We have four late afternoon affairs to keep you from venturing outdoors today, including three divisional contests. The Jets are in New England, and they’ve already learned that OWAH TAWMFOOLAHRY IS MOAR DISRUPTIVE THAN YOUAH TAWMFOOLAHRY.
- The Jets received an unwelcome wake-up call last night when the fire alarm at the team’s hotel was set off, prompting a complete evacuation. The Jets immediately suspected foul play, but their concerns were put to rest with a completely plausible explanation. You see, some maintenance workers were doing a bit of routine middle-of-the-night stairwell sanding. Obviously this created a cloud of dust that managed to set off the smoke alarm. It’s so absurd that it has to be true.
- Cue up the sad walking away music from The Incredible Hulk in Denver, because San Diego is going to hand the Broncos their fourth consecutive loss. Chris Simms will get the start in place of Kyle Orton, so Tom Brandstater should probably start getting loose now.
- Arizona is in St. Louis, but this game is barely being televised, so it doesn’t really count.
- Cincinnati starts their three week vacation today against the Raiders in Oakland, after which they return home to host Cleveland and Detroit. It’s going to be pure hell. Cedric Benson is officially inactive this week, not that it should matter.
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I know this the 4pm thread, but…KC/PIT…OT?!?!?!? As a Raiders fan I–got nothing. Fuck the Chiefs, I guess. Ape must be beside himself. Or a large parrot.
So bigger choke: the Redskins shutting out the Cowboy for much of the game and then losing 7-6 or the Giants leading by 17 points and letting Atlanta take them to OT?
Chris Chambers FTW. Steelers FAIL
Oh wait, nevermind. Chefs knock off Steelers. THAT’s the biggest choke of the day.
Somwhere Ape is punching himself out.
When his team embraced him after the win, Todd Haley had a look of, “GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME, YOU MAGGOTS!”
Jesus. SteelerFail.
That Wild Card ain’t no slam dunk either. Good thing we OAK fans don’t have to worry about such stressful things as playoff races.
Browns with the most epic FAIL of the day. LOL
ONLY THE BROWNS!
Matt Stafford es mas macho.
8 of the 10 early games were decided by 6 points or less. I managed to watch the two that were not.
I never thought I would say this, but I wish I watched that Lions game.
Lion win, Steelers lose, best day ever.
Why the Hell isn’t anyone talking about the CFL Playoffs, eh? Montreal just stomped BC and soon we’ve got Calgary at Saskatchewan.
now i wish i had seen that lions/browns game
and i guess arrowhead is still a tough place to play at for visiting teams… And the home of the CHIEEEEEFFFFFFSSSSS! THE STEELERS COULDNT CONTEND AGAINST OUR ONE HUNDRED THIRTY DECIBEL CROWD NOISE!
thats great but who r the Chefs?
Jests and Patsies. Rooting for a meteorite. All tears delicious.
Oh and Laurence Maroney just fumbled the ball away. Any chances he’s there next season?
Should we officially start the suicide watch for Ape? Granted, the Browns choked too but face it, they’re the Browns, their fans had to expect that.
Pick six for San-chez!
Taint!
So bigger choke: the Redskins shutting out the Cowboy for much of the game and then losing 7-6 or the Giants leading by 17 points and letting Atlanta take them to OT?
The Browns have figured a way to lose with no time left on the clock.
Nice for Boston to get some revenge on Johnny Damon after skipping town on them.
Sanchise, full of fail.
See, that’s where you’re wrong. As a Browns fan, I fully expected to lose by 3 touchdowns to the Lions. I never thought we’d be in the game long enough to choke it away.
The Browns have figured a way to lose with no time left on the clock.
That has to give them the Least this week. That’s just epic.
Meanwhile the Jets are out to prove that they can suck better than anyone else.
Steelers fail and Browns fail were both pretty epic. Living in Balmer with all of the Stabby McStabberson fans I choose the Ed Reed lateral fail as best fail of the day…
…fail.
Personal foul on Larry “Tom” Izzo, good to see him taking one for the team. The team being “people who hate the Patriots,” not the Jets.
At this rate, fatass is going to be crying before we even get to halftime. Fucking idiot Jets.
The Browns have figured a way to lose with no time left on the clock.
Could someone recap? That ending sounds delicious, with a creamy fail filling.
So when they talk about the Jets 5-0 start they are counting scrimmage games during OTAs?
There they are!!!
@BMS – Sorry about that, I just assumed you guys were as resigned to spectacular failure like we Lions fans are. And let’s face it, that was a pretty spectacular implosion there.
YOU CAN’T TACKLE WELKAHHHH.
Could someone recap? That ending sounds delicious, with a creamy fail filling.
Browns up by 6, Stafford throws deep as the clock runs out, intercepted at the 0, but Cleveland is called for pass interference. Lions get a go from the Browns 1-yard line, TD and PAT = Detroit wins by a point with 0:00 on the clock.
I agree with Acha. As a resident of Baltimore also, I nominate Ed Reed’s illegal forward pass that he botched and basically handed to the other team. FAIL. With that, the sounds of thousands of Raves fans’ hearts breaking were heard.
How shitty are the Colts? i predict another First round loss to Lazerface.
somebody has to get that clip of haley’s face when his guys embraced him after the win.
I DON’T LIKE TO BE TOUCHED!!!
Fackin’ Welker. Fackin’ Jets.
Jets are getting raped. Holy God.
This reminds me of the time the Red Sox beat the Yankees the first 8 times they played at the beginning of the 2009 season.
SANCHEZ!
@obit_rice: the Colts are 2 wins away from locking up the #1 seed. I.e., it will be a 2nd round loss.
Jim Nantz mentioned an eaked out win by Cowboys. EEK. Glad I didn’t have to watch that game…for gods sake, the Redskins were throwing a shutout. The REDSKINS.??
Seriously, what is it about the Cowboys thats most contributing to the suck at this point?
Did anyone watching the Jets game watch that FLOW tv ad and think of BDD?????
@boatdrinks – I did now. Thanks for that image and I will blame you when I can sleep because I’m thinking of BDD taking a shit while watching TV.
oops, meant can’t sleep
hey chris hanson take a seat…. what are you doin?
A serious question? Was that kicker roughed or why not? (Pats punter)
@Boatdrinks: No. Punt was blocked, so the hit on the kicker is legit.
kay. I don’t think Phil Simms ever thinks like Belichick. Why would the Pats take the foot off the accelerator and give the Jets any relief before halftime, PHil?
Neckbeard is gonna lead the Broncos to an amazing comeback. This has the feel of a game that Marshall will take over in the end.
Don’t forget, the hotel workers were also sanding the walls week 1 against the Jills.
Memo to Rex Ryan………. YOU MIGHT WANT TO COVER FACKING WELKAH!!!! 150 yards in one half. Fuck me
THE BALL WAS SNAPPED AT THE 30!!! Jim Nantz is angry!!
wait, didn’t Simms start for Denver?
Haha Beanie wells has nice stickys
Are the officials at the pats/jets game drunk or something?
@archo yes but he sucks so Neckbeard has made a Willis Reed type entrance
Matt Leinart is playing…what happened to Warner?
i meant @boatdrinks
@JennyM Warner had a neck thingy, Bra! Its Matty Time, Bra!
Thanks, Mike.
Matty Time better not mess up my suicide pick this week, bra.
@JennyM Its the Rams, bra! We got this!
/Shot of Leinart tapping a keg on the sidelines.
If Leinart manages to fail away an 18 point lead to the Rams then he doesn’t deserve a starting job anywhere in the NFL.
Roethlisberger head owie messed up my pick JennyM.
[www.youtube.com] Poor Drew
Another lost challenge for Belichick
Belidick out of challenges..yah!
It’s late. Long after the game was over, but this needs to be pointed out.
Matt Stafford: 26/43, 422 yds, 5 TDs, 2 INTs.
422 yards. Every single team Stafford faced in college held him to fewer yards in the air than the Browns did today. Every. Single. One. FCS opponents. Sun Belt opponents. SEC opponents. ACC opponents. Big 10. WAC. Every single one.
Ruh-roh, pussytubing may be back on.
wow..amazing stat Thornus..and i thought being a Raider fan was tough
I should have known better than to actually get a little hope before the Broncos fumbled, fumbled, ran past an onside kick, were picked off…
Matt Stafford: 26/43, 422 yds, 5 TDs, 2 INTs
Brady Quinn 21/33, 304 yds, 4 TDs, 0 INTs
I can’t believe I’m typing this, but: Stafford and Quinn were the two best quarterbacks playing in today’s 1:00 p.m. games.
It’s bad enough I have to watch the Jets-Pats game but does it have to be a 4 hour game?
This Welker guy is a player.Apparently this is news to The Pussytuber.
Speaking of pussy Kerry RHodes could be the biggest pussy to suit up ever.
As a Chiefs fan, let me ask … is it safe to be here?
@Leigh
Sure, but then they were up against the Browns and the Lions D, ranked 32nd and 31st in the league respectively. Those are some sucktastic defensive units.
@ Otto: Think there’s enough of us who hate the Yinzers to back ya up.
Tell me I wasn’t the only one who heard Phil Simms refer to Brett Farve as “a serial buttslapper.”
@Otto: Hell, I still post here; it was just a coincidence that some guy in a mask broke both my knee caps with a tire iron.
Otto: No, I definitely heard it. Notice how it was completely ignored in the booth.
If the Pats blow this game I might go and hang myself by the balls.
You all are assholes. If anyone wishes to contact me, please visit my new site at http://www.Lem onparty.org
Who is this Spanish guy playing QB for the Jets-Jets-Jets?
i heard it too…must be some secret society of qb’s thing
Jesus Christ, is Sanchez throwing these picks on purpose?
The Jets could actually be a dangerous team if they just had a QB to build a franchise around.
this Sanchez guy is doing pretty good throwing to the Patriots
Oh, thank heaven for Nacho.
Rex Ryan’s tears are going to reach Glenn Beck levels after this one.
Watching the Cardinals stats, and “Early Doucet” needs to be trademarked by a feminine hygiene company.
Three picks off of Sanchez and we’re only up by 10. The Pats are going to find a way to make this a last minute game again, I can just feel it.
Pick 6 coming for Sanchise?
small threadjack: Pats game is boring enough I jumped to the end of NASCAR race. And amusingly, while interviewing the 4 time champ Jimmie Johnson, the poor interviewer was offended when actual friends/rivals of JJ jumped in and congratulated him. Ha ha ha hahahhahaha.
HA! Alright, not a pick 6, but a pick nonetheless. Holy God Sanchez sucks.
I just wrote Game Over in my notebook.
“Raiders/ Cowboys , Doughtry at halftime”…give me a few more reasons not to watch, CBS
another pick for nacho
This game is going forever. Missed another pick…..
I don’t like Pete Carroll, but I would love to see him taunt Mark Sanchez right now.
@ Otto
He takes after the late Early Doucet Senior.
I still can’t believe the Pats cloned Tim Dwight … twice.
My Dad just swore pretty bad about that Jewish guy getting the first down.
Way to hold onto the ball that time Maroney, if only you could have done that last week you cockbag.
Yup. Rex Ryan GON CRY!
Fuck you, Collinsworth. Ppiece of shit Gator.
I DEMAND MORE SANCHISE!
Luke Wilson has gained about 75lbs since Old School.
Gradkowski already has had a better year than Jamarcus in one game
The Raiders just tied up the game with :33 left in the game. Looks like the AFC North fail bus is pulling into Marvin Lewis’ parking space…
And that is how you choke away a game Cincy
And Bizarro Week here in the NFL continues…
RuhRoh, Raiders are TIED with Bengals, 0:33 seconds left….
Rex Benchez Sanchez.
oops, fail by me. I give CBS permission to cut away!
I’m more annoyed that Sanchez fumbled because I was getting such awesome garbage time yardage from T-Jones.
…and a fumble on the ensuing kickoff. And the AFC North collapse is complete pending the boot by the alcoholic Raiders LB/K.
FG raiders….
Ummm. Detroit and Oakland win. Same day. What. the. hell. Ice freezing in hell?
That didn’t just happen in Oakland…
actually it did
And us poor Raiders fans can continue drinking on a sunday in celebration instead of sorrow….for 4 more days anyway
Ape/Punte Suicide Watch — Who Ya Got?
And the Oakland secondary enthusiastically indicates interception at the end of regulation, because hell, they need all the help they can get on their stat line.
God i wish Brady would get hurt still being in the game with 25 seconds left and still passing
well everyone’s suicide pool just went boom
/lost mine in week 2
Of course Braylon Edwards drops the Hail Mary with it right in his hands.
Eh, the Ravens and Bungles both lost. Makes the Chiefs debacle a mite bit more palatable. Kind of like whipped cream on a runny turd.
Ben, I was debating Arizona or Pittsburgh. Ugh. Of course, technically both Eagles and Packers have already bumped me out….but you know I still wanted to compete….sigh. I took Pittsburgh….
Counting down to one hour left until delicious cutlerfucker tears of unfathomable sorrow.
@Boatdrinks – on the ESPN pool where you cant technically be eliminated i went with the Pats this week. Cant bet against an angry belichick.
or sadness. cutlerfucker defines semi-quasi-ennui-ishness.
Alright, with the Jets’ season out of the way, on to Sulkface!
@ Otto – “Early Ducet” Sounds like something the Philly cheerleader should use.
Kind of like whipped cream on a runny turd.
May I presume that’s some sort of Pittsburgh-area delicacy, like scrapple?
May I presume that’s some sort of Pittsburgh-area delicacy, like scrapple?
Scrapple is a Philly thing. Unless they put fries on it, then yinzers might eat it.
Doucet Early, Doucet Often.
Apparently everyone was playing to win this weeks Least
@therick711 yeah but he’d have almost no ammunition considering USC has sucked it up this year after he left.
@ MadmanMundt
That prediction was quasi-Peter-King-ish.
Sulkerception!
What the hell is it with hotel construction crews? The same thing happened to my cousin and her husband at Holiday Inn on Saturday.
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Cincinnati starts their three week vacation today against the Raiders in Oakland, after which they return home to host Cleveland and Detroit. It’s going to be pure hell. Cedric Benson is officially inactive this week, not that it should matter.
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