Yes, once again it’s time for us folk at KSK to regale you, the reader, with something as close to approximating news as we get. Now, you know how this works out. We were the ones who tricked you into thinking Brady was retiring. We were the ones who told you TO was spotted at the Nashville airport. So, as you can see, our record in actual reporting is SPOTLESS, certainly better than Mort’s, that’s for damn sure.
Anyway, a reader emailed us with a tip. Who is this source? What kind of credibility does this source have? Uhhhh… I dunno. It was just an email. But it was JUICY! And therefore, it automatically qualifies as credible news around these parts. Here’s the scoop from Anonymous:
I have it on pretty good sources well within the Chiefs organization that Todd Haley and Scott Pioli have not said one word to each other in almost 7 weeks. I think he may need inclusion on the Fire this Asshole list. I’m sure as a first time head coach, part of his contract had pretty easy out clauses for the Chiefs if it wasn’t working out.
(Camaro door flies open)
Todd Haley: What are you saying? You saying I need to talk to my GM? You saying Todd Haley has a boss? Todd Haley HAS NO FUCKING BOSS. No one tells him what to do or where to go. YOU READ ME? I call the shots here. You don’t like the way I do things, son, THEN YOU CAN GET THE FUCK OUT. I win with you. I win without you.
(flips sunglasses back down)
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While we’re slinging rumors around, I just heard Chris Henry was involved in a serious car wreck.
Gruden says: delinquents find ways to delinquent.
I don’t know if we covered this or not, but apparently winners find ways to win.
Jon Gruden called, he wants his analysis back.
Todd Haley keeps wine coolers, on ice, in the trunk. Just in case the cheerleaders want a ride in his Berlinetta.
/totally the shitty Camaro
@lazarus: Easy chief, it’s just jokes, dude. Just jokes.
Yes, but does Todd Haley’s third person talk to Scott Pioli’s third person?
An ’85 Trans AM it’s FUCKIIIIIN SWEEEEET!!!
Is Matt Cassel really any better than Tyler Thigpen? And why did Miami sign Tyler Thigpen unless they just horribly misevaluated Chad Henne? Because The Man hates Tyler Thigpen. That’s right. Nat X.
Where is Moneky Business to explain what this has to do with the Colts?
what a bunch of stupid crap to write
so we signed/cut/signed all these scrubs on and off the roster without Pioli and haley talking.
how utterly idiotic is the person writing this crap?
@lazarus easy there big guy. pioli is probably making most if not all personnel moves without input from haley, and there hasn’t been a personnel move since Nov 12th. I also dont think you can take it literally, as I also am not on speaking terms with my boss, yet we MUST talk at times to perform our jobs
I hope that correcting Drew is not among the list of behaviors that can potentially take Sexy Friday away, but I can’t find a damn thing that says Cassel’s only got a year left. In fact, I’m finding a great many things that suggest he signed a contract in July that locked him up until 2014. $28M guaranteed, $63M total.
I mean, in all fairness to BDD: it’s the Chiefs. If my calculations are correct, they’re still going to be the Chiefs for the entirety of the next five years, regardless of who’s standing behind center throwing interceptions.
A real scoop would be an interview with the staff of the print shop that made that poster. It must’ve been hard to keep a straight face while taking that order:
“All right, HEAD Coach Haley (heh, heh), you want the poster in Chiefs’ red, with the Chiefs’ logo with ‘Team’ in quotation marks on top of it (heh, heh). You want a white, all-caps, sans-serif typeface that emphasizes ‘WIN’ (heh, heh) and you want it to say the following: ‘LOSERS ASSEMBLE IN SMALL…’ Hahahahahaha!”
If Todd Haley doesn’t drive an I-Roc Camaro, I will lose my faith in humanity.
Scodd Pioley or Tott Hali?
“Or one, if you look at Cassel’s contract.”
Everything I can find says Cassel is locked up for the next five years, thanks to a fat extension from Pioli. But hey, who am I to argue with the Funnyman?
what a bunch of stupid crap to write
so we signed/cut/signed all these scrubs on and off the roster without Pioli and haley talking.
how utterly idiotic is the person writing this crap?
You don’t have to talk anymore. It’s the fucking 21st century! WE HAVE INTERNETS WITH TEXT TO TALK AND XANGA.
HATE,
TODD HALEY
(sent from Iphone)
Drew Brees understands not only Todd’s situation but the situation of all Kansas City fans, whether they be from Missouri or Kansas.
The next Wade and Jerry, Todd and Scott!
(Elevator door slides closed)
Todd: …
Scott: …
Todd: …
Scott: …
Todd Haley wants to know what you’re looking at fag? You want some of this? I DON’T LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE LOOK ATE ME!!
To be fair, judging by the Chiefs season, Todd Haley isn’t even on speaking terms with his brain.
And JP Losman? Really Raiders? Was Tommy Maddox unavailable? Jayson Whitlock’s penning his 15th “Give Jeff George a chance” column as I type this.
Upstate –
Bitchin Camaro! Bitchin Camarao! I ran over my neighbor…
/Props to the Dead Milkmen reference
Where did all this Camaro talk come from? I totally picture him with a Trans-Am with a huge gold firebird picture on the hood.
Yeah thats how I like my Haley.
Todd Haleys rolls his pack of cigarettes in his t-shirt sleeve.
I demand a DNA test to see if this guy and Marmalard are related.
Todd Haley wears a jean jacket. Stonewashed Bitch!
@ Jackin – If it happens it happens – At least we aren’t stuck with Pioli and Haley.
THE TODD TELLS YOU WHAT TO DO YOU DON’T TELL THE TOOD WHAT TO DO!!!
/rips Hulkamania t-shirt and tosses it towards a few KC women with teased out mullets
@Hafner: Mangina might not be around much longer with the team talking to Holmgren and all. I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin…
Todd Haley would fuck your mom then brag about it to you.
Jesus Christ, I’m actually glad to have Mangini as my teams coach after reading about this asshole.
By the way, his name is fucking TODD. What the fuck did you people expect out of him?
Is Todd Haley the future version of Jay Cutler?
Todd Haley proposed with “Every Rose Has its Thorn” playing in the background
/secretly loves that song
“Why would Haley talk to the asshole who stuck him with Cassel for the next five years?”
Or one, if you look at Cassel’s contract.
A bitchin’ Camaro with WHITESNAKE in the tape deck, motherfucker.
Shocking… the over-rated and over-hyped offensive coordinator who won games by using the incredibly intricate strategy of “throw this one to Fitz, Kurt” then “throw this one to Bouldin, Kurt” doesn’t speak to the over-rated and over-hyped GM who gutted the roster of what little talent it had and saddled the organization with a mammoth contract given to a one-year wonder QB.
Haley is Billick without the intelligence, people skills, and spin (oh, and competent front office). It seems to be pretty easy to get the “offensive genius” lable in the NFL when you are the OC of a team with a veteran QB throwing to the best combo of recievers in the league.
@RRP, I bet its a BITCHIN” camaro.
Haley’s the kind of guy who doesn’t talk TO people, he talks AT people. While other people are saying things, he’s too busy waiting to say what he has to say next to listen to their meaningless spew. He is already a legend in his own mind.
i bet its a fucking SWEET camaro. T-Tops and all!
He’s still wearing his Cardinals shirt. Of course there’s going to be tension.
Why would Haley talk to the asshole who stuck him with Cassel for the next five years?
TBH and serious, lets call a rat what it is here, a rat.
The guy was hired based on his “credentials” of being an offensive play caller that got an over-performing team to the super bowl. Funny how they didnt even start mentioning his name until after the playoff game where him and Boldin had the shouting match. Then all of a sudden he became THIS GUY, who was a qualified head coach candidate.
Im not on a fire Haley bandwagon, but to be fair, the only thing this far that hes done better than Herm from last year is get one more win.
If Todd Haley knew what was being said about him in offensive huddles, he’d explode.
“Losers assemble in small groups…” etc.
PEOPLE assemble in small groups. That’s their natural inclination.
Casselhoff, don’t you dare insult Billy Zabka like that.
He’s much more like Chet from Weird Science.
He’s the BOSS! He shat on Debra’s desk!
I think its just jealousy, you guys just wish your teams had a head coach that was a cross between Johnny from Karate Kid and Forrest Gump.
/Bill Simmons approved this post
By the way, the Raiders have apparently signed JP Losman.
Is it really juicy if it’s related to the Chiefs?
///my bad, not traded, released and picked up
//gets traded to Bengals, remembers what it is like to win
Man, what a faggot.
Oh shi-
/gets suspended indefinitely
No, no, no! Mommy and Daddy are fighting again!