Someone at my gym was telling me about a guy who went into the hospital with back pain; he told the doctors he was afraid he had spine flu. And that’s not a joke. That apparently really happened, according to the second-hand story that I’m now making a third-hand story.
Naturally, I spent the next ten minutes thinking about various influenza FAILs. Like, there’s a pine flu epidemic in the Northwest… I’m not sure if this is a hangover or wine flu… Sarah Jessica Parker has a nasty case of equine flu. Et cetera.
I bring this up because I was sick for the last three days. I had this weird stomach pain that wasn’t quite gas and wasn’t quite indigestion, and mixed with my light sleeping habits it wrecked my REM sleep. I ended up taking something like six naps over the span of two work days while consuming a helluva lot of healthy crap like miso soup and peppermint tea. And the kicker was this: no booze or caffeine for MORE THAN TWO DAYS.
That’s no way to live, people. Don’t trust Mormons, those people are powered by the dark arts.
Week 10 Meast and Least below:
Your Meast this week is LaDainian Tomlinson, who returned to relevance with 96 yards, two touchdowns, and a brand new embryo in his wife’s uterus. Those numbers aren’t as impressive as Chris Johnson’s, but Johnson was up against the shitty Buffalo run D, and besides, he won the Meast last week. Also in the running was Peyton Manning, but Pey-Pey had two ugly picks and benefited from Belichick’s Leastiness. Besides, it’s too much fun to torture the Colts fans who care about arbitrary awards handed out by half-assed blogs.
Speaking of the Least…
That right there is one sulk photo for every interception Jay Cutler threw on Thursday night, arranged in order of increasing sulk. What an absolute delight.
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I had the flu once. It wasn’t so bad. It was a fine flu.
Rongrastname’s favolite leceivel have Hine flu.
He’s the QB Chicago deserves…but not the one it needs right now. So we’ll make fun of him, because he can take it. Because he’s not our hero…he’s a silent INT machine, a watchful fumbler…a Dark Sulk.
Jay Cutler has vagine flu.
Someone told the Elite Sulkster that there was sugar in the field
If only Cutler would’ve thrown one more INT. He would’ve buried himself underground.
@UU
You mean, an equine flu?
/shows self out
Marvin Harrison gave some wannabe O.G. a bad case of the Glock-9 Flu.
YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHH
I ate a bad pickle and got the brine flu….
Oh and I took too much LSD and got the ergoline flu.
can’t resist…..
negative Germans have a bad case of the NEIN flu!
/sorry
Gentlemen afflicted with H1N1 are advised to stay home from work and avoid crowds – thou wouldst not want to spread thine flu.
John Waters’ movies started to decline after he caught Divine flu.
That was a five-course meal of sulk … I wonder if there’s a whine pairing? (you can see what I did there)
At the zoo I once got the porcupine flu from a quill stabbin’
Whoops, looks like Stupid Face got there before me. As penance, I’ll catch a bit of the cat o’ nine flu. – At least it’s better than the pork rinds flu.
/late
//drunk
Those sneaky Germans with their Rhine flu
Sneaky German goes: Ja, das ist mein Flu.
Lou Gossett Jr has the Enemy Mine flu.
bill o’reilly has the “name-and-town-if-you-wish-to-opine” flu
this thread makes me want to punch a baby in the face
I love how in the last INT photo, Halas’ initials on Cutler’s sleeve appear to spell ‘GOSH’
I do believe that if I make one more swine flu “joke” then Matt will take Sexy Friday away again. I don’t want to rob my fellow commentators of all that sweet tang, so I’m just going to get off this couch, put on some pants and-
Some Seahawks fans (like myself) still have a bad case of whine flu.
Dammit!
OJ Simpson HAD to go back into that Las Vegas hotel room to get his stuff. He had a case of the It’s Mine Flu.
Must……be……productive……instead of……participating in……worn-out meme……
Oh well, one more:
After heavy radio rotation of Ace of Base in the mid-90′s, I got The Sign flu.
A vietnamese prostitute went the hospital with a torn vag. She is suffering from “too buku” flu!
Eh, all the good (?) rhymes were taken, so I got nothin’.
“it’s too much fun to torture the Colts fans who care about arbitrary awards handed out by half-assed blogs”
Don’t be so hard on yourselves, you’re a full-assed blog.
Hugh Grant just called a press conference to let everyone know he doesn’t have Devine flu.
Nor does he know what it is or have ever seen it before.
H1N-word
T.O. wants more catches, he has the mine flu……..
Well, when you’ve won every meaningful award in the NFL (3-time MVP, Super Bowl MVP, 4-time All Pro, etc.) you start focusing on the little ones.
WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS?
Chris Johnson could probably win the Meast every week the way he’s playing, and he gets to go against a Houston team he absolutely destroyed earlier in the season….and btw, i think he’s better than AP. He catches out of the backfield, has even bigger play capability than AP, and he’s not a fumble machine like AP, and he’s doing all this shit with VY and Collins as QB’s.
Cutler doesn’t want to get out of bed, and you can’t make him. He has the supine flu. Or not. Whatever.
The quickie mart is really…
D’OH!
I haven’t seen a horse beaten to death this much since Barbaro.
That cocaine binge last weekend gave me a case of the line flu.
no means yes, yes means anal
I just finished watching Team America: World Police and now I have buck o’ five flu
Rex Ryan has AWESOME-flu
When Suzy Kolber interviewed Joe Namath, he had the schwing flu.
I thought I was overdosing on heroin but I just had the Sublime Flu.
The Asian variety, Bok Swine Flu, is caused by ingesting Franzia.
R.Kelly skipped right over the hospital and went to jail with the bump and grind flu
Anyone who pulls Eponine wasn’t dragged anywhere.
Now that we’ve exhausted rhymezone.com and swan flu is fair game…Josh Cribbs has dwan flu.
Awesome Cutlerfucker slide show. Wasn’t gonna do the rhyming thing, but then a post inspired me:
Dudebro suffers from a terminal case of asinine flu.
My girlfriend dragged me to a performance of Les Miserables and I think I now have the Eponine flu
We have a guy who works for us in Japan. His english is near perfect, but he wrote an email to our office in NY calling it the “swan flu,” so that’s what we’re all calling it now.
If you get sick when you take care of haunted hotels during winter in the Rockies you, Jack Nicholson, and the guy from Wings might have the Shi-ning Flu.
/redrum
//extolls the dangers of redbull and a slow work day
///F me
Too many of the stupid Comcast commercials have given me the Ben Stein flu
Peyton not winning the Meast is like Neil Walker not winning the 2009 International League MVP for hitting 14 HR and 69 RBI.
I listened to Mozart and got Eine Kleine Nachtflu.
/heads back to nerd hollow
The gay guy got sick of his job. He had interior design flu.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Screwed by Belichick again!
I guess I’ve got a case of equine flu.
Dark Arts. Nice mixing in a Harry Potter reference there.
Prediction: This thread ends shortly after swine flew.
Pass me the Courvoisier. I have Busta Rhymes flu.
Silly junkfood, Larry from Three’s Company died of Trine Flu.
I snorted a bad rail of coke this weekend and caught line flu.
> People complaining about Peyton not getting meast have a case of the shut-the-fuck-up-its-a-made-up-award-and-you-are-a-dickhead-something-that-ends-in-ine flu.
Sounds like a case of asinine flu. And sounds like someone’s got a case of the “supposed tos”
Nice work, everyone. Dr. Jack Badofsky would be proud.
That’s magnificent – the Evolution of Sulk. He’s only another step or two away from his final destiny as Surly Interception Monkey.
I heard the guy that played Larry on Three’s Company died of Richard Kline flu.
Last year I only dated asians–came down with a bad case of Concubine Flu.
Starvin Marvin couldn’t come out to play –he had the famine flu.
Bill Belichick is now a goat because Kevin Faulk had the couldn’t-catch-the-ball-in-front-of-the-line flu.
I remember getting sick after reading a book in grade school. I think they called it “A Wrinkle In Time Flu”
/yes its annoying but its better doing work
//hates self and will see new Twilight movie with Cutler
Too much teen angst and black trenchcoats could give someone Columbine flu
(too soon?)
You Can’t Do That On Television always gave people a case of the Green Slime Flu
Rollerball was so awful it gave me a case of the Chris Klein Flu.
I got sick when I went back to work. It seems I contract the back to the grind flu.
I have a friend name Frank that can’t seem to shake the Grimes flu.
PACMAN GOTDAT SHINE FLU
CHUH
Has anyone heard anything from the Grapee? I heard he got your ass is mine flu.
My cat gave me Twine Flu
I hope this comment thread contracts end of the line flu.
I actually had swine flu. It wasn’t really that bad, it was benign swine flu.