The truth is no defense to a jailhouse shanking

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“A padlock attached to a belt? Damn, and here I am using a Moët bottle like a chump.” –Antonio Cromartie

 
Authorities say NFL trash talk led to the murder of a Florida prison inmate. Willie Smith reportedly taunted fellow inmate Vincent Lee, repeatedly shouting “Dolphins suck!” The next morning, Lee exacted his revenge:

Lee entered Smith’s cell with a padlock attached to a black belt and hit Smith in the head. Lee had a one-and-a-half foot shiv in his waistband, though it’s not clear if he used the weapon. Lee was able to clean up much of the blood and flushed a sheet down a toilet before being detained by guards. Smith died eight days later.

Yikes. At least he tidied up after himself. That’s got to be worth some good-behavior credit towards an early release.

Also, he flushed a whole sheet? What kind of plumbing do they have in that prison? I’m a law abiding citizen and whenever I take so much as a second lap around the Chinese buffet, I know I’m going to have to get the plunger out later on. Meanwhile this jailbird can flush a 1982 VW Vanagon with impunity. Where’s the justice in that?

But I digress…

The murder took place on October 16, a few days after Miami’s exciting victory over the Jets on Monday Night Football. Under those circumstances it seems like Lee could have been a little more self-possessed towards his tormentor. You know, just a simple retort of “Scoreboard, bitch” or, if necessary, go upside the head once and be done with it. But I suppose that if patience and circumspection had been Lee’s strong suits, he never would’ve been in the calabozo to begin with.

[ Miami New Times via digg ]

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26 Responses to “The truth is no defense to a jailhouse shanking”

  1. StuScottBooyahs Says:

    Sa da tay.

  2. SonOfSpam Says:

    Things that will get you killed in prison:

    1) Snitchin
    2) Being a child rapist
    3) Shouting “Dolphins suck!”
    4) Helping Paul Crewe get uniforms

  3. Upstate Underdog Says:

    Lee’s nickname? You guessed it: Stabby.

    Also, a one-and-a-half foot shiv is practically a sword. That’s a big fucking shiv.

  4. joe Says:

    that guy looks like chad johnson! and they are both black.

  5. derek Says:

    all black people look alike, and to be fair to Cromartie, the guy he blasted was a haji.

    /killing two racist statements with one comment.
    //somebody get me a medal.
    ///not really racist.

  6. K-Gun Says:

    Of course, it’s shank or be shanked.

  7. Lofa Tatupoontang Says:

    DOLPHINS SUCK! DOLPHINS SUCK! DOLPHINS SUCK!

  8. Danger Guerrero Says:

    Upon closer inspection of the 18-inch shiv, it was a penis.

  9. dudebro Says:

    Vincent Lee is actually Joey Porter.

  10. Danger Guerrero Says:

    @ Lofa

    -1

    /web-commenting equivalent to a prison shanking?

  11. Tbone Says:

    it takes you until the second lap at the chinese buffet to get the shits? your a better man than I then

  12. CobraCommander Says:

    How do you flush a sheet?
    How do you know that you CAN flush a sheet?
    How can I get one of those toilets?

  13. Will Leitch's Unfinished Novel Says:

    Those prison crappers are super-duper heavy duty, because the cons are always flushing and shoving stuff down them to get them to flood, etc. They are all like Ferguson’s.

    /watches all of those prison documentaries on Discovery
    //once went as Al Bundy for halloween in Polk High uni
    ///is a total fucking loser

  14. Mo Charlo Says:

    If he had yelled, “Dolphins suck, Patriots rule!” he would have been hit with a padlock-belt, then pinned face-down and penetrated.

  15. WhatWouldPupleJesusDo Says:

    In his defense, the dolphins DO kinda suck.

  16. H Cuz Says:

    They should send that guy to prison or something.

  17. Ryno Says:

    “I can’t go to prison! They pee in a glass and throw it at you in there!”

  18. Zamboni Says:

    @ Will Leitch’s Unfinished Novel: Did anyone try to stick a shiv in you for scoring 6 TDs in one game?

  19. Animal Mother Says:

    I’m Ray Lewis and I approve of this retaliation.

    /no, it wasn’t over a parking spot

  20. Millen's Eye For Talent Says:

    What they had there, was a failure to communicate.

  21. my nuts your chin Says:

    Maurice “Snoopy” Miller: Well, the man don’t just have to die, Foley. I mean, he could accidentally hurt himself falling down on something real hard, you know? Like a shiv, or my dick?

  22. RickyWilliams'sBong Says:

    Suck it, Baltimore.

    /is chad henne gonna hafta shank a bitch?!
    //no, can’t say it with a straight face
    ///lets self out

  23. yeah, right? Says:

    He missed the best Miss Sally episode ever.

  24. dumpster Says:

    @derek

    You forgot to add….
    ////I have a couple of black friends.

  25. Mike D Says:

    so wait you’re saying an INMATE…in FLORIDA makes poor decisions? Well I never!

  26. Hasselpfeffer Says:

    Well, no shit — dude had a black belt.

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