Shenanigans In Providence! It’s your 4 pm Open Thread
We have four late afternoon affairs to keep you from venturing outdoors today, including three divisional contests. The Jets are in New England, and they’ve already learned that OWAH TAWMFOOLAHRY IS MOAR DISRUPTIVE THAN YOUAH TAWMFOOLAHRY.
- The Jets received an unwelcome wake-up call last night when the fire alarm at the team’s hotel was set off, prompting a complete evacuation. The Jets immediately suspected foul play, but their concerns were put to rest with a completely plausible explanation. You see, some maintenance workers were doing a bit of routine middle-of-the-night stairwell sanding. Obviously this created a cloud of dust that managed to set off the smoke alarm. It’s so absurd that it has to be true.
- Cue up the sad walking away music from The Incredible Hulk in Denver, because San Diego is going to hand the Broncos their fourth consecutive loss. Chris Simms will get the start in place of Kyle Orton, so Tom Brandstater should probably start getting loose now.
- Arizona is in St. Louis, but this game is barely being televised, so it doesn’t really count.
- Cincinnati starts their three week vacation today against the Raiders in Oakland, after which they return home to host Cleveland and Detroit. It’s going to be pure hell. Cedric Benson is officially inactive this week, not that it should matter.
Photo via Yahoo!
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November 22nd, 2009 at 4:09 pm
I know this the 4pm thread, but…KC/PIT…OT?!?!?!? As a Raiders fan I–got nothing. Fuck the Chiefs, I guess. Ape must be beside himself. Or a large parrot.
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:14 pm
So bigger choke: the Redskins shutting out the Cowboy for much of the game and then losing 7-6 or the Giants leading by 17 points and letting Atlanta take them to OT?
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:16 pm
Chris Chambers FTW. Steelers FAIL
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:18 pm
Oh wait, nevermind. Chefs knock off Steelers. THAT’s the biggest choke of the day.
Somwhere Ape is punching himself out.
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:19 pm
When his team embraced him after the win, Todd Haley had a look of, “GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME, YOU MAGGOTS!”
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:22 pm
Jesus. SteelerFail.
That Wild Card ain’t no slam dunk either. Good thing we OAK fans don’t have to worry about such stressful things as playoff races.
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Browns with the most epic FAIL of the day. LOL
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:24 pm
ONLY THE BROWNS!
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:25 pm
Matt Stafford es mas macho.
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:26 pm
8 of the 10 early games were decided by 6 points or less. I managed to watch the two that were not.
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:26 pm
I never thought I would say this, but I wish I watched that Lions game.
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:27 pm
Lion win, Steelers lose, best day ever.
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:27 pm
Why the Hell isn’t anyone talking about the CFL Playoffs, eh? Montreal just stomped BC and soon we’ve got Calgary at Saskatchewan.
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:27 pm
now i wish i had seen that lions/browns game
and i guess arrowhead is still a tough place to play at for visiting teams… And the home of the CHIEEEEEFFFFFFSSSSS! THE STEELERS COULDNT CONTEND AGAINST OUR ONE HUNDRED THIRTY DECIBEL CROWD NOISE!
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:29 pm
thats great but who r the Chefs?
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:30 pm
Jests and Patsies. Rooting for a meteorite. All tears delicious.
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:30 pm
Oh and Laurence Maroney just fumbled the ball away. Any chances he’s there next season?
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:32 pm
Should we officially start the suicide watch for Ape? Granted, the Browns choked too but face it, they’re the Browns, their fans had to expect that.
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:34 pm
Pick six for San-chez!
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:35 pm
Taint!
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:35 pm
So bigger choke: the Redskins shutting out the Cowboy for much of the game and then losing 7-6 or the Giants leading by 17 points and letting Atlanta take them to OT?
The Browns have figured a way to lose with no time left on the clock.
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:35 pm
Nice for Boston to get some revenge on Johnny Damon after skipping town on them.
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:35 pm
Sanchise, full of fail.
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:36 pm
See, that’s where you’re wrong. As a Browns fan, I fully expected to lose by 3 touchdowns to the Lions. I never thought we’d be in the game long enough to choke it away.
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:37 pm
The Browns have figured a way to lose with no time left on the clock.
That has to give them the Least this week. That’s just epic.
Meanwhile the Jets are out to prove that they can suck better than anyone else.
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:38 pm
Steelers fail and Browns fail were both pretty epic. Living in Balmer with all of the Stabby McStabberson fans I choose the Ed Reed lateral fail as best fail of the day…
…fail.
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:39 pm
Personal foul on Larry “Tom” Izzo, good to see him taking one for the team. The team being “people who hate the Patriots,” not the Jets.
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:40 pm
At this rate, fatass is going to be crying before we even get to halftime. Fucking idiot Jets.
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:40 pm
The Browns have figured a way to lose with no time left on the clock.
Could someone recap? That ending sounds delicious, with a creamy fail filling.
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:40 pm
So when they talk about the Jets 5-0 start they are counting scrimmage games during OTAs?
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:42 pm
There they are!!!
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:47 pm
@BMS – Sorry about that, I just assumed you guys were as resigned to spectacular failure like we Lions fans are. And let’s face it, that was a pretty spectacular implosion there.
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:49 pm
YOU CAN’T TACKLE WELKAHHHH.
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:52 pm
Could someone recap? That ending sounds delicious, with a creamy fail filling.
Browns up by 6, Stafford throws deep as the clock runs out, intercepted at the 0, but Cleveland is called for pass interference. Lions get a go from the Browns 1-yard line, TD and PAT = Detroit wins by a point with 0:00 on the clock.
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:53 pm
I agree with Acha. As a resident of Baltimore also, I nominate Ed Reed’s illegal forward pass that he botched and basically handed to the other team. FAIL. With that, the sounds of thousands of Raves fans’ hearts breaking were heard.
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:00 pm
How shitty are the Colts? i predict another First round loss to Lazerface.
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:06 pm
somebody has to get that clip of haley’s face when his guys embraced him after the win.
I DON’T LIKE TO BE TOUCHED!!!
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:07 pm
Fackin’ Welker. Fackin’ Jets.
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:08 pm
Jets are getting raped. Holy God.
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:11 pm
This reminds me of the time the Red Sox beat the Yankees the first 8 times they played at the beginning of the 2009 season.
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:14 pm
SANCHEZ!
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:25 pm
@obit_rice: the Colts are 2 wins away from locking up the #1 seed. I.e., it will be a 2nd round loss.
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:26 pm
Jim Nantz mentioned an eaked out win by Cowboys. EEK. Glad I didn’t have to watch that game…for gods sake, the Redskins were throwing a shutout. The REDSKINS.??
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:28 pm
Seriously, what is it about the Cowboys thats most contributing to the suck at this point?
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:28 pm
Did anyone watching the Jets game watch that FLOW tv ad and think of BDD?????
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:30 pm
@boatdrinks – I did now. Thanks for that image and I will blame you when I can sleep because I’m thinking of BDD taking a shit while watching TV.
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:31 pm
oops, meant can’t sleep
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:40 pm
hey chris hanson take a seat…. what are you doin?
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:41 pm
A serious question? Was that kicker roughed or why not? (Pats punter)
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:43 pm
@Boatdrinks: No. Punt was blocked, so the hit on the kicker is legit.
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:45 pm
kay. I don’t think Phil Simms ever thinks like Belichick. Why would the Pats take the foot off the accelerator and give the Jets any relief before halftime, PHil?
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:46 pm
Neckbeard is gonna lead the Broncos to an amazing comeback. This has the feel of a game that Marshall will take over in the end.
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:47 pm
Don’t forget, the hotel workers were also sanding the walls week 1 against the Jills.
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:48 pm
Memo to Rex Ryan………. YOU MIGHT WANT TO COVER FACKING WELKAH!!!! 150 yards in one half. Fuck me
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:48 pm
THE BALL WAS SNAPPED AT THE 30!!! Jim Nantz is angry!!
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:48 pm
wait, didn’t Simms start for Denver?
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:48 pm
Haha Beanie wells has nice stickys
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:49 pm
Are the officials at the pats/jets game drunk or something?
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:50 pm
@archo yes but he sucks so Neckbeard has made a Willis Reed type entrance
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:50 pm
Matt Leinart is playing…what happened to Warner?
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:50 pm
i meant @boatdrinks
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:52 pm
@JennyM Warner had a neck thingy, Bra! Its Matty Time, Bra!
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:55 pm
Thanks, Mike.
Matty Time better not mess up my suicide pick this week, bra.
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:58 pm
@JennyM Its the Rams, bra! We got this!
/Shot of Leinart tapping a keg on the sidelines.
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:59 pm
If Leinart manages to fail away an 18 point lead to the Rams then he doesn’t deserve a starting job anywhere in the NFL.
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:59 pm
Roethlisberger head owie messed up my pick JennyM.
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:59 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3sxYA16Qfk Poor Drew
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:10 pm
Another lost challenge for Belichick
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:12 pm
Belidick out of challenges..yah!
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:16 pm
It’s late. Long after the game was over, but this needs to be pointed out.
Matt Stafford: 26/43, 422 yds, 5 TDs, 2 INTs.
422 yards. Every single team Stafford faced in college held him to fewer yards in the air than the Browns did today. Every. Single. One. FCS opponents. Sun Belt opponents. SEC opponents. ACC opponents. Big 10. WAC. Every single one.
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:18 pm
Ruh-roh, pussytubing may be back on.
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:19 pm
wow..amazing stat Thornus..and i thought being a Raider fan was tough
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:20 pm
I should have known better than to actually get a little hope before the Broncos fumbled, fumbled, ran past an onside kick, were picked off…
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:22 pm
Matt Stafford: 26/43, 422 yds, 5 TDs, 2 INTs
Brady Quinn 21/33, 304 yds, 4 TDs, 0 INTs
I can’t believe I’m typing this, but: Stafford and Quinn were the two best quarterbacks playing in today’s 1:00 p.m. games.
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:26 pm
It’s bad enough I have to watch the Jets-Pats game but does it have to be a 4 hour game?
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:31 pm
This Welker guy is a player.Apparently this is news to The Pussytuber.
Speaking of pussy Kerry RHodes could be the biggest pussy to suit up ever.
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:31 pm
As a Chiefs fan, let me ask … is it safe to be here?
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:32 pm
@Leigh
Sure, but then they were up against the Browns and the Lions D, ranked 32nd and 31st in the league respectively. Those are some sucktastic defensive units.
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:35 pm
@ Otto: Think there’s enough of us who hate the Yinzers to back ya up.
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:41 pm
Tell me I wasn’t the only one who heard Phil Simms refer to Brett Farve as “a serial buttslapper.”
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:43 pm
@Otto: Hell, I still post here; it was just a coincidence that some guy in a mask broke both my knee caps with a tire iron.
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:43 pm
Otto: No, I definitely heard it. Notice how it was completely ignored in the booth.
If the Pats blow this game I might go and hang myself by the balls.
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:44 pm
You all are assholes. If anyone wishes to contact me, please visit my new site at http://www.Lem onparty.org
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:44 pm
Who is this Spanish guy playing QB for the Jets-Jets-Jets?
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:46 pm
i heard it too…must be some secret society of qb’s thing
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:47 pm
Jesus Christ, is Sanchez throwing these picks on purpose?
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:48 pm
The Jets could actually be a dangerous team if they just had a QB to build a franchise around.
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:48 pm
this Sanchez guy is doing pretty good throwing to the Patriots
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:48 pm
Oh, thank heaven for Nacho.
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:50 pm
Rex Ryan’s tears are going to reach Glenn Beck levels after this one.
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:53 pm
Watching the Cardinals stats, and “Early Doucet” needs to be trademarked by a feminine hygiene company.
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:54 pm
Three picks off of Sanchez and we’re only up by 10. The Pats are going to find a way to make this a last minute game again, I can just feel it.
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:55 pm
Pick 6 coming for Sanchise?
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:57 pm
small threadjack: Pats game is boring enough I jumped to the end of NASCAR race. And amusingly, while interviewing the 4 time champ Jimmie Johnson, the poor interviewer was offended when actual friends/rivals of JJ jumped in and congratulated him. Ha ha ha hahahhahaha.
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:57 pm
HA! Alright, not a pick 6, but a pick nonetheless. Holy God Sanchez sucks.
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:57 pm
I just wrote Game Over in my notebook.
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:58 pm
“Raiders/ Cowboys , Doughtry at halftime”…give me a few more reasons not to watch, CBS
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:58 pm
another pick for nacho
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:58 pm
This game is going forever. Missed another pick…..
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:59 pm
I don’t like Pete Carroll, but I would love to see him taunt Mark Sanchez right now.
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:59 pm
@ Otto
He takes after the late Early Doucet Senior.
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:01 pm
I still can’t believe the Pats cloned Tim Dwight … twice.
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:01 pm
My Dad just swore pretty bad about that Jewish guy getting the first down.
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:04 pm
Way to hold onto the ball that time Maroney, if only you could have done that last week you cockbag.
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:04 pm
Yup. Rex Ryan GON CRY!
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:04 pm
Fuck you, Collinsworth. Ppiece of shit Gator.
I DEMAND MORE SANCHISE!
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:05 pm
Luke Wilson has gained about 75lbs since Old School.
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:10 pm
Gradkowski already has had a better year than Jamarcus in one game
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:10 pm
The Raiders just tied up the game with :33 left in the game. Looks like the AFC North fail bus is pulling into Marvin Lewis’ parking space…
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:12 pm
And that is how you choke away a game Cincy
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:13 pm
And Bizarro Week here in the NFL continues…
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:13 pm
RuhRoh, Raiders are TIED with Bengals, 0:33 seconds left….
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:14 pm
Rex Benchez Sanchez.
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:14 pm
oops, fail by me. I give CBS permission to cut away!
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:15 pm
I’m more annoyed that Sanchez fumbled because I was getting such awesome garbage time yardage from T-Jones.
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:15 pm
…and a fumble on the ensuing kickoff. And the AFC North collapse is complete pending the boot by the alcoholic Raiders LB/K.
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:17 pm
FG raiders….
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:18 pm
Ummm. Detroit and Oakland win. Same day. What. the. hell. Ice freezing in hell?
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:19 pm
That didn’t just happen in Oakland…
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:20 pm
actually it did
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:20 pm
And us poor Raiders fans can continue drinking on a sunday in celebration instead of sorrow….for 4 more days anyway
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:21 pm
Ape/Punte Suicide Watch — Who Ya Got?
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:22 pm
And the Oakland secondary enthusiastically indicates interception at the end of regulation, because hell, they need all the help they can get on their stat line.
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:23 pm
God i wish Brady would get hurt still being in the game with 25 seconds left and still passing
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:24 pm
well everyone’s suicide pool just went boom
/lost mine in week 2
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:26 pm
Of course Braylon Edwards drops the Hail Mary with it right in his hands.
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:26 pm
Eh, the Ravens and Bungles both lost. Makes the Chiefs debacle a mite bit more palatable. Kind of like whipped cream on a runny turd.
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:26 pm
Ben, I was debating Arizona or Pittsburgh. Ugh. Of course, technically both Eagles and Packers have already bumped me out….but you know I still wanted to compete….sigh. I took Pittsburgh….
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:27 pm
Counting down to one hour left until delicious cutlerfucker tears of unfathomable sorrow.
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:29 pm
@Boatdrinks – on the ESPN pool where you cant technically be eliminated i went with the Pats this week. Cant bet against an angry belichick.
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:29 pm
or sadness. cutlerfucker defines semi-quasi-ennui-ishness.
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:30 pm
Alright, with the Jets’ season out of the way, on to Sulkface!
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:43 pm
@ Otto – “Early Ducet” Sounds like something the Philly cheerleader should use.
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:58 pm
Kind of like whipped cream on a runny turd.
May I presume that’s some sort of Pittsburgh-area delicacy, like scrapple?
November 22nd, 2009 at 8:01 pm
May I presume that’s some sort of Pittsburgh-area delicacy, like scrapple?
Scrapple is a Philly thing. Unless they put fries on it, then yinzers might eat it.
November 22nd, 2009 at 8:04 pm
Doucet Early, Doucet Often.
November 22nd, 2009 at 8:07 pm
Apparently everyone was playing to win this weeks Least
November 22nd, 2009 at 8:09 pm
@therick711 yeah but he’d have almost no ammunition considering USC has sucked it up this year after he left.
November 22nd, 2009 at 8:19 pm
@ MadmanMundt
That prediction was quasi-Peter-King-ish.
November 22nd, 2009 at 11:31 pm
Sulkerception!
November 23rd, 2009 at 9:09 am
What the hell is it with hotel construction crews? The same thing happened to my cousin and her husband at Holiday Inn on Saturday.