Terrible Towel vs. FEARSOME RAVENS TOWEL! WHO YA TWIRL?
The Ravens announced earlier this week that they’ll be passing out tens of thousands of rally towels at M&T Bank Stadium prior to Sunday night’s blood feud with the Steelers. Being that they’re made by Under Armour, you know they’ll have that special illegal immigrant craftsmanship.
This tactic is far from new; teams do this all the time when the Steelers visit for nationally televised games. Can’t let those TV cameras pick up a home crowd flecked with twirly yellow spots! The Broncos tried to shake up the tradition a few weeks back with orange pom-poms, which was, uh, an interesting approach. Anyway, it’s just particularly hilarious to see it from the Ravens, whose fans, despite failing to grasp the crushing irony of doing so while dressed in white trash fabulous purple camo pants, rant unremittingly about how stupid Terrible Towels are. And it’s true – towels as sports fan accessories are dumb. I freely admit that. BUT NOW YOU TWIRL THEM TOO! Welcome to the club, you unoriginal Old Bay bumf*cks.
As for the game, Troy Polamalu is still out. Terrell Suggs probably won’t play. Who knows what condition Roethlisberger will be in. Neither team has played particularly well the last month. Should be quite the marquee event. I got a media credential from The Sporting News to cover this game, meaning most likely I’ll be watching it from the press box at M&T Bank, which will probably not be all that great, given that whole “no cheering in the press box” thing. And they won’t let me toss live grenades into sections of dicksmacks who take their whining about the refs to such an outrageous extent that they actually show up at the stadium dressed as blind officials. The joys of access!
But man oh man, do I want to be there to glory in Ravens fan misery and referee blaming should Pittsburgh win. I can’t tell you how much it burns me that I missed it last year. Because there’s nothing more amusing than the contrast between the typical fake hard-ass pregame Ravens fan spiel of “WE’RE GONNA FUCKIN’ TEAR BIG JEN WORTHLESSBERGER’S RAPIST HEAD OFF AND GET HIS DECAPITATED CORPSE TO SHIT IN MIKE TOMLIN’S PRETTY GAY MOUTH RAWR HARM CITY BABY” and the predictable postgame keening of “Waaaaaahhhhh! We only lost ’cause of the refs! Just like the Patriots game! And the first Bengals game! And, fuggit, every game we’ve ever lost! The Rooneys paid off the entire crew! This game is rigged! Bandwagon fans! Bandwagon fans! Any fan who hasn’t spent 14 grueling years rooting for their team is a bandwagon fan!”
And even if the Ravens prevail, I get a new towel to torch. Win-win!
Tags: FEARSOME RAVENS FANS, hate, here come the trolls, towelie ban, who ya got?, xmas ape
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November 27th, 2009 at 8:38 am
Hmm, let’s see, stealing a football team…stealing the towel idea…beginning to see a pattern here, Baltimore.
Is anything more retarded than that fake family crest the Ravens have at midfield? That’s the kind of thing you see hanging on the wall in a trailer park.
November 27th, 2009 at 8:53 am
I’m just wondering how you guys know so much about what Baltimore fans say and think. They’re from Baltimore: who cares?
November 27th, 2009 at 9:04 am
“I’m just wondering how you guys know so much about what Baltimore fans say and think. ”
Because like half the writers here live in that region?
November 27th, 2009 at 9:09 am
I do enjoy Baltiless-Shittsburgh fights. Two formerly mediocre but sufficient cities that no one in their right mind wants to live in anymore because they’ve become visions of the Apocalypse. If only the game were held in Phoenix or Vegas, where most of the escapees/fans live.
November 27th, 2009 at 9:25 am
I do enjoy totally ignorant and overplayed cuts at the actual cities, in which the people making them have likely never spent any reasonable amount of time.
November 27th, 2009 at 9:47 am
I lived outside of baltimore for 2 years…and that was 2 years too many
November 27th, 2009 at 9:49 am
Ricky’s Bong,
Hey now – 90 percent of Miami is pretty much Baltimore with nicer weather. Granted, the nice part of Miami kicks the everloving shit out of the “nice” part of Baltimore, but still.
November 27th, 2009 at 9:51 am
@RickyWilliams’Bong:
I see you haven’t been to Pittsburgh since they brought in the casinos. When you bring in a casino the ripple can be felt throughout the entire city. Gambling = better strip clubs = better class of stripper = more whores running around the city.
November 27th, 2009 at 10:13 am
Look at the face of the Ravens fan sitting right in front of the blind ref. It’s only the start of the second quarter and he appears to have had quite enough, thank you very much, of that fake blind man’s cane.
November 27th, 2009 at 10:23 am
Pitt is nice, assuming you stay out of a few key areas. Baltimore has a nice Inner Harbor and a lot of shitty areas. I’d take Baltimore though because I love the Aquarium.
/Currently lives just outside of Detroit, so anything is an upgrade
November 27th, 2009 at 10:23 am
@Ape: It’s pretty close. Baltimore at least has the advantage of being dirt cheap and having DC nearby with decent jobs. Miami, not so much. Which is why I never lived farther south than West Palm (that and my strange desire to not get stabbed, anyway).
November 27th, 2009 at 10:25 am
If ever there was a game to test the effectiveness of the airborne AIDS virus this is it.
November 27th, 2009 at 10:28 am
That lawyer in the top right photo does look pretty goddamn fearsome.
/bills the fuck out of some hours.
November 27th, 2009 at 10:37 am
I like what the Chiefs did with painting their seats red and then just beating the Steelers.
November 27th, 2009 at 10:47 am
yes, because waving a white flag is always a sign of tough guys.
November 27th, 2009 at 10:49 am
I’m taking the terrible towel…
…and going to play some CoD: MW2 on my day off. THE BEN APPROVES OF MY SNOWMOBILE SKILLS!
November 27th, 2009 at 10:53 am
I’m going to need a shovel, a time machine, and directions to Myron Cope’s grave.
November 27th, 2009 at 11:14 am
The Ben gets a concussion, and no symptons appear. Does he have a brain?
November 27th, 2009 at 11:36 am
“And they won’t let me toss live grenades into sections of dicksmacks…”
But can they really stop you?
November 27th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
The terrible towel can hide piss stains easier. Advantage Pittsburgh.
November 27th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
“Any fan who hasn’t spent 14 grueling years rooting for their team is a bandwagon fan!”
-I have no opinion about this whole Pittsburgh-Baltimore feud, but isn’t the above statement mostly true?
November 27th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
As a Baltimore fan, let me tell you – this towel is the dumbest fuckin idea in a long string of dumb fuckin ideas from the marketing division.
And they’ve actually been marketing white “Flacco Rally Towels” since the offseason. I believe it featured Unibrow, staring down Mason before checking down to Ray Rice.
The sad part is, we’re not just ripping off the Steelers, but also the Redskins, whose front office idiots tried this same idiot idea last season with horrific results.
November 27th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
-I have no opinion about this whole Pittsburgh-Baltimore feud, but isn’t the above statement mostly true?
To some extent, but I was riffing on the habit of Ravens fans of a certain age (say, 20s to early 30s) calling lifelong Steelers fans bandwagon jumpers. It might not be their fault that their city didn’t have a team when they were kids, but those specific Bawlmer folk still haven’t been rooting for the Ravens as long as the Steelers fans they trash.
November 27th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
I was a Lions fan prior to ‘96. What happens when Allentown finally gets a franchise?
November 27th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
Well, Baltimore lost out to fucking Jacksonville for an expansion team. If Charm City hadn’t stolen one later, I’d've liked Allentown’s chances to beat them out.
November 27th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
Lions … fan?
November 27th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
They may take our towels…but they’ll never take our sacreligious banners!
http://fredcarrow.com/dataviewer.asp?keyvalue=3379&subkeyvalue=50589&page=WorksZoom
November 27th, 2009 at 6:09 pm
Denver usually gives out those pom-poms at about 4-6 of the home games every year, and it’s amusing to see those pom-pom yetis walking around every game
November 27th, 2009 at 10:19 pm
I like how KSK has become a personal soapbox for xmas ape to bitch about teams that annoy his pittsburgh sensibilities.
November 28th, 2009 at 1:48 am
fuck both these teams. Dennis Dixon at QB???? LOL! Ray Ray is gonna have a field day. Have fun Steelers fans, theres always next year.
November 28th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Ape, let’s not forget that the Ravens had a team stolen from them. Turnabout is fair play. Also at least we left the brownies their names.
As a Raven’s fan it sucks that Roethlisberger is out. Anyone who thinks the stillers have a shot without roethlistberger is huffing ether. I wanted to see a good game.
November 28th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
“I like how KSK has become a personal soapbox for xmas ape to bitch about teams that annoy his pittsburgh sensibilities.”
As far as hating on Baltimore goes… the city sucks, i agree. I’ve lived outside of it for years. That’s the point though. Myself and most Ravens fans who comment don’t actually live in Baltimore. We live in northern Baltimore county, the land of high-school lacrosse sex scandals and relative seclusion from the city. The area around pittsburgh sucks compared to the area around baltimore.
I do agree that baltimore does resemble a post-apocalyptic city, in the ghettos at least. The inner harbor is nice from an aerial view, but up close you may notice a dead body or two caught in the trash nets in the water.
November 28th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
The Ravens hand out rally towels to different games every year.
I don’t understand why its such a big deal this time around.
November 28th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Myself and most Ravens fans who comment don’t actually live in Baltimore.
No shit. But that doesn’t stop all the suburban and exurban little fucks from acting like they’re tough because they come from a crime-ridden hole of a town.
We live in northern Baltimore county, the land of high-school lacrosse sex scandals and relative seclusion from the city.
Oh boy, future Duke students! Awesome, brah!
The area around pittsburgh sucks compared to the area around baltimore.
I like how you made this assertion after having used “lacross sex scandals” and “distance from Baltimore” as your only points.
November 28th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Oh please. Big Jen Dramamama is acting just like Ape’s boyfriend. He’s faking a headache so he won’t get fucked. Donna Dixon, come on down!
November 28th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
Yup, here come all the fake bad-ass white boys from suburbia acting tough. “OH HE HAS A CONCUSSION! WHAT A PUSSY! ALL THE RAVENS PLAY WITH CONCUSSIONS AND BULLET WOUNDS EVERY WEEK!”
Oh, and another counter to Boller’s comments about most Ravens fans coming from northern Baltimore County. Sorry, a healthy portion of them are stupid rednecks from the Eastern Shore and Southern Maryland.
November 28th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2009/11/28/steelers-not-talking-about-roethlisberger/#comment-817288
Hmm. Looks like Johnny is repeating his lame jokes elsewhere. Different name, but posted 10 minutes apart and phrased almost exactly alike. If you’re gonna be a stupid troll, don’t be so fucking lazy about it.
November 28th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
LOL! Wow Apey, I didn’t think the joke was that good but it apparently struck a nerve of truth since you’re squealing and harrumphing like a li’l bitch. He most certainly IS a drama queen and you and that fugly skank he raped and the entire western hemisphere damn well know it. NO ONE QUESTIONS THIS as the Bard once said.
November 28th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
Cochring is pretty much the epitome of all Ravens fans. Tough talking and full of fake macho bluster when things are looking good. Giving guys women’s names as a form of trash talk, like he never left the schoolyard.
Yet Ravens fans blubber and cry the most pathetically of any fanbase when their team loses. “THE REFS! THE REFS!” They’re absolutely the biggest punks ever. Just like their team, I guess.
November 28th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Hey Internet detective, thanks for turning me on to the mellow tones of “nambla limbaugh.”
http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2009/11/28/glazer-roethlisberger-out-with-concussion/#comment-817255
Seriously, people play injured every. fucking. week. Big Pussy can’t take two extra-strength Bayers and try to be there for his team in a beyond-crucial game? Yeah, don’t tell me he’s not eager to sit this one out and wait for the Raiders to stumble into town. I figured he’d at least take a few snaps, get bumped and then do one of his dramatic “I’VE BEEN SHOT!!!” limps to the sidelines.
November 28th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
Seriously, people play injured every. fucking. week.
So why isn’t Terrell Suggs playing tomorrow? Why didn’t he play last week? According to you, he must be a pussy too. Calling injured athletes pussies is easy when you’re a fat unemployed dipshit who trolls multiple web sites making the same joke over and over.
November 28th, 2009 at 5:21 pm
STFU Johnny. You leave comments on multiple football boards and try to insult and rile up fans of Big Ben, you are the definition of troll.
The Steelers aren’t talking about it, neither is Ben, no one is being a dram queen, you’re being a douche.
November 28th, 2009 at 5:34 pm
Man I hate both teams, but Ravens fans,coaches and players are the biggest crybaby douchestains in the history of cry babies. According to them, they have NEVER just lost. They are always robbed, cheated or victims. Ray Ray can say QB’s need to wear a dress, but then squalls like a newborn with a fresh ass slap when anyone touches those purple wearing faggots.
Ravens need to wear frilly pink panties , replace their mouthguards with a fucking pacifier and and hire Chris Crocker as a coach so you can at least be honest about their dipshit tear dripping team.
November 28th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
Seriously, people play injured every. fucking. week. Big Pussy can’t take two extra-strength Bayers and try to be there for his team in a beyond-crucial game? Yeah, don’t tell me he’s not eager to sit this one out and wait for the Raiders to stumble into town. I figured he’d at least take a few snaps, get bumped and then do one of his dramatic “I’VE BEEN SHOT!!!” limps to the sidelines.
You need to get laid.
November 28th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
Quit projecting, Apey. And Terrell Suggs is not ambulatory, fuckwit. It’s a knee injury and Suggs (unlike Rapey) has never missed a game ever until last week so great comparison there. You’ll notice I’m not picking on Shampoofag’s knee injury, yes? Meanwhile, by all reports Rapeman is perfectly fine except for “a headache he got after he worked out.” Fact is when you see him on the sidelines looking stupid and chewing gum Sunday and you’ll be silently agreeing with me, and we both know it.
November 28th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
That make sense. Knee injuries are serious shit. Head injuries mean nothing. Thanks Dr. Diptard.
Is Suggs in a position where he gets hit in the head by guys going full speed every week? Not so much. But didn’t he make a big deal about playing in this game? Yep, he did. But he won’t. Or he’ll play a series and leave and make a big deal out of it. Yet Roethlisberger has said little to nothing to the press. Some reporters talked to team doctors and reported that THEY SAID he won’t play. And douches like you turn that into DRAMA QUEEN!
And Ben isn’t missing the game because he had a random headache. He had his fourth concussion of his career last week and team doctors are sidelining him after exhibiting aftereffects of that concussion. I’m sure there’s also pressure from the league due to the increased exposure on head injuries this year.
Ben has played the week after sustaining concussions in the past and the results aren’t good. Same as other QBs who play immediately after a concussion. But more than that, it’s a serious health risk. But then I forgot you’re a Hall of Fame quarterback who also has a doctorate in neurology, so I’m sure you know what’s best.
November 28th, 2009 at 8:24 pm
“Quit projecting, Apey. And Terrell Suggs is not ambulatory”
Wow,All this time I thought “ambulatory” meant able to walk. But since this relates to a Ravens player, apparently it means “heterosexual”.
…. The more you know..
November 28th, 2009 at 9:31 pm
From Johnny Cochring:
“Terrell Suggs is not ambulatory, fuckwit”
From the Ravens Insider:
“‘Don’t believe everything you read’ Suggs said with a smile before WALKING away.”
STFU, you stupid asshole.
November 28th, 2009 at 9:33 pm
Ape, leave off poor Johnny Cochring. It’s obvious that he was never loved as a child. We should feel pity for his obvious oedipal reactions. Note his handle and his constant use of sexual and homophobic slurs. He clearly craves his mother’s love. And by “crave,” I mean yuck.
November 29th, 2009 at 11:32 am
I hope the stands are full (well as full as they ever get in that pathetic post-urban hellscape) of those pathetic whiners in their “I can hide in Grimace’s nut-hair” cammies just twirlin’ their unibrow dishrags for all they’re worth.
Nuthin’ like mimicking another team’s tradition to remind you that your hatred is rooted in an inferiority complex, diptards!
November 29th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
Hey, at least the Steelers use the money to take care of their fanbase(copied from the wiki):
“Proceeds from sales of the Towel have raised over US$3 million for a Pennsylvania school which cares for people with mental retardation and physical disabilities.”
In semi-related news, Myron Cope was awesome.
November 29th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
“Oh, and another counter to Boller’s comments about most Ravens fans coming from northern Baltimore County. Sorry, a healthy portion of them are stupid rednecks from the Eastern Shore and Southern Maryland.”
Eh, my point was that Ravens fans are coming from areas far different than the city itself. The fact that you trash Baltimore more than Cleveland, or your own city for that matter, is just funny to me.
Also I’m not on here complaining about refs or saying Ben should play hurt. I’m calling out your never-ending bashing of Baltimore as a shitty area when you’re living in fucking Pittsburgh. Yeah if you’re in Hawaii or San Diego I’ll leave your trash talk alone, but you’re calling from one shit-pile to the other bragging about how your shit-pile has less corn in it than mine.
Gratz bro.
November 29th, 2009 at 9:54 pm
“Anyone who thinks the stillers have a shot without roethlistberger is huffing ether.”
<img src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_5XRik3JEuuY/RgWL4zd6-4I/AAAAAAAAAAk/ArtbS_jU03I/s320/Modern_Problems_02.jpg"
“*SNIIIIIIIIFFFF* IIIIIII Like it!!!
November 30th, 2009 at 9:24 am
Seen at last nights game, Steelers camo pants, in yellow and black!
xmasape – the ugliness is spreading
November 30th, 2009 at 7:12 pm
Love your website guys but I can only take so much of you hating on my city…
I grew up in Baltimore and I can completely understand why people don’t like my team between the whining by the D and my unoriginal fellow fans like Cochring (who has obviously never played football or had a concussion, I’m glad Big Ben sat yesterday). But Boller’s right, you have no place calling Baltimore shitty if you’re from any part of the Rust Belt. And as much of a punk as he is, don’t act like you wouldn’t get down on your knees and blow Ray Lewis tomorrow if it meant he would’ve spent his career playing for the Steelers. I’ve lived in DC, Manhattan, and now back home to Baltimore and as it is with all cities, the nice parts are nice and the shitty parts are shitty. And I’ll take the nice parts of Baltimore at a fraction of the price, traffic, and crowdedness of the nice parts of those other cities any day.
And someone mentioned earlier that you guys live in this area. So I’ll tell you the same thing I told all the guido doucher frat boys I ran into at Univ. of Maryland that went to school there because their NY and NJ state schools sucked too much: IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT HERE THEN GET THE FUCK! Nobody wants you here.
November 30th, 2009 at 7:13 pm
get the fuck out* sorry
November 30th, 2009 at 7:57 pm
“Ape, let’s not forget that the Ravens had a team stolen from them. Turnabout is fair play. Also at least we left the brownies their names.”
Typical retarded Ratbird fan. Turnabout, you moron, would be if you stole Indy’s team. God, no wonder everyone hates you people.
And you spastics didn’t “let” us keep the name. The NFL was forced to after the city sued them.
November 30th, 2009 at 9:06 pm
And someone mentioned earlier that you guys live in this area. So I’ll tell you the same thing I told all the guido doucher frat boys I ran into at Univ. of Maryland that went to school there because their NY and NJ state schools sucked too much: IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT HERE THEN GET THE FUCK! Nobody wants you here.
UMD isn’t in Baltimore. It’s inside the DC Beltway. I’m perfectly content to stay the fuck out of Baltimore.