Week 10 Meast and Least: The Season for Illness
Someone at my gym was telling me about a guy who went into the hospital with back pain; he told the doctors he was afraid he had spine flu. And that’s not a joke. That apparently really happened, according to the second-hand story that I’m now making a third-hand story.
Naturally, I spent the next ten minutes thinking about various influenza FAILs. Like, there’s a pine flu epidemic in the Northwest… I’m not sure if this is a hangover or wine flu… Sarah Jessica Parker has a nasty case of equine flu. Et cetera.
I bring this up because I was sick for the last three days. I had this weird stomach pain that wasn’t quite gas and wasn’t quite indigestion, and mixed with my light sleeping habits it wrecked my REM sleep. I ended up taking something like six naps over the span of two work days while consuming a helluva lot of healthy crap like miso soup and peppermint tea. And the kicker was this: no booze or caffeine for MORE THAN TWO DAYS.
That’s no way to live, people. Don’t trust Mormons, those people are powered by the dark arts.
Week 10 Meast and Least below:
Your Meast this week is LaDainian Tomlinson, who returned to relevance with 96 yards, two touchdowns, and a brand new embryo in his wife’s uterus. Those numbers aren’t as impressive as Chris Johnson’s, but Johnson was up against the shitty Buffalo run D, and besides, he won the Meast last week. Also in the running was Peyton Manning, but Pey-Pey had two ugly picks and benefited from Belichick’s Leastiness. Besides, it’s too much fun to torture the Colts fans who care about arbitrary awards handed out by half-assed blogs.
Speaking of the Least…
That right there is one sulk photo for every interception Jay Cutler threw on Thursday night, arranged in order of increasing sulk. What an absolute delight.
Tags: jeff george memorial least of the week, Sean Taylor Memorial Meast of the Week
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November 18th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Post five pictures. I don’t even care. Whatever.
November 18th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
lolcutler
November 18th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Jay Cutler is trying to have sex with the field.
No means no, Jay.
November 18th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Jay Cutler didn’t see that defender there bro.
November 18th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Pats fans had a severe case of whine flu after Sunday nights game.
November 18th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
He’s not a covetous Jew. He just has Stein flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Sulk! *SSSSSNNNNNIFFFFF* Smells like magical pixie farts!
November 18th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
You could line up the Cutler pic(k)s almost with the picture of Evolution. It’s uncanny.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
The de-evolution of sulky man.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Jay Cutler is still the best QB in the NFL wearing a #6 jersey, so he has that going for him.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Those sneaky Germans with their Rhine flu
November 18th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
goddamn motherfucker, what in god’s name does peyton have to do to get the meast? he’s the fucking best. he’s the FUCKING BEST. HE WAS THE MEAST. LT had what, 4 ypc? BFD.
peyton should be the meast. this site is ridic.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
They weren’t exploited in How Green Was My Valley, they just had the mine flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
I once got sine flu during math class.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
What you gotta watch out for is the silent killer- mime flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
The reason Culter threw all those picks? He coughed on the ball before each play in a valiant attempt to give the defense swine flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
The Steelers were decimated by a nasty case of Hines Flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
I get sick to my stomach whenever I think about that over-the-top farce “In and Out.”
Yup, I got Kevin Kline flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
The advantage of lime flu is that you become buoyant
November 18th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
It wasn’t the severe beat down, the stabbings, or GSWs that killed Billy Batts. Nope, it was the Shinebox Flu, poor bastard.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
deanna favre was hoping for a case of the benign flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
Andy Reid always likes to use all his time outs in the first quarter. He has Time flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
and the german bitches with their fraulein flu
November 18th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
Dog is out this week with Da Kine flu
November 18th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
I thought Chita Rivera gave me an STD but it was only Nine Flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
Leighton Meester suffers from the Fine Flu
November 18th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
Bill Shatner’s got the priceline flu
November 18th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
Stevie Wonder suffers from that blind flu…don’t get too close, it’s catchin’.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Whwn Big Daddy Balls writes–this site has the fine flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
vince young hoped his score of 6 on the wonderlic could be attributed to side affects caused by combine flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
a lot of people thought jesus was crucified, but what really did him in was a case of divine flu
November 18th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Out here in the Pacific Northwest, we have people who get sick over the fates of trees. Damn pine flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
The whole mental institution was a sea of varying symptoms but it turns out it was just One Flu Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
I hated math, because it always gave me prime flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
If you ever order seafood at Denny’s, be careful: you just might get dine flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
Bud Adams is suffering from the Fine Flu
November 18th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
A fork broke, and the tine flew.
/apologizes
November 18th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
clapclapclapclapclapclap
November 18th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
I’m not saying Michael Irvin snorted a lot of coke, but he did miss a game in 1992 because of line flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
You would not believe what came out of my ass when I got the poutine flu in Montreal.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
When I was in Germany a couple years ago I caught Rhine flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
It seems everybody here has the rhyme flu…
November 18th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
Oops. Sorry Ape.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
Green Bays passing attack is plagued by the o-line flu
November 18th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
I have a bit of a cough.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Wade would stand up to ol’ double J but he has a case of the no spine flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Ellen Degeneres has a bad case of Va-Gine flu….
November 18th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
Some say if you put a cucumber into a vagina it’ll pickle, but I say that is not true unless the girl has brine flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
Nate Newton’s Van’s cough is drivetrain related, caused by the spline flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
By the way, I obviously have no opinion on the Meast/Least of the Week.
/Pey-Pey was robbed!
//just kidding; fuck that guy
November 18th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
The Vols have a case of the crime flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
Rosie O’Donnell and Oprah have a severe case of bovine flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Another missed field goal. Must be the Lawrence Tyne flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
Most 80′es metal bands ended up selling out. We call this disease Sweet Child O’Mine flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Uh, in that one movie where the girl was really a guy, Stephen Rea had the Cryin’ Flu
November 18th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
I thought I was on just a little dry-spell, but it turns out I’ve got ‘Gine Flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
Maybe it was all the curry and chutney I ingested, but when I visited the Vaishno Devi in India, I came down with a serious case of shrine flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
In the past, I overused the term ‘Fuck me in the goat ass!’. Have not used it since a severe bout of the caprine flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
My favorite chair is broken. I think it has the recline flu.
/shows himself out
//all the good rhymes were taken
November 18th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
Gonna find my Cutler, gonna hold him tight, gonna get some Absolute Delight…
November 18th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Pey-Pey has a case of “the MEAST is mine” flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
Another name for Cat Scratch Fever is feline flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
Rick Reilly is a huge fan of this thread.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Chill sulk, brah.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
I burned a dead pig in a wood stove one time. The smoke went up the swine flue.
Or not. Whatever. I don’t care.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
That right there should be published, glossy cover and all, titled Cutler: The Dark Sulk Returns
November 18th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
I have Jungle Love. It’s a side effect of Morris Day and the Time Flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
@StuScottBooyahs: why, you make posting multiple rhyme-related puns sound like a bad thing. Some of my comments took over ten seconds to think up!
November 18th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
I thought it was weird that I was crying out tears that were strongly saturated or impregnated with massive amounts of salt.
Turns out I had Brine Flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
People complaining about Peyton not getting meast have a case of the shut-the-fuck-up-its-a-made-up-award-and-you-are-a-dickhead-something-that-ends-in-ine flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
Hitler actually died of Mein Flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
Got an illness that can only be cured by a 40oz? Ballantine flu.
This comment thread is terrible.
November 18th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
I will never stop playing Iron Maiden’s fourth album due to Piece of Mind flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
Wilford Brimley doesn’t have dia-beeeetus, he’s got endocrine flu.
/yes, I know it’s a soft “i”
//yes, I know this bit is worn out
November 18th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Unsilent-
What the fuck is Hines Fru?
November 18th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Soldiers who fought in Vietnam caught Dien Bien Flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
Swine flu? Nah, man, I got Hamthrax.
/Is all about LT’s winning sperm’s juke into twenty-millimeter gain for the win winning the Meast.
November 18th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
Paul McCarntney and Michael Jackson both had The Girl is Mine flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
I actually had swine flu. It wasn’t really that bad, it was benign swine flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
I hope this comment thread contracts end of the line flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
My cat gave me Twine Flu
November 18th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
Has anyone heard anything from the Grapee? I heard he got your ass is mine flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
PACMAN GOTDAT SHINE FLU
CHUH
November 18th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
I have a friend name Frank that can’t seem to shake the Grimes flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
I got sick when I went back to work. It seems I contract the back to the grind flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Rollerball was so awful it gave me a case of the Chris Klein Flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
You Can’t Do That On Television always gave people a case of the Green Slime Flu
November 18th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
Too much teen angst and black trenchcoats could give someone Columbine flu
(too soon?)
November 18th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
I remember getting sick after reading a book in grade school. I think they called it “A Wrinkle In Time Flu”
/yes its annoying but its better doing work
//hates self and will see new Twilight movie with Cutler
November 18th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Bill Belichick is now a goat because Kevin Faulk had the couldn’t-catch-the-ball-in-front-of-the-line flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Starvin Marvin couldn’t come out to play –he had the famine flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
Last year I only dated asians–came down with a bad case of Concubine Flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
I heard the guy that played Larry on Three’s Company died of Richard Kline flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
That’s magnificent – the Evolution of Sulk. He’s only another step or two away from his final destiny as Surly Interception Monkey.
November 18th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Nice work, everyone. Dr. Jack Badofsky would be proud.
November 18th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
> People complaining about Peyton not getting meast have a case of the shut-the-fuck-up-its-a-made-up-award-and-you-are-a-dickhead-something-that-ends-in-ine flu.
Sounds like a case of asinine flu. And sounds like someone’s got a case of the “supposed tos”
November 18th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
I snorted a bad rail of coke this weekend and caught line flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
Silly junkfood, Larry from Three’s Company died of Trine Flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
Pass me the Courvoisier. I have Busta Rhymes flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
Prediction: This thread ends shortly after swine flew.
November 18th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
Dark Arts. Nice mixing in a Harry Potter reference there.
November 18th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Screwed by Belichick again!
I guess I’ve got a case of equine flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
The gay guy got sick of his job. He had interior design flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
I listened to Mozart and got Eine Kleine Nachtflu.
/heads back to nerd hollow
November 18th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Peyton not winning the Meast is like Neil Walker not winning the 2009 International League MVP for hitting 14 HR and 69 RBI.
November 18th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
Too many of the stupid Comcast commercials have given me the Ben Stein flu
November 18th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
If you get sick when you take care of haunted hotels during winter in the Rockies you, Jack Nicholson, and the guy from Wings might have the Shi-ning Flu.
/redrum
//extolls the dangers of redbull and a slow work day
///F me
November 18th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
We have a guy who works for us in Japan. His english is near perfect, but he wrote an email to our office in NY calling it the “swan flu,” so that’s what we’re all calling it now.
November 18th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
My girlfriend dragged me to a performance of Les Miserables and I think I now have the Eponine flu
November 18th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
Awesome Cutlerfucker slide show. Wasn’t gonna do the rhyming thing, but then a post inspired me:
Dudebro suffers from a terminal case of asinine flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
Now that we’ve exhausted rhymezone.com and swan flu is fair game…Josh Cribbs has dwan flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
Anyone who pulls Eponine wasn’t dragged anywhere.
November 18th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
R.Kelly skipped right over the hospital and went to jail with the bump and grind flu
November 18th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
The Asian variety, Bok Swine Flu, is caused by ingesting Franzia.
November 18th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
I thought I was overdosing on heroin but I just had the Sublime Flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
When Suzy Kolber interviewed Joe Namath, he had the schwing flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Rex Ryan has AWESOME-flu
November 18th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
I just finished watching Team America: World Police and now I have buck o’ five flu
November 18th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
no means yes, yes means anal
November 18th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
That cocaine binge last weekend gave me a case of the line flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
I haven’t seen a horse beaten to death this much since Barbaro.
November 18th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
The quickie mart is really…
D’OH!
November 18th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Cutler doesn’t want to get out of bed, and you can’t make him. He has the supine flu. Or not. Whatever.
November 18th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
Chris Johnson could probably win the Meast every week the way he’s playing, and he gets to go against a Houston team he absolutely destroyed earlier in the season….and btw, i think he’s better than AP. He catches out of the backfield, has even bigger play capability than AP, and he’s not a fumble machine like AP, and he’s doing all this shit with VY and Collins as QB’s.
November 18th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Well, when you’ve won every meaningful award in the NFL (3-time MVP, Super Bowl MVP, 4-time All Pro, etc.) you start focusing on the little ones.
WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS?
November 18th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
T.O. wants more catches, he has the mine flu……..
November 18th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
H1N-word
November 18th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
“it’s too much fun to torture the Colts fans who care about arbitrary awards handed out by half-assed blogs”
Don’t be so hard on yourselves, you’re a full-assed blog.
Hugh Grant just called a press conference to let everyone know he doesn’t have Devine flu.
Nor does he know what it is or have ever seen it before.
November 18th, 2009 at 5:26 pm
Eh, all the good (?) rhymes were taken, so I got nothin’.
November 18th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
A vietnamese prostitute went the hospital with a torn vag. She is suffering from “too buku” flu!
November 18th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
Must……be……productive……instead of……participating in……worn-out meme……
Oh well, one more:
After heavy radio rotation of Ace of Base in the mid-90’s, I got The Sign flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 5:52 pm
OJ Simpson HAD to go back into that Las Vegas hotel room to get his stuff. He had a case of the It’s Mine Flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
I do believe that if I make one more swine flu “joke” then Matt will take Sexy Friday away again. I don’t want to rob my fellow commentators of all that sweet tang, so I’m just going to get off this couch, put on some pants and-
Some Seahawks fans (like myself) still have a bad case of whine flu.
Dammit!
November 18th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
I love how in the last INT photo, Halas’ initials on Cutler’s sleeve appear to spell ‘GOSH’
November 18th, 2009 at 6:43 pm
this thread makes me want to punch a baby in the face
November 18th, 2009 at 6:53 pm
bill o’reilly has the “name-and-town-if-you-wish-to-opine” flu
November 18th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
Lou Gossett Jr has the Enemy Mine flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 7:34 pm
Those sneaky Germans with their Rhine flu
Sneaky German goes: Ja, das ist mein Flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 7:39 pm
Whoops, looks like Stupid Face got there before me. As penance, I’ll catch a bit of the cat o’ nine flu. – At least it’s better than the pork rinds flu.
/late
//drunk
November 18th, 2009 at 7:54 pm
At the zoo I once got the porcupine flu from a quill stabbin’
November 18th, 2009 at 7:57 pm
That was a five-course meal of sulk … I wonder if there’s a whine pairing? (you can see what I did there)
November 18th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
John Waters’ movies started to decline after he caught Divine flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 8:26 pm
Gentlemen afflicted with H1N1 are advised to stay home from work and avoid crowds – thou wouldst not want to spread thine flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 9:47 pm
can’t resist…..
negative Germans have a bad case of the NEIN flu!
/sorry
November 18th, 2009 at 11:16 pm
I ate a bad pickle and got the brine flu….
Oh and I took too much LSD and got the ergoline flu.
November 18th, 2009 at 11:55 pm
Marvin Harrison gave some wannabe O.G. a bad case of the Glock-9 Flu.
YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHH
November 19th, 2009 at 1:39 am
@UU
You mean, an equine flu?
/shows self out
November 19th, 2009 at 3:23 am
If only Cutler would’ve thrown one more INT. He would’ve buried himself underground.
November 19th, 2009 at 7:34 am
Someone told the Elite Sulkster that there was sugar in the field
November 19th, 2009 at 8:59 am
Jay Cutler has vagine flu.
November 19th, 2009 at 9:54 am
He’s the QB Chicago deserves…but not the one it needs right now. So we’ll make fun of him, because he can take it. Because he’s not our hero…he’s a silent INT machine, a watchful fumbler…a Dark Sulk.
November 19th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Rongrastname’s favolite leceivel have Hine flu.
November 19th, 2009 at 9:58 pm
I had the flu once. It wasn’t so bad. It was a fine flu.