM, it’s just funny how it dropped within 20 minutes. When i get off of my work’s network and finally get home and book the bet, it will probably be 3/1. I don’t want to end up like those assholes that got fired for fantasy football. This is a bit more egregious than that.
Now 63/20 (3.15/1)
Was 13/4 (3.25/1)
Not too big a drop…yet.
@ Jackie – they must have read your comment. the odds are dropping on 0-2
$50 limit on that Cowboys bet. Ain’t that some shit.
Floundah cawk is nawt bad with a little nutmeg.
Maj – seriously,
I think that 13/4 to go 0-2 is a mistake on their part. I’d get on it if I were you.
Shit, you could even set up a HUGE middle for tomorrow by taking Dallas + 7.5 to go along with it.
/remembers Flounbder from Animal House
//never bet against floundercock (Bradys new name??)
Football and fish dick jokes?!? Seziest Friday ever!
/drops fish down pants
//fish-dick punches self
Walter- The Fenway flounder is making a comeback.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flounder#History
But thanks for your input.
Is it even possible to choke on flounder cock? It seems as though one flounder cock would be too small to block one’s airway with. Perhaps several could do the job.
There’s a giant cod hanging in the Mass State House so “cod cock” might be better seeing as it is both alliterative and more historically and regionally accurate.
What do ya think of that Cincy-SD game? Will the Bengals be too emotionally drained? Or will they be “inspired” (or whatever)?
I tend to think that I would rather bet on Cincy, even tho they are traveling and are obviously having a rough week. It just seems like a blatant opportunity for the heartlessness of SD to pop up.
Excellent point.
“Choke on flounder cock”
Working that into my rotation of insults. Will refence blog.
that’s insane, they’re offering the same price for 0-2 as for 2-0…….words are failing me right now.
I no longer have money at Bodog, but if i did, I would UNLOAD on that 0-2 prop. Considering the Saints game is first, you can easily hedge back on the ‘Skins game and still turn a healthy profit if you want
added links
That Dallas bet is pretty good; considering the Saints are at -310 now, Washington would have to be almost +250 in order for you to get the same value betting them consecutively.
Where did you get that #?