We Let You Down, KSK Readership
In retrospect, it’s really sad we didn’t have a liveblog of last night’s game. Yes, it was one of those grinding low scoring affairs that people who fetishize offense always complain about. But then there were also FIVE CUTLERF*CKER SULKERCEPTIONS! TWO IN THE ENDZONE! A VERITABLE BONANZA OF KKAKE-INFUSED SCHADENFREUDE! And it’s doubly disappointing because we are absolutely committed to not touching the abortion that is the Ravens and the Browns on Monday night (sorry, but we do it out of compassion for our regulars, so they need not feel compelled to tune in) so it looks like we’re on for Carolina and Miami next Thursday. Wait, that’s no good either. I’m not dealing with a third live blog with 50,000 Wildcat jokes in 10 weeks. Screw it, we’ll just do BradyManningfest on Sunday night. Book it.
Tags: cutlerfucker, Programming Notes, xmas ape
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November 13th, 2009 at 11:20 am
Thanks for the heads up. Now I know.
November 13th, 2009 at 11:23 am
Now, I fetishize offense as much as the average football fan/offense fetishizer. But last night was the antithesis of offense. It wasn’t Browns-Bills level, but it wasn’t the defense that made those offenses look bad.
Having said that, I eagerly anticipate the Pats-Colts liveblog. I dare say, it will be quasi-semi-Lebronesque-ish-like.
November 13th, 2009 at 11:26 am
even if there was a live blog yesterday, the humor would have been hit and miss with half the readers watching at a bar and the other half using internet streams that cut out every 10 minutes. Cutler was Epic Fail though. He’s prolly watching the New Moon trailer on repeat to cheer himself up.
November 13th, 2009 at 11:27 am
Looks like I’ll have to dvr Desperate Housewives.
November 13th, 2009 at 11:28 am
Jay Cutler hates fantasy football teams that started him last night.
/opponent this week started Cutler
November 13th, 2009 at 11:37 am
and yea, verily, it came to pass
also, HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES TO WE HAVE TO SEE THE ABYSMAL BEARS ON NATIONAL TV? why doesn’t nbc call dibs on the chiefs – raiders matchup this week?
at least i got a good night’s sleep
November 13th, 2009 at 11:38 am
Thank God in my pay fantasy football league they don’t penalize turnovers. Cutlerfucker got me 12.48 points.
November 13th, 2009 at 11:48 am
@ UU: In one of my leagues I went against Cutler with Alex Smith subbing in for Schaub on the bye (2 qb league, yes it sucks…). Alex Smith got 3 points. Cutler got 10.
/wtf’d
November 13th, 2009 at 11:48 am
I thought about making smart-ass comments about Cutler’s game in the mailbag post, but the “gay rape” theme seemed to already be covered.
November 13th, 2009 at 11:57 am
@ Otto Man
slow clap……….
well played, Sir
November 13th, 2009 at 11:58 am
Bill Simmons Week 10 Picks riddled with mistakes.
November 13th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
One league I’m in Cutler got 2.5 points, in another one I’m in he got -3.
November 13th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
My fantasy week is over before it begun – THANKS CUTLERFUCKER YOU COMPLETE AND TOTAL WASTE
November 13th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Not going to lie: my strategy for picking defenses in Fantasy Football for this season has been to pick whatever defense is playing Jay Cutler. Gotta love turnover points.
November 13th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Wildcat? What is so funny about the Wildcat? Now, Tom Cable, that’s funny.
November 13th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Oh my god, Simmons just wrote 3 paragraphs on why Starbucks sucks.
It has begun. The Simmons-King merging of the douches. RUN. FOR. COVER.
November 13th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Jay Cutler hates fantasy football teams that started him last night.
/opponent this week started Cutler
On the other hand, Jay Cutler loved fantasy teams that started him on Sunday. He loved them so much he was willing to be terrible in real life, just so that, come garbage time, he could be awesome for those fantasy teams.
/opponent last week started Cutler. And Olsen.
November 13th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
You know, if this Sulk thing doesn’t pan out, I think “Heathen Kitna” is a FINE nickname.
November 13th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
The Incredible Sulk, at it again. It was a horrible game to watch, UNLESS you enjoy watching a QB completely self-destruct. Especially The Sulk. I was at my friend’s house, who is a huge Bears fan, and that alone made it worth watching. He threw his marble ashtray through a wall.
I had to wait five minutes after the game to talk to him. He kept mumbling to himself. Priceless.
If anyone says that Cutler is the QB the Bears haven’t had, their right… He’s putting up numbers that haven’t been seen on the Bears in 40+ years.
November 13th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Ape and Team KSK – Thanks for all you do with the liveblogs.
They’re always funny (even if the games suck) and provide a nice combo to the monday night games.
/fuck the saints
November 13th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Brady-Manning? I thought the Giants had a bye this week? Boy, Eli wins one little game over Brady and the media goes bonkers and blows everything
out of proportion.
The world needs more Henne-Freeman or Neckbeard-Campbell coverage!!
/what? huh? what?
November 13th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
@Paul God: it’s always fun to be around when someone completely loses their shit over their team like that. I was once watching England play France in the 2004 Euro Cup with my English friend Bobby when the French scored TWO goals in injury time to win 2-1. A room full of about fifteen people sat in completely stunned silence (and for me, stifled laughter) for the next five minutes while poor Bobby just sat there and fumed. I thought he was going to put a fist through the TV.
November 13th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
As bad as my Packers are playing, I can always count on the “savior” of the Bears to play like shit to cheer me up a little bit.
/Rodgers will probably get sacked 6-8 times
//Minnesota Favres will be 8-1
Fuck my life
November 13th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Last nights game was a slow painful shit.
First half took 2hrs, which while it was a good time kill before Always Sunny, it was miserable thing to watch.
Also Forte put up 22pts in my league…glad I started him for once…
November 13th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Did you know that on last night’s broadcast, you could actually hear Phil Rivers shit himself with joy? True story.
November 13th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
At least you didn’t have to worry about missing a good game if you don’t have NFL Network!
November 13th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
It’s all good about the live blog. It would have been tough anyway since most of us couldn’t get the game and the one live feed that worked for me, I didn’t find it until after halftime. I just listened to it like the radio since Cutler was just unwatchable.
Jay Cutler = Jeff George? Jay Culter = Jeff George.
November 13th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
@Zack: agreed. I’m a Bears fan and my gf at the time dragged me to a Packers bar in Chicago to watch the 2008 NFC championship game. I’ve never seen a group of people go through the entire continuum of emotions so quickly: from dizzying euphoria (missed FG by NYG) to stunned silence (Favre’s pick) to outwardly suicidal (game winning FG). It was incredibly rewarding.
But last night…ugh.
November 13th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Even as a die hard Bears fan, I sort of had to laugh at last night’s game a little. It was either laugh or cry. Or just lose control altogether and end up going away for 25-life. I chose laugh. Ugh.
November 13th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
This is outstanding news. I have one block of class every week that takes place on Monday nights, so I miss the usual blogkakke. Now I get to watch as 90% of my hack jokes are ignored!
November 13th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
Cutler got fined for getting mouthy with Hochuli vs AZ. Musta asked if he could return the tickets to the “gun show” after a blown call on 3rd on 4.
November 13th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
Now that TMQ’s theory that there is a “Crabtree Curse” has lost some steam, it’s time for something new. A Cutler Curse? Even better: an Alex Smith Reverse Curse.
Stop me before I make shit up again! It is better to have made shit up and been wrong, than to have never made shit up in the first place! At that point TMQ scribbled some made up shit in his notebook, and smiled warmly at official TMQ bullshit sounding board Spenser.
November 13th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
@Zack: “England play France in the 2004 Euro Cup” Is this some kind of championship in a semi-pro football league? Can’t say as I’ve heard of either of these teams. Where do they play?
/Somebody had to say it
November 13th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
@Lawrence – How about a Lovie curse? Has any Bear QB played well under him?
November 13th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
The real highlight of last night’s game is that here in Chicago (if you have Directv, that is) the game was on NFLN and local channel 50. The NFL network game had no commentary audio for the whole first quarter (or maybe longer) before they realized we only had the game sounds and nothing else. Wonderful silence, no Matt Millen, for 15 minutes was lovely.
November 13th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
@Animal Mother- One guy did, for a while. I believe he periodically “unleashed the dragon” and was known as “210 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal.” His success was short-lived, though.
November 13th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
The Ron Turner curse. He ruins professional and college teams alike
November 13th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
@Spatula: Sorry, chap, I asked for directions to a “football” blog and was misdirected by an uncouth scouse. Indeed. Quite, quite. That was actually when I was living in South Africa, so watching rugby with the locals, watching soccer with the expatriate Brits, and trying to avoid catching AIDS were the only games in town. I’ve never had the same experience with football (not by virtue of Americans being unable to experience the same heartache, just a matter of not being lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time like Human Mailbox was). I sure would have enjoyed being in a Boston bar on February 3, 2007.
November 13th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Fuck and Yes.
I just got internet at the new place to find out we’re having a live blog on Sunday night. Thank fucking Purple Jesus.
November 13th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
@Lawrence
I was about to mention that same individual. I believe he was also known as “the Cumslinger”.
November 13th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
Jay Cutler stares you down as he walks as slow as humanly possible through a cross walk while you’re waiting to turn right.
November 13th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
YEA!!!!!! I know it was mentioned in blogkakke this Monday…yea yea yea. An actual potentially good game!
November 13th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
Chicago’s soon gonna start the “We Want Sexy Rexy!” chant.
November 13th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
Colts/Pats instead of Ravens/Browns? Thank god.
November 13th, 2009 at 7:00 pm
There goes my bridge club night.
November 13th, 2009 at 7:02 pm
I still can’t figure out how Matt Millen has a job after ruining a franchise. How can he be credible?
And all he could talk about was Crabtree and Davis. Figures, he gets wood from WR.
In all honesty, seriously… How can Matt Millen get a job in football? He should’ve never left the booth. But you can thank Willie Clay Ford for that one. “Hey, he sounds like a halfway intelligent color guy. Let’s hire him! I like how he sounds in the booth.”
Jesus Christ on rubber crutches.
November 13th, 2009 at 11:13 pm
I thought about making smart-ass comments about Cutler’s game in the mailbag post, but the “gay rape” theme seemed to already be covered….wtf?
November 14th, 2009 at 4:47 am
So instead of a nice mellow Monday night buzz everyone will be falling down drunk as per usual by the end of Sunday? Outstanding.
November 14th, 2009 at 6:47 am
Enjoying the the Dark Sulk’s sinking ship. Don’t know why I think Simmons wrote a while ago that Denver gave him up for “70 cents on the dollar.” I’d be happy if it was 2 #1s (especially if it’s the fuckin Bears pick), a 3rd, and Orton. Me thinks that’s about right.
Grimace, was in the same boat as you. Schaub on the bench, either Smith or Henne. Motherfucker, that 49er offense looked putrid. That was sour. At least I had Gore and Forte. That was sweet. After the final INT FMQB wrote in his notebook, “game over” and went to go masterbate.