‘I’m Cris Collinsworth, And I’m Looking For Cocaine’

al_michaels_cris_collinsworth_600

One of the better surprises of the 2009 season has been the quiet, ninja-like efficiency of Cris Collinsworth in the color commentator’s chair for NBC’s Sunday Night Football. Everyone was aware of the large ass-groove that Cris was assigned to fill with the departure of John Madden, and Collinsworth has clearly made that ass groove his own. He’s brought insight, humor, and criticism to each Sunday Night game that he has covered, and we’re better for it.

First of all, HOW FUCKING HARD is it to find someone like Cris that, you know, JUST TALKS ABOUT FOOTBALL, and doesn’t try to give players idiotic nicknames, doesn’t make up football terms like “eye discipline,” and doesn’t act like he’s holding a hose at a kegger. I’m looking at you, Tirico. Cris has been great, great to the point that 11 percent of America is now gay for him (Source: Drew).

So now that everything is hunky dory in the Sunday Night booth, obviously it’s only a matter of time before something fucks it up. Don’t forget that Collinsworth was a former Bengal, and is obviously prone to the lascivious nature native to that club. So on behalf of a football-loving nation, do NOT sell any cocaine to Cris Collinsworth. I know the economy is bad right now, but think of America. Think of Dan Dierdorf. Think of Dan Fouts. Think of Dennis Cocksucking Miller. That is all.

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266 Responses to “‘I’m Cris Collinsworth, And I’m Looking For Cocaine’”

  1. Flip it Rub it Down Says:

    Bill Belichick speaks like Robert Downey Jr.

    You heard it here first.

  2. Boatdrinks Says:

    Ginger alert.

  3. Gross Rexman Says:

    The picture accompanying the link at the bottom of the page – entitled “Is This Tim Tebow’s Girlfriend?” – reminds me that I am not part of that very homosexual 11%.

  4. Animal Mother Says:

    15 inches of America is now gay for him (Source: John Holmes)

    /fixed

  5. butternut reduction Says:

    “Well, I don’t know about that…”

  6. Punch Rockgroin Says:

    It would be a lot cooler if you did.

  7. CrossCheckRaise Says:

    “Cris has been great, great to the point that 11 percent of America is now gay for him (Source: Drew).”

    Soooo… Drew accounts for 11% of America? I know he’s got some weight, but DAMN …..

  8. Boatdrinks Says:

    I am old. I got Olbermann’s reference too.

  9. SavetoFavorites Says:

    THIS GUY, this guy right here is a COMPETENT COLOR MAN.

  10. LaFavre's Next Drink Says:

    Collinsworth thinks his 16 year old girlfriend is very mature.

  11. Fat Polamalu is my idol Says:

    Chris Collinsworth is the JOKER of commentators

  12. synapticmisfires Says:

    Collinsworth: better than we expected, worse than we deserve.

  13. enbu Says:

    ive been a fan of the site since the cumslingers epic inner commentary on his thought process of throwing against NE on the superbowl run… but defending that asshole collinsworth?

    … im out. fuck this place

    /will be back tomorrow, or later tonight if my bears dont suck.
    // ok, if the comparison is madden i guess i understand u liking him

  14. Ace Rimmer Says:

    Guess we’ll see you tomorrow, then.

  15. RickyWilliams'sBong Says:

    “Cris Collinsworth — this guy is a color commentator. I call him the….”

    /gruden

  16. LaFavre's Next Drink Says:

    /will be back tomorrow, or later tonight if my bears dont suck.

    Good bye, you are the weakest sulk.

  17. Ocho Cinco Fan Club Says:

    Waa, I sometimes disagree with the opinions of others posted on a website that otherwise provides me with humorous material day in and day out…

    Sorry enbu, it’s directed more at all the comments that end in “I’m out” or “Fuck this place”, not just yours especially since yours isn’t serious. Get’s annoying, though.

  18. SavetoFavorites Says:

    @ Ricky Williams’s Bong: THISclose.

  19. LaFavre's Next Drink Says:

    Flubby got a white hooker tonight.

  20. enbu Says:

    @ace once kickoff happens most likely. ill withhold judgment til then. i mean im a fan of sports teams from a city that includes the cubs, gotta keep the false hope going at least til the pain starts

    @OCFC no worries, wouldnt care even if u really hated me for it dude. hell, i deserve it and hate those people as well.

    and btw, my quitting of the site lasted a whole ten minutes until my left open firefox tab accidentally had f5 hit while it was active and i felt the need to comment again.

  21. Punch Rockgroin Says:

    I hadn’t noticed before but Faith Hill is fucking smoking hot.

  22. Reggie Bush's Pimp Says:

    11% of America would go gay for Cris Collinsworth?

    Would that number double for John Madden? Half for Tony Kornheiser?

  23. twoeightnine Says:

    The 4th Phase has to be the worst nickname for a fan club.

  24. Monkey Business Says:

    “I hadn’t noticed before but Faith Hill is fucking smoking hot.”

    You’re either retarded or blind. If you’re either, my apologies. If not, COME ON. Faith Hill even SOUNDS hot. Plus, you know any girl named Faith, Hope, Chastity, or any other biblical virtue is ridiculously slutty. Also, girls named after months and gemstones. If they’re named after cars, I’d recommend staying far away. And wearing a rubber.

  25. StuScottBooyahs Says:

    Vick sighting!

  26. Christmas Ape Says:

    That run was harmful to animals.

  27. Ocho Cinco Fan Club Says:

    “Nice run, dog! Err…”

  28. Reggie Bush's Pimp Says:

    Mike Vick just beat the Bears D with a college play.

    If they need Cutler to bail them out, are they screwed or really screwed?

  29. enbu Says:

    im pretty sure andrea kramer is already a zombie and the sign of the oncoming zombie apocalypse. damn that face is scary…

  30. Reggie Bush's Pimp Says:

    If they’re named after cars, I’d recommend staying far away.

    Hey! My sweetheart, Tacoma Santa Fe Jones, resents that!

  31. Ocho Cinco Fan Club Says:

    Shoulda had more Captain in him.

  32. SavetoFavorites Says:

    I didn’t think “Tailgate Tested” guy could get tougher to stomach.

    Then they went and added mustard-related sexual innuendo.

  33. Ocho Cinco Fan Club Says:

    @enbu:

    Exhibit A: http://twonateshow.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/andrea_kremer_whitebg_252.jpg

    Exhibit B: http://www2.hawaii.edu/~lanning/jpgs/dobby.jpg

    Maybe it’s just me…

  34. Punch Rockgroin Says:

    Please for the love of all that is holy keep throwing it to Celek.

  35. twoeightnine Says:

    You know what, fuck this site. I’m sticking to Florio now for my football coverage.

    8:23pm ET – Mike, what do the Eagles need to do to win tonight?
    Score more points than the Bears.

  36. RickyWilliams'sBong Says:

    “Nice run, dog! Err…”

    +1

    @SavetoFavorites: Sorry, couldn’t resist.

  37. SavetoFavorites Says:

    Wait… their TACKLE’s from Vanderbilt, too? Jesus, that’s a lot of Dandy.

  38. LaFavre's Next Drink Says:

    Suzie Kolber is way too old for Chris.

  39. spanky datass Says:

    OMAHA!

  40. Rob in WI Says:

    Hey, Eagles… he’s only going to throw you about 10 passes that can be easy INTs… you need to catch those!

  41. Boatdrinks Says:

    shit that was a lucky ass save for McNabb.

  42. twoeightnine Says:

    Why would you ever ask Vick to pass the ball?

  43. Rob in WI Says:

    Why would you ever ask Vick to pass the ball?

    Have you not seen Andy Reid coach?

  44. SafetyDan Says:

    Anyone else watchign this online and just getting the same Yahoo and Sprint ads until you want to puke?

  45. mini dagger Says:

    the best thing that’s happened to collinsworth is for joe buck to continuously make fun of his neck

    (and for madden to get too fat to breath)

  46. StuScottBooyahs Says:

    “Wow! A YOOGE number of people are from Chicago!”

    /Michaels

  47. StuScottBooyahs Says:

    Have you not seen Andy Reid coach?

    /calls a run on first down, McCoy gains 8 yards

    “Eight yards! Fuck it, I’m passing from here on out.”

  48. Otto Man Says:

    A turkey-neck like Cris Collinsworth must get nervous around Thanksgiving.

  49. enbu Says:

    @otto

    since we are down 10-0 my new hope is someone accidentally shoots colinsworth in a “terrible” thanksgiving “accident”

  50. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    Wild Cris Collinsworth is actually much smarter than Domesticated Cris Collinsworth.

  51. Fat Polamalu is my idol Says:

    Ok, weird ass PS3 commercial with the dyke looking mom in it, then talking puppies in a straight to DVD Christmas movie followed by a hairy fat guy…. Worst run of commercials ever

    /Gets another beer to kill the brain cell that will remember those

  52. Rob in WI Says:

    Cutler breaking out the shocksulk look.

    He really steps it up for primetime games.

  53. Christmas Ape Says:

    “Open receivers in the endzone on consecutive plays? Whatever. I don’t care.”

  54. StuScottBooyahs Says:

    I cannot think of any better cutaway music there than Linkin Park.

  55. StuScottBooyahs Says:

    “Nothing says I love you like getting bargain jewelry at the mall.”

  56. Otto Man Says:

    “Nothing else says ‘I had to go in anyway to get new tires at Sear’s…’”

  57. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    “Throwing catchable passes to the open man in the endzone is so conformist.”

  58. StuScottBooyahs Says:

    I really thought Jay and darkness would be a better match.

  59. Rob in WI Says:

    So we can assume that Jay Cutler is afraid of vampires?

    /sulksulkslkwhere’smygarlic

  60. enbu Says:

    no need to hit them in the endzone this early. cutler is obviously a second half qb. we will hit those passes when it matters.

  61. Rob in WI Says:

    And McNabb with the one hopper to an open receiver.

    This is like a clinic in overrated quarterbacking.

  62. twoeightnine Says:

    Speaking of Jason Peters, he’s a fat fuck.

  63. Punch Rockgroin Says:

    What better way to say “I Love You” than with the gift of a spatula.

  64. Danger Guerrero Says:

    The only open receiver Jay Cutler cares about is your sister.

  65. enbu Says:

    3rd and 70. here comes a first down

  66. twoeightnine Says:

    Not just zero but double zero!

  67. Otto Man Says:

    Rush Limbaugh says the media and the NFL only want Jay Cutler to succeed because he’s a diabetic.

  68. Generic Username Says:

    Christmas Ape Says:
    November 22nd, 2009 at 9:04 pm

    “Open receivers in the endzone on consecutive plays? Whatever. I don’t care.”

    I’ve got Olsen/Slaton vs. Iggles D in a PPR league and I’m down by 18. I don’t care if he sulks through everyone else on the roster. Olsen needs to produce!

  69. Otto Man Says:

    I’m with you on Olsen, GU. That float bomb fucking killed me.

  70. Otto Man Says:

    And sweet Jesus, can someone get DeSean Jackson the ball?

  71. Rob in WI Says:

    When Tommie Harris plays well, it’s because the guard is way too fat to pick up the stunt.

  72. Punch Rockgroin Says:

    McNabb’s not cool enough to get a roughing penalty.

  73. LaFavre's Next Drink Says:

    Hester’s own guy brought him down. Good coaching Lovie.

  74. jim mora's saggy diaper Says:

    Holy white running back batman!!

  75. synapticmisfires Says:

    Wow. A Cade Mcnown mention.

  76. Rob in WI Says:

    That’s not Matt Forte!

  77. SavetoFavorites Says:

    I’m with you, GU (and Otto). Olsen Fanclub Assemble!

  78. Otto Man Says:

    The crowd should hate the play call, Al.

  79. Danger Guerrero Says:

    I’m not the only one who heard Collinsworth call Johnny Knox “Johnny Knoxville” on that replay, right?

  80. Otto Man Says:

    Fffffffffffffffffffffuck.

  81. LaFavre's Next Drink Says:

    HE’S A TERRORIST!

  82. StuScottBooyahs Says:

    That run was so long that I uttered “who the fuck is that guy” at least three times before it was over.

  83. Generic Username Says:

    Quit overthrowing Olsen, damn it!

  84. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    Shades of the Jim Miller glory days?

  85. Rob in WI Says:

    Touchdown? Whatever. I just want to see New Moon again tonight.

  86. SavetoFavorites Says:

    Pretty auspicious debut carry for NotMattForte there.

  87. Fat Polamalu is my idol Says:

    Andy Reid would like to challenge the ruling that the pass was not intercepted

  88. Ace Rimmer Says:

    Quit overthrowing Olsen, damn it!

    You’re not the boss of Jay!

  89. Fat Polamalu is my idol Says:

    Rob in WI is a 42 year old woman with 4 cats? Who knew…

  90. Danger Guerrero Says:

    @Generic Username

    Jay Cutler will overthrow Orton BECAUSE he’s on your fantasy team.

  91. Rob in WI Says:

    This game is like watching mentally challenged people try to play football.

  92. Ocho Cinco Fan Club Says:

    The only thing missing from that scramble was yakkity sax.

  93. SavetoFavorites Says:

    Hunter Hillenmeyer:Brian Urlacher::Jerry Seinfeld as a mailman:Newman as a mailman

  94. Otto Man Says:

    Near pickeration!

  95. enbu Says:

    as a bears fan i was the only one not surprised by that run, however, as a bears fan i expect 10 more runs for him netting 3-4 total yards.

  96. Ocho Cinco Fan Club Says:

    Jay Cutler doesn’t care about your fantasy team, brah.

  97. Fat Polamalu is my idol Says:

    Did I just see some guy wearing red and blue face paint? Apparently being close in color is enough for some people

  98. Rob in WI Says:

    Hunter Hillenmeyer:Brian Urlacher::Jerry Seinfeld as a mailman:Newman as a mailman

    We knew it wasn’t you Brian… there were way too many actual tackles, and not jumping on the pile after Briggs made the tackle.

  99. Generic Username Says:

    PICKERCEPTION! McNabb didn’t know that that means you lose posession.

  100. Rob in WI Says:

    @Fat Polamalu

    I thought it was a random Texans fan a night early for the MNF game.

  101. SavetoFavorites Says:

    McCoy’s favorite animated film of the last few years? Why, it’s “Happy Feet,” of course!

  102. Otto Man Says:

    Trent Cole looked like he had x-ray eyes.

  103. Reggie Bush's Pimp Says:

    Will the sulking commence before haltime? Someone check our BlackuWeather 5000’s readings.

  104. SavetoFavorites Says:

    Chicago crowd: BOO! MORE NOTMATTFORTE!

  105. Fat Polamalu is my idol Says:

    “They like Jay Cutler and want to see him in action” Of course they do, a pick 6 is much more exciting than a FG

  106. Rob in WI Says:

    I think if one of the KSKers can get that screen cap, it will sum up the Bears season.

  107. Otto Man Says:

    Someone check our BlackuWeather 5000’s readings.

    HE GON SULK!

    Thank you, Ollie…

  108. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    “Jay has missed practice NINE times this season”.

  109. LaFavre's Next Drink Says:

    Whatever!

  110. twoeightnine Says:

    Desean defucked up.

  111. SavetoFavorites Says:

    I’m convinced, Otto: the quarterbacks in this game are actively fucking wit’cha.

  112. Rob in WI Says:

    NBC wishes it could show a replay of the Browns-Lions game right now.

  113. StuScottBooyahs Says:

    FUCK.

    /Jackson fantasy owner

  114. Danger Guerrero Says:

    *Cutler throws interception*

    Whatever, at least somebody caught it.

  115. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    Kellen is the new go-to name for fuck-ups.

  116. Otto Man Says:

    I mean, really? Really?

  117. SavetoFavorites Says:

    YAY NOT-FORTE!

  118. Otto Man Says:

    Cutler runs the naked sulkleg.

  119. Generic Username Says:

    Is Cutlerfucker trying to emulate the Sex Cannon?

    “Whatever. I’m throwing deep. Not like that cheerleader even cares.”

  120. choisauce Says:

    Cutler’s making his case for the javelin squad for the 2012 olympics.

  121. Rob in WI Says:

    Yes Al… THAT’S why the pass was so overthrown.

    /wanking motion

  122. StuScottBooyahs Says:

    Cutler, you’ll never get an interception this drive if you keep overthrowing defensive backs.

  123. Fat Polamalu is my idol Says:

    So being held for one tenth of a second equals being overthrown by 15 yards? I never did understand math

  124. LaFavre's Next Drink Says:

    Earl Bennet is my defense attorney.

  125. Otto Man Says:

    Who is Cutler bitching out there for the ball thrown into the dirt? Sir Isaac Newton?

  126. Rob in WI Says:

    Great tackling Eagles… no, really, if 4 guys can’t tackle Earl Bennett, maybe you should just see if McDonald’s is hiring.

  127. Rob in WI Says:

    Was he overthrowing the one receiver, or underthrowing the other?

    It’s so hard to tell with cutlerfucker sometimes. Always keepign us guessing.

  128. Fat Polamalu is my idol Says:

    2Rob – He’s just keeping the defense off balance

  129. Danger Guerrero Says:

    *Culter throws into triple coverage*

    Whatever, how’s my eyeliner look?

  130. Fat Polamalu is my idol Says:

    dammit… meant @Rob

  131. RickyWilliams'sBong Says:

    @Rob: You really want these geniuses making your Big Mac?

  132. Rob in WI Says:

    Cutlerfucker will need an insulin shot after that run.

  133. Nose Tackle/Punter dual threat Says:

    Cutlerscrambler doesn’t have to stay inbounds to “gain extra yards” to “try to get a first down”.

  134. choisauce Says:

    Olsen just tried to pull the rubber leg.

  135. Rob in WI Says:

    “Lovie wants to work a little… (Timeout Bears)… ok, no he doesn’t”

    God bless you for trying to figure out what Lovie wants to do Cris.

  136. SavetoFavorites Says:

    Apparently, they don’t teach breaking-the-armless-tackles-of-smaller-men at the U. Olsen should have gone to Vandy with Bennett.

  137. LaFavre's Next Drink Says:

    Otto – Plus 9.8 m/s.

  138. Otto Man Says:

    Sneak sulk!

  139. Rob in WI Says:

    This is absolutely painful to watch.

  140. Fat Polamalu is my idol Says:

    Speaking of diabetes, let’s show the creation of a 5000 calorie pizza

  141. choisauce Says:

    Touchdown for Diabetes… brought to you by a headcheese and lard deepdish pizza.

  142. SavetoFavorites Says:

    BOO!!! NOT-FORTE IS AVERAGING MORE YPC THAN YOU’VE GOT TOTAL YARDS!!!

  143. Danger Guerrero Says:

    Pregame

    McNabb: Did you know games can end in ties? People get pissed if you don’t know that.
    Cutler: Whatever *long drag off of skinny cigarette*, eventually the Earth will be enveloped by the expanding sun and we’ll all be burned alive *exhales thin stream of smoke*.

  144. Fat Polamalu is my idol Says:

    Did Andy Reid just call a time out so he’d have roughly 12 seconds after the kickoff?

  145. Rob in WI Says:

    Timeout Eagles. To confuse the Bears offense by giving them time to draw up the overthrow.

    Well played Andy Reid.

  146. SavetoFavorites Says:

    Doesn’t it seem sometimes like Cutler HAS to be secretly French?

  147. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    No way Cutler’s French. He’s Belgian.

  148. Fat Polamalu is my idol Says:

    Ok, what the fuck was the point of the timeout? This is going to drive me nuts trying to figure it out…. Call a time to save time to not take a shot at the end zone?

  149. SavetoFavorites Says:

    @Gino Tourettsa: Either way, if not for the adoption, he’s smoking Gitanes.

  150. Reggie Bush's Pimp Says:

    Ask not what Lovie’s point was. It’s like trying to solve one of those mysteries like Stonehenge or Art Shell.

  151. Col. Duke LaCrosse Says:

    @Fat Polamalu: It’s Andy Reid. It doesn’t have to make sense. About all I can figure is that he suddenly remembered that timeouts don’t carry over to the 2nd half so he might as well use one there.

  152. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    I figured Cutler would smoke Gauloises. In any case, he wears a beret and curses the NFL bourgeosie.

  153. twoeightnine Says:

    Fuck RV guy for “coming up with” D‡‡‡

  154. twoeightnine Says:

    Silly Costas, no one cares about Brown-Bills games.

  155. Generic Username Says:

    God help me, I’m agreeing with Bob Costas. I think I need to drink more.

  156. ReggiesNephew Says:

    Costas obviously bet Atlanta this week.

  157. Human Mailbox Says:

    After that little speech, Bob Costas might want to have someone else start his car for him after the game. Herr Goodell doesn’t like dissenters

  158. WhatWouldPupleJesusDo Says:

    Asante is out with an injury to his…stinger.

  159. RickyWilliams'sBong Says:

    Pick for Sulkface coming?

  160. Generic Username Says:

    Lovie Smith wants to challenge his own play calling. Andy Reid can’t figure out why.

  161. SavetoFavorites Says:

    Whose parents hated him more: Danyel Manning’s, or Macho Harris’?

  162. mamacita Says:

    McNabb used to be thin?

  163. Ridiculous One Handed Tiptoe Catch Says:

    Vick comes on, penalty, Vick comes off.

  164. SavetoFavorites Says:

    In all seriousness… Lurie can’t afford, like, a rules tutor for his QB?

  165. Squatch Says:

    Of course there was a 16-yard punt in this game, why do you ask?

  166. SavetoFavorites Says:

    To be fair, though, Maclin is second on the team in kills tonight, and he’s serving REALLY well.

  167. Rob in WI Says:

    This game is destined to be 12-10 or 13-12, right?

    Holy fuck… can’t we get a meteor on demand?

  168. Squatch Says:

    Jay’s girlfriend Sophie just showed up in a commercial. I think she said, “I am le tired”.

  169. spanky datass Says:

    wheat beer gives me a migraine!

  170. Otto Man Says:

    Earl Bennett will paint that car for just $19.99!

  171. Boatdrinks Says:

    So, at 9:15 I flipped to Next Iron Chef finale. I am glad to see I missed only sulking and a field goal and numerous confusion at playcalling and Cutlerthrows. (Patting own back) Now I am back for the finale of Cutlersulk vs. Andyfail.

  172. Punch Rockgroin Says:

    Nice popped collar.

  173. Otto Man Says:

    If I hear “intended for Olsen” one more time…

  174. SavetoFavorites Says:

    EVEN POPPED-COLLAR BEARS FAN HAS LOST SULK-FAITH!

  175. Generic Username Says:

    Anonymous-Bears-Fan-Inexplicably-Wearing-A-Collared-Shirt-Under-A-Jersey is DISPLEASED

  176. Boatdrinks Says:

    Damn you Rob, one of your score options is now in play.

  177. spanky datass Says:

    Game on! Whatever…

  178. Boatdrinks Says:

    nice towel Andy.

  179. SavetoFavorites Says:

    This score has entered the water-polo zone.

  180. Squatch Says:

    Even the refs are fit for this game. “We should have called that penalty, but we didn’t. Now we are. Thank you.”

  181. SavetoFavorites Says:

    DeSean is not one for Defollowing Deblockers.

  182. Rob in WI Says:

    Or Volleyball scoring, to carry on the Maclin joke.

  183. spanky datass Says:

    Or the Lovie zone 10 lovie.

  184. Otto Man Says:

    POLICE THAT MOOSHSTACHE!

  185. Generic Username Says:

    Holy shit, I looked at the shot of Urlacher on the sideline and I could have sworn it was Cutlerfucker.

  186. Rob in WI Says:

    “12 unanswered points”…

    Is that impressive? Really? 4 consecutive FGs?

  187. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    First team to 15 (by ones) wins! You gotta win by two!

  188. Col. Duke LaCrosse Says:

    SULK MONTAGE!

  189. choisauce Says:

    Wow… a sulk montage.

  190. drich Says:

    Another fadeaway jumper by cutler

  191. Squatch Says:

    “Sulky Cutler montage annnnnnd… scene.”

  192. Rob in WI Says:

    Oh god… did I really see Cutlerfucker do the hand wave thing?

    This guy really is comedy gold. My life is better with him in the NFC North.

  193. Rob in WI Says:

    What would be the Sulk Music to dub over the Sulk Montage?

  194. choisauce Says:

    Ever since these ED commercials have become mainstream, watching football games with dad have gotten just a little bit awkward at times.

  195. Col. Duke LaCrosse Says:

    Bauhaus

  196. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    What would be the Sulk Music to dub over the Sulk Montage?

    Depeche Mode. No question.

  197. Rob in WI Says:

    Touch? Down?

  198. Otto Man Says:

    Jackson!

  199. Boatdrinks Says:

    ummm. That is an actual score. Whatever.

  200. StuScottBooyahs Says:

    THANK YOU SWEET RAPTOR JESUS

  201. Squatch Says:

    Well, there goes my 8 game FFB winning streak…

  202. Rob in WI Says:

    Suddenly the Bears are back down two field goals on one play. I bet Lovie never thought of scoring more than 3 points at a time.

  203. SavetoFavorites Says:

    “Whatever. That’ll take TWO field goals.”

  204. WhatWouldPupleJesusDo Says:

    Field Goalkkake

  205. LaFavre's Next Drink Says:

    Earl Bennet had a great TV show.

  206. Boatdrinks Says:

    Is that you Johnny?

  207. SavetoFavorites Says:

    Not in David Akers house!

    In Jeff Reed’s house, sure. But not lefty!

  208. Rob in WI Says:

    even money says Cutlerfucker was drawing a penis on the whiteboard.

  209. Boatdrinks Says:

    Chris comments in a surprised fashion regarding Jay’s indifference.

  210. SavetoFavorites Says:

    You, sir, shame the 7th Floor Crew.

  211. Rob in WI Says:

    More Sulk Pics? Yes Please!!!!!

  212. SavetoFavorites Says:

    DAMMIT, NOT-OLSEN!

  213. Squatch Says:

    Notgregolsen with the TD!

  214. Ridiculous One Handed Tiptoe Catch Says:

    Lovie looked ready to challenge that touchdown.

    “Phillip Rivers can float passes? Whatever. I can too.”

  215. StuScottBooyahs Says:

    Forte finds the endzone! Sort of!

  216. Boatdrinks Says:

    and teh extra 2? huh? Waht?

  217. LaFavre's Next Drink Says:

    HELLO!

  218. margarita Says:

    The crowd electrified again….for the 2nd time this season.

  219. Squatch Says:

    Macho pooped a nacho on that one.

  220. Rob in WI Says:

    What that hit really was missing was Urlacher jumping on the pile 4 seconds later to get credit for it.

  221. SavetoFavorites Says:

    AF LAVA! AF LAVA!

  222. twoeightnine Says:

    Ever since these ED commercials have become mainstream, watching football games with dad have gotten just a little bit awkward at times.

    Try not sitting on his lap.

  223. Flip it Rub it Down Says:

    Well, that T-Formation did thrill the nation.

  224. SavetoFavorites Says:

    If they gave out Pro Bowl slots for pancaking dudes from behind, WInston Justice would be Anthony Munoz.

  225. Rob in WI Says:

    No, Andy Reid… not “trippin” like your kids do….

  226. Boatdrinks Says:

    I thought the ref said stripping. Oh well. I am off to bed and watch there. Carryon, Khommenters!

  227. Nose Tackle/Punter dual threat Says:

    For the .000000001% of you who might care, Northeastern just disbanded its college football team.

  228. SavetoFavorites Says:

    Don Ameche, on the other hand, was healed by aliens.

  229. enbu Says:

    go bears! … and such. yay!

  230. The more you know! Says:

    Fun fact about “the greatest game ever played” which brought the NFL into the TV era: The fucking game was blacked out from tv in New York!

    Even back then the NFL was run by dickheads with stupid tv rules.

  231. StuScottBooyahs Says:

    In Eagles games, the worst team always prevails.

  232. Reggie Bush's Pimp Says:

    LeSean McCoy coughs up the ball right on cue.

  233. SavetoFavorites Says:

    If Hillenmeyer keeps playing like this, Brian Urlacher will NEVER get the transfer to Hawai– oh, who am I kidding? He’ll ALWAYS get the transfer to Hawaii.

  234. Rob in WI Says:

    And now we’re back to a terrible game.

    But, hey, that half hour of borderline good football was really fun.

  235. Squatch Says:

    “And I call that guy the Donkey Puncher!” Oh, wait. That’s tomorrow night. Carry on.

  236. LaFavre's Next Drink Says:

    Cutler wants you to know, he doesn’t give a shit.

  237. twoeightnine Says:

    In Eagles games, the worst team always prevails.

    The Eagles are undefeated?

  238. Punch Rockgroin Says:

    There’s not enough footballs being thrown to Brent Celek.

  239. StuScottBooyahs Says:

    Reid just calls run plays to give McNabb shorter passing options.

  240. Ben Says:

    REF TACKLE!

  241. StuScottBooyahs Says:

    Uh oh, Collinsworth is channeling Gruden. “I call him the Hustler!”

  242. StuScottBooyahs Says:

    What the fungus

  243. Ditka For Gov Says:

    Does it bother anyone else that the Jaguars might make the playoffs? They fuckin suck.

  244. Rob in WI Says:

    One of these idiots are goign to challenge, right?

  245. twoeightnine Says:

    Umm, someone out of the Giants, Cowboys, Eagles triangle of sucktitude is going to make it.

  246. H Cuz Says:

    Time for a backbreaking Cutlerfucker INT.

  247. SavetoFavorites Says:

    @ twoeightnine: Yes, but al three of those are more interesting brands of suck than the Jags. There is no joy to be had in the Jones-Drew sulkface.

  248. Punch Rockgroin Says:

    Ha Ha you suck Cutler

  249. Rob in WI Says:

    There’s the Cutlersulkerfucker we all know and love. Now I can go to sleep happy

  250. Squatch Says:

    There’s the INT we were waiting for.

  251. The Virgin Connie Swayle Says:

    H Cuz is psychic.

  252. Bare ass screencap Says:

    Finally, what we all came here to see: hard core nudity!

    And a culterception to lose the game.

  253. Ocho Cinco Fan Club Says:

    Donovan McNabb tells sulkface how to deal with a town that hates your guts.

  254. Ben Says:

    CUTLERCEPTION! phew, close one there. amazingly the eagles are still in the playoff hunt.

  255. The Virgin Connie Swayle Says:

    Donovan doing his best LaToeInjury impression: mumblemumblemumblemumblemumble

  256. Dr. Steve Brule - physician for Monkey Business Says:

    McNabb likes ‘em thick, white, and with low self-esteem.

  257. SavetoFavorites Says:

    Do we NEED to check Gentleman Jay for a McHickey?

  258. Visanthe Shiancoe's horse cock Says:

    @Monkey Business:

    “Plus, you know any girl named Faith, Hope, Chastity, or any other biblical virtue is ridiculously slutty.”

    Two words — Chastity fucking Bono.

  259. MadmanMundt Says:

    Vintage fucking Cuntler! I can’t imagine a better sunday. Oh wait, the Donks could’ve showed up for a home game. The whisky helps.

  260. Nose Tackle/Punter dual threat Says:

    http://twitpic.com/qljl3

    cue “The Chicago Bears were exposed in more than one way way last night…” ledes in 5-4-3-2-1….

  261. LaFavre's Next Drink Says:

    Lovie wants to challenge the final score.

  262. WYD Says:

    Goddammit Cutlerfucker! It would help if your OC was halfway as competent as that Corky kid from Life Goes On but fuck me! It’s sad when Josh Beekman is the only offensive lineman on the team that comes close to mediocre.

  263. Cutlerfucker Says:

    It’s only fitting

  264. Plax's Owie Spot Says:

    @Visanthe: doesn’t count. She’s now a he.

  265. whalen Says:

    if anyone has ever played madden, cris collinsworth is the biggest dickhead ever. stop showing me where i should have thrown the ball mother fucker!

  266. Commie Scum Says:

    Dennis “Cocksucking” Miller? Really???

    This shitty little sports blog has become little more than leftist propaganda. HOW MUCH IS GEORGE SOROS PAYING YOU FAGGOTS???

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